Living strangely in a normal world: a review of archonix's Xenophilia stories · 4:03pm Dec 28th, 2012
I’ve been spending the last two or three weeks playing Planetside 2.
That shit’s crack.
I also spent those two weeks right in the middle of this essay, so the tone might shift a bit throughout. Do excuse me; I think the adrenaline might still be pumping, and I'm getting the continuous urge to press down the fire button until I die.
Archonix's Leroverse stories: Has anyone ever been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
I’ll say it straight out: I’ve never read Xenophilia.
This is not just because it’s about a human who goes to Equestria and fucks two of the main six¹, even though that sort of fic tends to be bad in the same way any sort of wish-fulfilling fic is.
That’s not to say I’m ignorant entirely about it by choice, of course: I’ve not read it in the same way that the Dutch never recolonised Indonesia after World War II. Sure, I failed, but you can’t say I didn’t weakly try and I certainly don’t hold a grudge against
Indonesiaits author for it.While the Dutch fell—even with the assistance of the British—to the simple factor of ‘there’s a shitload of people and almost all of them want to kill you’, I fell—even with the assistance of rabid testimony—to the simple factor of ‘there’s a shitload of text here and almost all of it is boring’.
That is why—assaulted on all sides by badly-organised groups of big words and entire conversational units in single paragraphs—must shamefully admit that I started reading archonix’s The Xenophile’s Guide to Equestria mainly for the ‘oh hey that nice guy with the Swedish wife got featured I wonder what for’ factor.
Now, whenever I refuse to read a fic because it’s too long-winded and outright bad to justify the expense, I sometimes act the role of the Republican armchair general who thinks in terms of ‘I wish the damn Democrats hadn’t bowed to the Tet Offensive’; there is a profound, irrational irritation that I’m missing out on an enormous, wide (and horribly illustrated) world, filled with wonderful, deep characters (that talk like automatons).
If Xenophilia was Vietnam, The Xenophile’s Guide to Equestria was Operation Urgent Fury²; I’m going to assume that the former never happened, thus, and simply go on to greatly endorse the latter.
Alright, alright, I’ll stop bullshitting and get to the actual story.
In short, The Xenophile’s Guide is an epistolary, and an exceedingly interesting³ one, thoroughly avoiding the general stuffiness a great deal of other epistolaries suffer from, partially by being very liberal with what it considers 'epistolary' and partially as a result of pure skill. From Lyra’s benign racism—in itself an open, frank acknowledgement of the externalities the show ignores— to Star Sparkle reminding me enough of my own mother that my love might transfer if I were autistic, it has an underlying soul that makes it fundamentally and thoroughly real, even despite its distance from the real world, and applies reliably heavy quantities of optimistic weltschmerz to substitute for verisimilitude.
I can’t really say anything against it, even regarding its occasional lapses of grammar and style; its construction of a universe that is at once believable and fantastic creates in itself a beautiful sort of contrast. There is no overwhelming, disgustingly mawkish message being given in the process (racism is bad, mmkay?) and one generally gets the feeling that living as—say—a donkey in archonix’s interpretation of Equestria would be very much like being a black person in 1950s America: life goes on.
In any case, it also adapts itself very well to quick and pausing reading; if you're sitting down somewhere waiting for the dentist or alt-tabbing out of a game every time you get your stupid arse sniped, the relative shortness of its chapters makes itself very fit oh my fucking god it is a reference to my fic I fucking knew it yessss.
I apologise; I was reading the same archonix’s No Room for Regret concurrently and let me tell you that that is some good shit.
Now, it’s only on its first chapter but this is some hot stuff right here. We’ve got humour, we’ve got African creole languages, we’ve got justifications for incorrect verbal conjugation paradigms, shit we’ve even got some stilted dialogue that reminds one not to abuse commas. We’ve got a flawed story that’s so good it will melt your arse off and feed it to you on a running chainsaw with a side of methamphetamine-laced cocaine.
I’m exaggerating.
It’s still a pretty good story, though.
Whereas Xenophile’s Guide was a rather quiet epistolary, this is a more conventional prose form that focuses on Star Sparkle, who is best pony while actually being a flawed, mature character. It seamlessly interweaves the world with its story and creates in the process a narrative that, though unfinished to a greater degree and more noticeably mistake-ridden than its predecessor, still trips balls.
Also, the cover art is so sweet I think I’m going to wet myself.
