Some notes on HiE (That may or may not be useful) · 2:58am Nov 20th, 2022
Human in Equestria, or HiE from now on, is one of the most popular genres on FiMFic. This blog post is meant to go over a few thoughts I have on the genre that could be seen as tips. So this is essential a blog for those of you who plan on writing HiE, or know someone who plans on doing so. A lot of these tips are only really useful prior to starting the story, but regardless this might be an interesting read.
It's hard to accurately put into words just how popular the genre is; to the point where a lot of readers and writers are really tired of seeing the genre. I don't think it's strange though, the genre has been a staple of fanfiction for FiM since the outset of the show. The original Displaced was so well read that people tend to just call the genre by it's name.
I don't mind HiE, in fact, I have read quite a few stories in the genre, and given that they are still being produced I'll likely read many more. Some of the strongest stories in this site are in this genre... but also some of the weakest. It's from that perspective I write this blog, to offer up a few of my tips and thoughts on what could potentially elevate your story. I'm not a guru or an expert writer, so don't take anything I say as gospel.
Step 1
The portal to Equestria
So you want to write a HiE story? Well first thing should be to come up with a good explanation as to how the human end up in Equestria, right?
No.
There are many classic tropes from Twilight fucking up a spell, or Twilight intentionally casting a spell. Maybe Discord decided to have some chaotic fun? These type of ideas and thoughts are generic, but more importantly: completely uninteresting. How your human in question ends up in Equestria is actually very likely to be the least interesting part about the plot, same thing about any life they had prior to going to Equestria.
The only time I'd ever suggest covering the how of how they get to Equestria is if it's a core part of the plot that will keep being relevant. Twilight fucking up a spell will make her feel bad, sure, but it's hardly a core plot point (and if it is, then see later tips here). The transportation method has to be important to the plot, otherwise it's not going to be interesting to read about. Likewise, the human character's past has to be relevant to the plot, otherwise it's not worth delving on.
Furthermore, even if the human's backstory is important to the narrative, there is no reason we can't be more slowly introduced to it over the course of the story. Subtext helps a lot with figuring out who they are as a person, likewise small flashbacks can help build them up when there's time. Your opening scenes and chapters are what will grab your readers; you need to sell the narrative by that point.
If you want examples for where the portal is relevant enough to the plot to cover, here are two stories that manages it well:
Project Sunflower
Through the Aurora
Both of these stories start prior to arrival in Equestria. In both cases the functionality of the portal is plot critical and remains important for the duration of the tale.
The biggest benefit of starting your tale already in Equestria is that the plot can jump directly to the interesting parts. If a reader pick up a fic to read about a Human in Equestria... well, you knew exactly what they signed up for; any delay to getting to that can be a bore; especially if it's just a boring backstory dump. Your character is likely not going to sell itself immediately anyway, so leaning on the established cast will help, a lot.
Step 2
Having a Plot
This might seem self evident but... well.
So say you have the brilliant idea: A Human in Equestria story. It's going to be sooo cool. Then what?
Just plopping a human down in the setting can be spicy enough as is, of course, but you need to have a plot. It doesn't really matter if the human is a self insert or a character you have come up with; the same applies. It's absolutely crucial to have a start and an end planned out before you start writing. That does not mean you need to have every single detail planned out in full, nor that it can't change along the way, but that plan is critical.
Too many fanfics have the writer writing themselves into a corner simply because they didn't have any idea on where they wanted to take the story. Even if you just want a simple slice of life with the new character interacting with a few canon ones, having a plan will make sure you don't struggle with keeping the story going.
What's a good plot anyway? Well, that's the joy, it could be anything! Maybe some adventure tale? Perhaps some romance? Or maybe just want to stick to slice of life? Anything goes really, including a mix of genres. You should write what you feel passionate about.
