Fallout: Snowdrop - A Land Without Stars

by RealBarenziah

Introduction

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Comments

[ThatPoemGuy]

This is an excellent Premise. Snowdrop x Fallout? Staying tuned.

This is Australia...

[Mr Pones]

The Vault's

i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/287/578/6ce.png
SO.
MANY.
PEOPLE.
DO.
THIS.

But there was one Vault that once it closed, was never to be re-opened. Vault 01 withstood the Cataclysm without so much as a shudder. The ponies within turned their backs on the world outside and sealed themselves away forever. And so they have remained for generations.

That is, until Snowdrop was born.

Your writing style is miles better than mine, and as usual that's depressing as fuck. But that little end bit worries me, becaaaauuussseeeee...

In the early days, thousands were spared the horrors of the holocaust by taking refuge in enormous underground shelters, known as vaults. But when they emerged, they had only the hell of the wastes to greet them - all except those in Vault 101. For on that fateful day, when fire rained from the sky, the giant steel door of Vault 101 slid closed... and never reopened. It was here you were born. It is here you will die.

Because, in Vault 101: no one ever enters, and no one ever leaves.

[Doomande]

So yea... expect a shit storm coming your way when more and more people learn about this story, and how it ain´t set in the world of Fo:E, because if there is something that we Fo:E fans are is it stubborn. And as Doug Walker said as the Nostalgia Critic "Fanboys don´t like changes."

So all in all, a hard route that you are going on.

One thing you should think on is this exposition dump that you have here, because it is rather boring. We don´t really get any flavour of the world, we do just hear that the world went to shit, that the ponies now have tech and that they hide under the ground.

Not who they fought, why they fought, when they fought or something like that. Exposition dumps is one of the most hated things ever, and a sign of bad story telling. Instead of taking this back of exposition should you maybe throw us directly into the story, or at least give us some more details so we can see the picture that you are trying to paint, because right now do I just know that there have been bombs, but nothing else as such.

Maybe am I a little bit harsh, I know that I can sound that, but your first chapter, your first 500 words, even the first sentence, is some of the most important ones in all of your story. At the period of the first segment have people already thought on how serious they should look at this, and at the end have they already determined if they want to read the next chapter or not.

One of my best advices to you is to see this little video clip, it is only 5 min long, but uses it time well and will give you good tools to work with. And if you like their teller style, well then see the rest of what they say, focus especially on their story centred stories, because they are actually a game show, something that you also will learn rather quickly.

Oh and one thing...

In a desperate attempt to reforge the power they once had the ruling monarchy commissioned Vault-tec to build a series of underground stables where communities could survive the Cataclysm.

They hoped to regain the public's confidence by building the Vaults, but it didn't make any difference.

Why call it stables? It is a human term for where you house many ponies, and not something they would say themselves, or I can not see them doing so. Why not call it vaults or bunkers instead?

[Sketch the artist pony]

i dont see why everyone is being so hard on this, i thought it was good.

[Winree]

Gonna bide my time until this is released again! The letters look superb, and I likr that it is set in a different universe to kkat's. I would like for Cadey, Luna and Twi to survive...