Things English Renaissance Luna is no longer allowed to do · 3:36am May 16th, 2012
(I wrote this up and posted it on another site; lists aren't allowed here but there's no rule banning them from blog posts, so here you go)
- No matter how aggravating they are, the unicorn nobility are not to be addressed as caputae catso, even if they have no idea what it means.
- To avoid confusion, she is no longer allowed to claim she has met a pony with five legs.
- She is also forbidden to mention the words “aubergine”, “zucchini”, “butternut” and “plough” in mixed company. The look on her face has been frightening the guests.
- She may no longer refer to the First Terrace as “The Coney Court.” She knows exactly what she is saying, and claiming it is merely a reference to the mazelike warrens of rabbits convinces nopony.
- Though a great gift, and truly products of a loving planet, she may no longer refer to the foals of unicorns and pegasi as “Foals of the Earth.”
- Similarly, earth pony noble foals are not “Old Field Colts.”
- When upset with the nobility, she may no longer wish them “To peak and pine.” Some of them have started to figure out she may, in fact, not be wishing for them to visit the mountains.
- She is not allowed to alter the cadence of speaking to put a gap at the end of the word “fundamental” when speaking to a noble. They’ve finally figured out why “fundament… al” sounds like something they should look up.
- The preferred term for male griffins is “griffins” or the archaic “lion” or “leon”. They are no longer kept to the spear counterpart of the female “hen.”
- She is no longer allowed to arrange entertainment for formal evenings, with or without the help of the future Mrs. Pie-Sparkle. Lady Gammon still grows faint at the sight of any cake large enough to contain a Diamond Dog or any red cloth material that looks too stretched.
- Lord Gammon is on sabbatical at a resort, he is not “seething as the horns grow out his eyes.”
- Just because she is making it a new fashion, she is not allowed to try and make nobles plumper by sneaking oil into their food at parties.
- She is no longer allowed to look in her sister’s closets. EVER.
- She is not allowed to inquire as to the identity of the model for what she found.
- Colt Cuddling is perfectly natural and beautiful. Colt Cuddlers wrestling in oil is a shameful display of disrespect to traditionally-maligned ponies. Even if they sign up for it.
- Doughnut Joe is not required to answer any questions asked by her, even those about the weather.
- Gustave LeGrande is not required to even turn around if she calls him.
- Éclairs and jelly doughnuts are filled with pastry bags and she knows it.
- She is no longer allowed to “accidentally” call Doughnut Joe “éclair” or Gustave “jelly doughnut.”
- Prince Blueblood is a member of the royal court, not any of the following: a parasite, a deadweight, a rock, a mistake, a vacuum, or the answer to the question of where personality goes to die.
- The Wonderbolts are an aerobatic stunt team and elite security force. They are not there to make sure the cloud cover does not interrupt sports matches.
- There is no law that states hereditary nobles are required to marry commoners after the tenth generation of peer unions. Telling them the penalty for violation is repeated battering about the head with large sticks is very wrong.
- Suitors are to be given all respect and allowed to speak their case. They are not to be told that the pony that gets her hoof in marriage inherits a fatal curse.
- Similarly, there is no Headless Horse waiting to decapitate those that persist in courting.
- THAT goblet is not allowed at the table anymore, not even for casual meals.
- Any white or viscous liquid is strictly forbidden in THAT goblet. Even in private. ESPECIALLY in private.
- The Royal Canterlot Voice is a curious and fascinating historical relic. It is not the way to get the nobility to “[c]ease their vacuity.”
- Bats are not clothing.
- She may no longer hold more than ONE apple at a time.
- She may no longer hold ANY honeycrisp apples at all.
- She may not be alone in a room with any small, tart green apples. Replacing the credenza and cleaning up the mess was an expensive lesson.
- Caramel sauce and black licorice is not a nutritious meal.
- Caramel sauce is not clothing.
- Nightmare Night does not give license to appear before the nobility dressed as a sans-culotte.
- Winning at bobbing for apples involves coming up with an apple in one’s teeth, not proving it is possible to hold two using only the mouth.
- The Come to Life spell is not a toy.
It would appear that the royal personage has grown wise to the tricks and machinations of our archaic princess.
THAT goblet is not allowed at the table anymore, not even for casual meals.
Dohohohohoho
118119
Celestia knows what has been in it. More than once. A night.
118110
She's no fool. And Luna is rather... blatant. That's half her charm
Celestia is such a killjoy.
118140
You call your nephew an idiot one time too many and suddenly there's all these rules everywhere.
*Not allowed to deliver stealth insults via dit-dat and hoof language, while speaking to Upper tier ponies.
*Not allowed to craft pinatas that resemble any of the nobility.
*Not allowed to claim the castle kitchen as a strategic position for the 'New Lunar Republic'.
*Posting 'Big Sister is watching you' signs in the upper terraces, is not a sufficient alternative to having a guard patrol
*Not allowed to go around striking random upper terrace denizens with an iron shillelagh, under the pretense of a 'changeling check'
*While Elements of Harmony Day:Generosity, celebrates and encourages that virtue, Luna is not allowed to display a graph showing each nobles donation relative to their remaining wealth.
*Not allowed to engage in bizarre and unsettling behavior under the guise of 'Moon Culture'
I know, such a shame.
118134
Still waiting for a sequel...
-not allowed to use a party cannon to give uppity nobles "a taste of the grape"
-not allowed to appear as Nightmare Moon and get Prince Blueblood to pledge to overthrow Equestria...on tape.
-not allowed to appear as Nightmare; Period, not after "the incident"
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png