For the Betterment · 3:38am May 21st, 2012
For anyone that's been following this story, Rainbow Typhoon, you may have been wondering why there's been such a delay in getting chapter seven finished. Well, the truth is, I haven't been working on it that much... But I have been working on the story.
You see, I've started to really edit what I've written, unlike when I first started writing this story and would post a chapter mere minutes after typing the last line.
With the help of many wonderful people here on FIMFiction and from Ponychan, I've greatly improved upon these first six chapters of the story. There may still be some tweaks here at there, yet, but the heavy construction is complete.
Now that the dust is settling, I can tell you that chapter one is completely different. Yep. A total rewrite of chapter one was necessary. I think it's a much more engaging start to the story now.
Chapter two also has been updated, mainly to better mesh with the new chapter one, but also to fix several issues of its own.
The biggest change is to the tense of the whole thing. I had originally written it all in present tense, with the aim of better drawing the reader into the the adventure's tension, particularly in the later chapters. But present tense is uncommon, and that can make it hard to read. Any advantages to present tense were probably nullified by that fact.
So, with the power of many recommendations to do so behind it, it is now in the standard past tense that 99.9% of all stories use.
I would like to ask anyone that had read the original story and who now chooses to re-read the whole thing (or at least the first two chapters, and I suspect that, with a whole site full of stories, few will seek to do even this) if you could please let me know in comments or private messages what you think of the differences. I'd really like that!
For anyone else that is only now finding the story, I hope this new version—with several weeks of editing behind it—pleases you. :)
~ Nonsanity
NOW... On to chapter seven!
WHAT?!
I'm going to read through this now and resist the urge so smash my computer in the process. Hopefully I'll feel better by the time I'm finished reading.
I don't frequent FimFiction very much anymore, because I've become addicted to ponychan/fic/ if you can believe that. (I greatly enjoy being a part of the writing of a great story so much more than just reading it.) so I hadn't looked here untill I noticed your review request on Applejinx's thread.
I'm not offended per say, but it almost feels like an insult that all the time I put into reviewing this story is now just out the window. But I can't really complain, It's YOUR story after all.
>So, with the power of many recommendations to do so behind it, it is now in the standard past tense that 99.9% of all stories use.
B-but, that's what made it so refreshing.
The quality of chapter one just didn't match the rest. Sorry about the bait-and-switch, though!
But that first chapter was stopping so many people from reading past into the good stuff that came later.
And hey, your own review helped point out many of the flaws. (Though there were other, far more vociferous reviewers that pointed out even more!) So you should take it as a tribute to your power as a revewer/editor that you helped make the story better!
Well, that is... If you, personally, like the new version. If you prefer the old... There's not much I can do.
Yeah, I likes me the present tense too. But it still reads well in past tense. I think it will do better like this. I shouldn't try to buck the trend with my first story. (I'll do it for my second or third, though!)
Let me know what you think!
130644
Though there were other, far more vociferous reviewers that pointed out even more!
Yeah, I like to think of myself as a coarse grain polish, as opposed to the finished product. There are others with far more observant eyes than mine out there, but they come with very abrasive personalities as well. I think I know the pony of which you speak too, but I'll refrain from naming him.
I actually forgot to read it yet so I'm going to follow that googledoc link you sent me, (although I prefer Fimfiction as it allows me to view with a darkened background. easier on the eyes you see) and I'll leave my thoughts here when I'm done.
I couldn't help but leave a comment on the GDoc. I hope that's okay
>She knew this sky
I'm guessing it has something to do with air pressure, or temperature, or updrafts or something an experienced flier would be attuned to, but this seems like an impossibility if her eyes are closed. just sayin'.
Anywho, my thoughts on the story itself.
I can't wait to finish it.
let's just get this over with
*exasperated groan*
*begins reading*
*eye's are glued to screen*
*arrives at first page break*
Is sad to say I must stop here because If I don't, I'll never wake up in time for class tomorrow
This is wonderful,
*sigh* well this is actually some good stuff, although I was kinda disappointed about the flip-flop you did with Spitfire's character. I had grown to like her hard-ass nature, but it's probably more widely accepted this way anyway.
I like the way Pinkie knew Rainbow would be back, and her rants made me laugh.
I’m a Wonderbolt!"
Owing to the fact that It's been Rainbow Dash's lifelong dream to become a wonderbolt, and she devotes every free second of her life to training for them, this exclamation feels slightly underplayed. I would have put wonderbolt in all caps at the very least.
That was my most awesome entrance ev-er!
you startled me for a second there, I was afraid you were going to cut the epic chase scene with the train, but the description of her awesome entrance satisfied.
The joke/description about Spitfire as a captain and befitting of her name, is perfectly stretched to it's maximum length. The best analogy is of Rainbow Dash's stunt in the opening scene. A second longer on this joke and you would have crashed into the ground, but you pulled up just in time to make it awesome. Although I think you might have clipped a branch on the overall conversation between RD and Soarin.
that's my thoughts on the new version. I enjoyed both reads but i still prefer the original.