Scene and Sequel, Uncut. · 2:29am May 4th, 2014
Okay. This is going to be super-long. Close on to 4000 words. You have been warned. This is a seemingly simple concept with a lot of deeper implications to the flow of a story. Plus, the examples aren't exactly short either, but serve, I think, to demonstrate the point. This took me about 5 days to write.
This blog idea came to me after last Sunday's semi-emotional meltdown and subsequent 3 blog day. I honestly have no idea (except maybe a bout of S.A.D.) what caused it. I think, perhaps it was just one of those days. I was cold, found it hard to warm up, and as a result, I think I just went a little 
.
Scene and Sequel. This is a simple and, at the same time, complex topic. A scene, of course, is the basic story building block that an author has at their disposal. Everything should be conveyed within a scene. Well, nearly everything. We'll get to omni-perspective narration in a later blog post. So, the scene. A scene is where all the action is.
Within the scene, the author should be trying to convey something about the plot. Whether it's to get a character to realize something important, get them to someplace important, or introduce them to someone important. The scene should be about the character and their interactions with the world and, more importantly, along the lines that you, as the author, have set down as the plot.
What to do when you're done with the scene? That's where things get interesting. Unless you're writing a short story, then there will be more than one scene with which to coordinate from Point A (the start) to point X (it marks the spot.) In general, you want one scene to lead naturally into the next, otherwise your scene transitions will hit your reader like a cartoon boxing glove.
How do you handle that? Well, you write that scene's sequel. It's important to end your scene at a logical place. A realization, a need to go elsewhere, a period of waiting, something that you don't want your reader to just sit and idle for, twiddling their eyeballs over meaningless words.
There's a risk here, also, of not choosing the right sequel to write. Choosing the wrong sequel can leave your reader scratching their head if the scene change leaves an urgent question from the previous scene unanswered. This can, of course, be a way to drive up tension, but it should be used sparingly, otherwise it'll just be something that your reader will gloss over and probably lose interest in.
Let's look at some examples. These may, or may not become a part of a short, multiple chapter story later. I'm not sure. They come from the same storyline.
Problem 1: Going too far ahead in the story
Character: Applejack
Opening scene. Take 3, Action!
"Now look here, Rarity," Applejack said, digging her hooves in before the entrance to the spa. "I don't need no makeover!" That she was even here was an absurd idea. How Rarity had talked her into even coming to the spa was a mystery. Maybe some weird fashionista hocus pocus.
"Ah, ah, ah!" Rarity laughed and waggled an infuriating hoof under her nose. "That's a double negative, Applejack. That means you do need a makeover!"
"I ain't budging." She plopped her hindquarters down. "You can't make me!"
"Applejack," Rarity held a hoof to her chest. "I'm not going to make you. What kind of friend would I be, then?"
Applejack eyed the trickster in pony's clothing. "This some kinda trick?"
"No trick, dear. None at all. I think I'll just let Fluttershy-"
"Fluttershy? She's here?"
She was suddenly conscious of the layer of dirt covering her hooves and the way her mane was perhaps just a might smelly from a long day on the farm. The remembered scent of Fluttershy drifted through her mind, slightly earthy, with a subtle, feminine touch of perfume; the kind that Rarity used far too much of.
And when those delicate hooves touched hers, she was always over-aware of the difference. Her own, untrimmed and ragged compared to Fluttershy's delicate, smooth and gentle hooves. When they touched her face...
She snapped herself out of the daydream and cast another glance around.
Rarity was looking pleased for some odd reason, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips.
"Why didn't you say so?"
Okay, so now we've set up the expectations, a little tension (Slice of Life... not a lot of tension) scene questions and move the plot forward, let's take a look at some of the possible places we can go. I will admit I flubbed the faulty one on purpose as far as storytelling goes. It's so far ahead in the chronology of the story that I don't even know where it is. And that's the point. If you start the next scene too far ahead... it breaks the reader out of the story faster than if you'd used a crowbar.
"Heya, Fluttershy." Applejack's new dress felt like two sizes too small for her, even though Rarity assured her it was a perfect fit.
"Applejack," the pegasus whispered. "You're so lovely. My gosh, it's almost painful to look at you." The love of her life ducked behind her lovely curtain of a forelock. "Just look at me..."
