'Project Takeover' Sin Counter · 10:43pm May 29th, 2014
I've noticed a few people copy their critiques of stories onto blogs in case the author deletes them from their comments, and when I was writing this one I was relatively pleased with the format I did it in clearly having watched far too much cinemasins.
This story is awful for the following reasons:
The title is not capitalised
The description is boring
The picture is generic
The chapters are the size of paragraphs
Pretentious author notes at the start of the chapters
A horribly laid out character bio
Cliché code name
Age unnecessarily question marked
Gary Stu rank
Don't know what solo is supposed to mean but I'm pretty sure snipers work in pairs
Gary Stu extremely dangerous status
This sentence...what do you think of this new project our best scientist created?
...and pretty much every one that follows it
Numbers written in digits as opposed to words
No new line taken for new speaker
internal thoughts are in no way differentiated from narration
Doctor claims they have perfected portals and ensures Gary's safety even though he is supposed to be the first person ever to enter one
Idiot protagonist only realises how stupid he is to have volunteered to be a guinea pig after he's run around the wheel a few times
Wooden tent
Convenient discovery of fruit, water and wood
Everything occurs with the minimum amount of description
Cliff hanger ending I couldn't care less about
'Humans Are Superior'Sin total= 23
and another dozen for good measure because of the author
Wow that is a lot of bad sins.
2157021 Actually, compared to most stories I see on Plan 9, it's very few, I imagine there would have been far more if it wasn't so insubstantial (plus I was not going to count every individual spelling and grammatical error)