An update · 1:25am Dec 14th, 2022
A couple days ago, news broke out on Twitter about a series of inappropriate behaviors and harassing messages I made towards members of the community. While there is context and truth behind this behavior, I will not devolve into too many details as to prevent anymore judgement and pain that my actions have caused, whether it was my intention or not. The best I can do right now, is address what has happened, express my sincerest apologies wherever I can, and move forward to the road of improvement.
It all started when I was abruptly dropped from a project server on Discord that I had been involved in for a few months over a series of insulting, and inappropriate comments I made. Comments that I do not stand by, and regret having had said. One comment in particular, deadnaming a controversial figure within the community. I would like to make this plainly clear that I am not a transphobe. I have plenty of friends within the LGBTQ+ community and I get along well with them and respect their beliefs. The comment that I made was out of dislike of said person’s behavior. Regardless I was warned to not do this again and I relented. But after I made the mistake of insulting people within a political chat out of frustration, I was dropped. But at the time, I did not understand why I was dropped instantly with a two strike law. I felt that I wasn’t being given a fair chance to explain myself and make proper amends. And the fact that I wasn’t able get in contact with one of the admins to try and straighten things out made me start to lose patience with them. I thought that they were being unreasonable and instead of accepting that their rules, no matter how strict or inflexible I felt they were, were still law, I chose to blow up and try and publicly humiliate them out of a sense of self justice. THIS WAS IMMORAL, and UNACCEPTABLE. Two wrongs never make a right, and I completely accept full responsibility for my bad decisions in this scenario.
The second issue started when I became concerned as to why I had not heard from a close friend in several months. I had been trying to find a way to get in contact with them to see how they were doing. There were several factors going on, but the primary reason was that I was concerned for their well being. I felt that they were under too much pressure and wished to offer my support. So I asked for help within the various groups and people who knew them and in my efforts made comments that unfortunately came off the wrong way. I want to make it clear that I NEVER saw this person as a wanted opportunity, nor did I wish to interfere with their relationships. All that mattered to me during that time was their health and well being. Even if it technically was not my business regarding their well being and life outside. I was still worried for them and wanted to make sure they were okay as well as ensure that we were still very good friends. Unfortunately, this all spiraled out of control into a mess that I never expected to happen and I accept responsibility for my wrongs in this matter as well. As for my relationships with my friends, as well as my place in projects, that’s all up in the air right now and I understand that.
I want to reiterate that I do not excuse the mistakes I have made, both recently and in the past. What I have done has caused a lot of pain, and it hurts me to know that I have hurt, angered, and embarrassed so many of my friends and acquaintances in the community. It’s hard to have people think of you as a bigot, a toxic, bullying incel or a creep when you know deep down that is not at all true. But I know that I cannot dwell on what I have done for long. I have broken a lot of people’s trust right now, and I want to fix that. I believe that I can, and I know that I will.
I am known by my friends and family to wear my heart on my sleeve and be emotional. Sometimes I let my emotions take control and get the better of me, which leads to issues and conflicts like this. But no more. I’m done with that. I plan to do everything in my willpower starting now into the new year to get a better handle on my emotions, feelings, and desires, so that they do not end up hurting me or my friends again. I know it’s going to take a lot of work, and I know that I may not earn everybody’s trust again right away or if ever. But it’s a risk I’m willing to take as I move down the road to a better, happier life.
I wish to once again apologize to all of my friends and acquaintances for my behavior and letting my own feelings and temperament lead us into this mess. I also apologize to those whom I have worked with in the past and have disappointed. I don’t expect you to forgive and forget my wrongdoings as much as I can’t, but please rest assured that I am willing to do whatever it takes to earn back the trust and friendship I have broken.
Remember,
“We’re not flawless, we’re a work in progress. We have dents and we have quirks, but it’s our flaws that make us work.”
Here is to well wishes of redemption and renewal as the new year slowly approaches,
SplashSurfer216
All I can say is that I hope you do whatever it takes to correct & fixed the damage that's been done. For I would hate to see you loose your place on this site & thus having the many stories you put your talent, time, heart, & soul into up to this point go to waste.