Topics galore! · 8:09pm Nov 4th, 2013
Hey there people. I’ve been gone for a while and I thought to myself ‘Why not say hello to everyone?’ And hey, I’m here… so I suppose that I’m still able to convince myself to act upon my fleeting sanity without questioning the fact that I argue with the floor on an hourly basis.
Good times.
But in saying hello, I don’t actually have much to talk about at the moment. Still writing some, still reading some, ect. So! I came up with a solution; by using a random topic generator, I’ll talk briefly about three different topics.
Alright, let’s start!
Checking the closets before going to bed.
When I was a child, just a little kitten still taking cat-naps (a habit I’ve never grown out of admittedly), I went to bed with my blanket over my head. I had a crazy imagination as a child, which later lead into a pseudo authorship. I never actually looked inside my closet before going to bed, but we all know the feeling of lying in the dark imagining monsters and other spooky things around our room, simply waiting for them to jump out and go ‘Boo!’. For me the ‘looking inside your closet’, was more akin to ‘looking out of the gap between my blanket and mattress’.
I remember a particular night I woke up from a nightmare (those night simply sucked, huh?), and I immediately pulled my blanket, or PANT (Protection Against Nighty Terrors), over my head. I kept peeking out and in the end I actually began to feel lightheaded due to lack of oxygen in my hiding place. After adjusting myself, and getting some sweet air, I finally managed to fall asleep, only to wake up fifteen minutes later.
An occurrence which decided to repeat itself all throughout the night. Didn’t get a wink of sleep that time.
So, what does this all amount to you ask? Check your bloody closet, people! Sullivan had beans last night and heaven knows that’s the only thing worse than the things that goes bump in the night!
Procrastination methods.
As anyone who’s seen my updating schedule on ‘Dreaming of Paws’ (don’t worry, it’s not dead), you’d think I was a major procrastinator. But the truth is… yeah no, not kidding anyone here. I am a complete and utter, super procrastinator! And really, I think you’d be surprised by what I actually do to avoid things!
I read.
Shocking, I know. Truly we’re dealing with matters of great importance.
In all seriousness though, I think reading has something to do with genetics in my family. My grandmother(s), uncle and my mother reads an impressive amount on their own, so I suppose it’s only natural that I somehow succumped to that family-trait. I think there’s letters in my veins. My blood-type is most definitively Type ABC+!
I really have no clue what blood-type I am. I have an irrational fear of needles.
I’ve heard about 40% of the world’s population has O+ so I guess that’s a decent shot in the dark.
...What was I talking about? Oh right! Procrastination methods!
I read a lot. I read anything from MLP/Naruto/Bleach/One Piece (though they tend to suck)/Fairy Tail fanfiction, to common fantasy detective novels.
- Had to stop here for about 30 minutes because Nathan Traveler gave me a link to ‘Man at Arms’. Surprisingly fitting for the current topic I suppose. -
And now onto the last and possibly best topic I was lucky to get:
Using public restrooms.
In the words of one of my favorite comedians: “Why is everything wet? Everything is wet! The counter is soaking, there are puddles, water is dripping!” (- Dane Cook)
I swear there’s always someone who’s had a fucking water-fight in the restrooms. What sick and disturbed idiot decided to practice his water bending while taking a dump?! Was there a fire after a particularly gassy emptying of a mexican’s intestines, and the firemen simply didn’t clean up after them?
And then you manage to open the door to the stall, completely destroyed as it is, and you see the seat. Disgusting as it is and with minimal paper left on the roll. You have to make a call; wiping the seat or wiping your ass. What the hell do you do? You curl up on the wet and piss-filled floor and cry! Cry so hard because your ass is screaming at your to sit down and invite the germs on the seat into you to relieve a few pounds.
But one place I’ve been have saved my faith in restrooms!
Germany! You’ve done a lot of silly things throughout history and I still believe that you can’t speak german without sounding angry, but your Rest Areas along the highways have the best fucking restrooms in the world! You can actually rest in the restrooms, they’re that clean!
But back to the hellholes in other countries that is restrooms.
Why the hell should I care if ‘Tim’ or ‘Mike’ was here? So I could sue the person that gave me this itch on my ass? Give me a phone number to that guy and not to someone who’d ‘give me a good time’ and a different kind of itch! And stop hatin’ on blacks and jews in the stalls for crying out loud! They need to shit as well! It’s one of the few things that man can truly unite in. The knowing that both Adolf Hitler and Martin Luther King, Jr. had to go to the same little house. I have a dream that we can unite under the banner of german restrooms!
That’s it for this time. I think I got a bit heated right there at the end. Try for yourself to take a few topics and do a blog on them. I’d love to see them.
-Glassed
The following is disturbing, so I am giving it spoiler tags. It wouldn't be pounds plural. The most weight I've lost after going to the restroom is 1.3 pounds, and that was when I had had a lot of salt the day before, so there was a LOT of urine, and a large stool.
So yeah, now that you're disturbed for how I know that... I've been losing weight since February. I weigh myself every day, and there are times where I'm bored enough that I weigh myself before and after going to the restroom. There have been times I've gone to the restroom, and I somehow GAINED weight. Still can't figure THAT one out, honestly...
...wow. Just...no words, bro.