Adventures in Dungeon Mastering · 4:26am Mar 25th, 2013
So as I've said once or twice before, I'm currently running a D&D campaign with some of my friends as the Dungeon Master. Finally, I can be the god of my own little world. Anyways, I had a little experience a couple days ago during a session that I would like to share with you.
So, my party of five this session consisted of...
The Knight, a multiclass monk/ninja Batman expy played by our usual Dungeonmaster Greg (along with his cohort, The Hood (full monk)).
Domino the Dwarf Summoner, synthesist archytype (most broken of the party. Need to kill him someday) played by Bryan
Bartholomew, the drug-addicted dwarf barbarian played by Adam
John the Oracle and his Inquisitor cohort; played by Conor
And finally Nicholas Cage the sorcerer, played by Dave.
The party of Five (seven if you count the cohorts) were headed into the Underground to find the location of Project Eternity, a secret government installation that was trying to develop a way to gain immortality. They hoped to uncover more government secrets as well as biding time until they had to go into the Toxic Jungle. They found an old building predating the apocalypse and went inside after fighting the two turrets on the rooftop. (One of the turrets almost one-shot one of my players on a crit. Note to self; give laser turrets more health)
After exploring the building they found the secret door in the basement, which led them into the real Project Eternity. Throughout the underground complex they found several old computer messages and videotapes that explained some of what had been done here, including experiments with Taint (ooze-like substance that unravels a persons genetic code and causes severe mutations) and Soulbinding (attempting to make objects indestructible by putting someone's soul inside of it). Chief among the scientist's experiments was the Phoenix Talisman, a regeneration talisman (synthetic heart) with multiple souls powering it that was stolen from the body of a soldier on the battlefield
Anyways, my players have a bit of a meta streak when it comes to any dungeons that I design for them. They are insistent- and I mean doggedly so- that there is always a way to activate "Hard Mode" on any final boss within a dungeon (even if I didn't actually put a final boss in the dungeon 
). So I usually just let them have their little fun, but this time they believed to activate hard mode they had to find all seven gold objects and place them within the seven glass cases they found. (I throw TWO pieces of gold jewelry at them as loot and this is the conclusion they came to )
So while they were doing this, I figured, "why not?" And decided that I could have my fun as well. So whenever they were discussing something or otherwise not requiring my attention I was drawing up details for a boss. And I was going to terrify them with it.
They eventually collect all of the gold jewelry (Ring, Necklace, armband, ankle bracelet, earrings, tiara, solid gold bar(don't ask)) and placed them inside the cases. I made up some non-relevant plot to screw with them, and then they went looking for the final boss. Well, they had already explored all the rooms (and weren't going to go explore them again without prodding), so they just stood in the entrance room looking stupid. Then this happened (transcribed to the best of my memory)
Bryan: Everyone shut up! I make a perception check to hear anything!
*Overlapping sound as everyone says/does the exact same thing*
Bryan: 23!
Me: Alright, as you all stand silently- silently- Greg, shut up for a minute, I'm saying dungeon things! You all stand silently listening for the next clue- meta as all hell- and you hear a strange gurgling noise echoing through the rooms. Glurghuughuguhughckk.
Adam (in an bemusedly confused voice): What?
Bryan: Alright, I go check it out.
Me: None of you ever closed the doors behind you on your way through this place, so you go through this door and this hallway (I was pointing it out for them, because they couldn't remember the floor plan. No blame to them) and arrive in front of the door to the taint room.
(The taint room in the dungeon was a room that had many spilled-over barrels of taint being stored here. The taint covered most of the floor, making moving through it impossible without exposure (something that I have ground into their minds as a terrible thing, so they regard taint with a level of fear) and that one of them had only given a cursory glance over from hanging on the ceiling)
*There is much noise here which comes to the general consensus of everyone making themselves invisible*
Bryan: Alright, so what do we see?
Me: Over the barrels of taint on the floor a long, green, tentacle-ish hand rises up and grabs-
Greg: Hold on, tentacles? ARE WE FIGHTING CTHULU?
