Chapter 11 update · 10:35pm Jan 27th, 2014
Hey guys, johnny here, giving you guys an update before I head off to work.
I've started work on chapter 11, but I still have a ways to go. As for content, this will be the last chapter before the epilogue and then the story will be done. A couple of you have asked for alternate endings, but honestly, the ending that I've had planned out from the start is the only way that I see it ending. If you guys want to write an alternate ending, be my guest. My only stipulation is to give me the necessary credit when you publish.
As for a little tease for the chapter... I'll say these two things:
1. If you thought the evil was turned up last chapter, you haven't seen anything yet.
2. If you can't hurt somepony physically, hurt the ones he loves the most.
And with that, I'm off. Until next time.
Stay safe, stay alert, and Secure, Contain, Protect.
wll have to see with this chapter. whole story got some rather major flaws. though at the very least he hasn't drank some weird power up potion from hell knows where. will have to see if it can even be pulled together.
though you did revise the last chapter whcih was for the best ultimately. that is far more like luna. though it is still flawed.......
here is the primary, absolute biggest problem with the story. it makes the msitake of thinking that your character killing the mane six is needed to make him seem strong............ all you did was treat the shows actual chracters badly and just made the likes of me think that the plot is the only reason he suceeds, that he has no power of his own. and even now i am convinced he has no real power. only reason he succeeded even in that revised thing was because you had luna somehow incompetent in combat. a millenium old being, inompetent in combat. against beings who hold only one pony attribute too. whom she could ahve manhandeled to begin with.
put simply you could not figure out a way he could actually defeat any of the other charactesr so long as they were in character. you made them pathetic, stupid, weak, and incompetent to make your oc appear competent, and it jsut doesn't work very well. a character is only as powerful as his adversaries dude. if his enemies are weak or degrade,d he will be weak and degraded. if they are strong, he is strong.
he is the only being actually depicted with any competence in your entire fanfic dude. that does not make me think he is strong.
1767144 Incompetent in combat how? The only reason she got KO'd in the revision is because she had her spear stuck in Francois's side when she got hit, which dazed her, even after a 2nd hit from Francois, she still wasn't out and was only out cold after repeated blows to the head by Darkside. I don't care how powerful you are, you get hit in the head enough times, you're gonna get knocked out.
1767408 think he meant less getting beaten over the head and more getting into that position. think about it. she was surrounded, and what options does she have at that point?
you already showed she could have knocked them out if not just killed the entire squad from the beginning. yet she only waited after she was grounded............. also why did she not teleport? get a better position? like a smal disrtance away and blasting them over and over and sowing confusion............ or next to the oc and bucking him in the head.
seriously, why didn't she just teleport. obviously it would not be very hard for her to do considering how easily...................... reason twilight could not have been suffocated number seven. teleportation......
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Now that both of you are here, let me ask you guys a serious question.
Where is your real life logic? You two have both been around for multiple chapters and comment on not only my story, but my blog posts about the story. All of them about how bad the story is and how much you both hate the story. If you both dislike this story so much, why do you keep coming back when I put out a new chapter? Why continue to come to a story that you despise and continue to read it?
I know that there are a few stories that I've read where I don't like the logic used, for example, I hate the "Winning-verse" and every story that's associated with it, but I don't go to every story and comment on the flawed logic, the stupid characters, and the ever-persistent stupidity that is 2 females conceiving a foal. I simply ignore them, like a normal person. I don't torture myself by reading something I don't like. So why don't you both do the same. Ignore my story, it's one of hundreds of thousands of MLP fanfictions on this site that won't be in the featured box, won't be in the popular stories box, and will never see EQD. Go find another story that you do like and praise it as much as you want.
1769911 stupid characters? seriously? you can't tell the difference between character flaws and a character being just plan stupid?
cloudkicker hurting the feelings of othes who love her is not sutpidity. her not knowing what to do in a situation is not stupid. it is his character. she is a background pony revealing stories that go one behind the scenes of the actual show and plays that part well with all her nymphomaniac flaws and poor judgement.
a group of ponies not realizing that the evil prince with the evil past is responsible for murdering twilight sparkle in nine seconds is stupid characterization.
Winning Pony is one of my favorites on this site, even in general media i consume every day. yet i have criticized some of the more recent situations, and even then the flaws a far smaller than what is achieved. the problems with your story are far greater.
put it this way, Cloudkicker is a far better realized character than Francois in every conceivable way. francois achievements pale in comparison because every sweat, tear, and drop of blood Cloudkickers sheds i can fully believe. not at one point do i think, there is no way she could pull that off. and the rest of the characters in the story remain true to themselves.
............. hell i have no argument to the logic of two mares having babies together. because he obviosuly has thought of the magic of friendship. the unity of many beings together drives off chaos and dissonance metaphorically, which means the magic of friendship drives off evil. so he followed the logic that love if it achieves a similar level of unity with another, could conceive a child magically as that is often the rsult of love.
1769911 of course there is a distinct separation between the potential ways a supernatural force can work and in battle decisions.
put simply, luna can teleport, showed she could ahve seized and rendered unconcious the entire squad in a single blow, can cause weather to go bad, shape shift, animated thigns shaped as other beings, project a blast that can breach castle stone, and that is only if you keep yourself narrow minded and not expand on what she could possibly do.
why did she not use any of ther abilities besides blasting when ANYONE would have done so?
1770651 Seems like I touched a nerve when I criticized the "Winning-verse". But that's beside the point.
You still haven't answered my question: Why do you keep coming back to a story that's not very popular, never going to be featured, and never-in-a-million-years will ever be on EQD, instead of ignoring it like I do with stories from the "Winning-verse"?
1770787 that i cannot explain. maybe my ADD is acting up. though largely the whole oc being better than the actual character thing touches more than a few nerves. specially when it is about as believable as tits on a owl.
and less you touched a nerve and more its hard to think of actually well developed concepts and world building is called stupid or lacking logic. specially when you just had luna manhandle and entire squad but only waited till she got her wings hurt so she would not have a major advantage in movement over your oc.
1770812 Still doesn't answer my question... You hate the story, then do what I do with stories I hate. Ignore it.