Guilt, Sorrow, and Anger over a recent death.

You may or may not know, but a user by the name of Clumsy Celestia took her own life 2 days ago. It feels surreal and took me by surprise. Approximately a day before she made a thread about her tortured life and that she wasn't worth worrying about. In short, she was had been quite harshly bullied for a long time and abused by her neglectful mother. Therapy worked, but only for so long. After some time, she was pushed too far and made a mistake. She spent a long time in a 'reformation center' and after leaving, everyone ignored her or treated her like a child and she was always alone with nothing to be grateful for. For her, this fandom was helping her stay alive, but she still wanted to die to end all the pain. Her real name was Sophie.

A short while after Sophie's announcement Reganthestrange saw on the news that a girl and former mental patient named Sophie Emerson had hung herself. She (Regan) recently made a blog post called RIP Sophie in commemoration and the full story can be read there.

I only got around to reading her post a few hours after announcing she was going to hang herself. She was still thankful that people had cared about her. If I had been there earlier I could have done something, said something to persuade her out of it. But I wasn't. I knew it was there and I knew it involved a someone suicidal with a difficult life... Part of me says there is a non-negligible chance she is dead because of me, even if I know that's not true.

Despite not having contact with her before, I feel guilty and rather sad. I am not completely sure why. Even if it wasn't my fault, there is another larger villain here. Society. Like I said in the thread, the society around us that all too often turns a blind or uncaring eye toward those abused and neglected like she was. Her mother was clearly abusive and neglectful and the bullies were doing a lot of harm, but society only cared enough after it was too late. We/they had someone young who had a life full of potential in front of her and had her simply ignored.

I wrote this in the thread before I was fairly sure she was gone or in case she returned, but perhaps I should put it here as well:

It seems I am too late and the only thing I can do now is hope. Still, in the event you return, I have things I should say.
I'm not a noticeable person here, but oh well. You are hardly some kind of monster. You are a victim of circumstance, of the society around us that all too often turns a blind or uncaring eye toward those abused and neglected like you were. People treated this way are more likely to lash out against the world like you did. You are forgiven, and you are sorry for your actions. You deserve a good life as especially in light of all that has happened to you.

To me at least, you are worth it. I feel worse inside every time I hear about someone treated horribly by their parents. You still have a big life ahead of you no matter what your past mistakes and current circumstances are. There's a whole world out there to enhance and full of things to discover and do. But by going through with your plan, you are deprived of that forever by death, something final and brutally unforgiving. You may feel a certain sense of futility now, but you just don't know much hope there or how much potential you truly have. Maybe you haven't found a good purpose yet.

I am at a loss of knowledge when it comes to what to do about this. I don't know what to do about you mother and I don't know what services there are for you. I strongly urge you to find out though and definitely get in contact with some higher authority about your mother.

People will despise you all the time and learning to deal with them is crucial. They don't matter. Put their dumb perceived thoughts aside and solder on. You don't seem too bad to me, or to some others here. Even if it feels like finding others in real life is hard at least you have us for the meantime. I care and You are not alone.

It is worth mentioning that we are still not completely sure whether she is truly dead. The only good things derived from this is that she no longer has to deal with all vast pain that corrupted her life and a larger awareness among us of the issues involved. The best way to avenge her is to work towards solutions for bullying and parental abuse and neglect, and foster a larger awareness of mental health. But really, I am not sure how to do this. I am sorry. Goodbye Sophie Emerson and Live Within Us. (Thanks Fantasia Archsage)

Comments

[MetaKnight145]

Damn.