Alright... I Seriously Need Some Advice Concering My Best Friend.... · 3:09pm Feb 1st, 2014
Alright, so I have a friend and she's been dealing with a lot of drama in her life lately. Like, serious drama. It sort of pisses me off, but at the same time I understand how pressured she must be.
To start, she was recently (Well, more like eight months ago) started dating this guy named Bryce. They got really close, and according to her, he's suicidal. He doesn't have a good home life, and people bully him. They got super close, and even had promise rings. However, nearly a month ago, he moved many, many cities away. She became rather depressed, and they've been in a long distance relationship. Very recently, though, he started acting different. His life has been getting better, and he's been blowing off my best friend and not treating her well.
Last week, she met this guy at a party, and he started chatting with her. She's now in an open relationship with some guy she met at a party, and the guy she's in a long distance relationship with. She tells me that she doesn't like her "boyfriend" anymore, and she wants to be with the new guy she met, but if she breaks up with her old boyfriend, he'll commit suicide, and he's told her that multiple, multiple times.
Alright, you get the situation. This girl has way too much drama in her life. I always tell her, "Girl, you are thirteen! Take a break from trying to date!" And she always replies with, "I know, but I haven't been single for three years, and I don't like being out of a relationship!"
The reason this gets me pretty pissed at times is I remember when she used to never care about dating too, too much. I remember when things used to be simple, but now, all she ever talks about is her relationship drama and boys. I also want to be there for her, but it seems like whenever we hang out, all she does is complain about how stressful her relationships are! It makes me feel awkward, because I don't know what to tell her. I never know what to say to this girl, and it bugs me a lot. I don't know what advice to give her, what to say, or what to do. Heck, I don't even know what to do. I always tell her she's too damn grown up for her age, and she doesn't listen. I keep telling her to stop getting herself in relationships, but... Ugh, she doesn't listen to me! I really, really don't know what to do with this girl! I want to be there for her, but lately, I've been finding it increasingly hard.
Any Advice?
-Pizzema Forte
I have a female friend who is in about the same situation as your friend.
She is currently trying to solve it by fixing the life of her boyfriend to a
point where he doesn't need her as emotional pillar anymore, then she would slowly
break it off. This, however, is also an emotional stress for her and I honestly
can't imagine how she took it so long and is still taking, I'm not sure if
your friend would make this, but maybe (hopefully) it helps.
Okay, take this from a sixteen y/o who deals with this ALL the time. Usually if a suicidal person's life starts seeming better, as in they are at more peace with themselves, it means that more often than not, he's about to commit suicide. That's one of the "red flags" you always hear about.
And the simple fact is that no thirteen y/o should be exploring the concept of an "open relationship", no offence Pizzy, but you're too young to handle that in a mature way. Hell, I don't anyone in my high school could handle that efficiently. I dated hardly ever in my younger ages, well mostly because nobody wanted the word nerd, and being single is a certain kind of freedom that is hard to give up.
At the risk of sounding selfish, it's easier to balance your own life over trying to move the stars to please somebody you'll probably break up with before you get out for the summer (unless you get pregnant, but again, you're 13. You shouldn't know what a condom is
)
Honestly your friend has gotten herself into a situation that is extremely mentally stressing, and is hard for anybody to deal with. Even though what I said earlier may seem contradictory now, he probably won't commit suicide if she dumps him. It looks like it to me, but I don't think he has that kind of mental dependence on this girl that, say, a married man would have. Simply put, he can live without her.
So let her make her choice, and do what I do. DON'T BLAME YOURSELF FOR ANY OUTCOME!! You didn't get your friend in this mess, you didn't make her boyfriend suicidal, you didn't make a thirteen y/o go to a fucking party (I'm sixteen, and I've never been to one), and you aren't making decisions for her.
I wish you the best of luck Ms. Forte, and I beg you not to take your friend's mistakes to heart.
-Neko-sama, 16 y/o suicide prevention expert
(Like seriously, you would NOT believe the amount of drama I deal with on a daily basis)
1782760 Alright, thanks for that. I'll keep that in mind.
I really don't know what's going on about the whole suicide thing... I really, really don't... I don't want to tell her to dump him, and then something awful happens, but I don't want her to be stuck with someone she's not happy with...ugh...
Also, I'm not 13.
1782785 Sorry, I guess I shouldn't have assumed
Can I safely assume that you are 15-16 and single??
1782817 I am indeed
1782890 Doesn't it bring you a sort of...hierarchical joy to be dealing with the problems of people younger than you? Knowing their situation closely, if not exactly, and being able to deal it with it in a mature fashion...it makes me feel like I actually have a job to do while I'm still alive
I just think that a 13 y/o should not be dating. Most of them don't even understand the concept of love, and cant reciprocate that love to another.
first, the fact that he is repetedly telling her that he will commit suicide if she leaves him is a sign that he is intentionaly manipulating her, that does not mean the threat is not real, just that he has relized how much power it has. the fact that this is happening to her at 13 is quite worrying, this would suggest some deep seated emotional need that is not being fulfilled. this could stem from either puberty, or possibly a flawed relashionship with family members. ask her about her relashionship with her parents, these are some things that might contribute to the problem, is she adopted? are her parents divorced? did one or both of them die? is she being abused? do they show less affection and attention towards her than most parents? and lastly do either of her parents travel for extended periods of time? these are all things that could contribute to the neediness that she is displaying. emotional fulfillment is actually one of the main things that draws people into bronyhood, some atachments are healthy or within an acceptable range of healthy, but she has landed right into a VERY unhealthy relashionship. the fist thing to do is to convice her to talk to somebody to have this guy put on a suicide watchlist, then possibly alert CPS about whatever situation he is dealing with at home.
Now comes the hard part. It is absolutely IMPERITIVE that you sit down with her and her parents to discuss her emotional issues, make sure that her parents are aware of the context surrounding all this, and MAKE them understand that this is something that needs to be dealt with, and if they refuse to acknolage the problem, then your going to have to be the "bad guy" and discuss this with somebody in her school. most of all, you need to be cliché, you need to be her "rock", and you have to do what is best for her, not what she wants you to do, not what makes you comforitable, and sure as hell not whats best for her "boyfriend", you have to do everything necessary to make sure she not only gets through this, but that she also gets on the road to recovery from her emotional issues.
as a side note, make sure that after she gets him on the radar of somebody to help him, she has ABSOLUTELY no contact with him or anyone connected to him, that way even if the idiot does commit suicide, he wont be able to hurt her with it, and if he recovers, then she wont be tempted to get back together with him.
This is The Warrior Scholar, wishing you the best of luck.