Heading out · 1:54am Jan 22nd, 2023
As many of you suggested, why not just leave my account up and stop logging in, so that's what I'm doing.
Thinking back, this site was a wild ride for me. I started off as a complete newbie to writing and now I actually feel like I know what I'm doing and yet there is still so far to go. Fanfiction is a great way to get started, as there's a lot of details you get to skip over. I'll admit nce the show ended, I lso felt it was time to move on. Despite getting into the fandom at 25 years old, I had felt like this wounded bird who needed a place to land and you all helped me heal. I've gained a fanbase twice, lost it due to extended breaks/writer's block and its taught me so much about writing for yourself instead of an audience, which ironically gets you the most readers.
I have been through...so much shit in my life and writing has been this place where I felt I could get people to empathise in a way where vocally telling a story doesn't quite get the point across. When you type it, you get to refine it as many times as you want but you only get one real chance to tell someone a story in person.
I've met some incredible people on here who are now real life friends, I've met the scum of the earth here and everypony in between. I've read stories that blew me away and others I couldn't even stomach finishing. I've read the first story from completley new writers and gave them advice, then sat back and watched them evolve into a fantastic, talented person. I've read stories from writers who just...where black holes of doom and had no interest in improving.
God I'm just...so proud of all of you and how amazing you all are. Seeing your dedication and passion to eachoer and your stories made me want to be a better person. I wasn't my fully true self on any other platform besides here. I've seen people who used their fan base to help those struggling mentally. I've even seen little kids step up to the plate and offer support to those who need it, I mean you bunch are some seriously impressive people.
I was never a big fan of cartoons, as alot of them weere the same mindless humor over and over where someone was stupid or injured. MLP was different. It started off as a joke between friends to get my angry, aggressive ass to watch a few episodes and while I initially made fun of it, some heartstring of mine was plucked. After a while, I swallowed my pride and watched a few more episodes, squirming under the weight of being "unmanly". I had to literally fight before I was even out of the womb for life. I didn't know what safety was until I was 23. I had grown up to be this creature full of rage who would snap to violence if given the wrong look. It was all I knew and all I was shown.
MLP as the first show that wasn't centered around violence and/or death I had watched. It was also the first time I had considered what I show myself. My music/movies/t.v. shows were mostly angry death metal and it just kept driving my negative mentality. I'm not saying it's the fault of the artist but it's difficult to get out of a bad headspace when all you feed youself is negativity.
I've learned that I don't have to be super peaceful but I don't have to take a swing at anyone who disrespects me. It's only been the last 4-5 years that I've been able to walk away from a potential fight. Where I grew up, showing weakness was literally dangerous. If someone thought you might not fight back they might attack you just to try and make themselves look tough and around and around we went. It wasn't some manly ego, it was literally survival instincts and turning those off was...one hell of a battle.
I poured almost everything I had into KOTD as therapy was too expensive. One of the therapists I thought I had finally vibed with, asked me to find aother therapist as I was "stressing her out by how much there was" and how she felt she "never knew what to say because there's always more" and she "doesn't feel qualified to help" me.
This show, this fandom, it...changed me in ways I never knew were possible. Not only was kindness encouraged, it was normalized. Now you and I both know not every corner of this site is full of nice people, I mena it's still the friggin internet, but I feel pretty comfortabl saying that it wouldn't take you more than a few seconds to find someone to talk to if you really needed it.
The main reason I'm leaving is I don't write for MLP anymore. I have plenty of ideas but nothing I'm willing to committ to. I'm at a point in my lfei where I'm ready to make actual money from writing. Also I hate that notifications are deleted afte two days and it makes me impulsively check the site and I hate being a slave to social media.
I've tried rewatching the show, especially EQG but it doesn't feel the same anymore. It doesn't give me that smitten rush the way it used to. I certainly don't mind watching but it's not something I seek out anymore. It hurts leaving, I'm not gonna lie. I still listen to the songs on a regular and seeing all those happy faces...I know I'm not really leaving anybody, it's just the website, but god damn it still hurts.
Well anyways, it's been tons of fun. I love the crap out of all of you but it's time for me to move on. I didn't feel right leaving without saying goodbye considering how much I owe you all. As much as I want to be there for everyone, you'll have to be content with leaving me messages/comments I might never read. Feel free to do so. Say whatever you want to say in a message to me, confess whatever you need to confess and just let it all out. I might log on a few more times over the next day or so just to see who's responded but that will be it.
Take care!
-Tim aka Dark Chocolate
So long old boy, you've done well here. I'm glad we were a good place for you to rest when you needed it. Don't ever feel like you have to stay away now, you'll always be welcome here.
Safe journeys friend.
You’ll probably never see this, but I hope things work out for you. It was a pleasure to read your stories.
Godspeed dude. Doors always open if you wanna come back!
We'll meet again, when it all starts again. Safe travels 'til then.