> Unicorn Diaries
>  by Sanguinius
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter 1
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Entry 1: Cunnilingus, Romance, Wing and Horn insertion.

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-	Owned by: Twilight Sparkle
-	The fourth day of Autumn, One Thousand and Four Post-Nightmare

“Diary. It’s a funny thing, and a strange one that you were given to me by a close friend today. What exciting adventures might the two of us share? I will endeavor to write in you every day.”
-Twilight Sparkle.

28th of Winter, 1009PN

“How resplendent her face, how lovely her eyes
How gentle her rule o’er the one state I prize.
So long since I saw her, this load have I borne
Away from her grace, so weary and worn.
Yet each white cloud that I see in the sky,
Plays party to feelings I’d just as soon hide.
For it’s they that remind me, not the moon or the sun
Of the coat of my most regal, loved, and lost one.

Diary,

It’s been a while since I wrote. So maybe I never started writing. It’s one of the few commitments I’ve ever broken, if I can say so. Yesterday was worth writing about. Spike packed up and left, and I’m not sure how to feel about it. He’s finally a maturing dragon... It’s finally time for him to go. Still, even after the goodbyes, it was the start to a... really weird day. Let me tell you about the rest of it.

Bonbon. Knocking on my front door, again. I should have known it was her before I answered it, of course. Who else could possibly be here this early in the morning? Who else would start my day with a halfhearted greeting only designed, however cleverly, to make me ask her what’s the matter? What other pony so frequently comes to me for help? It’s a trick question of course, they all do. Princess Celestia once said that to the gifted nothing is more wonderful and dangerous than the adoration of others. Unlike so many of her paradoxes, I’ve come to understand this one intimately.
I did what I always do though. It’s why I left the house without eating breakfast to go syphon rain water out of a cookbook that was, if anypony were to ask me, left entirely carelessly on the windowsill. Everypony who’s got a dash of sense knows how sporadic the weather has been in ponyville for over a decade now. But I’m getting ahead of myself, and digressing into weather patterns far more than is worth noting. Or perhaps it’s entirely worth noting? After tonight, I’m not so sure it isn’t.
I arrived at Bon Bon’s, did my job, got out. It wasn’t uneventful of course, and once I’d found out how it had happened, I’d made up my mind to talk to Ponyville’s weathermare about sudden rainclouds appearing over the town. A proper schedule of weather is absolutely essential if anypony is to do any planning, and winter is an awful time for anypony to be caught out in the rain. I’d already had to fix three head colds, four broken gutters, and eight leaky roofs. This mades the sixteenth book I’ve repaired in just a month, making this easily the worst winter in any of the years I’ve lived in Ponyville for forced repairs.
But it’s no coincidence that I should end up knowing about it. Everypony knows about me, knows about the kinds of things I can do, knows about the extent of my... gifts. Most don’t know how I do the things I do, and those are worth describing. Unicorn magic is an extension of the will, it’s withdrawing into yourself, it’s feeling knee deep in a pool of cold water and pushing all that sudden energy someplace important. At least, that’s how it is for most unicorns. In the cases of basic everyday magics, it’s what magic is like for me as well.
It’s the special magics, the stronger magics, those that access the element I’m so tightly bound to, that feel akin to drinking fire. They’re tiring, sometimes even painful. To access even the basic magics, I have to relax and slip past that fire to the cold grounded ocean of will. I remember pushing against that wall the day of my entrance exam to her school. Nopony knows it but her. Nopony else ever asks about it. Again though, I’m getting ahead of myself in my story telling.

I decided it was time to talk to Rainbow Dash. She’s the weathermare, she makes the rules, she places the clouds, she sets the schedule. It’s a loose schedule, and sometimes it's not worth calling one. Most of the time it’s not worth calling one. I’d figured she’d be in a cloud or a tree somewhere, and when it started raining, I ran home for a jacket and a warmer saddle. I wasn’t about to make myself sick trying to find a single pegasus in a cloudy sky. I also wasn’t expecting her to find me. So you might imagine my surprise when I heard her voice coming from the branches above my front door.

“Morning Twilight.”
So casual. So laid back. Never a worry in the world.
“Dash. Come down here. Let’s... talk.”
“You sound kinda... mad.”
“I’ve had to repair another casualty of random downpours. Do you know how frustrating that is?”
“Easy there Twilight. I’ve been busting my chops all day trying to keep rain where ponies asked for it!”
I gritted my teeth and tried to remain polite.
“Asked for it? The system works on requests now?”
“Well... no. But it should, and they all need the help anyway. Golden Harvest’s rainbarrels were almost empty, I can’t help that she lives next door to whats-her-mane.”
“Bonbon. And you soaked through a library book in the process!”
“Yeah... Look. You wanna do a better job than me?”
I hadn’t been expecting Dash of all ponies to suddenly be so defensive.
“Dash... Hey. I’m not trying to point hooves anywhere-”
“But you are pointing them. Y’r saying it’s my fault somepony left her stupid book out where it could get rained on.”
“For your information, that book is closing on a century of age! It was very hard to repair.”
“Yeah? Well sorry for your trouble then. You done lecturing me? I gotta go put clouds over sweet apple acre’s rain-barrels next. You might wanna just sparkle on over there and-”
“-Dash-”
“-Tell Applejack to put away all those books she’s busy not reading.”

And then she was gone, and I was alone again. But not for long. I’d just settled into a cozy blanket when another knock at my door pulled me away from tea and hot apple pie. I answered the door in a huff, and you might imagine why at this point. I’m afraid I was a bit rough.
“Talk, I’m a busy mare.”
“Twilight Sparkle? Now that’s just not the sort of reception I was expecting at all. Something on your mind?”

Rarity. There are worse ponies to force a smile for.

“Rarity! Sorry to be so short, come in from the rain! It’s awful outside, I hope you two didn’t ride all the way back in that.”	
“Awful? Why it’s perfectly sunny Twilight!”
“Sunny?”
And looking past them, it was. Not a cloud in the sky. The afternoon had shaped up to be lovely. I swallowed my surprise and let them in, held a hoof out graciously as Rarity stepped out of her boots and her husband stooped and shuffled awkwardly under my low doorway before straightening up.
He’s intimidating, I can’t deny it. Anypony would be intimidated by a six foot figure. Anypony would be intimidated by eyes so dull, hair so plain, hands so big. Anypony would be intimidated by a human. When the Princess had gotten a look at him, she’d known what “Human” was, but she’d been the only one. I’d spent months looking for an answer of my own before he’d been summoned with me to her audience.
She’d given him perfect advise. What other kind of advise does she give?  She’d advised him against drawing attention to himself outside our more civilized cities and towns. She’d warned him about telling anypony his name, had welcomed the first human to step into Equestria in over a millennium with open hooves and a special dispensation to live in Ponyville. And like all of her motives, like all of her writing, like everything she does, I still can’t see why she did any of it. I can’t see why she extended his residency licence to let him marry Rarity three years ago.
I can’t see why she’d allow the first human to step foot into Equestria after all this time, or why his random appearance and strange dress earned him such a pitying, loving smile when all my efforts for all the year I was with her only ever earned a report card. Why she’d share even her pity with him when ponies suffer, linger in doubt and shiver and shake at night in confusion and cold. She, the object of so much power and prestige, had held another audience with both of them only yesterday. An audience I’d neglected to attend. I have no reason to return to Canterlot or her court, and none of the reasons are worth mentioning.
All this I inwardly pushed down, all of it needed to go someplace else when I tried my best to ask, sincerely, how the most powerful pony in Equestria was doing. As if she could be anything but well, as if she’d ever age noticeably, as if she’d want to leave a palace free of suffering. The answer, it turned out, met my expectations.
“Oh well... you know. The Princess is well-they both are, of course. I rather liked Luna at dinner. So well mannered, so proper.”
“Oh? Dinner... H-how was that?”
“Oh you should have seen it Twilight. They’ve got ice sculptures and lovely glassware and dishware. It was simply marvelous!”
“Yes, I suspect it was... I’m really sorry I couldn’t attend, but Ponyville has been needing me lately.”
“Yes, I heard. Goodness, but things have a way of going wrong lately, don’t they?”
“A lot of it has to do with the rain, if you catch my drift.”
“Hmm. I believe I might.”
It was getting harder to keep from raising my voice. “Can you believe she yelled at me when I tried to talk to her about it?”
“Who, Rainbow Dash? Goodness, that’s not unusual. You know how excitable she can be.”
“Yelled at me, Rarity.”
She was staring holes in the bottom of her teacup at this point.
“Hmmm. Well... No need to shout. Hmm. Ponies know Dash is good at what she does. They come to her for help all too often. Surely you can understand that?”
“Sure, but yelling and getting upset? How does that help?”
“Hmm...”
And she sipped her tea thoughtfully, politely. It’s funny though, she’d given me some idea. Ponies asking Dash for help were conflicting with the ones who asked for my help. What needed to be done wasn’t lecturing, but relating.	
“Rarity, can you take a letter to Rainbow Dash when you go out?”
“But of course. It’s on the way, after all. But surely Spike can-”
“Spike left today.”
Even I didn’t recognize my voice. It sounded distant. Hollow. Lost.
“Oh. Oh dear me. I... I missed it?”
“Yes. We threw that party for him weeks ago, it’s... it’s alright. The only one who could pick the day and time was him, none of us could plan around it Rarity.”
“Oh yes, but still... poor Spike. How are you holding up? He’s been your close friend for so long...”
“It... hasn’t really sunken in yet.”
“Is that so? If you need company tonight, let us know. We’d be glad to play host, give you a minute to relax. Just something to think about.”
His hand crept onto her shoulder. She smiled back at him. How can they talk without any words? It’s just so...
“I don’t really... want to bother w- I really don’t really want to bother the two of you, really.”
It came out harsher sounding then I meant it too, but how couldn’t it?
“Oh... Oh I see. Why not invite Rainbow Dash over then? You still need to have that talk, and you simply mustn’t sit around with nopony, all alone on a rainy night.”
Her reply sounded so sad, but she’d just smiled at me. I’d have promised her conjured diamonds to have another chance to say that I just wanted to be left alone tonight and not insinuate half the things I had. Oh well.
And so I’d written the letter to Dash telling her to drop by tonight after work. Rarity and her spouse had left me to my thoughts and reading, and I’m ashamed to say I’d fallen asleep in my overstuffed library chair and almost forgotten that I was expecting company. One doesn’t simply forget an appointment with Rainbow Dash though. My now empty window pane can attest to that.

