Everhopeful Fails at Girls: Part 2

So you get this one courtesy of Mindblower's ability to successfully turn my own logic against me.

By way of retaliation, he's going through neopets. That will be all.

So the actual conversation was about why he got into it now, and the anecdote starts from this line. "I ever tell you that when I was 13 I was technically in a long distance relationship with someone from your state for three days?"

For reference purposes MB and I are in actual fact, on opposite sides of the globe, fairly roughly. And also I got the state wrong. But they're close as states go. As to why I remembered it wrong, that's a long story. Not the one I'm here to tell either.

So the story like all of my darkest starts with a girl when I was at the ripe old age of 13.

Yep, it's that story. Interestingly enough it also coincides with my descent into the realm of fanfiction.

The year was 2006. The story begins with A Series of Unfortunate Events. The book series. Which I read in a pattern roughly describable as 1 book on the first day, two on the second, three more fresh from the store on the third. Two more the day after. The last 5 in one extremely memorable 13 hour burn.

Any of you who've read that series will understand that that level of interest mixed with that kind of ending just doesn't mix well. It's like getting psyched about Godot coming to visit. The ending just was not enough. So over the next couple of days I felt my way into my first fanfiction group/fandom. In particular my fascination with shipping dates back that far as well to Kladora. Kliona shippers can suck it.

The girl portion of the story starts a few days later with utter teenage illogic. She wrote fanfiction. Fanfiction that appealed to my lonely and significantly addled mind. So after a *day*'s long deliberations I decided to message her and put... I don't even know what I put to her. It was so stupid it hurts. Long story short she agreed to, I don't even know any more. So for three days I technically had a girlfriend on the other side of the world. Which I have never counted as a relationship at any point since.

The best part is how it ends, because I should have seen my future in the tea leaves afterwards.

Aside from my parents finding out and calling me out on being goddamn stupid, which I was, we also talked as much as time allowed. Which back in those days was email. The operant thing I should have noticed at the time was how she kept talking about a book she'd just read where a girl gets abducted and murdered by someone she met online. Alas for my past self, for he had no such thing a patience or a sense of timing. A request for a picture was made far too early and she just flat out never ever returned another message.

Curiously enough, a year later I got the invite I eventually used to start my facebook account from her. Which I now never use.

So yes, so far I'm 2 for 2 in convincing girls I'm some form of creepy stalker. Tune in to the next edition to see how I managed to botch my most recent attempt at a relationship.

There are three lessons to be learned here: 1) Never start a long distance relationship using your parent's email account. 2) Don't try to disguise your life as a hypothetical example when you want to talk it over with your friends but don't know how, you will get teased. 3) Being a teenager sucks. Really, really badly.

Older, wiser and forever alone,
Everhopeful out.