Analyzing Lesson One and what comes next · 9:08pm Jan 13th, 2013
Now that Lesson One has dropped off the front page, I'm going to go over how it did, how I'm thinking about it, and what I might change next time. I also plan on doing this same sort of post-mortem for Apples and Beating Her Heat when those finish.
Here are some numbers (as of right now):
231/22 like/dislike ratio
1609/2941 chapter/total views (this would ideally have twice as many total views as chapter views since there are 2 chapters, which would mean everyone who read chapter 1 also went on to read chapter 2)
63 comments: 34 decisively positive, 7 decisively critical
273 favorites
54 followers gained
Other things of note:
The artist who drew the cover took notice of the story and posted a link to it on her tumblr. By the way, did you guys know there is a 'Source' link just below the cover art? I always site my cover arts so the artist gets credit. If you're curious who drew it, click the link!
Someone who criticized the story also decided to start following me. Strange how things work, huh?
First, let me explain how this story came to be, and why I made some of the choices I did. The most glaring question, to me at least, comes first: Why humanized? Here are my reasons (not necessarily in order of significance):
1) The second chapter (and story title) were inspired by [NSFW] this picture. That is also how I imagined Twilight and Celestia looked while I was writing. The first chapter was inspired by this picture.
2) I find sex scenes with humans much more interesting than ponies. Hands are also much better tools than hooves.
3) I'm more familiar with the signals a human body gives off to show emotion (in Twilight's case, lots of anxiety in chap 1, arousal in chap 2)
4) I wanted to compare humans to ponies in a good way. I've got this silly idea that humans aren't actually bastards, and humanity has plenty of good things going for it. I don't want to elaborate beyond that because then the significance of the comparison is lost.
I wanted to write a Twilestia because I think the relationship between the two is very interesting and gets so much moreso when romance and sex get involved. Twilight is your typical nervous, over-achieving student, desperate to please her teacher and make her proud. However, Twilight is also at that age where she's really becoming "herself", defining her life by what she finds most interesting and enjoyable. She moved out from under the wing (heh heh) of both her parents and her mentor not too long ago, but long enough that she's proven she can live on her own. So, when she goes back to Canterlot for a more extended stay with her teacher, Twilight is both familiar and unfamiliar with the situation. She's there to learn, but that's of her own initiative. Celestia is guiding her... but not as much as she was in the past. Celestia also sees Twilight in a different light; sees this sturdy, independent woman who is pushing her limits of her own accord. Twilight, of course, thinks nothing of the sort about herself when with Celestia. She still thinks she's the same silly little student.
Then, you add the romance.
From Twilight's perspective, she starts out more confused than anything. Why is she acting so weird around her teacher? Why are her thoughts always drifting to Celestia? The idea of the two being a couple hasn't even entered the realm of possibility in her head, yet. She looks at it from a more logical direction: "Oh, I just missed her while I was away. I'm just being appreciative of all the ways she's helped me." Then, Twilight reflects on the past, trying to find the origin of these feelings. This is the point where I start using the show to sell the romance. When Twilight saw Celestia after defeating NMM, she didn't just miss her, she missed her. The joy of seeing Celestia again was far more powerful than she expected it to be. When Celestia had to come to Ponyville to fix the Smarty-Pants incident, Twilight wasn't just sad, she was devastated that she let the one person she respected more than anyone else down.
Now we're at the point that Twilight is starting to consider a romance. But to her, the gap between them is massive! How could the Princess ever even consider being with her lowly student? She's so beautiful, so respected by everyone, so much smarter than Twilight. Even after recognizing all they have in common and all the time they spend together, the idea of them being together is just preposterous. She still hopes, though.
In the story, the first decisive step into their relationship is when Celestia practically ambushes the poor naked Twilight in her room. To the reader, this may seem awfully aggressive, but the way I see it (and therefore, how Celestia acts) is that Twilight would be far too apprehensive or nervous to actually commit to the relationship unless she had a strong push. Sort of in the "it's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission" way. So Celestia does something fairly drastic... and Twilight loves it. She still needs Celestia to assuage her doubts, but her mind is running a mile a minute, like "Oh my gosh this is actually happening oh my gosh oh my gosh!" There are still conflicts, though, like, "She's the princess! Is this appropriate?" or "I'm not worthy of this!" or "She's like, two thousand years older than me!" or "Do I really mean this much to her?"
I could go into Celestia's side of the romance as well, but this story was written with mostly Twilight in mind.
Another thing I want to mention is world-building. As most of you probably noticed... there is almost none. I kept the city names the same as the show, I didn't mention how wings functioned, or really how anything from the pony world would translate to the human world I made. Two reasons why I didn't include it. First, I was getting through some writer's block, and almost couldn't even finish the core plotline I wanted. Second, I didn't want to take any attention away from the romance. My writing is very direct: if a scene doesn't move the plot forward, I'm not interested in writing it. I do realize that world building helps with immersion and, therefore, the efficacy of the story, but I just didn't think it had a place here. It also wouldn't hurt to mention I didn't think it was within my capability as a writer to pull that off. I tend to have sort of a hesitance to modify my own worlds. While it would have been possible to talk about wings and town names, the thought of it just felt off to me.