It’s been a few years since I’ve heard an explosion, and several more since anything close to one woke me up. Dash is always crashing into my humble tree home, though I’ll grant it’s not as often as it used to be. I’m not sure if it was the force of her breaking the floor or the sound barrier, but by the time I was moving around books had fallen from their shelves and dust had obscured my vision. Although the chaos was complete and the mess was incredible, I was more concerned with the potential results that leaving a crater behind in a tree house could have had on a pony body.
“Rainbow?!”
Some coughing. I made a note to lecture whatever parts of her were still alive and dipped into my will. Fire pushed up, and mental practice pushed it back. No time to wrestle with the element with Dash possibly hurt. She needed me, and I pushed past the hot water and into the icy depths. Light and wind filled the room and pushed every last spec of dust toward the window. Through the glow of my horn I could make out her silhouette standing up and stumbling toward me. With another focused gust the room was relatively clear and I finally allowed my lungs some relief.
“Dash?”
It was hard to get her name out between all the coughing.
“Yeah? Oh... Sorry. Floor’s kinda a mess. Really, I’m uhhh...”
“Careless as usual?”
It’s hard to be mad in between fits of coughing, especially at somepony who’s clapping you on the back and helping you get it all out of your system. By the time I could get out more words than her name it just wasn’t worth being mad over anymore. It was almost funny.
“Sorry. Really. I’m really sorry.”
I laughed, and felt weird for doing it. My laugh felt weird. Was it always this strange? With some ease I slipped past the hot mental wall back into the cold pool of will and started stacking books back up. I even managed to fix the split in the wood floor before the laughter ceased and left my sides aching.
“Hey, it’s not... that funny.”
“Sorry. I just uhhh... I guess I needed a laugh more than I thought.”
“Yeah, I could kinda tell. You were sorta... Well I was pretty bad too earlier. Sorry.”
She was quick, and she was at least being honest. I couldn’t blame her. With that kind of entrance it would be a waste to spend the whole night arguing over something that had happened this afternoon. It wasn’t hard to summon up some sincerity.
“Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m sorry too. It’s why I called you over.”
I smiled as I said the last bit, though I had no idea what to talk about for the rest of the night now that scheduling was off the table.
“Yeah? I thought Rarity said you wanted to have dinner and talk.”
And with that she flapped off the loft and landed gracefully on the floor below. I hurried down the stairs to keep up, and by the time I’d made it to the living room she was in the kitchen rummaging around.
“Thought you said dinner. There’s no dinner Twilight.”
“Oh, right... Well, I sort of-”
“It’s cool. We can make some, right?”
“Uhh-”
She turned with a smirk.
“Don’t tell me you were planning on inviting me over and then ordering out?”
“Well...”
“Jeez, really?”
I finally had to cut in.
“The food’s in the fridge! It’s a salad. Spike... made a bunch before he left.”
“Oh, that’s... cool.”
I don’t expect hugs from many ponies, and I certainly hadn’t expected one from Rainbow Dash. When she finally spoke it was so quiet and kindly, it was a tone of voice I didn’t even know she had.
“I’m sorry, Twilight.”
How can three words start everything downhill? I started sobbing like some kind of school filly whose pet turtle ran away. The whole time she kept me pressed to her mane and didn’t say a word, just held me there. When I finished I was out of breath and she was rubbing my back and helping me to sit down.
“It’ll be different, huh?”
I admit to being caught off guard. I don’t normally expect ponies to start talking about sensitive things so soon after a breakdown. Change the subject? Sure. Weather, what somepony’s done lately, Canterlot politics, anything else. She asked though, and I couldn’t help but answer, voice choked to near silence.
“Fifteen years. I’m not ready for it to change...”
“Yeah, I know. You’ll get... I mean, it’ll get easier.”
“Yeah...”
“Salad?”
I set my face in my hooves and tried my best to talk through them.
“Sure.”

