Care to take a gander at my situation? · 9:04pm Apr 24th, 2013
This is basically about my relationship, I don't know what to do right now...
Ok, so my girlfriend got suspended because two of her really good friends snitched on her for having weed, I've explained that a while ago and how there was no evidence besides a witness. Anyways... the girl told on her, and the guy just decided that they wouldn't be friends anymore. So there was a whole month of my girlfriend being ignored by two of her best friends.
Two days ago, they come by her locker and start acting like nothing happened, as if all had been forgiven without the apologies being made yet. Let me explain why this pisses me off. My dad used to neglect my sister: yell, verbal abuse, and made her depressed. Now, after she moved away during high school the two can be in a car and talk more than I ever did with him myself, it was as if they had forgotten it all happened. I do not believe in that, I can't forgive and forget because I believe that if a punishment is permanent then more people would come to be more careful in what they do to others, I don't care how severe it is, it must be treated at the same level to me. Anyways, the two just started poking her, talking and shit as if they were still friends. I was fine with that, they were her friends and even though I don't approve of just forgetting; they are still her friends and not mine.
Her friends start to hug me and try to talk to me even though I only talked to them once before they got my girlfriend suspended. I don't like them because of what they did to her and I'm not going to act like they are my friends. So... yeah... first day of them being friends was all fine to me, but the second day I noticed my girlfriend had started to text her old guy friend a lot... like more than we do now... which shouldn't bother me since they were best friends, but then I remembered they never texted before she got suspended. I told her I wanted to talk to her today when we walked home but guess who decides to come along...
Anyways, the dude just comes with, I don't like it. I get her home and we hug for a bit, he's still standing their as if it's his business and ruins our goodbye's basically. It was weird for me, he says he wants to walk home with us tomorrow and I don't want him to, I rarely ever get to walk home with her alone and I view it highly since she lives in another town and can only walk to her relatives place twice a week, in which I can only hang out with her at every now and then. It's starting to really bother me because they weren't this close before she got suspended, now they seem closer than her and I. I feel like the guy is trying to steal her from me but I don't want to text her or call her about it, only face to face, but I can't do that because the damn guy is trying to always be around her now. I don't want to break up with her, but if I find out that he really is trying to take her away from me I'm gonna kick his ass, if she leaves me for him I will not be speaking to her again. I feel horrible right now, depressed and paranoid, but I like her a lot and I just don't know what to do right now...
Do you know anything about the guy? What his name is, his most frequent school activities, etc?
How does your gf react to questions?
I like to have that info to put together a better response.
1031757
He lives in the poor part of town, does no extra-curricular stuff.
Haven't asked her any about him.
I unfortunately cannot help you with this.
I wish I could,
but I can't.
wow... im sorry bro, ive never been in that sorta situation... i would ask her to talk, just the two of you, and ask her what's going on, just everything, if you havent done anything special for a while take her to the movies or to dinner, make her remember you. if that doesnt work i wish the least amount of pain for you. i am sorry that i cannot give you any more information or suggestions, i have never been in that sorta situation, like i said, but i still wish the best for you.
1031758 Depending on how she reacts to questions, your question would invoke one of a variety of responses: confusion, suspicion, doubt, etc.
If I knew how she'd respond, I might ask her general questions about him without going into any specifics. Just general information that raises no suspicions.
Because I lack the knowledge of how she acts, my suggestion would be slightly risky.
However, these are my observations with normal people, as I have never had a girlfriend.
Personally I don't like the sound of how things are going for you. My advice: take a few deep breaths. If I was in your position I'd listen to conversations they have but don't try to go out of your way to listen (could turn out really bad). I don't claim to know how people work (women are an even bigger mystery then people in general), I can take guesses but nothing that would be solid unless I knew the people involved.
I could take a guess at what's going on right now but it's not my place to do so.
If it's bothering you, make sure you talk to her about it, and make sure she knows about it. Ask for her opinion. Also, I would recommend calmly talking to him. Just be like, 'hey, this is my girlfriend, and I'd like to have alone time with her. I respect that you guys are friends, but
I like my alone time with her, since I don't get to spend much time alone with her.'
Communication is key in any relationship. Not even between you two, but others as well. Life lesson...
Keyword: Trying.
Dude, you're the boyfriend. If you want to have a private talk with her, he better fucking respect you and your gf's personal space. If he still wants to stay around, than you can get a little personal. Honestly, all I need to say is that you need to have a private talk with her. Even if he's around, he can't stick around if you two are going to have a personal chat. Your business is not his, and he shouldn't be sticking around for that.
First of all dude, if you feel sad and depressed, come over here and get a hug.
As for your situation, I would recommend that you 1) Ask your girlfriend to have a private conversation then talk to her about how her texting this guy more than you makes you feel. 2) maybe ask this guy to give you two some time to spend together as a couple, and If he insists that he must be there, then demand that he leave you two alone. 3) remind your girlfriend why she chose to be your girlfriend, take her out somewhere. 4) Don't allow your mind to wander too much about the situation. Trust me, I know how powerful the mind can be, don't think about what could happen. Think about the happy times you spent with her.
sorry I can't be that much help, not really a master of these situations.
Last girl I dated stayed with me for 1 day to make her old boyfriend jealous then broke up with me and went back to him so I obviously don't understand this relationship stuff
1031936
Yeah, she had it in school, but they smoked it. I guess they flushed the bud because they literally had no evidence.
I am a very blunt and direct individual, so my advice will reflect that.
I would just ask her if there is anything going on between the two of them. Tell her that you need to know something, and when she asks what you need to know, just directly ask her. The less drama the better, and the more direct you are, the less drama there will be. At least in my experience.
Wow, this guy means business. Look I've seen plenty of movies to know what's going on. Now what you got to do is out perform him in wooing your girl. Don't try too hard or she'll think you've done something and may not trust you 100%. You don't want to confront the dude, he could use that against you in some way. Like I said: you want to out-smart this guy. Don't think of it as a competition between you two, or else he'll catch on. You said you took her out on dates to movies and dinner, well, sure anyone can do that. No, you need to do something from the heart, show her why you two are together and way she decided to date you. Of course, romance isn't everything, you two are friends as well as lovers correct? Bottom line is be a good friend and lover. If you play your cards right, you will most likely find yourself out of this mess.
More advice.
First off, you said they started hanging out the day after she got suspended? Maybe he only wants the weed, so he's trying to get close for her weed?
Anyways, you shouldn't change the way you hang out with her. I know this counteracts some of the things I said earlier, but she doesn't see a change in her relationship, but you do. I'm not saying you should just ignore it. But if you change just because this guy's around, she'll know and he'll take that advantage.