Onto the next point of interest: What do those numbers posted up top of this blog post mean to me, and how will that effect my actions in the future?
Well, after looking at comments and feedback and other such things, here's my analysis of the Likes and Dislikes:
Likes:
+The writing (grammar, formatting, spelling) wasn't crap.
+It's clop (I dislike how the fact that it's clop alone helps it so much, but I can hardly change that)
+The Twilestia dynamic was great (for most readers)
+The sex was hot
Dislikes:
-Knee-jerk reaction to seeing clop featured
-Knee-jerk reaction to seeing human featured
-Twilight or Celestia were OOC (I attribute this to conflicting headcanons for the most part)
-Chapter two did the ol' switcheroo. Chapter 1 led the reader to think the story was a cute, deep romance, but chapter 2 dove into a very long, intense sex scene in which Celestia acted a lot different, killing the romance.
The only two items I feel are worth discussion are the Twilestia dynamic positive and the chapter two switcheroo negative. With this story, my biggest worry was that the romance wouldn't be believable or built up properly. I also wanted to write a Celestia that was regal and proper, but also childish. So, it's of note to me that it seems I was successful in that regard. However, there were a few people that disliked the shift from chapter 1 to chapter 2. It's understandable: there are approximately 7000 words of clop/smut in chapter 2. Yup, that's right. 7000 words. That's longer than the longest chapter of Apples at Sunset. With chapter 2, I decided to go full detail on the sex. I wanted to see how it would work out if I really delved into it.
I already posted a comment addressing the shift in Celestia's personality, and I'll repost that here:
I typically don't explain things in my stories because I feel my writing should speak for itself. If, in fact, my writing's message and my intended message differ, then that's simply a failure on my part. But let me mention something here.
Celestia isn't actually being more formal with Twilight. Her speaking takes on a different tone because that's how she acts in the bedroom. Kind of like how some type-A personality, aggressive, go-getter might enjoy being a sub during sex. They're still the same person, but they act differently because this alternate persona is what gets them (and their partner) off. So, yes, Celestia is quite different in the second chapter. That's intentional. My aim was to show how someone can be two different people, depending on the context.
And again, lots of headcanon. The show never actually depicts Celestia in the bedroom... this is simply how I see her. Not surprising you would disagree.
I understand how people wouldn't like my chapter 2 Celestia. I also see how they would find it OOC. However, I want to state that I didn't just drop off the deep end and screw up my chapter 2 Celestia, but instead wrote her differently for the purpose stated in the above quote. If you don't like it, that's that—but there was reasoning behind my choice.
Here's a big question: If I knew (before publishing) what I know now, would I change anything? In short, no. I mean, there are certainly tweaks I have in mind, like easing into the sex, making the scene (as a whole) shorter, and making Celestia a touch more playful during the sex (the way I see it, she's being very playful by playing the strict teacher, but some people didn't see it that way, and it's my job as the writer to make that clear). In the grand scheme of things, however, the story would remain the same. I think it's fairly important to show that someone can be two different people in and out of the bedroom. I think it's important that the sex scene was fairly long, as it gave Twilight time to grapple with her feelings and also reveal how she and Celestia acted during sex. There's also a part of me that likes being a little controversial (the like/dislike ratio on this one was worse than my other two stories).
So.... that's all I have to say about "Lesson One". If you have any comments, criticisms, reactions, anything, please post a comment! I love hearing what my readers think.
As for what comes next... well, now that "Lesson One" is complete, I'm writing Apples At Sunset full-time. I made the mistake of trying to write two things at once before, and it's not happening again. Beating Her Heat will just have to wait.
I'm still sad that the Luna teasing never resulted in a threeway, but I guess that's just me. :<
Hm. I'm unsure if I should have read this before reading LO. All this BTS-type stuff hopefully won't change my experience when I read it. Though, this was a very interesting look about how you came to write it. Much more detailed than others, I feel. It was very nice, once again, ya keeping spouting out all these lessons and experiences for us to take in (Dear SmutAnon, today I learned...). Love it everytime.
I'll see if I can't read it tonight and provide any feedback I may have for ya. You're rather open about it all, so hopefully you follow the "Every little bit counts" saying.
'Til next blog.
Hmm, interesting to see Celestia's reasonings for seducing Twilight in that way, I don't think I would've picked up on that on my own.
Regarding your reasons for humanized: gonna agree with you on hands being nice (also boobs). I will say people can be very creative with wings, horns, and tails and they can be used to convey body signals in neat ways, i.e. flattening of the ears and the infamous wingboner. As for people comparing ponies to humans I have to say I find treating ponies as anything other than oddly shaped humans silly.
While I already left a comment on the story, reading this I did think of one other thing to add. The ending scene, after the sex, felt really short to me and I would've liked to have seen a bit more sappiness between em once they were out of bedroom mode.
I've liked what I've seen, both in your story and this blog on your outlook of these aspects of romance so gonna give you a follow. Looking forward to hopefully seeing more from you and while I'm hesitant to go into your other two stories due to my aversion for for reader inserts I might just give em a try based on what I've seen.
708791 that.