While I was sitting at the table blowing my nose into a napkin Dash was flittering about the room at high speed preparing the meal. By the time I looked up the table was set and she was busying herself with nothing at all. The small kitchen and dining space the library comes with is good enough for a two person meal, and there was nothing left to do but sit down, but I think she might have been giving me the time to get myself together. I wasn’t about to let her stand around all night.
“Hey... Come sit.”
“Huh? Oh, sure!”
She sat down with a grin and a fork and tried a bite.
“S’pretty good huh?”
I tried a bite too, and she was right. Spike’s food was always amazing.
“So, uhhhh...”
Now she was making it awkward, but she was trying and I had to give her credit.
“What’d you do today besides the weather, Rainbow?”
“Oh. Well, I really... only got to do that. It’s only ever really that anymore, y’know? I did get some good speed flying in on the way over here though, which is why I...”
“Almost gave me a new trapdoor, huh?”
She almost choked on her salad before swallowing it down and laughing.
“Yeah, that’s about right. It’s kinda been a while since I tried to stop that fast. Sorry, by the way.”
“No worries.”
Stupid. A conversation killing response. I hurried to fill the silence with a bite of salad in the hopes that the excuse might alleviate the awkwardness.
“What about your day, Twilight?”
I gulped none too politely and almost choked.
“It was pretty... yeah, it was kinda boring. I fixed a book for ‘what’s-her-mane-’”
“-Bon Bon.”
“Yeah, Bon Bon. Didn’t know if you remembered her name, so I figured I’d just go with what you knew.”
“I can remember her name!”
We both laughed and I put my fork down.
“Then I got in the... conversation with you, and then Rarity and her... well, he came with her of course.”
I couldn’t keep the edge out of my voice here, and it left my cheeks burning.
“Yeah? You really don’t care for him?”
“It’s not really that... it’s just...”
Oh whatever. I’d just spend five minutes crying into her mane, I could share something of value, couldn’t I?
“It’s more that it’s awkward to see them so... happy together, you know?”
“Huh?”
“I mean I don’t... I guess I’m just jealous, maybe? But I don’t think that’s it. I just don’t get how they do it. How can they be so happy? That’s the kind of stuff that happens in books. Real ponies don’t get no-drama-no-nonsense relationships.”
She set her fork down and leaned in, face suddenly serious.
“Oooooh. I get it.”
“Yeah.”
She sat back and pushed her plate away. After two bites, I had a hard time thinking she was done with it.
“Y’know, I... I’ve... nah.”
My curiosity was piqued, so I’m not sure how the only thing I could reply with was-
“Huh?”
“Yeah, I mean... It’s not a big deal or anything, but I know what you mean. It’s hard to believe how easy someponies have it when it comes to love and stuff.”
Now this was proper dinner conversation between girls. I think.
“You’ve got your eye on somepony?”
“Somethin’ like that... it’s uhhh... she’d never- I mean... They’d never go for it.”
She? Could it be? And now my heart was pounding. I’d left Canterlot for fear of being found out- returned to Ponyville to live a celibate life because anypony like me was so hard to find, and the pony I’d sold my soul to was... Could it really be that all this time, right under my nose, Rainbow Dash shared the same interests I did? I was dimly aware of the voice in my head screaming not to push the issue, shouting at me that I’d spent so much time and effort hiding it myself, that what she’d just shared was equally private, that she might not want to be known or want me to acknowledge it. I shoved that voice into the quietest most distant part of my brain possible. My heart was sold to... well, it’s always been sold to Her, but here was another mare who liked mares. Somepony who might know the same shared suffering. I quieted the screaming voice and drove onward against all reason.
“Rainbow, who is she?”
“Huh? Did I say... Didn’t mean-”
And it came out of my lips before I ever meant it to.
“I like mares too, it’s ok, you can tell me.”
“Oh. R-really?”
We were over the bridge. She knew now. I couldn’t take it back. I couldn’t swallow. I was faintly aware that neither of us had breathed for a very long time. Perhaps because of those things words were getting harder, not easier. I managed a breathy single syllable.
“Yeah...”
“She’s uhhh... well she’s a friend of mine. A unicorn. Long time friend.”
And now the conversation clicked in a full circle and I breathed again. Rarity. I turned my tone to pity as my heart slowed.
“Oh... Oh Rainbow, I’m so sorry.”
“What do you-”
A look of confusion crossed her face, but I wouldn’t let her hide it anymore.
“It’s ok. I mean... I... You know she’s spoken for just as well as I do.”
She suddenly met my eyes with the resilience only she possesses.
“Oh. Yeah.”
“Yeah. She’s uhhh... Look, do you wanna finish dinner in the living room?”
She looked so relieved so suddenly, and I needed a place I could take her to. She’d taken care of me minutes ago, and now it was my turn. I grabbed a fresh glass of water and followed her slow walk into the living room. We both sank into a cushy couch together and I put a hoof on her shoulder and offered her the water.
“Hey... Take this.”
“Sorry Twi... Not supposed to be moping. Stupid feelings.”
I couldn’t keep the kindness out of my voice. I echoed her every sentiment.
“There’s no such thing... It’s ok.”
“Yeah, I guess...”
Silence.
“Twilight, how- how long have you been-”
“Since I was a little filly. You?”
“Same, I guess. I mean, I never really thought about it until we all started hanging out and it just kinda... happened. I never meant to-”
Her hoof brushed mine as she awkwardly fidgeted. We both jerked away, but...
“Hey, Dash...”
“Huh?”
The voice in my head was silent. The whole room was still. I couldn’t help it, I put my hoof back on hers. Starswirl help me but I put my hoof back on hers, and she turned it over gently and held mine back.
“I thought I was the only-”’
“Yeah, me too.”
We both looked anywhere but each other now, but I was ready to take the plunge. Outside the wind picked up and I distantly heard the sound of rain falling in the window she’d knocked out, but it was the last thing on my mind.
“Dash... do you want to stay here tonight?”
“Huh?”
“I mean... if you want. It’s really...”
The rain picked up and I couldn’t ignore it. The hammering droplets on the roof threatened to shatter all my nerve, and I bit my lip before pushing forward. Her voice drew my eyes to her. She sat on the couch, wings tucked tight, scarlet color pouring into her powder blue face.
“It’s really raining now.”
I wasn’t expecting her to push back. My heart thudded. What was I doing? Wasn’t this stupid? Lust driven, idiotic- we both have our hearts sold to different mares, why be so... but why be so hung up we missed out on anything anypony normally gets to do? We’re all the other has. Push forward!
“I uhhh... it’s kinda hard to fly in that rain, right?”
“Not really.”
I almost choked on my tongue. Did she want to stay or not? I was having trouble finding creative ways to both invite her and give her an out.
“Uhhh... oh. Ok.”
“Hey Twilight, can I stay here tonight?”
Her hoof crept up my arm. Luna help us, what were we doing?
“Well yeah, that’s what I was trying to say... You should just stay here tonight. I’m not really... used to the house being alone.”
It was a lame excuse, and poorly worded, but my throat was dry and I didn’t want to stumble over any more words trying to correct my grammar.
“Yeah, I guess.”
So I took her hoof and lead her up the stairs to the loft where my bed was.
“Isn’t it kind of early for... sleep?”
I felt stupid the second I said it, but we’d both just laid down like idiots and somepony had to say something. She rolled over and looked at me for a minute.
“Your bed’s really stiff.”
“Oh, uhhh... sorry.”
“Gonna have to show you my new cloud mattress later. It’s like sleeping on air.”
I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. The level of awkward had transcended anything and just driven straight into stupidity. The laughter dissolved it all. We were being stupid. We were both sold on the idea of other mares, and I knew it. Both of our causes were hopeless. We’d both be lonely. And just like that the laughter faded. When I stopped laughing she stopped smiling, and now the awkwardness had transcended anything I’d ever expected. What zone were we in? Were we going to just walk away and call this a close brush with stupidity? Were we actually supposed to push past the laughter and go back to the tense moment? Was the laughter going to cure us both of the melancholy and let us just enjoy the other’s company? With no clear idea of where to go from here my heart drifted into some begging, pleading prayer. Please... just tonight, let something go right. We both need something from the other.
Luckily, Rainbow solved the matter of just what we need for each other. She wiggled across my apparently stiff mattress and pulled me into her.
“Jeeeeeez... You look so tired. Why doncha tell me about the ideal Twilight Sparkle day.”
So I did. I poured out a list of all the books I’d love to read if I only had the time. I told her about how I’d love to go back to practicing magic for fun instead of fixing everyone’s stuff all the time. I told her I’ve got an alphabetized list downstairs of hundreds of hobbies I’d love to try to pick up that I’ve made over the years. I told her about how if I had the time I’d try them all, from “A” for applebucking to “W” for wine tasting. I told her how I’d love to go to councils in Canterlot if only I trusted myself around there anymore. I stopped short of telling her why I didn’t. Some things aren’t worth revealing even in the downy winged embrace of your close friend.
Then I asked her what she’d like to do if she could live her life however she wanted. I thought it was a big more broad. Next to me her eyes opened from where they’d been closed and she shook her rainbow mane. It practically sparkled in the dim light of my bedside lamp.
“Huh? Oh. Go back to flying for fun, I guess? Go out drinking and dancing with everypony once in a while... not like we used to every weekend or anything but at least once a month or something. Maybe go back to cloudsdale more often... Get out of here and stretch my freakin’ wings on an adventure or two once a year. Ponyville’s just so... boring, y’know?”
I admit I was honestly curious. I sat up to make eye contact. My hoof strayed to her back and rested there.
“Boring how?”
“Oh, uhh. Well I mean, it’s not awful or anything. It’s just it feels like... well take you for example. You’re something crazy special right? Princess’ prize student, and you’re slumming around in this library. No offense. Really though, don’t you feel it? Like you wanna stretch your legs sometimes? Like all the ponies who keep asking you for stuff don’t understand how hard on you it is to buckle down and do that kind of stuff when you could be out there?”
Now I knew we were on the same page. My hoof slipped from her back to brush tentatively against her bottom, waiting for protest.
“Well... I know I gave up a lot of prospects to live in Ponyville, but that’s just how it goes. Celestia says in her writing that to the gifted nothing is more wonderful and dangerous than the adoration of others.”
She wiggled a little bit against my hoof, and I briefly wondered if this was my signal to squeeze her butt or just her adjusting on my apparently stiff mattress.
“Sounds complicated.”
“Well... It’s great to be praised, but people come to expect everything because of it. She means fame’s double edged.”
“Really?”
“Well sure. It’s what all the scholars of pony philosophy taught.”
“Oh, that’s neat. I guess I don’t really have a hoof for that kind of stuff.”
I smiled. Sometimes I forget how hard it can be to understand her teachings.
“It’s not everypony’s skill, Rainbow. She’s insanely complicated. Honestly, ‘Help others as you would want to be helped’ and ‘A good mind doing naught is often doing the most.’ for example. She sounds like she’s so wise, but it all just... conflicts with itself. It can be confusing to imagine how... well, I don’t want to bore you but...”
She wiggled her flanks further against my hoof.
“It’s not boring. I like hearing about it.”
I smiled at the lie. Nopony likes to hear about it.
“You’re pretty clever, honestly. I was in the totally wrong direction, y’know? I figured she was saying something about being arrogant or somethin’.”
Somepony actually talking philosophy? I dug in.
“Arrogance? How do you suppose?”
Her hoof strayed behind her back and pressed mine to her bottom. I took the cue and started to rub, savoring the feeling of her toned muscled bottom in my hooves. Between my legs heat began to grow, and I distantly heard Rainbow Dash talking.
“Well, I dunno. It’s like... She says it’s wonderful to be adored and maybe it is... but maybe she’s afraid that ponies who are praised don’t just get confident, they get arrogant.”
If anypony could connect that teaching to something about avoiding arrogance it would be Rainbow Dash. It’s a lesson she’s always teaching herself. I couldn’t stop a sigh. But I had to admit she was looking at it differently. I grinded myself gently against her leg.
“Hey Rainbow?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for tonight. It’s... I guess it’s really fun to talk to somepony about anything I want to.”
“Yeah.”
I slid my hooves around to her sides. What else could I get away with at this moment? It was getting late, wasn’t it? Were we past the awkward stage? Was it smart to keep going? Wouldn’t we regret it tomorrow?
“Hey Twilight?”
“Yeah?”
“D’you think tonight we could...”
“I’m uhhh... I mean. We shouldn’t go on being miserable forever Rainbow. If you’re asking if I mind, I guess I don’t.”
“Mind what?”
Was she really going to make me jump that verbal river? Why was it just so awkward? Suddenly, I was angry. Nothing ever works right. Even with a lifetime’s pent up stress release in the cup of my hooves we were stumbling forward awkwardly. I jumped into her arms and pressed my lips to hers. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain by any degree of game theory.
“Mnnnnhhhaaaaahhh.”
She was trying to talk around my lips, but it wasn’t going to happen. Her hooves rubbed at my chest- rubbed, not pushed. She started to fondle at my haunches and I knew we were going forward. I stretched out to flick the light off, breaking our kiss, and she stopped me.
“Don’t. I... it’s been a long time. I need the lights.”
It had been a long time for me too. Never is a very, very long time. It made sense. By what little reasoning I had left I decided to play to all the experience I could.
“Do you... uhhh. Know what you’re doing more than I do, Rainbow?”
“Yeah.”
“You’ve been with another mare?”
“Long time ago. Before we met.”
“Oh. Ok. You want to... lead?”
“Sure.”
And she folded her wings around me and eased me onto my back. I let her spread my legs, let her move my tail out of the way. I could feel her breath, hot on a place I knew was radiating heat. I was aching. One touch there sent shocks through my body. The sensation of somepony else’s hooves touching was so foreign, but so perfect. I could feel her spreading and unfolding, every touch a pair of warm hooves on hot body. Her breath got closer and suddenly her tongue was swirling around on my clit and I was letting out moans I didn’t know I could give.
Her tongue was everywhere it could be. If she was out of practice I couldn’t tell from anything other than the nervous shaking in her hooves. Her tongue... Stars and moon as my witness it found every inch inside me. It explored, it slickened, it cooled. Any place her tongue wasn’t, her hooves were. They stretched and groped and squeezed my haunches and flanks. They rubbed at my back as she flipped me onto my stomach and pulled my bottom into the air to bury her face between my legs. The tip of her hoof slipped ever so slightly inside and I let out a sigh.
“Do you... have anything you wanna put in?”
I shook my head. I’ve never owned anything specific. I’ve spent all my time growing up living with Spike, if I’d owned a thing other than my hooves he’d have found it. I decided to confess.
“To be honest, I don’t even find the prospect enticing... As far as I’m concerned, I haven’t missed much.”
“Huh? Y’mean you don’t want anything inside ever?”
“Well, I’m just not... interested in colts, at all.”
“Well duh, you said that much, but do you mean you- it feels good no matter who you like Twi.”
“Oh. Uhhhh... Do you have anything?”
“Do I look like the kind of mare who carries that kinda thing around? Hold super still.”
The sound of her wings unfolding behind me after this topic was just too much. How could I not turn around?
“Does this work?”
“I’ve uhhh... Well, I mean I’ve read about it. I said hold still!”
Penetration- your first penetration or your latest- isn’t something that can be described. In one careful, slow thrust she slipped the tip of her wing in. They’re surprisingly sturdy, strangely firm, and plenty long enough. I suppose the crook that her feathers occupy- but it’s not important.  I’d never felt anything like it.
“You ok?”
“Nnnhaaaaaahhhuuuh.”
The sensation of being filled by something was overwhelming. Everything in me was burning, aching to be touched. I scrambled to rub her hooves all over my body, but she was out of reach. I felt things loosen and tighten to accomodate, and I was dimly aware that she was awkwardly encouraging me to start seeing to myself.
“Y’r gonna have to rub yourself, I can’t do both.”
I touched my clit, but I wasn’t ready for the combination of the two. The heat spread into every inch of me, the combined stimulation was driving me past it and into insanity. I can’t imagine how anypony has a comparable experience, but when she started gently rocking her body, managing tiny thrusts, everything changed. I was a moaning bundle of pleasure. I know I took the sheets clean off the bed with my spare hoof, that my legs kicked and bucked, that I almost fell off several times but for her careful direction.
My chest tightened, I swear I couldn’t breathe in between screams, I locked my teeth to focus. Inside my body a flood of pleasure welled up and pushed against every tightened muscle I had to be let out. And when it was done, the orgasm was too much. Everything flooded into a scream, and I sat there dazed and panting. Not a single muscle was tight. I’d never been lightheaded after masturbation. I’d never been this short for breath. I’d never been this sensitive. She flopped into bed next to me, wings tucked, and locked her lips to mine.
“Do you want to...?”
I eased her onto her back, hoping I would do it right.
“Thanks... Twilight.”
I gave her a grim face and told her not to thank me yet. I lowered my still panting face to her glistening slit and gently spread it with my hooves. I tend to be gentle, but she’d been rough. Was rough better? Or was it just how she liked it? I lowered my tongue and heard her breath quicken as my panting neared her moist marehood. As a trial I gave a heavy sigh and felt her whole body tense in my arms. I knew she was dying for the touch, so I licked cautiously.
There isn’t a great deal to be said for taste in these sorts of matters, but I hardly noticed it around her rocking body. She was so hot, so wet already, and the more I licked the less I cared about any factors but the moans I was getting in reply. I felt clumsy, but I managed to find her clit and start to lap at it. At first she pushed away, but when I came up to see what was wrong she just shook her head and spread her legs a bit more.
Someponies are sensative, as it turns out. Rainbow Dash must be one of them, because I had to wrestle her grip to keep my face down. All the while her scent grew stronger, her insides wetter, her body more tense. I had no wings to insert, and I’d have apologized if I could have. She tapped my horn.
“C’mon... use your horn... put it in.”
The angle was awkward, the position strange, but I did my best. She took care of the rest, hooves working furiously at her clit while I gently rocked my body forward and backward. As her breathing quickened, so did my pace, as I assumed she wanted. She cried out a number of times and tried to push me away, but I knew better now. I pushed in all the harder until she was a rocking moaning heap of sky blue feathers and her rainbow mane was being flung wildly about. With a last cry she went still and I drew out, horn dripping wet. I wanted to ask if we could do it again, if we could try other positions and try grinding together, but all I could do was whimper as she pulled the blankets over us. I wouldn’t cry here. It was my first time.
Her wings tucked around me and she pulled me closer. I snuggled in because it’s all I had. I held her body because it was warm and anything outside those sheets was cold and disappointing. I cried and kissed at her chest because tonight was the first time I’d cried or laughed in distant memory, and I needed it, and she’d given it to me. I pulled her a little closer because I’d meant to yell at her tonight and instead she’d given me everything, and tomorrow she’d be out of my bed and on her way back to normality, and so would I.
> Chapter 2
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Entry 2: Cunnilingus, Romance, Tribadism, Light Bondage Themes, Light Domination Themes

