• Member Since 17th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen October 23rd

Lord of Nothing


I'm pretty uninteresting. I also can't write or draw, but I do both anyway.

More Blog Posts81

  • 149 weeks
    A Queen & You: Part I, Chapter VII - Setting Boundaries

    So, just in case nobody had noticed, I changed A Queen & You from "Incomplete" to "On Hiatus" to "Incomplete" then finally "Cancelled".

    I always made promises I could not keep, especially when it came to writing. I very much enjoyed doing it, but I believe it is finally time for me to put this part of my life to rest for real, for good, forever. And this time I mean it.

    Read More

    5 comments · 629 views
  • 281 weeks
    thanks, fimfiction crew.

    Gotta love these new updates. Makes the site look a lot more pretty.

    5 comments · 245 views
  • 363 weeks
    You should all totally join this new group of mine.

    The title says it all this time, folks. I'm still having a bit of trouble thinking of a clear way to explain exactly what it is, but I've jumped the gun and made a group for it anyway.

    Read More

    4 comments · 342 views
  • 376 weeks
    I guess this is it, you guys. Last blog ever, what a milestone.

    I've been sitting at my desk for the past half-hour trying to think of a good song to quote to get this rolling, but I'm quickly coming around to the realization that there isn't any really way to do something like this other than to just do it. So, without further ado, here I go:

    I'm leaving FiMFiction.

    Yep, there we go.

    Read More

    14 comments · 442 views
  • 421 weeks
    Amateur Artists Unite!

    My (totally awesome, and, in now way, intimidating) Boss told me that I should push a group of his, so, even though I'm totally a loose-canon-know-it-all-smart-ass-bad-boy-rogue-sherrif-loner, I figure I'll go ahead and do it, but not because he told me to; I make my own decisions.

    Now, I'm sure a lot of you reading this are like:

    Read More

    7 comments · 362 views
May
17th
2013

Two extremely short stories I wrote as gifts, which gets its own list because I'm bored. · 5:24am May 17th, 2013

The first one was for Elusive Phoenix, and his oddly titled "Chickens in a House Full Of Bacon in Mareizona".

Jethrobe poked his head up from his bed, scanning the room.

Joe, John, Jeffery and Jenkins all lay perfectly still in their own beds, the entire house seeming to have gone silent. It smelled of bacon, always had, always would, and that's something that Jethrobe could live with.

He couldn't remember how exactly all of them had ended up in this house in Mareizona, but he could care less, because he was always surrounded by his bros.

His chicken bros. Yeah, chicken.

Their group, known simply as JX5, were all chickens, but not just that. They were all anthropomorphic chickens, with the arms and everything.

They didn't know how they got that way, but they could care less, as it was fucking awesome. I mean, how many chickens could go around saying they had fully-functioning arms?

Anyways, Jethrobe clucked, slapping his chicken-arms against his matress as well, causing his four bros to stir from their sleep.

"Chill out, Jeth," called Joe.

"Yeah, Jeth Anne," cried John.

"Whatever, my chicken-bros."

Eventually, they all made their way out of the bedroom and in to the kitchen, which was rather full from the seemingly neverending supply of bacon that the oven supplied them with. Jenkins became curious.

Too curious.

"Dudes, where does all this bacon even come from? Hell, why do we even have an oven?!"

Jeffery tackled him to the ground, putting a chicken-finger over his anthro-beak-thing.

"Don't fucking question the oven, man! You know how it doesn't like that!"

The oven let out a screech, forcing the members of JX5 to cover their ears that, for some reason, didn't exist. It stopped, and the mound of bacon shrank.

"Jesus Christ!," Jethrobe exclaimed.

Jesus Christ indeed, Jethrobe.

Where is the bacon going? Why is the house so full? Does any of this make any sense? What will become of JX5? Why is "Mareizona" such a cheesy name? Which came first, the anthropomorphic chicken or the egg? Why is Chrysalis best pone? Why are there so many questions? Why are so many of them "Why's"? Why are you still reading this?

The answer is forty-two to all of those, which also happens to be the answer to life, as detailed in "The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy", which is just as great a movie as it is a book.

Anyways, the bacon mound stopped shrinking, and suddenly began spewing bacon back out. It was glorious.

Will Lord of Nothing ever continue this story?

He doesn't know, probably. If Elusive really likes it, which he hopes he does, cause that'd be fucking gnarly.

The good kind of gnarly, though.

The second was for jjoddo101, titled "Don't Trust Blankets Past Midnight".

Fluttershy's eyes trailed along the words written on the page, hanging on to each one as if it was vital to her life.

She was, of course, reading the new book in the "Daring Doo" series, as was everypony else. Shy knew that she shouldn't start with the twelfth book in the series, but she had done the same before with other series, so doing it with one more couldn't hurt, right?

It didn't matter now, as she was at the part where Daring was in an ancient temple, surrounded by a group of Crystal Pony skeletons, the twelfth missing its head. The villian, Dr. Irina Spalko, was about to put the last pony's skull on to the body.

Shy knew that she had to go to bed, but she had been up since morning trying to finish the book to see how it ended, but that decision was now starting to look pretty silly.

The last skull was placed on, and now the room's spinning. Fluttershy could feel her heart beat faster as the Crystal Pony skeletons began to merge into a single entity, and Irina began to sound more and more insane as she read her dialogue.

Suddenly, Irina's eyes burst into flames, and Fluttershy couldn't take the graphic image the text had placed in her mind. She closed the book shut with a frightened squeak coming forth from her lips, then tossed the book to the floor at the foot of her bed.

"Why would anypony do something so horrible?!," she thought with disgust as the image began to seem more and more real in her mind.

She wrinkled her snout, giving a final 'hmph', then turned and blew out the candle that provided her with light.

The room instantly fell dark, and Fluttershy felt a quick flash of fear run through her, but calmed herself, just as she had done everytime she was stuck in a dark spot.

She settled into her nice, warm bed, making sure that she herself was completely comfortable. She pulled her legs close to her body, then fell silent alongside the room as sleep overtook her.

***

The being slowly shifted left, then right. It had no idea where it was, or even why it was. It tried to move, but found that it could not. It did not know why.

It tried and tried again to move, but it still couldn't free itself from whatever was holding it down.

It folded itself over, suprised by its own flexibility, and curled to find a creature trapping it. He did not know who or what it was, and decided to investigate on its own.

One of its corners touched the creature's mouth, and it shivered slightly. It tried again, and was met with the same response. It still did not understand.

It ran its corner down the creatures side, and was met with a greater shiver this time. It tried again, and a soft noise escaled the creatures lips.

It could've sworn it sounded like, "No, please, Daring...we've got a mission. What will your dog, Mutt, think of this?"

It still did not know how to respond, and when it tried, nothing came out. It tried again and again, but still, nothing came out.

Now that it knew it could not make noise like the creature, it longed to more than ever. The creature continued to make noises while it stroked her side.

Finally, it had had enough of the creature.

Rearing one of its corners back, it brought its soft material down upon the strange creature's body.

For the rest of the night, this would continue, until Fluttershy would finally wake about an hour later.

I like writing for people, even though I'm not the best at it. If you have anything, and I mean anything, I'll totally do it.

Report Lord of Nothing · 76 views ·
Comments ( 0 )
Login or register to comment