Not bad... not bad at all. It's late here, so I'll admit I skimmed. I did see some grammar and spelling errors... and there's the whole thing with the chapter ending in the middle of a sent--
But in any case, it's a good premise, and it has potential, I'll point out some more specific things tomorrow.
"One doesn’t simply forget an appointment with Rainbow Dash."
ENDING, Y U SO CHOPPED OFF?
Not bad... not bad at all. It's late here, so I'll admit I skimmed. I did see some grammar and spelling errors... and there's the whole thing with the chapter ending in the middle of a sent--
But in any case, it's a good premise, and it has potential, I'll point out some more specific things tomorrow.
Wait, what happened to Spike?