Candy Wolf Diaries: First Entry · 2:01am Feb 23rd, 2013
*This blog is purely for comedic purposes. Do not take anything said as literal, unless you feel like it, in which case you are highly encouraged.*
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Hey ladies and gentleman, I am Shaq. I am now (for unforeseen reasons) a candy wolf. Now, there is nothing wrong with being a candy wolf, because I love candy and I love wolves. Besides, I am still literate, able to talk, and somehow able to type. The only problems I've had recently involve a friend of mine biting my tail repeatedly. Let me tell ya, not a fun sensation. But like I said, being a candy wolf is pretty darn awesome. Got a candy-corn coat, some bubble gum skin, cinnamon candy eyes and gummy organs. If not for the fact I'd die, I think I'd eat myself.
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Moving on, I've recently found out that I'm able to visit this crazy land of candy. It's pretty nice, but the fact that it's so violent leaves a bittersweet taste in my mouth (ha ha, candy puns). See, apparently the sour candies and the sweet candies are going to war, the chocolate people are remaining neutral, and the land is naturally full of dangerous creatures like the rock candy crushers (gifrigginormous things that look like bears and are made of rock candy; they are freaking aggro). I ran into a pack of them, and I nearly made it out with my life. As is, I learned I bleed gusher juice. After licking for a few minutes, I realized that that was probably a bad idea, since as I stated, I'd probably start eating myself.
So after that first encounter I made my way into the sweet candy territory (completely by mistake) and was met with quite a bit of appreciation. I met the queen there, really nice. She tried to rope me into being a knight or something, but I really wasn't looking to go into that kind of relationship. I mean, she had this really creepy look in her eyes... the kind of look I get when I see something sweet that I'm actually allowed to eat. Which is a creepy thought when you're made of candy. I'm still trying to figure out if eating candy is cannibalism now...
But yeah, wacky first day. I'll probably keep you all updated on how things go down. Or not. I dunno. I'm going to get something to drink.
Go home, Shaq, you are drunk- most certainly not funny!
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Oh, you wish. I'm simply a wolf made of candy, who's going to explore this candy land. Besides, Pinkamena is my buddy.
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Drunk on sugar. So. Much. Sugar.
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And this pic is of me in combat gear. I've hunted Zetas; you should be easy.
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I've hunted gods and colossi, bucks and bears. I'll be just fine.
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................................................................. If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go cower in terror and change my shorts..................for the next 3 years.