In summary, archonix’s Xenophilia stories are good and you should read them. I can't say that they'll change your life, but I can say that you'll, at the very least, leave entertained.
What more could you possibly want?
28th December 2012
Yishun, Singapore¹ Not even because it’s a fic that people claim ‘does it right’, either, though the testimony of various smarmy bastards might have helped me come to a conclusion on its general character.
² Hopefully without the entailing violations of international law, and sadly without the masturbation pun one could stretch; the fic’s rated ‘teen’, and it stays that way.
³ I say ‘interesting’ because I think of it in the same way I think of foalcon: I disagree with the moral principles of a great deal of what it depicts⁴, but it is undeniably fascinating to behold.
⁴ Social stratification, not horsefucking.
... oh you even had footnotes...
I suspect I may be guilt over overusing commas again. It happens when I write for more than a month at a time. They start breeding.
The footnote for the footnote made me chuckle.
I tried, Luce was a big fan of that story and would recommend it, I don't think it weas the horsefucking that appealed to him as much as the sociological aspect, he liked stories that went rather intimately into pony society, and I do too, only... this was maybe a little TOO intimate...
Cus Swedish girls are hot as hell?
Excepting the parentheses, that's pretty much my opinion on Doctor Who, I've tried to get into it, but there's like half a century worth of show there, and to a large extent it seems to be following its own rules, it's like every ep I hear about or try and see would be completely bonkers by any other standard, but is completely normal in the context of Doctor Who.
An aspect of document writing I'm sad that more stories doesn't take advantage of is marginalia, lots of people likes to insert little comments in the side of whatever they are writing, often simple notes, but they can be very informal, up to including being wry comments on the text (snarky comments in the margins of a Creationist pamphlet is a sure sign that I've peeked trough it.
), it can be used to great effect to add a little bit of humour in an otherwise dry text, sorta like a historically motivated MSTing.
My favorite use of this is having a Librarian character who's main function is to provide "editor's notes" and complain about how the library is in a disorganized mess and has nopony areound here even heard of the Dewey decimal system? and when they get a hold of whoever last realphabethized the shelves, heads will roll...
SOLD!
Not a fan of social stratification as well, and I've been a furry for too long to really be bothered by horsefucking.
656714
Oh my yes.
I'm tempted to go back and put some marginalia in now that you've mentioned the idea. Maybe when I'm done with a few more chapters and feel like giving people another reason to read it all.
Incidentally, the views expressed within the Guide are not necessarily my own - unless they're views you like, in which case they're exactly what I think.
656714 I read Xenophilia for the same reasons I read This Platinum Crown.
World Building, characters never stray from the boundaries of being in character, while giving them room to grow and have a fuller list of reactions they may have.
Lyra, for example, I love in Xeno for her somewhat overly laid back personality, and yet when the situation calls for it, she's a force to be reckoned with. That can be applied to Twilight, Rarity, and even Blueblood in Platinum Crown. Because Twilight, though a bookworm through and through, still attempts to kidnap Prince Bluey when she thinks that to be the correct plan of action. Rarity, though somewhat prissy, and a fashionista, still let herself get dirty in order to keep her true love. And Blueblood himself. He had a lot of character building in The Best Night Ever, whether you realized it or not, and that continues on into Platinum Crown as he strives to be a better pony than he had in his entire life prior.
656513
Have you tried dipping them in boiling water?
656702
Horsefucking is an inherently funny word.
Especially when you pronounce it like it's French, which makes it sound something like oeursfoueking.
656714
Oh god, Doctor Who. Call me when giant green plastic dolls come back into vogue. I don't think I've ever heard of softer sci-fi ever being produced.
Those exist in the developed world?
656944 Am I alone in finding This Platinum Crown rather... stretched? I mean, fair dos to the author, he's crafted an immense version of Equestria that is very inspiring, but... looooooooooong. Then again the part where Twilight tries to kidnap Blueblood and ends up distracted by, ah, books was just so hilarious that I can forgive it a multitude of sins.
Anyway. You've nailed why I read Xeno. That, and I'm apparently a sucker for romance (who knew?) and anything with Rainbow Dash.
656954 Gotta catch em first!
657606 I honestly dislike Rainbow. I think she's kinda... overly bitchy.
But I still like Xeno.
As for Crown, I love because it's like The Godfather, but I can actually stand it.