Celestia Sleeps In--Chapter 11 notes and thanks · 10:24pm Jun 2nd, 2013
Notes for Chapter 11
Thanks to the pre-readers!
Humanist
My Parents
Woonsocket Wrench
‘Alphagraphic’ isn’t a word, although there is a chain of printing stores called AlphaGraphics.
Mrs. Hawkins was my third or fourth grade teacher (I can’t remember which). Or maybe it was second grade.
Initially, Ryan was unfastening the killswitch lanyard, rather than unstrapping the harness. Further research suggested that only the Coast Guard boats which are open have killswitches (typically, non-standard boats). The purpose of the killswitch is to stop the motors in the event of a collision. While I could find no information on whether RBS boats have them or not, interior pictures show four-point harnesses at all the seating positions, which suggests that the helmsman is not likely to be thrown out of position in the event of rough weather or a collision; thus, they probably do not have killswitches. Anyone who’s in the Coast Guard and knows otherwise, feel free to correct me.
The croupiere is the part of the barding (armor) which covers a horse’s hindquarters. It’s also worth noting that the guards, as they appear in the show, are wearing saddles as part of their armor.
I’m obviously not the first one to think that’s it’s mighty suspicious that all the guards look alike, despite the huge variety of color in all the other ponies in the show. That idea (and the idea that they can change gender as well) is explored in The Clothes Make the Mare, as well as many other stories, I’m sure.
A 2300 year-old lyre, discovered on the Isle of Skye, is the oldest surviving European stringed instrument. That’s not really relevant to the story, but it’s interesting.
THE FLANK
♣ Canon: In Call of the Cutie, both Rainbow Dash and Cherilee call it a ‘flank,’ not to mention the taunt “blank flank.” While RD might be a dubious source, one assumes Cherilee knows what she’s talking about.
♣ IRL: So, I asked a vet. She said, “hmm, somewhere around/between the buttocks, the thigh and/or the hind quarters....how’s that for a clear answer?” Then, when I explained the show canon, she said “flank works too,” although, after doing a little more research, said: “I think I like the thigh the best.”
♣ Weighing all the options, I think ‘flank’ is the best choice, since it is canon. While it’s not exactly the same as an IRL horse, they’re not horses, they’re ponies.
Two different languages: I chose to italicize words spoken in Equestrian (cutie-mark specifically), since there’s no English equivalent, as far as Dale knows. I probably could have done it some other way; I could even have invented an Equestrian word for it. However, I’m bad at foreign languages. Really bad. It would probably come off worse if I tried than if I didn’t.
♣ I can already see this being an issue as the story progresses. If I have an epiphany, I’ll go back and make changes to earlier chapters. Otherwise, I guess we’ll just have to struggle together.
♣.Also, perhaps worth noting here, I have a list of every word covered in the Dick and Jane books that I was able to get from the library. That, and a few other words I specifically mentioned them covering (like human gross anatomy), is the extent of their vocabulary at this point in the story.
The concept of Unicorn’s cutie marks being a mark of familial purity (specifically) is from The Xenophile’s Guide to Equestria (yes, it’s at LEAST the second time I’ve cited that source); the concept that they represent a pony’s special talent is more in line with show canon.
“Marshal (thanks for the spelling correction, Northwest Brony) Martial arts and music share the same principles, [Lyra]. Both wrestle with complex harmony and elusive melodies.” This (for everyone who doesn’t know) is a quote from the movie Hero (the Chinese movie with Jet Li, not to be confused with the TV show). I’m sure it’s more poetic in Chinese, which I don’t speak.
The maximum transmission speed of a hand-operated signal lamp is about 14 words per minute.
Meta notes:
Beginning this week, I’m going to be going back and re-formatting the story, then I’m going to start correcting earlier errors. I will not change any factual material, because that would be cheating the readers, in my opinion; instead, I’m going to fix a few spelling mistakes and poor grammar (especially in the first few chapters).
I think the italicization of equestrian works well. While a new language can add some spice to the prose, having to consult a glossary nonstop breaks immersion.
1121513
I hope it works for everyone... I've seen (in fanfiction, mostly) people use colored text before; I could have also used a different font.
The only reason it worries me a little is because earlier, during the base 12 vs. base 10 discussion, a few readers were confused as I converted all the numbers to base 10 for the reader's convenience (Lyra said he counted to 1768, which would be expressed as 1000 in base 12, then did her conversion wrong). I should have used different terminology ('he counted to a dozen gross', perhaps).
You actually asked a vet about this, just so you could be right when you wrote this? Not to mention the research into the military too...
Respect goes up by 10 :)
1122789
I meant to put this in the notes, too: getting hit by a taser was one of the few things I didn't experiment with (although I actually did consider it).
In my opinion, there's no excuse for poor research, even in a work of fiction. I got outraged at one of Ridley Pierson's novels because his ignorance of how a railroad actually works was profound, which was really unfortunate, since it was a major plot point. Whenever someone points out an inaccuracy which I could have easily corrected, I wince (such as the availability of Geiger counters, which I could have just checked on Amazon.com).
I don't know if you've been following the blog posts from the beginning, but a few chapters back there's a recipe for the chrysanthemum and cucumber sandwich Dale ate. . . .
1122828
Well, I write, and I usually just ignore the minor details like that- but again, I don't do the kind of very specific writing you do- as such, the research is not nearly as needed. I understand the thing about the wincing at minor details- that's happened to me to, on occasions.
And damn, recipes. That's in detail.
Don't think you're crazy for the taser thing. I had an idea before- that I'd probably never carry out- about writing a book abut an addiction to crack by actually getting addicted and then trying to resist it. It's one of those things that you think for a second, and then actually stop whatever you're doing in real life and wonder if you're insane :)
1122923
It's probably best to avoid something which will cause physical harm just for the sake of the story.
Also, I have been hit with 40,000 volts or so out of an ignition coil, and I imagine a taser would feel pretty much the same. I was wearing leather gloves, so it probably wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it was INTENSE even at that.
1122934
Yeah, it is.
Never been seriously electrocuted in my life. That does sound like it sucks. From what I've heard about being electrocuted, besides the obvious pain, I've heard it described as basically feeling like you were robbed of your movement. That helplessness is probably worse than anything else.
1122964
I can't attest to that with the electricity (I stayed standing, and someone else was smart enough to turn the car off as soon as I got hit), but I've had problems with my sciatic nerve, and woke up one morning unable to lift my leg, or sit up without excruciating pain. I--unwisely, in retrospect--decided I could roll out of bed and get up from there: I was right on the first count, not so much on the second.
1122977
Damn, nerve problems? That sucks man. But yeah, you didn't fall because it wasn't a taser. I'm pretty sure a taser would've made you fall. That and someone else helped you.
I just looked taser up on the web, because I wasn't sure, but taser is also 10k volts more, and, I'm not sure about it, but isn't it current, and not voltage, that screws you over? The longer the electricity is going, right? Because if it was just voltage, no one would ever survive lightning.
1123573
Stun guns in general have a 50k starting voltage (to make sure they arc through to skin) then drop to 5k. Yes, current (amps) do the work; about .5 amp at the heart is all it takes to stop it, if I remember right, but you need more than that to damage flesh.
1123628
>Go on fimfiction
>Learn science stuff
Cool.
1123962
I know, right?
1123973
Yep. I'm starting to really like your story. Not as much as something like the Blooming Moon Chronicles, of course, but still a lot.
1122964
I remembered this comment when Lyra was describing how getting hit by the taser felt--thanks!
1256401
No problem.