*Any attempts at storytelling are derailed for another two minutes as everyone goes off onto a tangent*
Me: Ahem, now that we're all back. You see a long green tentacle-ish hand rise over the barrels, as if someone was pulling themselves up. The taint in the middle of the room begins to rise and form the torso of a humanoid shape. A stretched out and elongated skull takes form, it looks like it's made of silly putty. It begins a sort of rolling motion towards you.
Greg: We're invisible, how can it see us?
Me: Dave's visible isn't he?
Dave: No, I'm using Vanish
Me: Oh, okay. It begins moving towards the open door and the light beyond.
Conor: S***! We back up to the other room so we can see what it does when it enters the hallway
*thirty seconds of maneuvering people on the minimap and finding a proper mini for my boss*
Me: So the ooze creature rolls into the hallway and sort of stands there, taking in its surroundings.
Conor: I'm gonna try and talk to it.
Greg: Bad idea man!
Adam: No don't do that!
Bryan: Are you crazy? It'll charge you!
Conor: It's not doing anything right now, it might be friendly. (leave it to me to disguise a friendly creature as the boss. Not this time though!)
Dave: I take up position in the back of the room to blast it. (Typical fireball-toting sorcerer attitude)
Conor: I reveal myself. "Hello."
Me: The ooze creature stares with it's two soulless black eyes lit with red pinpricks at you once you reveal yourself (I tilt my head side to side, as the creature)
Conor: "My name is John. Are you alright? Can we help you?"
Me: "Joooooooohn...... You......."
Conor: "O-okay. Do you know who you are? How did you get down here?
Me: "Loooooooooong......."
Conor: "Long? Long what?"
Me: "Sooooo..... Loooooooong......"
Conor: "Yes, you must have been down here for a very long time."
Me: The ooze creature stretches out towards you with one of it's enormously long arms. It doesn't quite reach you before the arm grows too thin and falls right off. As the creature rolls over it the goo is reabsorbed into it's body.
Greg: Okay, that's it. I shoot it.
Conor: NO! Don't you dare! I'm getting somewhere!
Greg: Nope, the hood doesn't like it. It's an abomination and he's going to shoot at it with his bow.
*Discussion starts up about the creature out of character (obviously. since the creature can't hear you if you say you're speaking out of character 
) During this discussion I had an itch, and instinctively give my neck a rapid twitch against my shoulder to scratch it*
Dave: Huh?
Me: *realizing that he's questioning the twitch, I do it some more and make it in-character, so now the ooze creature is rapidly twitching it's head in a spasm*
Bryan: What is it doing?
Me: It's rapidly twitching it's head like that. It's visibly shaking
Greg: What's going on?
Dave: Should I blast it now? What happens to taint if you light it on fire?
Me: Oh dear. Nicholas Cage, you seem to have gotten a nosebleed.
*Everyone's eyes at the table literally open as wide as they can and there is complete quiet around the table. Bryan's mouth is hanging open in shock and Dave looks like he's about ready to cry*
(What's happening here is Dave's character is experiencing the first signs of enervation, which is a nosebleed. Enervation is slightly different in my game than in standard D&D. In my game, it's a sort of field found mostly in the tunnels that breaks down the bonds between living cells. People who suffer severe doses can have their flesh and muscle tissue literally disintegrate, as the group has found out. It turns out the building has been under the effects of a low-powered enervation field this entire time and they are only just now realizing it.)
Bryan (panicked): NOPENOPENOPE!
Adam: Huh?
Bryan: NOPE! We're gone!
Dave and Conor (also panicked): Yep!
Adam: What? (He missed earlier sessions, and doesn't know what the nosebleed means)
Greg: Wait, hold on, I can-
Bryan: Nope! We leave! *He swings his arm across the table, knocking away the grid map and all the minis on it*
You know you are a good dungeon master when you can make your players fear something so much that they freak out and leave the dungeon just after hearing that one little sentence. "You seem to have gotten a nosebleed." Nosebleed. This is the power I hold over my players, and inside my mid I was laughing maniacally as they repeatedly said that they were leaving the dungeon.