"I am, darlin'." Applejack stepped closer, every hoof placed just so she wouldn't step on the hem of her dress. "You couldn't possibly be lovelier than you are right now." She reached past that curtain to touch Fluttershy's chin and draw her gently out and leaned in for a kiss.
Sweet sisters, that was hard to write... Purple Pony syndrome is on display here.
So let's take a look at what I consider a good scene to follow up the opener.
Applejack lay back on the, admittedly, very plush divan and let her hooves be mare-handled by the two spa fillies. She couldn't rightly remember their names, but she didn't cotton to nopony touching her hooves... except on special occasions.
They'd been in the spa for almost twenty minutes. First waiting while Rarity read some boring fashion magazine. Followed by more waiting when Applejack decided to pick one up, then promptly put it back down again.
"So, uh, Rarity." Applejack coughed as one of the fillies tried to pin her tail to weed out the knots. She forced herself to lay back down, despite the embarrassment of having somepony - other than Fluttershy - touching her tail. "Uh... Hey, Rarity?"
"Yes, darling?"
"Where's Fluttershy?"
"Oh, probably at her cottage tending to her animals. Your big day isn't for another two weeks, Applejack. You really need to relax."
"You lied to me?" Her tail thumped against the divan, scattering a brush and some combs.
"Lied? Oh no, darling. I didn't say where Fluttershy was. If you will recall, the mere mention of her name is what brought you in here. I didn't need to be so crude as to lie."
"Fine. Manipulated."
"If you want to split hairs, yes. But, dear, you sorely need a spa day. Have you seen yourself? Beauty for a wedding takes weeks to prepare and I, as your good friend, am willing to stick to you like glue until you shine brighter than the sun!"
The thought of weeks of this kind of treatment set Applejacks cheeks flaming. Tail pluckings, mane stylings, coat grooms... She'd glanced over the list that Rarity had shown her. She couldn't even pronounce half of the rest of the list. She didn't need-
Fluttershy walked in, bringing with her a ray of sunlight and the scent of freshly picked flowers.
Everything else she was going to complain about flew away on butter colored wings. She wanted to look perfect now. She needed to look perfect. Fluttershy deserved the best that she could offer. She could put up with the embarrassment for a couple of weeks if it meant a lifetime of joy.
"Okay..."
Okay. So, first off - let's take a look at the opening scene. We have Applejack flatly refusing to go into the spa to get waited on like some hoity toity mare from Manehattan. We set up her dislike of the spa (tension) and build up the question (Why is she going to the spa?) that will draw the reader into the next scene, along with another, more complex series of questions meant to entice the reader on: Is Applejack avoiding Fluttershy? Why is she so conscious of the way she looks and smells now where she wasn't before?
The failed scene transition jumps straight to a completely different scene where we introduce Fluttershy. We miss out on all of the character building, all of the question answering, and miss out more on the chance to ask more questions. Here, your reader will scratch their head and go "Huh?" and unless you really built up those scene questions, then your reader may well decide to skip over the story.
The successful scene transition goes in and actually deals with the tension (Disliking the spa) and begins to answer some of those questions. We also get a chance to build up more of Rarity's character as a master manipulator and an admirer of beauty. We also answer the questions regarding Fluttershy. They're getting married, hinting at a deeper, longer relationship that we should have explored in a previous story or earlier in the present story or - if using an "in medias res" opening, this is the opening chapter. With an "in the middle of" opening, though, you really, really need to build up the question that will get your reader to want to find out just what happened to get things to this point.
Crack ships that use an in medias res start could use this approach well too.
Now, in this previous example, we explored the dangers of starting a sequel too far (chronologically speaking) from the previous - leaving many of our questions unanswered.
In the next, this time using Fluttershy's perspective, we will look at how it can fail from the opposite direction, for different reasons.
Problem 2: Not going far enough.
Character: Fluttershy (Same story)
Opening Scene.
