Oct
13th
2023
A Quick Question for my readers · 9:28am Oct 13th, 2023
For those of you who read both the normal chapter and the B side chapter, I wanted to know which style of writing you guys preferred. They both come with their ups and downs. I've basically decided to take a middle ground and have both chapters be semi-canon, mainly because the B side's just tickled the right way, even if it did speed up the overall story by a good chunk. (Celestia isn't supposed to be around, and Luna and Celestia were supposed to come up with the plan on the fly 'onscreen' together.)
I dunno which route to take, so I wanted reader input if you guys want to. Either way, I'll make a decision by Monday next week.
I'm still reading through the story atm, but when I reach the B side story I'll be happy to critique it! In which field would you like the critique to cover, or should it be far ranging?
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However ya want! I was mostly looking to see if people liked the second version of the chapter more or less.
Well, I read the chapters but didn't take written notes so I'm going off memory. I'll say first that I liked the first chapter more by a small margin- something akin to an 80 for A chapter vs 70 for B chapter, out of 100.
-- I read the chapters days ago and have been mulling it over because my initial reaction was far different than how I feel about it now.
I remember the keyblade making an appearance in both, which at the time confused the crap out of me and removed my immersion. Since then I've come to accept that as a tech from other universes Unity encountered. She states as such from using tazer tech as magic, which came to me recently. If memory serves, that was chapter A, giving it points. B side had no explanation and more use of keyblade magic. This was big for me personally as the only known use of a keyblade I know of was in Kingdom Hearts.
Luna's speach was good in both chapters, but B was somewhat better given the mlp universe. A was good for including Unity's son and earned points for that.
The death of Moondancer (hopefully I got the character right, I'm blanking out atm) was better in B. Her interactions with Unity show off her skill and cutie mark abilities when we as readers were a bit lost on why she'd want to be a fighter, rather than a commander or general.
Spelling, grammar, and sentence structure has been improving overall as the story progresses. Your unique writing technique, which every writer has
, makes reading enjoyable because it sticks out and grabs my attention. I wanted to investigate at those spots and ended up getting ingrained at those moments. If examples are needed, just ask!
Overall the lack of a 100 shouldn't be worrisome. I'm being honest in this critique and won't sugarcoat the scores because it's hard for any writer to achieve a 100 perfect score on any chapter. Some stories I've read have me in tears, others excite and energize me, and some have left me clenching my fist in pure rage from sympathy. You may have experiences of your own and honestly the highest praise is reserved for such marvelous chapters. A 50 in my book is absolute middling, and 100 being those mentioned above. Those 40 Years has been a blast to read, and I do look forward to more!