• Member Since 14th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Jul 1st, 2015

Amy Clockwork


Writer and Project Lead for Then the Shadows Whisper, FiM Fiction Enthusiast and Reviewer, Lover of Ponies

More Blog Posts52

  • 137 weeks
    A (Not So) Brief Analysis: Fallout Equestria: The Radio Play

    A Quick Note From Amy: I know it's been months seen I pushed out an update stating that the file had been corrupted, resulting in the loss of some 1500 words, and now it's here. I pushed through a writer's block and an overwhelming amount of school work to get it done so please, enjoy this scene-by-scene analysis of F:E - The Radio Play!

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    0 comments · 112 views
  • 146 weeks
    The Second Annual Summer Review Marathon: Closing Ceremony

    Welcome back fillies and gentlecolts! As summer draws to a close, so must this little adventure through the depths of FiM Fiction's story archive. To recap: This last month I managed to storm through seven stories here on Problematic Reviews and in progress, redesigned a lot of this website's visuals! However, the best is still yet to come! I still have to announce my top three must reads of the summer! Now, before anything, I must point…

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    0 comments · 87 views
  • 147 weeks
    FiM Fiction Review: The Sword Coast

    I would like to address something briefly before moving on to the review. As many of you have heard, actor and comedian Robin Williams was pronounced dead in his home last Monday. The actor behind Genie in Aladdin and John Keating in Dead Poet Society brought so much joy and inspiration to my friends and I over the years. The news of his apparent (now confirmed) suicide came as a shock to all of us. Mr. Williams was battling depression leading up to this…

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    0 comments · 87 views
  • 150 weeks
    FiM Fiction Review: Cold Light

    It's rare that I read a story for fun as of late. Especially now with the review marathon in full swing, most stories that catch my eye on Equestria Daily usually go to the purgatory that is my “Read Later” list. With the exception of this one. Perhaps it was how ambitious it is for another relatively low-profile writer to take on such a story? Or how the introduction catches the reader's attention by foreshadowing the climax? These things and more make Scramblers…

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    0 comments · 150 views
  • 151 weeks
    FiM Fiction Review: On Time for a Change

    Welcome back, internet travelers! It appears we're having an unofficial comedy week here as this is the second comedy I have reviewed and the second time I took the schedule as a complete joke! Yeah… Just give no regard to the calendar for now. I'll have it fixed by The Sword Coast! Promise! Jumping in, LordSmokedMeatsandFishes's…

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    0 comments · 111 views
Apr
30th
2013

FiM Fiction Review - The Rising Stars · 4:43pm Apr 30th, 2013

The thunderstorm that came by my neighborhood wasn't too friendly, to say the least. Not to mention my porch was flooded, the local gasoline station came down with a case of oh-god-the-building-is-collapsing. Now, I never liked Texaco anyways but I do like using metaphors. I’m not saying it’s like the Texaco gasoline station, but ShootingStar159’s The Rising Stars comes pretty close to collapsing due to excess weight. The Rising Stars pulls through in the end but nearly dies as it goes through too much world building in the early chapters. The pace slows frighteningly in the beginning and suffers from bad exposition. Get passed it’s problems and The Rising Stars does very well with good dialogue, interesting characters and intriguing world building. Poor Texaco, the only thing they get is to be used as a metaphor.

=== === ===
The Rising Stars by ShootingStar159
Incomplete (Last Updated April 16, 2013)

After almost being executed for his magical talents, a young Starswirl wanders into a mysterious forest. His life is barely saved by a creature out of legends, an alicorn named Luna, who not only saves his life, but takes the young colt under the care of herself and her older sister.
But Luna isn't the only one who's taken an interest in the young unicorn... Read it here.

Tags: Sad, Dark, Adventure
Rating: Teen, Gore

=== === ===


Starswirl was a character that always intrigued me and I was looking forward to some backstory. However, I was quick to put away my bias as my reviewer senses started tingling. The first chapter, if I recall correctly, opens with Luna retelling the events of the past few years. Considering The Rising Stars is set as far back as before Hearth's Warming Eve, you can say ShootingStar has plenty of wiggle room to exercise his imagination on the world of our equine friends. The end result is fantastic. ShootingStar puts together an intriguing and fascinating world that had me hooked from the start.

Unfortunately, this is where one of The Rising Stars main problems occur. I have read the review from The Equestrian Critics Society which I recommend reading but disagree with in some cases. The point is, this is where I highly disagree with them. The exposition is weak and problematic at best. The new universe is a big pill to swallow with exploration of the origin of the Elements of Harmony, Alicorns, and the creation of the world itself. All this information is given to the reader quickly and very blandly. There are more interesting mediums to recall past events.

I just realized that I started on the negative side of things. No worries, The Rising Stars has some good stuff up its sleeve. This however isn’t one of those “good things.” The largest issue this story faces is its strange case of being extremely slow. It take four chapters to establish any sort of conflict and in the meantime, the mystery is never brought up by any of the characters. It just feels like too much time is taken in doing, well that’s the problem, nothing.

Finally! On to more good stuff! For one, the dialogue is great and feels natural in most instances. It does have its hiccups where the conversations don’t flow all too well. Unfortunately, it does happen often enough to reduce points, but the dialogue does well overall. Some could complain that Celestia and Luna do not speak in the Royal Canterlot voice, but there is an explanation. Now, the author has said it himself and I am confident he would allow me to speak on his behalf. The Royal Canterlot voice doesn't exist yet. If you remember from Hearth’s Warming Eve, the three tribes were united when they agreed on sharing the land known as Equestria. We can assume Canterlot was founded after the events of Hearth's Warming Eve by the Unicorns. As a result, the idea of the Unicorn royalty later developing the “dialect” isn’t too far fetched. Hey! It makes sense to me!

Last but definitely not least is the writing style. Hats off to ShootingStar for this one. The Rising Stars does a good job at following the “Show, Don’t Tell” technique. This is where the writing style packs a punch. Scenes are clearly visualized without long descriptions of them. It’s hard to do and it’s incredible on the writer’s part.

It’s getting late now and as much as I like sitting at the keyboard with bloodshot eyes, yawning like it’s my duty to wake up the entire household, I think it’s time to wrap this review up. The Rising Stars has several problems including bad pacing and a lacking exposition. However, I highly recommend it because of it’s strength in writing style, dialogue, and world building. ShootingStar’s The Rising Stars will never fail to intrigue the reader as it is a display of the writer's imagination that knows no end. This has been Admujica. Have a great week everyone!

The Rising Stars gets a score of: 8.5 out of 10
Although it begins weakly, The Rising Stars has excellent dialogue and incredible world building.
Read it here.

The Equestrian Critics Society Site can be found here.
The Rising Stars Review by the Equestrian Critics Society can be found here.
Follow @Admujica2 on Twitter for reviews and more!

Report Amy Clockwork · 396 views ·
Comments ( 1 )

Thanks for the review! Can't really argue against any of the flaws you pointed out. This is the first ever plot driven story I've written, and I am well aware of its shortcomings. If I had the time I would rewrite the first several chapters, but I am willing to let this story's slow start rest for now in the interest of continuing the story.

I'm glad you were able to sit through the 'bad' stuff to get to the later chapters which I hope were worth the wait. And now that I have gotten to the heart of the plot, I can promise much better pacing from now on.

Thanks again. Also that 'review package was a nice touch, and I have no problem leaving the review on my story page.

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