The glorious day of the wedding had come. The birds were chirping happily, all careful to stay away from the white train that trailed behind her. She couldn't even imagine what Applejack's must look like. An image, half seen, began to form in her memories, unbidden, of-
"Oh no, Fluttershy," she whispered, shaking her head. "You're not suppose to see her until the moment." But... the image still began forming, its insistence melting away her resolve with tantalizing images of the sun-kissed orange coat, the golden strands of her mane sparkling in the sweet summer sunlight.
Her resolve, and her heart, melted. "Oh..." She closed her eyes and lifted a hoof to trace the image in the air, her heart fluttering as she imagined that lustrous mane running over her ankle, that strong chest held close to hers, and those gentle lips melting her into a puddle of butter.
"Fluttershy."
"Twilight!" She flushed darkly, her coat doing nothing to hide the fact from her friend.
"You kinda zoned out there." Twilight lifted a hoof too late to hide a small smile. "I know it's hard, but try to focus on getting to the wedding first. Then you can dream."
That didn't sound quite right. She walked beside her best mare, well, one of them, and thought.
Finally, she said, "I won't be dreaming anymore."
Okay, so the problem here is that Fluttershy is being fluttery about the wedding, daydreaming, meandering... And Twilight breaks her out of her dreams to remind her that they need to get there first. We end with her deciding that she won't be dreaming anymore. Now, let's take a look at one possible way to continue that scene:
"No, I suppose you won't be." Twilight giggled.
They walked on in silence for a little longer before Fluttershy decided to ask a question burning in her mind.
"Was it like that for you and Rainbow Dash?"
"Like... Dreaming?"
"Well, like waking up from a dream to find that it wasn't actually a dream at all."
Twilight shrugged a shoulder. "We were different, Fluttershy. I'm not quite like you and Rainbow Dash isn't quite like Applejack. Rainbow and I... We sort of grew into each other until it just became natural to marry."
Fluttershy's stomach flopped. "Are we moving too fast?"
"What?! No! Of course not." Twilight opened a wing and gently covered her with it. "Fluttershy, every relationship is different. You two have known each other for so long that, well, maybe you were in love but didn't know it until one day, you just looked at each other one last time... and it hit both of you."
"Oh... I don't know..." she trailed off. "I had to ask her out first."
"That wasn't my point, Fluttershy." The wing over her fluttered once. It felt like an admonishment. "My point was that however you fell in love, however you came to realize it, it's yours."
"I see."
It works. It's fine... But why did we need to break the scene to continue on here? I don't think we needed to if this was going to be the next scene, we just leave out the break and keep going.
Let's take a look at another possibility:
Edit: Updated the description of Applejack's dress.
I can't look! Fluttershy stalwartly faced the Mayor at the podium as her birds began to sing the wedding trot. What if I'm not surprised enough? She'll know I snuck a peek!
Her will began to melt as she heard the light rustle of cloth on grass and the steady, sturdy clumping of hooves coming down the aisle. She fancied the smell of apples in the air, sweet and tender, the muskier fragrance of a workmare, and the earthy, rich scent of her hooves.
She turned, and there was Applejack: beautiful and golden and radiant. Her heart beat twice, and it felt as though her face must catch fire. Her glimpse from the air hadn't prepared her for how the gown would look on Applejack.
The lacy veil seen from the air had been a light dusting of snow in her mane. From the ground, it was a curtain of mist that promised everything and held nothing back. Her grass green eyes, radiant smile, and snowy freckles were only made more beautiful by the veil of mist.
Her legs shimmered, the image of grace and strength, under the dress' skirt to the stately pace of her bird's triumphant song. The fabric clung to her like a wisp of cirrus: fragile, beautiful, and delicately transparent so that her coat shone through like an early morning dream.
Her mind drifted off to imagine that she and Applejack were dancing through a misty morning, cheek to cheek, with trailers of mist following their every step.
Why imagine? a part of her asked.
"Oh," she whispered, not realizing that Applejack was now standing right next to her. She'd lost herself again.
"You look radiant," Applejack murmured, just grazing her cheek with a kiss.
What do I say?! That was old Fluttershy trying to take over; shy Fluttershy.
"Only because you're by my side," she murmured in return, and returned the light kiss.
"Please, you two," Mayor Mare hissed. "Wait until after you say your vows."
She couldn't help it. She laughed.
Applejack added her uplifting, unabashed laugh to it.
If this was a dream, she didn't want to wake up.