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36th of Winter, 1009PN

“Timeless beauty in sky o’erhead
May yet quell this feeling of dread;
For in the warmth of her radiant face,
I might still find a humble subject’s place.
And on the shadows of that light I hide,
Afraid still to rest fore’er at her side.”

Diary,
Yesterday was easily my worst day of the week. I’m becoming increasingly concerned with my “relationship” with Dash, and yesterday was filled with all sorts of clarity and confusion. As many questions as it answered, it raised a dozen more. I may be moving in the distant future, but I may be getting ahead of myself in talking about it. Let me start at the beginning of my day.

Knocking. I always wake up to the sound of knocking. Sometimes I roll over and pretend I can sleep through it. I try now. When it carries on for another few minutes I finally roll out of bed with a yawn and stumble down the stairs, through the living room, and up to the door. It's the mailmare. She stands there wall eyed and grinning as she adjusts her saddlebags. If I was in a better mood, I might ask her how her day was going, how her daughter was doing, or if that rain visor I mended a week ago is holding up well. Considering that I've just woken up, my silence is probably a kindness. I'm rarely coherent or kind this early.
I give her a look that should be much nicer than it is as I sign for a package. She tilts her head as I do it, and I look to where one of her eyes stares. Bruises, hickeys, and scratches all up my body. No wonder she looks confused, I must look like I just wrestled a bear. I stammer out an awkwardly worded thank you and close the door on her before more blushing can give me away. When I turn around my vision is filled with bright blue pegasus.
“Think she saw me?”
I can't hold back a laugh, but I try my best to hide it in a derisive snort.
“Were you behind me the whole time, just flapping there?”
She moves in a little closer, wingbeats barely making a sound.
“Not... the whole time. Just wondering what you'd have done if I'd...”
I finish closing the distance. My lips up against hers. She doesn't say anything, just touches down, hooves wrapping around my back and smoothing out my bedtossed mane. Somewhere I'm aware of the distant sound of mail and my new package falling to the floor. My hooves are needed elsewhere. I pull her in closer and press my tongue into her mouth. She lets me do it, doesn't even try to contest it with hers, just slides it over and over mine as I lick every inch of the inside of her mouth. Somewhere in all of the tastes, I find strawberries. I break the kiss.
“How long have you been up?”
She eases onto her back and tries to bat her eyes at me. The effect, at least on a pony like Rainbow Dash, is funnier than it is innocent.
“Who me? I've been up since you got up.”
I grin and settle down next to her, scooping up the fallen package and rubbing it on her chest. She moans as I kiss a line down her chest to her waist.
“Oh Rainbow. Be honest with me now. You’ve already had breakfast. You're always up before me these days. It's supposed to be the other way around.”
“You keep taking forever to get up! I woke up at freakin' noon, how'd you sleep past that?”
“Well, somepony's been keeping me busy in the evenings.”
I'm not exaggerating. Every evening, for a week now. I'd been worried that first morning; worried that I'd wake up and she'd be gone. Instead she'd snuggled into my back and thanked me for a good night. Rainbow Dash snuggling? I'd almost jumped out of my skin in shock. But how could I deny her when she showed up for dinner that night again? I wanted everything to keep happening just the way it did, perhaps sans a few degrees of awkwardness. So far, it has. She comes over every night ,we make a dinner, talk about our days, spend some time reading. She hasn't gone home one night all week. Sometimes I bother to make up excuses, the lateness of the hour or the weather. I'm fairly certain I don't need to.
Today is Saturday, but we both have things to do. I don't let it stop me. With a quick pull on the tape the plain brown box is opened. Rainbow sits up next to me to inspect the contents.
“Told ya you'd be excited by the time it got here.”
I roll my eyes. Color me skeptical, but I'm not interested in colts, and I've explained it before. Rainbow was insistent, and I caved, but it doesn't make me doubt it any less. Still... maybe she's more perceptive than I figure she is. This has been a fantasy of mine lately.
I pull out the dildo and wave it in front of her face.
“This? This doesn't excite me.”
She rolls onto her side and raises an eyebrow, hooves traveling down the length of my body. Every inch she covers is warmed, and her touch sends prickles up my back. She knows it, and she's smiling when she replies.
“Huh. Excites me. No offense, but you kinda feel a little excited too.”
“Thinking of what you'll do with that. That's what's got me excited. That's all.”
“Uh-huh. Same time tonight then?”
I've got things to do today, and so does she... I bite my lip thinking about them. They're filed away, categorized. They can still be done if I'm quick. She's on the verge of standing when I stop her.
“Tonight? Do you reeeeaaally want to wait that long?”
“Hah! Here, on the floor? Shouldn't we make it a special occasion?”
“It's just a piece of rubber, Rainbow.”
She sighs and looks out the window of the library. Did I say something wrong? It's nothing more than that to me.
“C'mon. I gotta get flying. Clouds don't organize themselves.”
“Breakfast?”
“Already had some strawberries. Remember?”
“See you tonight?”
She manages a smile.
“You bet.”
As soon she's out the door I roll over onto my hooves and chuck the box out of sight.

