The Delightful Dragon of Ep

by Laichonious the Grey

1. The Waterspout

Rarity lived in the little town of Ponyville on the rolling hills of the grasslands below the mighty Shinespire mountains, where, atop the tallest of the mountains, stood the great city of Canterlot. She lived in a boutique, near the center of town, that looked a lot like one of the fanciful towers from that grand city on the mountain. She lived there all by herself with her cat, Opalescence, making fine pony apparel. Oh how she dreamed of living in that grand city so high, rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous, clothing the prim and powerful, designing beautiful gowns for the Princesses to wear. But she knew that her place was there, in Ponyville. She had her family close by, a mother and father and one little sister called Sweetie Belle. She liked them just fine, but she spent more time with her five friends: Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie.

It was with these friends she trotted to the regional reservoir just outside of town. Something truly extraordinary was happening today, for the rainy season was due to start, but Cloudsdale found itself needing a bit more water than they had planned. So it was the Ponyville Reservoir they chose to make up the deficit, only a year after Rainbow Dash led her weather team into a cyclone barely able to lift the water against imposing odds. This time though, Rainbow was going to take full advantage of this second chance so soon afforded her. She and the other pegasi had been practicing for weeks, and there wasn’t a doubt in her mind that this one was going to be big. Rarity recalled that Rainbow described today’s events as “Epic”, whatever that really meant. The excited walla of gathered ponies grew ever louder as they approached the summit of a small rise.

The white pony adjusted her sunhat with a sniff and turned to the purple unicorn next to her. “Do you think she’ll be worth living with once she has the trophy for the strongest tornado ever seen?”

Twilight smiled. She knew, of course, of whom Rarity spoke. “I think after winning the Best Young Flyer award, Rainbow wouldn’t let something so simple as this go to her head.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that, darling,” Rarity returned in her usual prim, high voice. “I didn’t think she would let that little competition she and Applejack had go to her head; I mean, it was already up in the clouds anyhow.”

Twilight giggled. “Well, she’s a pegasus. Would you expect anything else?”

Just then, as they entered the temporary stands for spectators a ways off from the reservoir, the cerulean daredevil swooped in, bellowing at the top of her considerable lungs. “YOU READY FOR THIS PONYVILLE?!”

A great cheer rose out of the stands.

“We’re gonna a set a record no other city can ever beat! Hold on to your hats, it’s gonna be a windy day!” Rainbow flew around the crowd, basking in the applause and energy of the assembled ponies.

Applejack laughed, her eyes on the blue blur wheeling above them. “Ha! Yep, that’s our Rainbow alright!” She gave a shrill whistle. “You show ‘em RD!”

Pinkie Pie bounced around in a quick circle imitating Rainbow’s celebratory circuit. “Woohoo! Spinny, twirly, hurly, twisty funnels and flying ponies! Water upsy-dupsy-doo! Up, up, up to Cloudsdale with you! And maybe Rarity too!”

“Excuse me?” Rarity said, taking a seat next to the orange farm filly.

“Oh, nothing,” Pinkie said with a goofy grin and a dismissive wave of her hoof.

The purple scholar chuckled and turned away from the stands. “I’ll be monitoring the anemometer up there. Rainbow will want to know exactly by how much she beat the record.” Off she went with a little wave.

“See you at the party, Twilight!” Pinkie shouted, mostly into Rarity’s ear.

“Thank you, Pinkie dear,” the white unicorn said, rubbing her ear with a hoof.

“Any time!”

“Hoo-boy, look at ‘em go!” Applejack leaned forward as the weather team took to the sky like a flock of pastels. “I don’t think I’ve ever gotten to see them make one a’ these.”

A chorus of “oooh”s and “aaahhhh”s floated up from the ponies looking on. The pegasi flew ever faster, blending their colors together in a swirling column. Rarity found herself breathless, despite her determined efforts to remain unimpressed, as a true lady should be at all times. Only a few seconds passed before the combined wingpower of the whole Ponyville weather team, and Fluttershy, whipped up a furious gale.

“Four hundred wingpower!” called Twilight with a magically enhanced voice.

“That seems mighty fast!” bellowed Applejack over the wind, “I thought Rainbow was complainin’ ‘bout how long it took to get to this point yesterday!”

Both she and Rarity held on to their hats as the wind lashed at the stands.

“Six hundred wingpower!” A tremor of nerves wobbled into Twilight’s amplified voice, a tone that the white unicorn did not like to hear coming from her knowledgable friend.

“I don’t know about that!” shouted Rarity back to Applejack.

“Well maybe yah ought tah pay attention when she goes a-ramblin’!” Applejack had both hooves over her head now.

Rarity could barely make out the whirling watercolor ponies as the wind made her duck and squint to protect her eyes from the swirling dust.

“Eight hundred wingpower! Rainbow! Hold back a little! You’re going too fast!”

Water funneled up into a shimmering spout, quickly building itself up higher and higher.

“This doesn’t feel right!” Applejack shouted.

“Something’s wrong! Something’s wrong!” Pinkie Pie wailed uncharacteristically.

Rarity looked up just in time to see several multi colored pony-shaped things get flung from the waterspout.

“One... Thousand... Wingpower!” A glimmer of lavender magic pulsated in the midst of the whirlwind. Twilight had made a small shield for herself.

“Keep it together!” Rainbow’s shout barely made it to Rarity’s ears. The fear and uncertainty in the usually over-confident voice set her heart racing.

“I think we need to get out of here!” Rarity called to her friends.

“Fifteen... Hundred... Wingpower?!” Twilight screamed. “Rainbow...! Stop!”

“I... can’t... hold it!” came an exhausted reply.