Alright. So this set of examples isn't as cut and dried as the last. Both scenes work well as a sequel to the previous. Except for a couple of things. Let's take a look at what those are.
1. Expectation.
In the opening scene, we set up the expectation of the wedding in the sentence from Twilight.
"I know it's hard, but try to focus on getting to the wedding first."
That line right there sets the expectation of seeing the wedding next.
2. Transition.
The closing line for the scene "I won't be dreaming anymore," works well as its own ending. If this were the end of the chapter, or even of the story, I'd be happy with it. It's a closing line, not an indication to continue.
In the failed transition, which could still be a logical and chronologically sound way to continue the scene, and builds some more character between Twilight and Fluttershy, and also Twilight and Rainbow Dash - it also tells us what's gone on in Fluttershy's and Applejack's lives.
But, honestly, that should be conveyed earlier than just minutes before the wedding, letting that bit of tension build up more before being resolved. Perhaps she and Twilight could have that conversation while Twilight is helping her settle into the dress.
In the better transition, we meet both the expectation of seeing the wedding and seeing the transition expected of the ending line of the previous scene. We still get a nice bit of connection between Fluttershy and Applejack, and show a little bit of character growth from Fluttershy's shy days. Yes... cheesy romance is cheesy... but it's also, in my heart, touching. I love romance like this. Granted, I also love the romance that's hard to come to terms with - like Rainbow Dash and Twilight's love for each other. It just "grew" until it seemed natural. By contrast, we get the impression that Fluttershy and Applejack's wedding is much more flash in the pan realization after having reached a point in their friendship where they just couldn't ignore a feeling that may have been building in the background of their interactions, not front and center until that slow boil finally becomes too much for them to not recognize it. (EDIT: Missed this unfinished bit in the first and second passes...)
Also, this is not what I consider Purple Prose (Edit: It's actually kinda purple prose-y.) This is what I consider a POV filter. I was trying to show the emotion of love without calling it out as such. A character who is deeply in love with another will see them differently than how someone who despises them will. I will also be covering POV emotional filters in a later blog post.
That's not the point of this blog actually. I'll file this under Characterization for a later blog. Probably after I redo Active Setting. As in, completely redo it.
General thoughts
Scene and sequel is a term that I picked up from a book called "Scene & Structure" by Jack M. Bickham. It roughly covers the structure of a story, but also delves into the mysteries of scenes and sequels of scenes. This is but a small part of the entire book. I would recommend it.
So, why is it important?
Flow, for one. The flow from scene to scene should feel like it needs to happen where it does. Either something happens, a "Disaster" or there is a point reached where the scene feels like it needs to end. Then, the next scene should be the emotional sequel. We saw in the first example that the emotional sequel was the second. It was also the chronologically superior choice. I honestly kinda flubbed the failed transition because it's out of time and it's hard to write without a proper backing.
That's the other thing. When you write a scene's sequel from the character's perspective, you have all of that tension that you just built up to draw on to get your next scene going. Don't waste it by jumping into another completely different scene for the same character unless it would make sense to either have a flashback or, in the case of an already existing flashback, flash forward to the present.
There are also character sequels. If you have more than one POV character, then you want to move from one character to another only when it's time to build up tension by having someone else do something. Rest assured that your readers will keep that other character's plight in their mind while they're reading through the next chapter, trying to find some relevance to the previous.
Don't let them down. That's the fastest way to lose a reader is to set up an expectation and then to let it go haring off on its own, only to come back three chapters and 20,000 words later. Your reader, if they're still with you, will be wondering just what happened to make this next chapter so important and why did you switch away from that character? I was having fun with it?
So. Recap:
There are two types of POV character sequels: Logical and chronological. Often, these will coincide in fast paced adventure stories since the action is happening now and not later. For slower paced suspense or thriller novels, the logical sequel will take precedence. Flashbacks will be more common, and tension building paramount.
For slower paced slice of life stories, the chronological will often take precedence over the logical. Slice of Life stories should have tension. They'd be nothing but boring reads if they didn't, but that tension should be doled out carefully and only when needed, otherwise your story risks feeling too rushed for the type of story you're trying to tell.
