Dialog practice for my Fanfic. Criticism is welcome.

This may be a potential scene in my fanfic but for now its just practice.

Henchman and Laetum were at sugarcube corner at night helping pinkie pie finish a batch of cupcakes for the school of friendship's one year anniversary. Henchman steps out to take a breath of fresh air until He hears something in the darkness and sees Orion.

“Hey Henchman.” called Pinkie Pie, “can you grab me some of those sprinkles on the top shelf please?” 

The Ogre Turned to the Pink Pony. “Of Course.” Said Henchman as he stepped over the part of the kitchen where pinkie pie pointed which was a cabinet where henchmen could clearly see the shaker of rainbow colored sprinkles. “Here You go Ori-” Henchman cut Himself off, he almost called Pinkie Pie Orion by mistake.

Pinkie Pie already heard what Henchman almost said, and Laetum did as well. “Are You still thinking about Orion?” Laetum Asked in a sympathetic tone. 

Henchman stands silent for five seconds and looks at Laetum. “You know L, it was just a minor slip of wording but in some honesty yes.” 

Pinkie Pie Spoke up. “Henchman, don’t be down,” Pinkie says in a sympathetic yet happy voice,  “You may be really shaken up with the argument You had with Him, and there’s also the possibility he may never want to actually see you again, and on top of that you may be on his hate list, and further mo- Hmfph.” Laetum Covered Pinkie’s mouth before she could say another word.

“Pinkie!” Scolded Laetum. “What the Hell is Wrong with You?” Laetum uncovers Pinkie’s muzzle.

“Sorry L, I just get carried away while I talk about thing and stuff, and stuff and things.” Pinkie said in an Apologetic tone while trying to stay cheery. The clay demon and a Pink pony turn to Henchman and see him just staring at the two with a combined lock of sorrow and shock on his face.

Henchman drops the shaker on the floor and walks out the door in the kitchen leading to outside. In the darkness illuminated by the halfmoon, Henchman walks a distance from the bakery that looked like a Gingerbread house. He stopped when he got far enough from the place for comfort. “Why Would Pinkie say that while being so cheery?” Henchman spoke to himself aloud while keeping quiet. “She doesn't understand my view on what happened, I know that Orion is one to Yell at people and to shove people away. But I know that He still needs me, I know I can feel it!” 

Then In the silence, Henchman heard a noise that broke the sound of the crickets chirping. It was the sound of something stepping on a twig. Henchman Turned around in the direction of where the sound came from. “Hello?” Henchman asked being a little bit startled, “who’s There, Laetum, Pinkie, I just need a few seconds to myself so can you please-.” Henchman Spotted a shape in the darkness that looked to be a bipedal figure. It walked into the glow of a porch lamp on the outside of a house that was only twelve feet from where the ogre was standing. In the light, The figure revealed itself to be Orion.

“O-Orion!?” Henchman Said with a shocked expression, “Look, if You need to talk than I’m ope-” Henchman was cut off.

“Shut It!” Barked in frustration. Henchman examined Orion’s face in the light. He looked like he was physically weak, His eyes had wrinkles under them as if he hadn’t been sleeping in a few days. Since henchman had been around Him and other witches his whole life, He could easily tell that Orion had been overusing magic. 

Henchman notices this, “Orion, Have You been using too much magic?”

Orion just glares at him and grunts in annoyance.

“Orion, I just realized I had this.” Henchman said as he dug into a satchel on his side hip. He then pulled out a lavender colored potion in a spherical glass bottle. “You need this man, If you want to curse or someone else You can, but please take this first.” Henchman tosses the bottle to The Feeble looking Teen warlock.

Orion catches it in his hand and observes it. “Look.” Henchman says, “I honestly do not know how or why it was in there, I must have-” Henchman stops himself because He didn’t want to frustrate his master any further.

Orion gives one more look at the bottle of lavender liquid before turning his face up to Henchman, Orion Drops the round bottle like it was meaningless, He then steps forward a little bit and Kicks the container away with the back of his foot. Henchman’s eyes widened with concern.

“Why the hell should I take anything from someone who left me, someone who chooses to side with these cretins, these non-witch scum?”

Henchman speaks up, “Look, I know You are upset and I know I said some mean things to You during that moment. But these Ponies are actually pretty generous to us, they invited us into their community. I know You think I sound weird by saying this but maybe You could-” Henchman was cut off by Orion as His face turned from annoyance to fury.

“Could what!?” Orion Barked, “After what I did to them, You think They’ll just welcome Me with open arms and a goody basket whatever crap they make? No! You know that they wouldn’t do that for Anyone like Me. Nobody would!”