It's not like there's only three days left until the con and I decide to come up with a new product and now I'm attempting to mass-produce it by myself 
Silly, I don't do things like that! 
A weird blog post about lady problems · 3:33pm May 4th, 2014
You boys over there will probably just want to go back to whatever you were doing before you clicked this. Cos we know you don't want to read about periods aka "that time of the month".
With that out of the way, let the blogging begin.
So there are dementors up my womb right now. I've started calling them dementors now because of a thing I re-blogged in tumblr. Cos, accurate.
Anyway, dementors. They're equipped with rusty and chipped knives that they like to twist around and stabbity stab with. Hence the bleeding and the pain.
Just a moment ago I was in so much damn agony that you don't even know. I swear, there was a dozen of the dementors and they were all dead set on making my life as miserable as they possibly could. So I did the only thing that helps: chocolate pain killers. But the thing is, that never helps instantly, instead it takes about fifteen minutes before any relief is gained. I just don't know why I don't dope myself on them from day one and not stop until it's all over. Probably because I don't want to take any more meds than I absolutely must, so I often just suffer instead of medicate until it's so bad that I can't take it. With the exception being that I take on pill before the bed so that I can sleep.
So medicine taken I try to keep doing what I'm doing but the pain is just so intense that I'm afraid that I might vomit on my keyboard unless I lay down (actually I have never vomited because of periods, but there's a first of everything before a second time can happen), so I give in and faceplant myself on my bed and try not to move so to not encourage the knife wielding little hellspawns. Oh agony.
But then comes the highlight of my week.
I'm laying there and hoping to either die or for the pain to go away, whichever comes first... and then the medicine starts taking effect and I can actually feel it happen. It's like... there's the dementor with the rusty knife but slowly it starts morphing. The pain gets muffled little by little. Like the knife blunts up from all the dried gore. Like I gain a protective spell around my womb. The dementor turns into a gerbil with a cotton top. It still stabs angrily at me but its efforts are laughable because of how little effect it has. I start to feel the biggest, brightest bundle of schadenfreude bubble up in my chest but I'm hesitant to let it out, just in case it's bluffing and the pain will return. But then the little cotton top stabbing dulls down even more until I can barely feel it at all. I feel safe to let it go. And it's glorious, like "HAH! Yeah, you try to stab me, mofo, it's not working anymore! You try to inflict pain, on your party I rain! *channelling Iron Will*".
And now I'm here typing a silly blog post about it while feeling like a smug bastard who just summoned the epitome of a patronus on the evil's asses. Awww yeah!
TL;DR: Periods with weird Harry Potter terminology with the side of gerbils with cotton tops. Like a boss.
Weird how close we're apparently synced up.
But I'm with ya sista. I like saying I got hit by the red truck. :P
Good description, just don't forget the chocolate.
2077297 Maybe we're herdmates?
Periods tend to sync up within family or people you spend time with every day, so it's totally legit that we're syncing via internet 
And nope, not forgetting the chocolate
Downing unhealthy amounts of it to feel better. But it just doesn't help much with the physical pain, just the mental and emotional kind. ... well, it can help a bit with the physical side too, but not when it's that bad 
... pain killer chocolate, now there's a marketing idea...
Errr...
2077961 I gave you a fair warning up there, didn't I?
This sounds like my usual day with my period actually ~nod nod~