Welcome to the Waste, a dry land of cacti and sagebrush, buffalo and ponies, radiation and taint. Life here was hard even before the war that tainted the land. Dehydration and lack of food will kill you almost as surely as the creatures, to say nothing of the bandits, raiders, and the general populace.
Out on the steppe, a mare struggles to find her place in this new and harsh world. Yet her task is complicated by roaming gangs, turf wars, crazed mystics, and puzzles nearly two centuries old. It takes strong stuff to survive in a land gone mad. Will she be guided towards her destiny? Or will her dried corpse serve as a warning to those who happen to find it?
Chapters (6)
this looks good so far
2620381
Thank you. Any advice is welcome.
This... this definitely worth reading! You've got yourself a good start, trust me. More for my "to read" list...
Though there is one question. What did you mean by "potions do not recover hit points automatically"? Maybe word "instantly" would be more precise?
Also:
"Automatic Perk: Desert’s Blessing – Something has granted you a familiarity with the desert and you receive +10 to Survival. Leaving the desert removes this bonus, and grants you a -10 penalty for being in unfamiliar surroundings. Note: This penalty counts while being inside structures such as Stables."
This entirely could be a Trait rather than perk. Perks grant you positive things while Traits grant both positive and negative things. You didn't specified where this -10 penalty aplies. Is it for Survival only or for all skills?
This is pretty interesting. I only started playing FallOut recently and I started with New Vegas. I actually started thinking that it was going to be like it since the first scene reminded me of when Benny shoots the player in the head in the opening scene.
Overall, mot definitely not a bad start. We'll see how it goes on.
-BTW, I assume potions are Stimpacks?
-Was New Vegas an inspiration? I'm catching bits like the opening scene and some similarities between Tiny and Doc Mitchell.
-Loved the way you included S.P.E.C.I.A.L. into this.
Welp, there's my two cents. Write on!
2629964
A good point on the Desert's Blessing Perk/Trait. So much to keep track of, I really appreciate you catching that.
2631927
Thank you! I'm looking forward to how this will turn out too.
For your questions:
-Yes, potions are the equivlent of stimpacks. It was one of the establishing ideas or "rules" of Kkat's original Fallout Equestria; which I strongly recommend because it is not only amazing, but it is also what inspired me to write my own off-shoot.
- And yes, New Vegas was the base inspiration, but I'm hoping to take OUTWaste in its own direction.
-Thank you, I thought it would be cool to have the S.P.E.C.I.A.L. be part of the character's recovery, rather than a statistic adjuster.
I'm working on chapter two and really appreciate the feedback.
Write on, write on!
This is good so far. Though, I'm not sure what voice you're trying to convey at times to the readers. Sometimes it felt like you were telling it from the first, while others it felt like the third person. But that is a small nitpick that I had to get off my chest. The story itself is written fairly well, with few not no errors at all. Over all, the story flows nicely (with an exception to the voice issue I had already stated) which is always a plus. But, as Deathpony said, "This looks good so far" and I hope you really do continue this. It has some real potential.
- Noakwolf
2657584
Thank you Mr. Wolf. I'm actually hammering out the rough for chapter 2 now. Hope I can live up to the praise I've been getting. Stay tuned!
2631927 I'm not sure if New Vegas is a good game to start the fallout serie, yes it is a good game but you just don't have the feeling you're in a dead world like in the other ones.
2688992
True. There are a number of ways in which New Vegas broke with the original series. However I started my journey by playing Fallout 3, so the dead world is not unknown to me.
2695237
Are you sure you read my comment or are you just here to troll?
2696295 Are you trying to apply logic to the Fallout serie? Seriously? We are talking about the game where China was stupid enough to make a nuclear war with most armed country of the world, where humans can survive hundred of years because of radiations and where people can survive in underground shelter for generations without going outside.
Fallout is not and never will be logic, the fact they survive to a almost dead world in Fallout 3 isn't so far-fetched compare to all that.
2695226
Regolit: I appreciate your comments on my writing, your concern for my opening, and the suggestion that I avoid New Vegas-like setting.
However, due to your excesive swearing I will be deleting some of your comments.
Don't mistake my intentions, feel free to comment at any time; but when you do please refrain from swearing so often.
And yes, Fallout 3 does have its faults, but at least it wasn't Fable 3.
well she is screwed
2827551
Mmmmaybe
3640582
Oh I am, believe you me!
Glad yo're having fun.
Came back to this after seeing that post you made on the FoE group about manners. Anyway, it's nice to see that you've advanced with this since the last time I visited. I also noticed that I never liked the story. Well that simply won't do now would it? (I liked the story. I am the tenth like. :3)
Good job. I'm so happy to see that you've made some progress with this.
- Noakwolf
3832155
Thanks friend. I'm doing what I can to improve. Had to laugh tho': "I also noticed that I never liked the story." For a moment I thought you meant you hadn't enjoyed it when you first read it
Tenth like for the win! Until the next update, I'll see you around the forums.
-Sparkus
Your story is the next to be reviewed!
- Derpcookie15
3996582 Thanks friend. Looking foreward to it.
4033819 Will do. Fantasy is no stranger to even the comic series.
I know it's been some time, but I managed to read most of what you have thus far. I figure I'll do a review here soon. Just need to finish the last chapter.
Your book has been advertised on the new facebook group page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/foebooks/ :)