Small changes · 3:55pm Jan 23rd, 2014
For those interested, I made some changes to add a bit more detail and (hopefully) substance to the story.
Basically I turned this:
"Back on the ground I pointed my hooves due southwest and headed out into the brush. The PipBull’s radio was tuned to a station I had found the day before; the warbling tune seemed to follow the rise and fall of the dusty land"
into this:
" Back on the ground I took a moment to get my bearings, thinking about the directions the Watcher had told me the night before. Turning until I was aligned with the compass on the E.U.A., I pointed my hooves due southwest and headed out into the brush, cigarette smoke trailing behind me. If I wanted to catch up to the grey unicorn, I would have to cover as much ground as I could. Tuning the PipBull’s radio to a station I had found the day before, I trotted along as the warbling tune seemed to follow the rise and fall of the dusty land."
Keep your canteen full,
-Sparkus