What am I doing? I don't love this pony. We still haven't talked about what all this is supposed to be, but it's not dating. I don't consider it to be, at any rate. I have no idea what she considers it to be, and that worries me. I don't want to hurt her feelings. I think I just did. I consider going after her, but I'm not sure if she wants other ponies to know what we're doing, and anything like that would certainly out the both of us. I don't want to think about being outed.
I need to talk to somepony. I have nopony to talk to about it. I need to get my things together. I need breakfast, and to get this library organized. I don’t have time to break down over this, or be weak, or pretend it’s something I can’t handle. We’ll just talk about it tonight. She’ll come over, we’ll have dinner like we have every night since this started, and after... well. We’ll see. We need to talk about it.
I scoop up the mail and set it on the kitchen table. Priorities have changed in the half minute it takes to reach it. I smell like sex and sweat, and I look like a mess. If anypony comes to call while I’m having breakfast- a likely possibility in this town of dependants- just answering the door will be an embarrassment. I head up the stairs to the bathroom. As the water runs I sit in front of the mirror, examining the marks that constant sex has left on my body. I know Dash has similar ones, and I wonder how she hides them. Her coat’s a lighter color and the bruises likely show easier. I suspect I’m not as rough as she is though. When I can get a good climax out of her...
I can feel heat spreading in my privates and hormones obscuring reason. I try to push them to the back of my mind, but decide against it. I need a clear head today. Get the hormones out of the way, right? Rainbow should have helped me... she helps me every morning. Surely she feels it too, how hard it is to go a day without sex once you’ve had it for the first time? I’ve been waiting my whole life for it. I have a lot of catching up to do.
I slide down into the basin as the shower water steams out over me. I let it rain down on me, working my hooves to force my legs further apart so that it can wash over me in full. Slowly, steadily, one hoof starts to work in circles. The heat spreading through my body has nothing to do with the shower- half my body still hasn’t been exposed to the water. I let my memories drift into the last few nights, a whirlwind of bedsheets and hot bodies. Her wings wrapping around me. Her soft hooves touching every spot properly. The way she suckles at my clit, the way she begs me in soft whispers to cum for her as her hooves pick up speed.
I return to thoughts of how she locked her legs with mine, how we’d rubbed so roughly against one another. I’d always fantasized sex as soft and gentle, but she’s an expert at being a wild animal. She’s unafraid to spend a half an hour using just her tongue to make me scream and shake. She constantly pushes me to be rough back. Every night, a little more. Last night I had to pin her to the bed, straddle her face, run my hooves through her prismatic mane and grip it as if I were riding some creature gone mad as she assaulted my every private inch with her tongue.
I slip back to reality as I feel the pleasure building, coiling up in my chest like a spring. I have to focus on me now. I soften my touch and increase my speed, three spare legs kicking and flexing involuntarily as I reach a pinnacle of pleasure and come crashing back down, breathing ragged. Sound drifts back into my senses, loud and shocking. The relaxing beat of a shower spout on my bathtub has never seemed so thunderous, the rising and falling of my chest is eerily frantic as my own heavy breathing assaults my ears.
Just like that, stress slips away. I smile, and even manage a laugh. Just as fast as it comes, guilt follows. I need to make a decision about Dash. I believe that my heart belongs to another pony, even if I share my body with her. I hope she understands.
I shampoo my mane, body, and tail in silence while I try to think about what I have to do today. Library needs organizing. With magic it’ll take minutes. Groceries need buying. There’s no Spike to do that now. For that, meals need planning. I can save some time if I leave the cookbooks out. In fact, I’ll get the recipes first, then put all the books away, cookbooks included. It’ll save on time. No more dragonfire. I need to get the oven fixed up. I’ve never needed it in the decade and a half I’ve spent in the library. Make a list of spare parts. Keep the lists separate, but keep track of the master list...
I finish washing out the soap and lay on my stomach for a minute, letting the water hit my face. I don’t particularly like it, the temporary blindness that comes with clenching my eyes shut always leaves me a bit scared. When I can’t take not knowing any more, I move my tail around my body and bury my face in it. It smells like mint shampoo and plain conditioner. Fairly plain. I’m not big on scents. Dash has mentioned liking them before though. I add “scented conditioner” to the mental list. Maybe smelling like a bed of roses won’t hurt my chances of keeping this good thing going.
It takes a few more minutes to gather up the guts to get out of the shower and really start my day. I remind myself that it’s not that big of a deal, that there can’t be that much to do beyond the simple categories I’ve already outlined. I just have to hurry through it and I can come home, have a nice dinner, maybe curl up in a warm bed with Dash... Failing that, read a good book. I twist off the taps and towel myself from head to toe.

Lunch is a celery wrap with lettuce, tomato, carrots and ranch dressing. Quick, easy, efficient. Also the last bits of food I can find in the house. I scoop up some recipe books and start to jot down meals, wondering whether I should consider Rainbow in any of this. She likes fruits over vegetables. Sweet things like cantaloupe, watermelon, strawberries. I whistle as I jot down some of her favorites. Her mouth tasted lovely this morning. Not many ponies can brag about that.
I thumb through the mail as I finish my meal, and stop at a navy blue envelope. Royal postage? I slide my hoof under the fold of the letter, break the Princess’ personal wax seal, and perhaps too quickly yank the parchment out. It’s been a very long time since I saw this sort of correspondence- she must know that Spike’s gone, then. I hadn’t even thought to tell her. I hadn’t really expected to get many letters from her after leaving Canterlot.
The letter doesn’t improve my day at all. In it, she invites me to teach at the university in Canterlot. She’s offering me a fulltime professorship- exactly the kind of thing I’ve always wanted... but at her side. I force myself to swallow my wrap. It tastes foul and sticks to the roof of my very suddenly dry mouth. I pour myself a glass of water as I turn it over in my head. The implications of being a member of the Princess’ court on a fulltime basis are too many to overlook. It’ll get to be... close to her. Forever. Is that a good thing, or a bad one? An image of her slowly forms in my mind. Beautiful. Unaging. Understanding. One of the only beings in the cosmos who understands what it’s like to have to push through fire to do the simplest things, and just what that fire can amount to. I’ve seen her do things even I can’t do. Watched every inch of lovely, graceful figure raise the very sun that every one of us owes our lives to.
She deserves a quick answer, but I don’t think I have one. I need to put it on the to-do list. Talk to the Princess. From the tone of the letter, my professorship would begin in fourteen months. This is the ruler of all of Equestria though. My reply should be prompt. I’ll get to her as quickly as possible. I add “Write Letter to Princess” down, but scratch it out in favor of “Decide entire life’s future.” That feels a little more honest, and a little less juvenile.
List completed, I scoop up some canvas bags and start to move the recipe books back to their proper places. It’s not hard to animate them with magic, sending them soaring through the air to stack up on shelves. I’m standing in that familiar coldness in seconds, pushing all distractions out forcibly. When the last book slides into place I sigh. I wonder as I lock up the library if Rainbow will keep her promise and show up tonight.
The rain starts just as I step into the store. I wonder if it’s a coincidence, or if she’s up there somewhere watching me, making sure I stay dry. Would she do that? She wouldn’t have before, friends or not. I’m not sure why I suddenly think she would. I try to forget about her until tonight, and fill my saddlebags with healthy foods. Rice. Peppers. Onions. Pineapple. Some Tofu. Broccoli. Stirfry? Check. I stop in the fruit aisle for the fruit salads when a familiar voice catches my ear.
“H-hey. Twilight! Twilight Sparkle!”
That nervous tone says plenty. She wants something. They always do.
“Hey Carrot Top. Things going well?”
“Yes. Well, no. Not entirely. But you don’t want to hear about those things. How are things for you?”
She’s right, I really don’t want to hear about her problems. I’m supposed to be grocery shopping. That should be an easy process. Nopony should get requests made of them when they’re just trying to take care of themselves. I’m always mystified when I let my mouth do the talking instead of my brain. I can’t believe my ears when my voice conveys sincere interest.
“Oh, I’m fine. Are things not going well for you? Is something wrong?”
“Well... It’s just that this month’s harvest is a little behind. The rain’s not coming like we’d hoped, and the wild animals keep getting into my patches.”
“Hmm. Rainbow Dash should be able to take care of the rain, and Fluttershy should be able to handle the animals. Was there something I could help you with, specifically?”
I try to be kind about it, but this happens all too often. Ponies with talents much more suited than mine are almost never requested of. Princess Celestia’s teachings warn any magician that “Magic is both ponykind’s greatest strength and it’s greatest weakness”.
Most ponies don’t study her teachings. They don’t realize the double intention there. Friendship is our world’s greatest strength, but using magic to fix everything... well, that’s the idea anyway. It doesn’t get practiced as often as anyone means to.
Carrot Top cuts into my internal rhetoric.
“It’s just that... I’ve talked to them, but I’m still behind. Isn’t there anything you can do?”
I shrug. Growth spells could work, but they tend to be hard on the earth. There’s a reason Unicorns don’t farm. No amount of magical accuracy can match that innate understanding of the ground. We usually tear the heart and soul out of the soil trying to use it the way Carrot’s suggesting. Any farmer knows that, which means that if she’s really asking me for help, there must be something else going on here.
“Carrot, is there anything I should know about?”
“Nothing... really. The animals just did a lot of digging. I mean, a lot of digging. There’s barely anything growing in my garden now. I know it’s bad for it, but I really need the help. We won’t make the quota to winter if we don’t get back into it.”
“We?”
“Well... myself and all the farmers.”
“All the farmers?”
“Most of us.”
This is a little more serious. I sigh. I really will have to get involved if it’s as bad as she says.
“Let me finish up my shopping and I’ll come with you.”
Her face bursts into a smile.
“Sure!”
I throw together a few more meals in my basket. It should get me through the week. Carrot Top never leaves my side as I finish going through the aisles, occasionally trying to start a conversation as I navigate my very first shopping list. It’s not as easy as I assumed it would be. I don’t know where most things are, and I end up having to ask her. She leads me to each one with a happy smile, chatting about any number of things. It’s funny how a simple yes has changed her attitude.
“Making cheesy potatoes?”
I look up from the list. She’s not there. Behind me? Yes. Reading over my shoulder.
“Yeah. I’m... not really good at it yet.”
“Hmmm. Rarity makes them every year for the Ponyville cooking fair. They’re pretty nice. You should get her recipe!”
Actually, it was her potatoes that made me want to learn to make my own. Carrot doesn’t need to know that though. She also doesn’t need to know that her continued breathing on the back of my ear is pulling me back to last night with every syllable.
Sex drive is like some kind of fishing hook, honestly. Think one thought about it, then try to think about something else. Your mind can’t stay away for long. It’s only a matter of time until hormones pull you back in. Don’t think of purple ponies? That’s a casual level of mind games. Don’t think about sex? You’ll be rubbing your privates down in a bathroom in a half an hour. It wasn’t always like that for me.
“I think she uses two more kinds of cheese.”
“...Yeah?”
“Want me to find them for you?”
“...yeah.”
As soon as she’s out of sight I’m hurrying toward the canned foods aisle. Healthy? It’s going out the window, I need to get out of here fast. While she does that, I hurry to finish my list, one way or the other, free of distractions. She returns with two wedges of cheese as I put the last of the fruits into my basket and head for the register.
I pay, wait for Carrot to pay for her various odds and ends, and hurry out the door. I don’t remember the rain until we’re outside and in it. With the wind picking up, it’s hard to hear Carrot. She compensates for it by sidling up next to me. Each time she steps she sways her hips. I never noticed she was so feminine. When her flank brushes mine I try to think of something other than the last week. I try not to think of Rainbow Dash coming over tonight. If I can just make it past Carrot’s chores, get to the hardware store, repair the oven... Mental list. Stick to the mental list.
“Twilight? Where are you going?”
I’ve continued walking, and she’s stopped at her farmstead. I need to get it together.
“I’m sorry. Just trying to keep track of all the places I need to be going today.”
I manage to end it with a nervous laugh, and she smiles.
“I hope this doesn’t take too long.”
She opens the gate to her garden and I step into it. It looks like something’s run through it. Whatever it is that did the digging was big, too. Bears? In ponyville? I make a mental note to ask Fluttershy if she really knows what did the digging before I reach into my magic.
There’s a lot of heat inside right now. Memories of last night thunder up into my senses, and the heat burns at me. Pushing past it takes a great deal of effort. I’m not sure where to begin, so I start filing away all the memories like She taught me. Dash’s hooves go in a box, and I lock it away. Memories of her tongue, another shelf. The rising heat in my privates threatens to push back as I re-experience everything I’ve been consumed by since Carrot’s breath drifted across the back of my neck a half an hour ago. I force it back down with sheer force of will. Slowly, everything cools. The earth scoops itself up, moves back into place. Vegetables take root once more, they grow from seeds to saplings. The earth groans in my mind, and I gently wall it out with an apology. When I’m done, her garden looks just like it should.
“Better?”
“Oh Twilight, it looks amazing, just amazing! Thank you... thank you so much!”
“You’re going to have to work that soil hard next year, I think...”
She rests a hoof on the leaf of a tomato vine and her smile threatens to reach from one ear to the other.
“It’s alright. We’ve had a tough couple years. I know it’ll understand. It always does.”
I force myself to swallow. Even between plant and pony, that level of relationship never ceases to amaze me. She knows her ground inside and out.
I sound weak. I try to put a little bit more confidence in my speech I get to her name. Nothing to see here. Magic that simple, tiring me out? Nah. Not for the Princess’ star student. No trouble at all for the one who she wants to teach magic at her university.
“Is that everything you needed, Carrot?”
“Oh. Yeah, I guess it is. Sure you won’t come in for tea?”
I don’t think I can sit in a room with anypony right now. I need to get my oven parts and get home. I decline in a voice all too distant sounding and rush away as fast and politely as possible. Once I’m out of sight I make a beeline for Hammer and Sickle’s hardware shop as fast as my heavy saddlebags will carry me.
The oven needs new coils, and it needs rewiring. I’ve looked it over a dozen times in a book. I’m still not sure I’ll do it correctly, but I’m determined to try. I head through the racks of things I’ll never use or buy to the ones I never thought I’d use or buy a week ago. I probably wouldn’t have found what I was looking for if he wasn’t standing right next to it.
Rarity and her husband, in the hardware store? I had no idea the boutique needed repairs. Yet there he stands, unmistakable and towering over the electric wiring section. He doesn’t notice me, too busy turning over bits of wire in those hands, each thing piece likely up for inspection. Rarity notices me though, and she seems happy for the distraction.
“Twilight?”
I can’t duck behind something in time. I take the opposite approach and trot up. Talking to Rarity might take my mind off... everything that’s currently on it.
“Twilight! I knew it was you. Such a lovely purple coat simply can’t be easily mistaken. What brings you to the hardware store?”
I smile at the open compliment, and I know she means it. The last pony to say something kind about my coat and mane was... Rarity clears her throat. An awkward pause has crept in while I digested the compliment and digressed quickly into thoughts of last night again.
“Oh. Oven parts.”
“Oven parts? Something broken at the library?”
I nod.
“It’s been broken all along. I’ve just never needed it. I’m not really even sure how to rewire it, if I’m honest. I mean, I know the specifics, but...”
“It’s hard to fix something with magic with just technical details... I know exactly what you mean.”
I nod. She’s a masterful seamstress. She probably does.
“Would you like our help? He knows enough about wiring, and perhaps you’d enjoy a little conversation?”
I shrug now. I wasn’t really planning on having anyone over... But I stop before I tell her so. Ponies might get suspicious if Rainbow’s the only pony going in and out of the library regularly. I nod instead. Rarity can come over, tea sounds nice, and I’d be glad for the help. She bumps his leg with her nose before trotting over to me.
“Wonderful! Be a dear and get Twilight the wire on her list, would you darling?”
Just a nod. No words. So very shy, perhaps? Or is it caution? Celestia warned all of us, him included, about giving away too much of who and what he was. I wonder if he talks to Rarity at night, after a long day of being shut up. It seems lonely. That’s what relationships are for, right? Having someone who “gets” you that you can open up to? I can’t help but be happy for both of them. I wonder if it hurts Rainbow to see them so happy together.

