Feel like therapy isn't working.

A lot of my issues stem from being extensively mistreated growing up (no, not at home).
I was forced to suppress my emotions, and now I bottle them up until I explode and the only emotions I can identify are anger, fear and shame.
I was punished for every thought, word and action, and now I feel physically uncomfortable when I'm not harshly punished for everything I say/do/think and get the urge to punish myself.
I was threatened with expulsion by the school psychologist when I sought help for dark thoughts, and it took me years to get therapy because I was terrified of being arrested.
I was expected to act like I was above people I knew thought I was below them by other people who thought I was below them, and now I hold myself to unrealistic and harsh standards that I would never hold the people I care about to.
I was punished harshly for minor mistakes, and now when I make mistakes, my brain throws all progress out the window and I have to start over from square one.

I've been in counseling for almost 2 years now, and while other people can see progress, I can't. I don't know if I'm broken beyond repair, but it sure feels like it.

Comments

[GhostRider1996]

PuzzlingInsanity,

I know the feeling.