Everything is just spiraling out of control. · 5:12pm Feb 4th, 2013
I don't know what's happening to me. My health is degrading. My grades have plummeted down into the hole of mediocrity. I've learned that my ribcage is out of place. And the worst is I lack the will or energy to push myself out of this misery. Everything just feels shit.
The worst part are probably my school results. Unless you aim for working at McDonalds, you need at least a university degree these days to get a decent job. With the way things are looking now, I don't think I'll ever reach that level, and it's sending me over the edge. I'm living with this permanent cloud of failures and brooding over me, and it's affecting my results even more: it's a god damned circle of doom.
On the top of that, my parents have clearly decided to divorce now. They're behaving like assholes towards each other, and I can't bear to see them like that. It affects my temper and my determination to do anything. My father was furious at my recently shit results (not an F, but close enough) and now I can't even look him in the eye. Even worse, he believes that I'm bullied at school for whatever reason and calls me a liar whenever I deny it. So I've moved to my mom instead, who's picked up smoking again. She denies it, but I can smell the cigarette smoke anyway.
I can't do this anymore. I've been thinking of transferring to another orientation, like economics, social sciences or something like that. Maybe another school. Or maybe I should forget everything and start working at a fast food joint for all I care. I just can't take failure anymore, and I'm already starting to feel like one.
Life is shit right now.
I know that I probably can't imagine what you're going through right now, and I know that this may not seem particularly helpful, but we're here for you. Everyone has problems and if you need to vent or anything feel free to here. I, and I'm sure all of your fans, are here for you in whatever way we can be. I'm not sure what else to say here, but hang in there man.
No dude, you aren't. I've been in shit situations before. Certainly not as intense as you have it, but I've been through. Trust me when I say this; You can do it. I know things are really, really hard for you right now, I totally understand it. If you ever need someone to talk to about this, I'm available. I can help you get through this dude, and I swear on all of my possessions that I will do that.
Man... have faith in yourself.
That sucks man. All the advice I can give you is worry about yourself. Worry on your health and not your parents. I'm really sorry if that offended you, but there's not much you can do about that. I'd say focus on planning for college more, but a misplaced ribcage is something to worry about. But heres the thing about colleges; if you go to a community for a year or 2 and get moderate grades, you can get accepted into any stat college. Food for thought. Sithis be with you my brother.
I'm only going 2 say this once: NEVER GIVE UP! You have more strength inside you than you realize. Remember: GOD is there for you and so are we. Okay? GOD BLESS YOU!
Maybe my words are hollow or wrong. But I'd recommend looking at this situation like this.
What if you are character in Sims game? What would you tell such character to do?
I, personally, regarded every shit shit situation in my life as a challenge. Like the ones in games. You can pass it with bronze, silver or gold medal. It's just a fucked-up challenge. And without passing it you can't advance to next stage.
I hate when games do that. Life has same stuff.
Except... In life you can't press Esc -> Save game -> Exit -> Exit to Desktop.
Buck up me hearty and share some rum
There're times to fight and time to run
So dry your tears and soldier on
You'll know the score when the battles done.
Or, y'know, carry on.
Don't feel bad man, good things come to those who wait. Just cheer up. Enjoy life. Take up some sort of hobby (not writing). I know because I've been there before. When my parents divorced, I went through the hardest time of my life, but you just gotta power on.
Hey man. You can't think like that. You just...can't. I know the feeling. My parents decided to split up on Christmas Day. My dad's gone completely mental. Hell, I don't really have a dad, his insanity has advanced so far.
But you know what, man? You gotta keep on the positive. You gotta know, deep down in your inner heart, that you are the best. Even if you aren't, as long as you walk around thinking you are, your results will improve.
I know that words of encouragement from a guy you've never met probably don't count for jack, but I know what you're going through. I've battled debilitating depression my entire life. I know how it feels to think you're the biggest failure, and that you absolutely can't succeed no matter what. But guess what: If you say you can, you can.
And I don't mean to be the cliche, generic 'don't worry be happy' guy. But I know it's true. If your parents split, there's nothing you can do. But you can't linger on the things that can't be changed. You have to focus on everything you WILL change.
And if you start acting superior. If you start acting like the best of the best. You might find that your physical health will increase as well. The brain's weird like that. If you say you're sick, you'll get sick. But tell yourself, no matter how much pain you're in, that you are not going to let it bring you down, and you will rise up higher than you've ever been.
Tell life. No, tell reality. Tell depression. Tell illness. Tell your schoolwork. But most importantly tell yourself. "I will not lose this battle! I will not stop fighting for my dreams! If I do, then what the hell has all this been for?!" If you won't fight for yourself, fight for the random stranger writing these words to you. If you give up, you've lost the game.
Fight for your dreams. Throw a punch and don't stop swinging until Life forces its championship trophy into your hands. Don't give up. No matter what. No matter who tries to bring you down. No matter what curve balls life pitches. Don't ever believe you can't win the game.
If you won't fight for your own ambitions, fight for those of us who care. I may not know you, but I know what it's like to be in your shoes. I still feel that way sometimes. I still consider ending it all from time to time. But just know that, even if no one you can physically be with understands you, I do. I understand better than most. As long as someone cares, you can't give up. You have to fight. For me.
So please, don't let this message go to waste. Your problems will pass if you only have faith that they will. I don't know if you believe in God, and even if you don't, just keep thinking you'll get better. Because, from firsthand experience, I know you will. I don't know you. You don't know me.
But I love you. As a friend. As a fellow sufferer. I love you.
Don't give up. The minute you give up is the minute you might as well be gone. And I don't want you gone. None of us do.
Keep fighting.
~jtb