By the time we’re home everyone is soaked. I shake the water off without much thought, beside me Rarity stops and accepts her husband’s coat, using the inside of it to towel off.
“Mmm. Hot tea would be perfect right now, wouldn’t it Twilight?”
I agree entirely. I have plenty of teas. We all go into the kitchen and he rolls up his sleeves and opens my oven door without a word. Doesn’t even ask if I’m interested in helping. If my mood were better, I might have been, but I doubt I’d do anything but get in the way at the moment. Better to let Rarity help me get my mind off of sex and meeting up with Dash again tonight. I’ve had time to recover too, and I finally have a conversation topic. I start in with a casual tone as Rarity boils the water with a small spark of focused magic.
“So, what were you two at the hardware store for?”
“Ah. Well, don’t tell anypony, but we’re looking to expand the boutique.”
I smile. Perfect, a conversation topic I can sink my teeth into. Great distraction.
“Oh? Business must be going really well, hmmm?”
“Well, yes. Really though, we need more space. Expanding business, and expanding family you know...”
I almost spill the boiled water as my mind makes the last connection.
“Expecting? You’re pregnant?”
She looks at a very important spot on my ceiling.
“Well... yes. All the signs point that way, at least.”
“Rarity... that’s...”
Great? Perfect? Wonderful? Scary? Impossible?
“That’s really great news!”
She finally looks in my direction, redfaced up to the horn and incredibly interested in the tea I’m pouring up.
“Isn’t it just? We’d been trying for quite some time, truth be told... we saw Zecora,
then the Princess... and then... It’s just worked out so suddenly. I realize we should have asked her sooner, of course! Ah... The Princess, that is.”
I laugh. She would give something like this the green light. No real care for how either of them handle it, right? Why use those remarkable and unfathomable depths of power to make sure things go safely for them?
“And ahhh... ummm... She said that it would be alright, if you oversaw it.”
I force myself to swallow my first sip of tea. She’s good. How can I say no?
“I’d be honored Rarity. What do you need me to do?”
Sweet Luna, she’s tearing up. She’s honestly going to cry. I reach out and hug her while she sniffles.
“Thank you... Thank you so much. I promise. I shan’t even be a thought in your mind until nine months from now.”
“It’s alright. Will you need advise?”
“Advise... Time... anything that you can spare...”
So much for nine months from now. Best to push forward while the ice is broken.
“Do you need a midwife?”
I can probably find some books on that. No idea... what... she’ll give birth to, or even if it’ll work out. I’m probably just as qualified as Ponyville’s resident midwives in this case. Right?
“A... Yes! That would be wonderful.”
The baby might have some degree of complications. She could need emotional support before the month’s out.
“If you need anything at all, just let me know.”
“Can you... check on things? Now? Tell me what’s going on inside me? I’m sick every morning. I can’t keep food down unless it’s warm, hot, freshly cooked... I have the strangest urges for food I’d... never normally eat.”
I shrug and tell her those sound like stereotypical pregnancy issues.
“No, no... I know. I know normal issues, please... trust me. These are different.”
I finally break the hug and think for a moment. I should have a book or two. I don’t really want to try magic on her at the moment with
-don’t think about sex-
-the complications that I’ve been having with-
-just keep glossing over-
-magic lately-
-damn.
“I’ll try.”
I get to my hooves, and suddenly the kitchen I’ve been sitting this whole time returns to me. There’s loud clinking and the occasional swear coming from my oven, and a pair of legs and half a torso laying out of it. Rarity bumps into me as I stop to take it all in, and we both laugh. It’s a hollow, nervous sound. Both of us know it, we’ve been friends long enough to know real laughter from a fake.
“Twilight, are you sure?”
“I’ll make it happen Rarity, I promise.”
There. Now I’ve done it. No pressure, Twilight. It’s alright. She trained you for these things.
I know where the health checkup books are. I start pulling books off of shelves and stacking them by title and proximity to what I’m after.
“A Hundred Home Checkups for Unicorns”
Possible.
“Is It Always This Colour?: Disease Prevention in Pregnant Mares”
Maybe.
“Heartbeats to Hiccups: A Unicorn’s Guide”
Sounds promising.
“Baby’s Health: From Infancy to a Foal’s First Year”
Not exactly right, but good to know where it is. I put it in the “keep” pile with a look to Rarity. The unspoken faith that things will go that far gets a sniffle and a smile.
I finally put away the no-keeps and open the closest contender, by title. “Mares and Magical Medicine” is our winner. Pregnancy is in the index, and it’s a section that spans a dozen pages.
I open the book to the proper page and cough up some dust. It’s the work of a few minutes to find a proper checkup spell, and I dip into my magic before I can overthink it all. Maybe that’s just what I need. To stop being so indecisive.
It’s the wrong decision. There’s an insane amount of heat, I’m drowning in it. Somewhere, I can hear myself whimpering. I turn that sound into a rallying cry. This is too much power to direct in any particular direction. I need to push it out spell by spell. Sight. Foresight. Cloudwalking. Hair Styling. I’m getting cooler as the heat washes over me spell by spell. To anypony reading magic, I’d be radiating a half a dozen enchantments. I finally turn from the heat and plunge into cool magical security.
I see Rarity’s baby. Her womb, radiating steady promises of life. My foresight spell keeps driving me onward. It’s not supposed to work like this, I couldn’t make it work like this if I tried. It’s meant to be seconds of forewarning. Instead I can see forward by months. The rough shape of a foal, growing and pulsing. Nothing else. The future burns at my mind, and I look away from Rarity to something that won’t change so rapidly.
A window. It shatters six months from now.
A wall. The grains of the wood grow before my eyes.
A mirror.
I’m running the long road to Canterlot in the rain. Dash shouts for me to wait. I don’t listen.
I’m balled up on the floor, crying uncontrollably. Blood on my hooves. My blood?
I clench my eyes shut. Fear is turning that cold safety into a burning danger zone. I throw out a magic negation spell with the last of the cold and collapse on the floor, panting in sweet relief.
The blurred shape of Rarity comes into my vision.
“Twilight? TWILIGHT!”
My senses fade out and in as I struggle to stand.
“-get in here! Hurry!”
The distinct sound of two shoes running across my floor. A deep voice I barely recognize asks me if I’m alright. The awkward feeling of hands checking my pulse. My vision starts to clear out.
“Not... bad for a first try.”
“Twilight? You’re alright?”
I shake my head and try to give her a reassuring smile.
“Your baby’s looking fine. Can’t know for sure, but... I think foal shaped.”
“This early? How in Equestria can you tell?”
I need water, and for the questions to stop. My head’s exploding, and I’m trying to hold it together with my hooves. I can swear I feel it sliding around in broken pieces each time I grip. I give the best answer I’m capable of.
“Just... trust me. I went through a lot to find that out.”
“Forget about that for a moment. Just a moment. Oh, you useless- move her to a chair!”
I’m being lifted up. I slip back into blackness at the sudden motion. Doesn’t anypony know you don’t move a dying pony?