The only thing I can recommend in regards to plot is--and this is a bit of a personal peeve--that, well... You should absolutely consider ramifications to canon. If our new character shows up after Friendship is Magic part 2, but prior to ticket master... well, they'll likely cause some changes to the canonical plot if they interact with the main six or other prominent cast members. Things like the Crystal Empire returning from the shadow realm limbo is likely still going to happen at the same point in time in canon.
But if the new character say, interacts a decent bit with Applejack or Rainbow Dash, then the iron pony competition is unlikely to happen. The entire competition was a spur of the moment thing that happened because the two were hanging out with one and another. The two are competitive and headstrong, so they'll likely come to head at some point, right? But because different things happened, then it's unlikely to play out the same. And to contrast, the Running of the Leaves event would still happen on account of being a seasonal event that happens every year (even if the two of them would not race and ruin the event).
You don't need to be pedantic and think of how your new plot points affect the way literally every event plays out, but it can add a lot of depth to the narrative if you consider it at least a little.
Step 3
What's with the whole mare thing?
It's no secret that most HiE stories are also stories that features Transformation themes, or TF for short. Usually the human turning into a mare specifically (but on occasion a stallion as well). It's not really that strange, the majority of the cast in FiM is female, it makes sense to take the story in a direction that matches the setting. Even fics that feature the titular "Anon", from 4chan green-text self-insert fame... the commonly decided upon ponyfication of the character is a filly. This is in contrast to the standard "Anon" which is usually male.
I have come to learn that some people just want to write funny hi jinxes, it's just how it goes. I don't really subscribe to the notion that there is anything else to it... unless the narrative itself brings it up. There's a lot of stories in this subset of genre that is X Human replaces Y character from canon, usually one of the main six but Nightmare Moon is probably the most commonly picked otherwise. Obviously since the character that is replace is well, a mare, it makes sense why there is a gender switch,
Why do I bring it up? Well, it's something I think that is important to consider if you plan on writing a HiE story where the main character turns into a pony. Even if you intend nothing more than for it to be a way to explore an interesting narrative, it's going to add subtext that you might not have considered. There's a lot of transgender people in the brony community, and there is a pretty decent number of people that come to read these type of narratives looking for gender related themes.
This means that it might be worthwhile to consider what your narrative says, even if you're not planning on writing specifically a trans narrative. Because even if you don't, if you cover specific grounds, people will read into your narrative using that lens. That might be unfair to the story, but I feel it's a big enough thing within the FiM community that you should at least be aware of it.
Transformation stories are of course popular regardless of if there is any gender related questions involved, but if you sift through the groups on this site you'll quickly realise that the entire concept is a big deal.
Knowing about it means you can plan your narrative better around people's expectations. Your story should be written for your sake primarily, so you should not feel any need to hit any specific notes or appeal to any specific groups. But if you want to do so, or want to comment on anything specific, having the knowledge to do so helps.
Step 4
Where the plot goes to die
Okay, so you're drafting your story and got some good ideas where you want to take it; great! I'm now going to go over a few pitfalls in which stories might stumble with.
Involving Earth
It might seem great to leave the portal or other transportation open for the duration of the story. (This is sort of what Equestria Girls do). Involving both realities might not even be a bad thing. But a huge pitfall here is if you start to consider how Earth, or our reality, would act should a portal exist. EqG sidesteps this completely and never answers this question.
It might feel really compelling to go into detail on this front, but your narrative is very likely to quickly devolve into a "first contact" scenario and international politics. Unless you specifically set out to have those concepts in your narrative, you should probably stay well clear of the subject. It can otherwise feel like the plot goes completely off the rails and is no longer about any of the themes or ideas that it originally set out be about.
Celestia
Just anything Celestia, period.
What, more details? Okay, fine. Celestia is a very hard character to write. She has some of the biggest variations of characterisation in the entire show, and one could make some very strong arguments that she's changed quite significantly from who she was prior to her sister's return compared to after. Getting into her head and actually writing her well is quite difficult as a result, especially since she does not have much screen time.