What ended up happening was that The Knight left with the others, while The Hood stayed down alone with his bow and kited the ooze creature up to the surface (Passing all the fort saves I threw at him from the enervation along the way, I might add. And doing a lot of damage with those cold iron arrows (I gave it DR 10/Cold Iron. Lucky guess by him)). Once the creature was on the surface, and the enervation was no longer prevalent, the group had a showdown with the creature on a bridge over a gorge. They thrashed him quickly. Bryan's OP character got exposed to taint and now he has cancer (although he doesn't know it yet).
Remember this though. The reaction I gave of my players after saying that one little word. Nosebleed. That is the power that all DM's should aspire to have over their players.
And for anyone interested, have the now-completed stats of the ooze creature I made them fight
Out of the ooze climbs a hideous monstrosity that takes on the vague shape of a human torso. The head atop it is shaped like a skull and impossibly stretched out, with the lower jaw hanging loosely a foot below the rest of the head. It's arms are much too long, and stretch out impossibly towards you with a soulless red light glowing forth from black empty sockets.
The Tainted Man
CE Medium Ooze
Init -2; Senses Darkvision 60 ft, Blind-sight 60 ftAC 17, Touch 8, flatfooted 17; (+9 Nat, -2 Dex,)
hp 174 (12d8+120); DR 10/Cold Iron
Fort +14, Ref +2, Will +4Speed 20 ft.
Melee Touch +9 (2d6 Acid plus Taint)
Space 5 ft.; Reach 10 ft.
Special Attacks Lunge, Touch of Taint, Unnatural Aura, Body of TaintStr 14, Dex 6, Con 30, Int 6, Wis 10, Cha 10
Base Atk +9; CMB +11; CMD +19
Feats: Stealthy, Sow Terror,
Skills: Perception +6, Stealth +7 (+17)
Languages: CommonSpecial Abilities
Lunge: As a Standard action, this creature can make one of it's touch attacks at double the normal range
Touch of Taint: Each successful touch attack against a creature exposes them to Taint and it's mutagenic properties. (I have special rules involving these, bit lengthy to post here). A Creature that is grappled by the Tainted Man takes the acid damage and is exposed to taint each round that the grapple continues. Any creature that strikes the Tainted Man with a natural attack has to make a DC 20 Reflex save or be exposed to taint. Creatures using melee weapons have to make the same save or else their weapon takes 2d6 acid damage. A weapon attack that would normally be a critical hit instead means that the user risks exposing themselves to taint if they fail the save. (The Tainted Man, being an ooze, is immune to the effects of critical hits)
Unnatural Aura, 60 ft: Animals and creature will not willingly come within 60 ft of this creature unless the rider or handler makes a DC 25 Ride or Handle Animal check.
Body of Taint: Whenever a Tainted Man stands in a square that is covered by Taint, he gains Regeneration 10. In addition, attempting to hide in an area where there is open sources of taint grants him a +10 circumstance bonus to Stealth checks.
Oh, and I'm going back to work on the next chapter of A Life Beyond His Own now. So there's that, which I think was the original reason I started typing all of this.
Thank you for the irrefutable, concrete, quantitative, self-evident proof of what I tried telling my new campaign group, who apparently had a
benevolent DM before: THE DM IS ALWAYS EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!
On a related note, I'm using the v.1 reprints I just got. I could probably put your version of enervation in, just for even more fun. My group's trigger phrase is "Why does [player character] smell like almonds?" It means that that character very likely has a flesh-eating virus that is transmittable through pretty much anything.
945330 Always evil. No exceptions. And that almonds thing is hilarious. I kind of want to throw it into my game, but there is just so much already going on that there isn't any room to have it not be contrived.
If you want to use my rules on Enervation, it's really not too different from the 3.5/Pathfinder spell. I just use it as a field that can cover a particularly wide area that deals Negative Levels over a period of time that gets shorter with higher concentration. I used the Radiation Variant Rules as a baseline, and now I'm just modifying it how I see fit. So... something like this (susceptible to be changed based upon my whims and how good I think the players currently have it. All saves are Fortitude saves, and increase by 2 for each cumulative save you make, unless you move to a higher area, in which case use the new DC.)