“EVERYPONY, RUN!” Twilight’s voice boomed out of the vortex like thunder, shaking the metal benches. And just in time.

More and more pegasi were flung from the twister, sailing through the air as pastel projectiles. All of the ponies stormed from the stands, shrieking in alarm and whickering in fear. Rarity turned tail with Applejack and Pinkie, desperate to keep up with the terrified throng. Behind them, the waterspout growled like a thing alive, ripping up the reservoir and tossing boulders about like a sower does seeds. Her hat was ripped from her head. She glanced behind to see the terrible twister rear itself up and start barreling down the path from the decimated stands. She stumbled on a rock and would have gone down on her face if not for Applejack’s timely dip to shove her back on her hooves.

“Don’t look back!” the farmfilly shouted.

Rarity wheezed in reply as she pushed herself for more speed. They all trundled down the slope at reckless speeds, the thunder of their hooves drowned out by the roar of the errant waterspout. Great crashes shook the ground around the fleeing herd, producing whickers and anxious shouts from the other ponies. Dust and dirt, whipped up by the raging wind and their pounding hooves, obscured everything not two sceptres from her face. Rarity could hear her heart pounding in her ears, chest heaving with exertion and fear. She had never run so fast in her life.

“Twitch-a-twitch!”

The white unicorn looked wild-eyed at the brown cloud.

“Twitch-a-twitch-a-twitch!”

Rarity was so short of breath she couldn’t even spare the air to make a confused sound.

“Twitchy, twitchy! Look out, Rarity!” The shout hit her just before the pink blur did.

Not an instant after she was shouldered aside did a boulder half her size smash into the ground where she had been running. More debris fell around her, making the ponies duck and dive around each other. The throng thinned as they got closer to the town, the raging twister still on their tails. Icy pellets pummeled at her as plants, boards, and other yard implements flew through the air in a terrifying maelstrom of sounds and wind. Rarity had the good fortune to turn her head just in time to see a two-by-four come sailing at her face. A quick burst of azure telekinesis diverted the impromptu missile. She didn’t have a moment’s respite, for she looked ahead of her at exactly the right moment to hit her front door with her nose, forehead and horn.

Completely disoriented, discombobulated and distraught, the white pony stumbled into her boutique and had enough sense left in her head to slam the door shut and latch the deadbolt. She had no idea where the tornado was, and she had a hard time caring, at least until the boutique started shuddering. Opal, her cat, hissed at the growling wind around the shop.

“Thisss... eh-can’t be good,” Rarity slurred daintily.

She couldn’t have been more right if she were running clockwise. With a mighty crunch, as if a giant had bitten into a celery stalk as tall as the Shinespire, the boutique started to spin. Rarity slid along the floor, scrambling for purchase in the wild dipping and turning of the boutique. She felt an acceleration, the sort she had only ever felt when she had those beautiful wings Twilight had conjured for her. After several attempts that she was glad nopony else had witnessed, Rarity made it over to a window.

Grey murky clouds swirled around the glass, but she could make out strange shapes in those billows. Once, she thought she saw Derpy Hooves, laughing at the twister and having a generally good time. A minute after that, a cow flew by the window.

“Oh my!” Rarity gasped.

“Mooooost unusual, dontchaknow?” replied the cow with a wave.

The fashionista returned the wave, bewildered. Panic settled in as she came to grips with flying in the middle of a freak tornado with naught but her own home to protect her.

As the Carousel Boutique spun and spun, Rarity found herself desperately trying to keep everything in place, including her sanity. Promises and pleas flew from her lips, each one more crazy than the last. If only to have her hooves on the ground again, she would play more games with Sweetie Belle. If she got out of this alive, she wouldn't hold it against Rainbow. Just put her down—gently, mind you—and she would never again disparage the fashion choices of her fellow ponies. That doesn't mean she won't try to fix those poor choices and educate her friends on the proper way to dress oneself. But she would be nicer about it, truly she would. If she could just wake up and find this all to be a terrible dream, why, she would even consider helping Applejack out on her farm—you know, tidying up or redecorating. Sweet Apple acres could use a makeover; it probably looked the same as it did a hundred years ago.

The boutique gave a sickening dip.

“Alright! Alright! I’ll help her... out in the dirt and everything!” she cried to nopony in particular.

The wind howled around the little building for what seemed like hours. It went on so long that she even got used to it. Rarity spent a few of those long hour-like moments trying to keep her supplies from becoming only so much flotsam, but the effort was hopeless. Once she realized how fruitless it was, she tried to distract herself with her favorite hobby: fashion. As long as she didn’t look out the windows, she could almost convince herself that she wasn’t flying through the air in her own house, the Mother only knows how high up. She forgot herself enough to start dabbling with an idea that had come to her for a dress inspired by the waterspout. It was a wispy blue and white striped, almost gossamer, thing that would be fun to wear in the wind. She hummed to herself merrily at her sewing table, swaying with the lazy turns of the boutique without so much as a thought. She plucked supplies from the room as they slid by from one end to the other as naturally as if it happened all the time. The dress was nearly done when she noticed something odd. Her first clue was Opalescence. The white cat floated by, upside down, sound asleep, clutching one of Rarity’s throw pillows.

“Opal...” the fashionista implored. “What on earth are you doing floating around?” She spoke a little too soon, for the earth asserted its position, rather forcefully.

Comments

[djthomp]

This looks like it'll be a lot of fun.

[Retsamoreh]

If you, Mr. Random-bloke who is browsing through fimfic, do not read this story, you have no appreciation for the classics and perhaps no soul.

You're also probably racist.

Who knows, I bet you're Hitler, too.