This is all made harder with the knowledge that we simply don't know how much of Twilight's journey to get the Elements were planned out, versus dumb luck, versus prophecy.
She is a hard character to write on a good day, trying to figure out how she'd act in the context of a random human and/or human turned into pony showing up is practically impossible. It's fanfiction, so you can just make shit up; in fact, you should have the confidence to do so when needed. But writing Celestia into your story is like playing on hard mode, you should only really do it if you know what you're doing. Excessive "Trollestia" or "Tyrantlestia" are generally not received well, and can in fact completely derail the narrative to be more about them and how much they screw over the human.
The herd event horizon
While it can be an interesting idea to consider a society where polygamous relationships are the standard, that's not really what this is about. If that's an idea you think is cool and want to explore it, go for it.
No, what can completely derail a story is closer to what is often called a "harem", in the way people talk about it in relation to anime. A character showing up in a story and all the characters fall in love with them, either in short order or over a long period of time. I think some people would describe this as "cringy" to read, but hey, I'm not judging.
No, the issue is that this is usually where the plot goes to die. Unless you're writing a AU story, then we quite frankly know that even among the main cast of six, the characters have vastly different things they look for in a partner. Some people don't like to subscribe to ships shown in The Last Problem, and fair enough. But even earlier on in canon we know that what Applejack looks for in a partner is completely different from what Rarity does. Shippers and shipping will always find a way, of course, but the more characters that get involved with each other, or get involved with the same central character, the more it stretches the suspension of disbelief.
The Endless Journey Home
Making a core plot point of the story be about the human wanting to go home, or the character around them trying to figure out a way to send them home is not bad. But you should take care that it does not become all consuming.
I have read quite a few HiE stories where one could summaries the main characters main trait as whining about wanting to go home. Sure, that might be believable, but after a point they just don't really become a very interesting character to follow. A trick to this could be to switch up the point of view character to one of the local ponies instead, but you might also want to consider a different angle to the narrative. Remember: A character is generally more than just their immediate desires, and even a depressed person wants more than just one thing (I'd would know).
And yeah, that's kind of it for now. I'm sure I had more thoughts that I wanted to express that I forgot about... oh well.
I've read a lot of HiE stories, and what separates one that is at least decent from a bad one is usually a mix of these things. I'm mostly writing this to get these ideas out, I don't really like to complain on people's stories. But hey? If this is useful for someone, then good.
There's probably at least a few typos since I wrote this at 3am.
You have a lot of valid points. I think the 'having a plot' thing is kind of a symptom of fics on this site in general. A lot of fimfic writers get a lot of various ideas because mlp just provides a night overwhelming amount of potential, premises, and characters that you can take in any direction you want to. So they start a cool idea, get a couple of chapter in....and then bluescreen. I'm not saying its a good thing, and I agree more writers should have at least an outline of the ending in mind, but its not a problem unique to hie.
Now, the thing with Celestia, I'm not sure you can write a longer hie without involving her at some point. Unless its an hie post s9, which I don't think has been done yet, she is the primary ruler of Equestria. When a new species like humans arrive, its inevitable they would meet at some point. Again, I do agree people should be a lot more careful with writing Celestia if they don't quite know how to writer her, but in most hie fics it's borderline necessary.
Otherwise, I appreciate you airing your thoughts like this. I'm glad you have the patience to put up with some of these problems and keep reading regardless.
5698810
I don't think Celestia needs to get involved with the plot at all, to be honest. Unless there is an angle of like... a portal exist and some level of politics is needed for that, then I honestly feel a story can be made without her.
Strange things happen in Equestria all the time, and she generally seems to be pretty hands off, instead trusting important things to others. Especially if Twilight is featured extensively in the plot Celestia could absolutely just trust her with taking care of things. And while she might be curious about it all and want to drop in, that would still be a very limited interaction when it comes to the entire plot.
Really, how important Celestia is to pull into the story depends on the plot to me. Which is why I caution against using her extensively since she is a hard character to get right.