Insignificant levels; DC 4 after 1 day: A character's natural healing from rest is suspended
Very Mild; DC 8 after 8 hours: Players skin on the back of their necks prickle constantly
Mild; DC 12 after 4 hours: Players may get a minor nosebleed, and their ability to cast spells may be affected (DC 10+spell level concentration check)
Average; DC 16 after 1 Hour: Players that become wounded by non-magical means within the area take successive bleed damage every round afterwards (1d4 bleed (For every ten damage dealt, so an attack dealing 25 would do 3d4 bleed) every round until receiving healing or a successful heal check). DC to cast spells increases to 15+spell level
Dangerous; DC 20 every 30 minutes: Characters take 1 bleed damage every minute on top of previous effects. Spell DC increases to 20+spell level
Extreme; DC 24 every ten minutes: Character take 2d4 bleed damage every minute, Spell DC Increases to 25+spell level
Lethal: DC 30 Every minute: 1d4 Bleed damage every round (10d4 a minute). Spell DC increases to 30+spell level. You shall not survive.
945488
Taint and Enervation? Someone reads Fallout:Equestria.
on another note remind me to never volunteer for your games you DM style sounds like my sisters and she is already known as a character meatgrinder.
945619 Yep. Love me that Fallout Equestria. Can't tell the guys that that's where I'm taking stuff from though. They'll call me "unoriginal" and a "whore." (Damned anti-bronies) But I'll still gladly take some plot ideas and enemies from it, along with regular Fallout.
Also, no one's actually died yet, so I'm obviously not meatgrinding enough.
945736Find some way to "gently" "hint" them towards a Tomb of Horrors-style area. That should fix your problem.
945736
At this point id troll them with something asinine
You find a secret village of the centuars thier leader approaches you with a long purple mane with a pink stripe his coat is also purple he is flanked on both sides by a whitecoated centuar mare with a dark purple mane and a bluecoated centuar with a cyan coat and mane of rainbows.
then again that's why I don't DM haha.
I know a pretty sweet way to do ooc things. I haven't ever actually played a game of Dungeons and Dragons, nor have I read the manual(s), so my techniques are probably implemented or redundant...But if I was to Dm, I would probably hit them with quite a few hallucinations, and more likely than not include an ice cream truck somehow. That would actually be a mandatory thing with me, I would somehow, someway, include an ice cream truck.
Another thing I think I'd like is to make the players really think about their senses. One example would be, in a perfectly calm voice, to say "You hear an overpowering ringing in your ear. Please roll an agility check", and have them fall over if they fail. Because ears do effect balance, you know.
I'd also probably steal from them once. Just once. Maybe send them on a chase across the continent, to get their hair back and all, you know?
A different fun thing is having a bartender swap a ninja character's drink with explosive liquid. Just to see if they run a perception roll or anything like that on it.
Also, just roll dice randomly. Out of nowhere. Maybe mumble to yourself as well. That's a great idea in my opinion, I imagine it would clear up any bickerings quite quickly.
Lastly, misplace their things after running perception checks. Playful goblins ahoy!
1080148
Oh god I love doing this to them. They're already running around the continent anyways for the quest they're doing.
If you are doing this sort of thing then one of two things need to happen. If the drink-switching happens when the character is present then the character is automatically granted a perception roll (Otherwise you're labeled forever as a bad/unfair DM. You don't have to tell them what the roll is for though.)
If the character isn't present at the time (say the bartender goes to get the drink from the back room) then You (The DM) rolls the character's perception check for them to see if they notice (generally you don't say anything when doing this.) Now it is very important that yo don't automatically pass or fail them, since this is technically "Railroading" (Definition; verb: Forcing the party to do something or go in a particular direction by using the threat of death or unrealistically high dice rolls to avoid [Ex: DC 50])
This. This is just fun to do. I usually mutter things like "Interesting, interesting... Hey Greg, what's your will save again?" "14, why?" "Oh... nothing.... Just checking."
My group doesn't fall for it though. They're too thick. If I was a more devious DM I could most definitely think of some way to use their unperceptiveness to screw with them but I can't seem to do it well enough without it seeming like I'm railroading them.