Pain & Gain or Why Michael Bay Doesn’t Suck... No really · 8:24pm May 1st, 2013
... huh? What? Oh, sorry, I was distracted by their rad shades
The American Dream is an elusive thing, often changing form to fit whatever some jackass claims it to be. For some, the American Dream is having a house in a nice neighborhood with a white picket fence to separate you from your insufferable neighbors. For others, it’s simply to be free; free from religious oppression, free from an oppressive government, or free from your self-imposed oppression. But for Daniel Lugo, the American Dream is simple. He just wants to be like everybody else, and have a lawn he can spend the day mowing.
Not five minutes into the film and we already know what kind of guy Lugo is. He says he wants to be like everybody else, but it’s clear early on that he is like everybody else, he just doesn’t see it that way. When he looks around all he sees are people who’ve experienced nothing but success. In his mind, they’re all sitting pretty in their Carebear cloudcars while he drifts by in pair of worn-out Skechers. So when he says that he wants more, we can already tell that whatever he gets, won’t be enough.
Jesus Christ... look at those biceps
Michael Bay is not a man known for thought-provoking movies, or deeply satirical works. He’s that guy who takes two huge robots and mashes them together for two hours and calls it a day. But before Transformers, Bay had already proved that he had the ability to produce good movies. Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, The Rock, Bad Boys, and the slightly less entertaining Bad Boys II, all show that Bay has the ability to craft some quality cinema, albeit mostly without any real meaning behind it. At it’s most emotional, you get Bruce Willis crying about Steven Tyler’s lips daughter, but beyond that, all the emotion and all the gravitas are only superficial. But this is where Pain & Gain comes in, ready to sweep you off your feet in its big, ‘roided-out arms. I posit to you, that Pain & Gain is the best film Michael Bay has ever directed, and it still will gross less than the newest Transformers movie on opening weekend.
Finally deciding that it was time to stop playing with his action figures, Bay clearly put his heart into this movie and gave it his all, proving once and for all the he has the balls to make an edgy movie and make it damn good too. Of course, not all the praise can be heaped upon Mr. Michael “Leave me alone, I’m counting my money” Bay. Were it not for Wahlberg, Johnson, and Mackie (Daniel Lugo, Paul Doyle, and Adrian Doorbal respectively) this movie could’ve easily have been a mess of special effects shots and over-the-top characters, but Johnson especially keeps the whole thing grounded, always keeping us firmly in the grasp of reality. You might even say he’s Pain & Gain’s... rock.
Before I get any further, I want to take a moment to remind you that this movie is based off a true story, and more than just vaguely based off it in a kinda-sorta-could-be--maybe-similar way, but in an almost exact recreation of the events with some minor details changed to make it a little more action-y. And Pain & Gain isn’t shy about that fact. It reminds us around the time Johnson is grilling severed hands to burn off the fingerprints that this is “still a true story”, something that it does to remind us that this isn’t just Michael Bay “Baying” up the story, this shit actually happened. Three idiots (really it was mostly just two of them) actually kidnapped and tortured a man for 30 days and then failed to kill him three times in a row.
What's Monk doing in this movie?
I’ve already talked a good bit about why I like this movie, namely the stellar acting and in-your-face camerawork which, despite how that sounds, actually does the film a lot of favors. But the things that I love are somewhat more esoteric. Throughout the movie, we constantly see “hero” shots of the three meatheads, specifically Lugo, and it creates this false idol status, wherein we believe that Lugo is the hero of the story when really he’s a douchebag, muscle-bound, arrogant jackass who’d sell his mother’s soul if it got him what he wanted. This is movie devoid of heroes. The closest it ever comes is Ed Harris who isn’t so much of a hero as he is the guy who points out everyone else’s bullshit. He’s the Jon Stewart to Lugo’s Fox News.
An interesting thing to note about Ed Harris’s character (Ed DuBois), while we’re on the subject. He has everything Lugo wants, a beautiful wife, a nice lawn, a house by sea, and even a pretty sexy boat. While I wouldn’t describe him as being unhappy, he gives off the air of being discontent. He’s found the American Dream, and he’s living it but he still goes out of his way to make his life more interesting. You know, it’s almost like DuBois and Lugo are meant to show how fake the “American Dream” is, exposing its fallacy by juxtaposing these two characters perfectly. But, maybe that’s giving Bay too much credit. I mean, he’s just a guy who plays with his Tonka trucks in the backyard while filming them on his twenty-thousand dollar camera. He couldn’t possibly have done that intentionally... right?
All right, before this review drags on any longer, I’ll go ahead and wrap up here. To make a long and crazy story short, Pain & Gain is one of the most entertaining, and interesting (the two aren’t necessarily indicative of each other) movies I’ve seen in a long time, probably since Django. If for no other reason than to see Marky Mark talk shit about other people’s mommas, you really owe to yourself to see this movie, but don’t be surprised when Dwayne “Yeah, I still wrestle” Johnson shows up to steal your heart. Seriously, he’s surprisingly lovable for a man whose biceps are bigger than my leg, and when he starts getting all coked up by the end of the movie, well, then he just becomes hilariously lovable. Oh, and one more thing. Lugo repeatedly tells us that he’s a “Doer” and he criticizes others by calling them “Don’ters”, even going so far as to say “Because I’m a doer” when asked why he did it, but the delicious irony here is that he isn’t a doer. He’s not even a don’ter, in fact, he’s much worse than that. He’s a man who feeds off real doers, taking everything from them because he believes it belongs to him. He isn’t a hard-worker. He isn’t an honest man. He is a huge a dickhead...
“If you believe you deserve it, the universe will serve it.”
Lugo, right before he gets what he deserves...
Very nice! I'd been considering dropping $10 on this thing, but you probably convinced me,
now that I have better justification than that my middle school posse did in fact call ourselves Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch.What was that about severed hands and torturing a guy for 30 days?
Yeah, this doesn't sound like my kind of movie. 
If this is a true story, then how much credit can you really give Michel Bay?
1047628
Just because it's a true story doesn't automatically make it a good movie. Are you going to argue that Steven Spielberg doesn't deserve credit for Saving Private Ryan because it was based off a true story? Also, yeah there's severed hands, and wee bit of torture, but it's really not very gratuitous. In fact, it's actually rather cartoony with its violence, right up until the very end, which still isn't all that dark or scary.
That was actually a point I mean to bring up too, that Michael Bay clearly "gets" his audience, and he's parodying their, and America's, fascination with violence.
1047687 Well, you said that it's very close to true, which is often completely different from based on true. I'm not saying he doesn't deserve credit. I'm just wondering what you can give him credit for exactly if it's practically a documentary. Can you give him credit for parodying the "American dream" when real life already did that for him and he's just relaying the message?
I'm not trying to argue against the guy. I'm just genuinely curious and a little confused about the issue is all.
1047705
Well, yes, it's fairly accurate, but it's not even close to a documentary. It's a still a movie, and Marky Mark, The Rock, and Mackie still play characters, albeit characters based off real people. It's still a movie, and we still are given a reason to care about the characters and events. When I'm watching Planet Earth, I don't have a vested interest in the survival of a fish, but even though I know how the real life version of the movie ends, I still watch with bated breath as the story unfolds. And yes, I can give him credit for parodying the American Dream because real life didn't do it. Ed Harris's character is one of the few characters who's largely fictional. He plays the role of several people in real life, but in the movie he's what Lugo wants to be.
Sorry if the other message seemed a bit confrontational, that wasn't really my intent.
1047789 Oh, well then props to Mr. Bay!
No problem. You did seem a bit confrontational, but I always try to assume the best attitude possible behind written communications since it can be hard to tell.