a huge mistake · 1:12am Jan 15th, 2013
looks like i finally discovered how this thing works. guess i might as well use it
today (or tonight, it's little over midnight here) i not only did i huge mistake but a mistake that probably hurt another's feelings.
i am, or was part of a contest that would decide which of the 64 participants would get his or her OC in the sequel of the arrangers (amazing book).
have you ever read Frankenstein? if you have then you simply need to picture victor and you will see how i have acted. i was completely consumed by my desire to win the tournament and get my OC in his story. i forgot about the fun i had before at the RP threads, i forgot the feelings of those around me and i forgot my own sanity. i became paranoid of the fact that my opponent was getting more votes then me. i would loose at the first round. all my dreams of having something of mine becoming a part of the universe of my greatest hero i lack of better description. i had always wanted to have something of mine in a story for others to read but i never could bring myself to do this. and this tournament looked like a heaven sent gift. a chance to be apart of the universe i admired the most, a chance to finally have something of my creation become a part of something others could enjoy. and this is where it all went wrong. all my desire to make the dream come true lead to my blindness and madness. i became hysteric and angry when i realized that i might risk loosing in the first round of the tournament. a became paranoid of the one i was fighting, was he stalling his replies on purpose? was this his plan to win? these thought only served to spiral me further down into the grave i was digging myself. when the unfinished duel would be decided by a vote i knew i would loose for there has never been a vote that i have won (im am not a very likable guy in real life even tough i try). but then i took the lead of the vote. i became ecstatic. maybe i still had a chance. that was however snuffed out quickly as the opponent suddenly got the same amount as both of us had received together so far. the paranoia took hold again. he must be cheating. the rules said that you may not try force others to vote for you. in my blindness i violated this rule and sent PM's to other combatants. the first once where actively violating the rule. in this madness one of them reached out to try to reach out to tell me what madness i was practicing. like Victors sister he asked me to stop but the madness did not go away, the desire still strong in my heart. i stopped with the PM's but the effect was visible. slowly my votes where coming to the point of overtaking those of my opponent. when finally the point was reached and i thought i had achieved victory the opponents votes rapidly increased. almost the moment i had overtook his numbers he came back and took the lead again. my paranoia came back tenfold, "the *beep* put out *beep*ing guards to make sure he won!" i thought. i was so furious, so absolutely overcome with anger, disappointment, paranoia and the pain of failure that i lashed out i told the competition holder of my suspicion (oh how it must have sounded like the ramble of that of a madman) and then confronted the opponent himself. accused him of how he had cheated and where stealing the victory that should rightfully be mine.
and he responded with a apology of how i had taken it all and said that he would leave to resign from the battle. and like that the raging torrent of paranoia, hate and anger was gone. his words had like a stone shattered the tainted mirror of desire that had whispered the accusations. i watched in utter horror on what i had become, a pitiful monster of envy and paranoia, worthy the name nightmare moon. in my clarity i broke down, realizing how i had acted towards one who i should consider a friend. i begged for forgiveness, plead for him not to resign, crying out my regret. as i thought all hope was lost he extended a hand and with a smile said that he forgave me and that he would probably had thought the same of me if the positions where reversed. an act that even Celestia herself must have been incapable of as it healed the sorrow and worry i had of how i had hurt a fellow brony. after that i was contacted of the contest arranger and told that due to my earlier violations of the rules i where to be disqualified. i can truly say i was relived. i last blow to the raging black desire in my heart. i thanked him and hearty asked for his forgiveness for tainting his contest with something like this. i have yet to receive a reply to my apology and i fear that i have permanently fallen from grace from his eyes but i truly deserve no less. still, the pain of the shattered trust is a sharp one. i have left him to decide if i am to keep this account of if i am to remove it and try to start anew but always from his text, i promise i will honor if asked.
*sigh* why the fuck am i even writing this? not like anyone will read it or even want to read it. i might give it to the contest arranger and the guy i wronged so. also it would seem like im back at square one, lots of ideas in my head of stories i want to write but hands incapable of writing them. (bullshit, you can write then if you wanted but you are just to fucking lazy and to buried in your self pity to do it.) *sigh* im right, there is actually nothing that keeps me from actually writing "Trixie's orchestra" but im getting off track here.
well, whoever you are that reads this. please toke part of this warning, desire and passion are wonderful things that can make a human achieve the impossible but it can also make you run straight into deaths embrace. that was the case of Victor Frankenstein while i only made myself look like a disgusting thing in the eyes of my hero and a potential friend. but remember this as well. no matter what happens, things can always be fixed. at least i hope they can.
Things can always be fixed with proper effort and care.
714485 yeah, and the fact that all involved forgave me helped to
i fucking love this community :'-)
714666
Forgiveness has to be wanted, but if it's honestly wanted, it can always be given. Glad everything turned out for the better
Came here to thank you for faving my story; decided to read your blog post instead.
We're all guilty of doing something that we're not proud of. Whether it be cheating or stealing, lying or blackmailing, every single one of us has gone something that we have regretted. It's part of what makes us human, I suppose. 'Pride before the fall' and whatnot.
I'm glad that everything turned out okay in the end. Not everyone gets to be forgiven like you've been. Consider yourself lucky, and move on with your life. Write a story (you certainly have the vocabulary for it). Read a book, or a fanfic. Play a game. Enjoy life.
Sorry for ranting.
-DivideByZero
717079 thanks for the ranting. You really think I could write a decent story?
Well then, help me and I will get a chapter out. Vote for one of the following
Trixie's orchestra
Champions of the stars
Bioshock equestria
I might put up a blog with all the descriptions to them later but for now just see which title seems the most ineresting
717185
Bioshock. Bioshock all the way.
717495 just so you know, its bioshock 2 with Eleanor and some little sisters