).Rules · 7:08am Nov 12th, 2014
I've spent the past hour trying to write a blogpost that whines about how society's out to get me and I don't have a place in it.
But that isn't true, and I've realised the issue is far simpler.
There are a set of rules in my head that are set out in such a way as to make out that I can't win. Some of them are actual rules and some of them are not. These are hollow notions, false notions, hastily constructed shortcuts or mere tape over whole avenues of thought and action.
And I've had it. I've had it with sitting at home and complaining to myself about things I can't do when I haven't really tried to do them. I've had it with feeling like a reject when nobody's rejected me. And I'm sick of feeling down and lamenting what people won't let me do or be, when I've never really tried. It's not like I have my own case officer dedicated to keeping me from finding someone who's attracted to me.
So I'm going to test them. Methodically. Find the weak points, cut the lies free and climb up higher on the truth.
Hopefully, one day, I'll look down upon my current prison of fear, lies and apathy and be able to forgive myself for ending up here. After all, I may have laid some of the groundwork, but others have laid just as much and I sure as hell didn't hire the construction crew. So I'm hoping what follows is my own personal Shawshank Redemption, complete with sewage pipe. Because I sure am tired of looking up at the walls looming all around me and thinking "If only there was something I could do."
To find inner peace, sometimes one must first wage inner war.
Having performed this experiment before, you're about to lose a lot of the beliefs that constrain you.
You've been venturing beyond your safe haven of FlutterDash more and more. Maybe a change is written in the winds? :)
Absolutely inspiring. I needed to read something like this after a long day. Have at it, my friend—you've got what it takes.