When my eyes open again, Dash is standing over me. This must be what heaven is like, I’m sure. The cool press of a wet washcloth on my forehead, and that angelic smile.
“Keep those eyes shut... you’re gonna be fine. You have to be fine.”
I shake my head and motion for her to come closer. Need to clear my head.
“Huh?”
I pucker my lips and she blushes.
“I think she’s gonna be fine. You two can... head out.”
“You’re sure? Do call me if her condition changes... I still feel we should get a doctor.”
“Doctors don’t know jack about magic, Rarity. You said it yourself: Twilight just needs some rest. She’s still breathing, heart’s still beating, she’s not bleeding.”
Are all these ponies arguing over me? How many are there? Is it two voices or twenty?
“They’re gone now. What’s up? Need some water?”
A golden lock of hair brushes my nose and I force my eyes wider. Her colorful mane cascades down toward me, like some prismatic waterfall.
“I’m not as bad off as I feel, I think. My head aches, but it’s nothing too bad... You said they’re gone?”
“Yeah?”
I leap on her. It makes me nauseous, and it makes me want to vomit, but it’s what I need more than anything else. I need to know I can get my magic out at a moment’s notice. I need somepony to take the heat out of my body, and replace it with cold calm. Just burying my face in her chest does that.
“Hey. Hey! Twilight, you ok?”
My stomach growls. I know it’s a weird question, but I ask it anyway.
“Is my oven fixed?”
“Huh?”
“I’m hungry.”
“Oh! Right. C’mon. Let’s get you into the kitchen.”
I squint. Is it really this dark in the library? I’m afraid of what the answer might be after all those vision spells. Fear floods back. If I’m blind- what would I do? How will I live?
“Hey. You want the lights on?”
Rainbow Dash. She’ll never know why I kiss her so suddenly, or just how badly the fall to the floor would have ended if she hadn’t started lowering us slowly with her wings. As we recline there every nerve in my body cries out for me to lie still and let it recover. Every inch of my insides tighten in anticipation of what she can do to me with just her breath.
“Rainbow?”
A soft kiss at my neck.
“Thought you were gonna die on me. Don’t do that.”
“Rainbow?”
“Huh?”
“Can we skip dinner?”
She kisses lower and I sigh and force my legs apart. Hell with the pain in my body. I need this so much right now.
“Don’t think that’s a good idea.”
I sigh and grab her mane with my hooves, shoving her face roughly between my legs.
“Don’t argue right now.”
“Twi...”
Her hot breath, on every exposed inch. She heaves a hot and heavy sigh and I shiver. If she doesn’t start soon, I might honestly die. She comes up for air and kisses my hip.
“Guess we can have dessert first though, if you really want it.”
She’s taking too long. I force her onto her back and straddle her face, just the way I did last night. The effort of sitting up on my own is almost too much, but I make it happen. I give her mane a deathgrip and feel her bury her tongue inside me.
I’m making sounds I didn’t know I could make in seconds. Her hooves rub, squeeze, and mash my haunches and flanks as her tongue probes deeper and licks hungrily. I clench myself around her tongue and call her all manner of curse words I didn’t know I knew. I scream for her to slap my ass and she does it, hard. The pain shocks me back to reality for only a second before I let her sweep me away again.
As she carries me upward with each lap of her tongue I dip back into my magic. I need it out of me. I can feel it swimming about in my head, unreleased and aching. My horn bursts to life and illuminates the entire room in bright violet as I welcome the cool water that instantly crushes my mind. Oh how I’ve needed this. Sparks jet about the room with reckless abandon, harmless displays of light that force every pent up failed spell of the day out of me.
The magical release is almost as good as the orgasm. I’m starting to think nothing is as good as the orgasm Rainbow Dash can bring me to though. Today has certainly been a testament to that fact. It steadily gets harder to breath with each suckle of her lips, harder to stay sitting with each probing of her tongue. By the time she moves onto my clit I can barely speak. Every muscle in my body is clenched and waiting for that release.
“C’mon. Cum for me. C’mon.”
Her voice is silk on my ears.
“It’s ok... c’mon...”
She’s here. Her hooves rub softly at my back. Someone’s clicked a switch that’s turned every inch of fierceness between us into gentility. Somehow that kindness alone won’t bring me over the edge, but it’s helping. I grab her mane and pull harder.
“Better do a good job. Left me fucking horny all day. Do you know how much of my day that’s ruined?”
I slap her haunches hard and force her to suck at my slit for a bit longer. She’s going to give me what I’ve been wanting all day. My horn floods the room with light again and I pin her to the floor with a simple conjuration of straps that leaves her wings beating lamely against the ground.
My tongue is suddenly dry, and I plunge it into her privates. Just the taste brings me over the edge at last with body rocking screams. She’s soaking wet and squirming, but the straps hold her still. She screams a stream of obscenities as I hungrily force my face back down, and I surface with a smack of my lips. My tongue is full of her taste, and it’s not bad. Slightly tangy, tasteful enough to leave me rubbing myself along her legs. I know I’m just as soaked from what she finished doing to me, and the small light creeping out from under the kitchen door catches on the streak of glistening juices I leave all the way up her leg as my grinding picks up in pace and force.
“Twi... lemme go. What’s gotten into you?”
I dip a hoof between her legs and ask her if she wants me to stop.
“N-no... Hey... C’mon, don’t push yourself. Let me take care of you tonight.”
I kiss her and hold my lips there until she gives me her tongue and stops trying to talk. Fatigue is suddenly creeping up, and my head is back to exploding. I sigh and sink down onto her chest.
“Twi... hey, c’mon. Take these straps off.”
I just want to sleep, and I tell her so. Through half lidded eyes I can see hers widen into terrified ruby pools.
“No... No! Get these off of me first!”
She struggles under me and the straps groan at the strength of her wings as she lifts herself off the ground against them. The floorboards I fused them to creak under the strain of her fighting them. I manage to undo the buckles pinning her forelegs down before I can’t do anything else. She’s out on her own in seconds. I can feel her hoof rubbing my back.
“Hey... hey, you ok? You feeling better?”
I nod weakly. My head hurts, but my stomach’s empty. The power and stress that have been dying to get out of me all night almost drove me mad, but all the heat in my mind has receded. Now all that remains is the fatigue of handling so many spells.
“C’mon, we’ll take you into the kitchen, get you some water and some kinda snack... You want the lights off?”
“Uh-huh.”
My voice seems... so foreign.
“You ok to move?”
I know I’m milking it a little bit. I’m feeling ill, but I’m not so bad that I can’t move. I just want her hooves on my body a little longer before we take the plunge into... whatever we are. I have to bring it up.
“I dunno... Can you help?”
“Yeah, of course! C’mere.”
She’s lifting me so effortlessly with those wings... The weightlessness makes my head turn over, and I bury my face into her chest as she carefully moves me into the kitchen and clicks off the lights.
“Alright... I’m not gonna... well, I’m not a cool cook. Y’wanna order out?”
She offers me a glass of water and a takeout menu from the local resteraunt. The water helps a lot more than I thought it might. Oriental food sounds good, and I tell her so. She handles the rest as I set my head on the table and close my eyes.
I can hear her moving around. My head doesn’t hurt when I close my eyes.
“Alright, I’ll be back as soon as I can with some food.”
I sit up. She’s leaving to get it?
“Hey. Don’t move around a bunch. I’ll be back before you know it.”
I feel like some stupid little foal, but I just... don’t want her to go. I’d rather be hungry than alone right now. I ask the only question I can think of. Something designed to either keep her here, or make her run away for good. This is it.
“Dash... what are we?”
“Huh?”
“This... it feels so good. So why am I sad all day?”
She messes her mane with one hoof. It’s her nervous habit, I know... but she’s so beautiful when she does it.
“I dunno. I guess we’re... whatever we wanna be?”
My mind settles on the blue envelope in the mail pile. How do I even phrase this?
“Dash... I know you like... somepony spoken for... and... and I sort of do, too.”
Heart’s hammering now that it’s said. I can’t shut out the sick feeling in my stomach by closing my eyes anymore, but at least I have an excuse to avoid eye contact.
“Yeah?”
Her voice... it sounds so scared and quiet. Not the bold Rainbow Dash I know at all. How badly am I hurting her saying these things?
“Dash, do you still want to... keep doing what we’re doing?”
“Yeah.”
Her whispered voice feels closer. Is she moving toward me on those silent wings? Should I risk looking up?
“Ok... Can you stay here tonight then? And every night?”
“Huh?”
“Even if we stay just friends... I really enjoy all of this. I think I go a little crazy now when I don’t get it.”
“Really?”
Her voice seems hoarse, inches from my ear. I look up and she’s sitting across the table from me. Barring the cloudless night sky coming in through the window we don’t have much light, but I swear I can see tears in her eyes. That can’t be right though... Rainbow Dash wouldn’t let herself cry. Maybe it hurts to be so close to something that’s not the pony she wants.
“I know what you’re thinking but... we don’t have to be miserable just because we can’t have them, Rainbow. The ponies we want, that is.”
“Yeah, I guess...”
“We can still do all these fun things. Just something casual, between friends, right?”
“Sure!”
There’s that familiar confidence and bravado. Why does it feel like it’s always been fake now that I’ve seen her heart so close to breaking?
“Rainbow...”
She rests her hoof on mine and shushes me.
“Twi- I promised myself I’d go after the pony I want no matter how long it took or how much it sucked... or how little or much I could get of her. I’m not gonna give up, and neither should you.”
What? Doesn’t she want to keep what we have going? Maybe I’m just being selfish, but it feels like sleeping is easier with sex. Isn’t it easier for her too?
“Don’t you want to keep... fooling around? It’s fun.”
She kisses me and I choke back a sob. She’s too good to me. Too generous, too kind.
“C’mon. You’re really not hungry?”
“Not yet...”
“Think we can make it up the stairs if I help you?”
I try to stand up and find that it’s easy. I’m still not sure what this means her answer is. I don’t know what to think- am I in the clear? Can I really pursue the Princess’ letter and mess around with Rainbow Dash?