The logical and chronological scene types are the two main types that I tried to showcase here. The first was showing a failure of both - we jumped too far ahead, and the scene we broke into made no sense because there was no buildup to it.
The second was showing off a failure of a logical scene transition, but the success of a chronological scene transition. Choosing which to go with can be tricky and depends entirely upon how the previous scene ended and was built up.
There are two subtypes of sequel as well, which each apply to both logical and chronological.
First: Emotional
This is a sequel where you're directly referencing the character's emotional state as it was in the previous scene. This lets the reader reconnect with the character and sink back into their shoes. I didn't really cover that here in this blog post, but I suppose I should in another. This blog is already turning into a 3k word monster.
Second: Tension building
This is a type of sequel that takes a break from the main action of the previous scene to lay down some world building, explore another character's shoes, or have a character building flashback or something similar.
This shouldn't happen in the middle of a fight scene, unless your character is laying down, nearly dead, and convinced he's going to die. That's a great time to wander back through his life, and also a great place to practice In Medias Res storytelling.
I'll also cover this one in the same, future blog post regarding these other types of sequels. With more examples. Unless you think I've covered them well enough here. Let me know in the comments. Also, fell free to play around with scene/sequel and transitions there as well, if you like.
Thank you for reading and following!
...HNNNNNNNNNNGH!!! *Dies.*
I'll be looking forward to your post about POV filters. I hate to demean or trivialize this entire blog by ignoring the subject (four thousand words is longer than some my stories
), but your description of Applejack in her wedding dress was amazing. I've never written anything close to it.
2075368
Not every blog post is for everyone. I understand that, and I thank you for the compliment!
I think after Story Hooks, POV filters will be next.
2075374
Hmmm... I should read some craft books. You've shown me how much easier it is to explain commonsense ideas when you actually have a word to use for it. My current method is to waggle my arms and talk until something like what feels right comes out and then wildly point at the word-thing that kinda sorta made sense
2076243
Scene & Structure
Have a link to the book this was mostly based off of. I did a mediocre job of describing what the author spends a full length book going over, but I'm glad it tickled your fancy.
Pants.
Couldn't resist.
2076249
Well played
2076243
Also, I thought your blog posts were quite informative. They gave me a different take on how to look at the way my characters interact on the page. That's always a good thing.
2076252
That's the idea. Glad you're finding it useful
2075368
I actually went back and fixed some of the flow issues I had with the description. I'd be curious to know if you think it's been improved or worked better with less descriptive terms.
2076302
Honestly...I was a little confused by this paragraph:
Edit: Oops, hit "add" when I aimed for "preview"
2076377
Thanks. I'll need to work on that. Darn editor's impulse.
2076302
I don't quite get what you meant by "Shadowy accents." Were her muscles casting shadows on the dress? Would her flanks really be able to do that?
And then you said she was wearing a cloud. The next part made sense, with Fluttershy wanting to dance in the mist with her, but are clouds transparent?
2076385
They are. To an extent. When you're in a cloud, you can see for a ways. It's a fog bank, honestly. I've flown through a number of clouds, and if you're close enough to the bottom, you can dimly see the ground.
2076391
Good to know. I'll trust you then, since I haven't flown since I was five or six.
2076393
But I realize that's not something that a lot of people will have experienced. I'll have to rethink that.
2076393
Issa fixed. It's not just a cloud anymore. It's a wisp of cirrus. Detail, detail, detail. It's what puts the image in mind. Cirrus is a wispy, partly transparent cloud, very delicate looking.
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/73/Cirrus_clouds2.jpg
2076423
Nailed it. That's beautiful.
2076436
Thank you! I suppose these blogs are also a place for me to practice my craft as well. Feel free to toss in your own ideas too. This is a place to get feedback and exchange ideas.
I'm actually wondering if I shouldn't start a group dedicated to the higher, subtler aspects of writing and for the exchanging of ideas.
I've had the idea tinkering around in my head for a few weeks, but I'm not sure how it would go over, honestly.
I already have these blogs, which seem to be somewhat popular among my followers, and way, way too many story ideas to successfully follow all of them. Adding admining a group to that isn't going to make it easier. But... at the same time, the exchange of ideas and inspirations is what's gotten me this far.