She helps me climb onto the bed and gently lays herself over me.
“Lights on or off?”
I rub my leg between both of hers in reply.
“On?”
I rub again.
“Is that a yes? No?”
She’s so easy to toy with. I kiss her neck and ask her if she can find my new toy and give it a nice hiding place.
“Huh? Already? I dunno... I think we should take it easy.”
I wrap my hooves around her and bury my face into her chest for what seems like the millionth time tonight. I can’t help it, it’s comfortable. She smells slightly of sweat,fresh rain, and strawberries. The last scent seems almost out of place, a girly touch on a rock solid muscular athlete. I suddenly want to taste her, to see if the taste matches the scent. I start to lick a line down her chest to her stomach and she sighs and shivers.
“Jeez, you’re really in the mood tonight, huh?”
“Uh-huh.”
I carefully roll her onto her stomach, and she doesn’t argue. The muscles in her back are incredibly stiff, likely from a long day of flying. I ask her if she’s always this tense.
“Oh... yeah. Everypony always wants something, y’know? I spend all day wishing I could be out there speeding from cloud to cloud, but I get to do it anyway as part of my job... but it’s just not the same, y’know?”
I do. I kiss a line down her spine and start to rub in gentle circles, hoping to ease the tension out of her. I’m still not feeling up to standing over her, but I can at least do that much from my prone position lying over her.
“Jeez, that’s heaven. You sure you’re not secretly a masseuse?”
I keep kissing and moving down until I can grip a handful of her haunches. Those muscular tight buttocks, perfectly rounded and rising up in two tense, firm hills of sky blue. I keep kissing and fondling and squeezing them until she laughs and wiggles under my touch.
“Yer such a closet perv. Have you really been after this all day?”
I start to tell her about my day, from start to finish. As I do it I wiggle down and wrap as much of myself around her lower half as I can, trying to knead more and more of her bottom in my hooves. When I get to the trouble with Carrot Top’s garden I pause, not sure how much truth I should give. She’s one of my oldest friends... We’ve done plenty together. She can know.
“I think something’s wrong with my magic, Rainbow...”
“Ya think? You were a freakin’ fountain of sparks tonight. Never seen any unicorn do that. Also kinda almost killed yourself.”
“It wasn’t that bad. It was just a rebound. Scholars and wizards have run into them before... from time to time.”
I don’t bother to mention that the last recorded case was half a century ago and almost took a small town with it. Almost is the key word though. The Princess doesn’t let things like those happen. She has a knack for showing up and throwing out a void magic spell- I suppose she’d be able to find anypony if she needed to. She probably felt the pull of my magic tonight... I start to wonder what she’ll think, or if she might revoke my potential professorship if she found out. I sigh. Why is it always so complicated?
“Hey. You done back there or what?”
I look down to the incredible butt in my hooves and sigh. I need this right now.
“If you’re not interested in my ass anymore, I can think of some other places that wouldn’t mind being rubbed down.”
I giggle and lick a line from her spine to her tail. She’s been working hard today. When I slip a hoof between her legs her wings unfold in a majestic, splayed standard. I ask her if they ever hurt.
“Huh? Oh, sometimes. I do a lot these days... It’s one of those things wher-”
I give one a careful rub at the base and she practically melts. When I start to rub again she starts to squirm away, and I have to pull her back in with my forelegs.
“Feels too good... slow down.”
“I don’t believe in too good. You slow down and quit wiggling.”
“Why do I get the feeling you’re feelin’ better than you’re letting on?”
I drag her back up to me again and start to rub. She thrashes almost instantly and nearly carries us both off the bed.
“Do I need to get the straps again?”
I make my voice playfully stern, but her eyes widen and she bites her lip.
“Don’t... don’t get the straps again. Please, don’t get them again.”
“Then quit being so hard to deal with and hold still.”
I take one wing carefully in my hooves and start to knead the muscles at the base joint. She melts into my body with a moan and both of her hooves zip between her legs. What’s going on finally clicks, and I realize the real reason she’s squirming so much.
“D’you like to be rubbed there?”
“Uh-huh.”
I rub a little more roughly and she buries her face into a pillow and starts to moan. It occurs to me that this is one of the few places on her body she can’t reach herself, with any amount of effort. Between being hard to reach, so often used, and so often hidden from sensation under her folded wings, it must be very sensitive. I lower my mouth and start to nibble.
I can feel her cum against my body. The characteristic shaking and whining that I’ve learned to see over the last week rocks my entire bed. I nibble harder and I hear her sob.
“Too good. I can’t- I’m sorry.”
She wrestles me off the bed and we both fall to the floor with a sharp thud. Pain flares back into my head, but she just rubs her raw and aching marehood across my body.
“Nnnnhhh. Good. Too good! Fuck!”
She’s orgasming again, and again. I push her onto her back and start to lick, but I get a mouthful of liquid as she starts to squirt a gushing orgasm into my face.
“FUUUUUUCK.”
I can’t believe the taste, or that I’m lapping it from her folds like a child desperate for milk. The lust of the moment drives all the pain in my chest and head out of my body and into the background. The pain feels good. It must feel good for her too. I squeeze her ass and bury my face into her soaking vagina.
“Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.”
More liquid. More squirting. She rolls onto her hooves and the spray arcs down my body. I grab her by the haunches and pull her closer so that I can keep my mouth on her sex. She hops around awkwardly with my weight on her backside until she carries us both with effort onto the bed again. I lie next to her stroking her side, nibbling and biting and sucking on it until I leave streaks of marks up her still panting figure.
When she turns to look at me, tears sweat and juices cover her face.
“that was... that was pretty good, huh?”
I kiss her and shush her. She gets me, no matter what I want to tell myself. If we’d only discovered each other sooner, before we’d both fallen for somepony else, maybe we’d have more than just sex tonight.
She pulls my latest book up from beside the bed with some effort.
“It’s not your new toy, but I think you’ll enjoy it a little more.”
Maybe we will have more than sex tonight. I snuggle into her side and breath in the scent of her. It makes it real. She can’t disappear to work tomorrow. Neither one of us has to go please anypony but ourselves and each other tonight. More than anything, that relaxes me. The throbbing in my temples slowly filters back in, but it’s a dull sensation that I can drive out with the occasional kiss to my horn ministered by the pegasus at my side. I open my book and she wraps a wing around me.
“You gonna stay up for much longer?”
I shake my head. I know she wants to get sleep after a day like today, and I do too. I just need to wind down first. She presses the softness of her body against me, and I rest my head against it. This is perfect. Well, almost perfect. I reach behind me and squeeze her butt one more time. I feel heat flood to her body and she sighs and closes her eyes.
“Yeah... I think... I think you’re definitely... feelin’ better.”
I can’t help but laugh. It hurts my chest, but the second I do I’m not scared or worried anymore. I’ll take as long as I need to sort the letter out, and see how things go until then. There’ll be time to worry about the future later.  My here and now is aching to be touched.
> Chapter 3
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Entry 3: (Spring 2nd, 1010PNM) Cunnilingus, Romance, Tribadism, Bondage, Domination


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2nd of Spring, 1010PN

Diary,

I fear I’ve neglected you for some time. I apologize, but life has grown busy. My studies have doubled, and weeks have blurred into an entire season. We wrapped up winter yesterday, and with it a long and tiring season of troubles is passed, far from uneventfully. I’m writing to you once more, about my rather crazy day and the mare who continues to make them crazy. Yes, Rainbow Dash and I are still... seeing each other after all these months. We’ve passed the awkward “what are we?” phase into the accepting phase. We’re now one of your ordinary friends with benefits... who have to see each other daily and nightly... or Twilight’s magic backfires and destroys the town... kind of thing. At least... that’s what I keep thinking, until days like today happen.

It’s quiet for once when I wake up. That’s the first thing I notice. After last night’s winter wrap up celebration, why wouldn’t it be? Celebrations of that order tend to take their toll. The music... the dancing... the drinking... Definitely the drinking. I’m surprised I don’t have a headache. I nuzzle my face into the warm body beside me. Outside my cozy library, all of Ponyville continues to sleep peacefully, its mad dash to bring order out of winter’s chaos completed. In my bed, the two ponies largely responsible for it refuse to crawl out of each other’s embrace. I bury my head further into her chest, and she sighs and wraps her legs around mine. Her hoof creeps up gently between my legs, and I give an appreciative sigh.
We’ve been going on like this for months. Ever since our first week, I’ve found that she’s a drug I can’t do without. Just the prospect has scared me enough to avoid thinking too deeply about it. I need an orgasm in the morning, and a regular one just won’t do. It has to be her touch. The fire in my mind is brutal otherwise, it aches to try to access magic without it. Every attempt is almost a disaster, my thoughts are too scrambled and my concentration too scattered. By the end of the day all the stress has to be melted away again in her careful hooves. She doesn’t seem to mind, and the nights we aren’t feeling up to it make us pay for it doubly the next day.
The hoof sliding gently between my legs right now is a eagerly received apology. I dimly remember our stumbling into bed last night. No magic on the day of winter wrap up, and that had been our saving grace. We’d both been late getting up, and had no time to mess around in the morning. No time to purge my system of the fire that’s built up in it every night since the first time she touched me. By the time we collapsed drunk and tired into bed last night, we’d forgotten every ounce of our hormones. The intense heat coming off my privates tells us both that a full day without release is unacceptable. Sleep is clearing from my head in a record time. I can tell she’s still waking when I mount her. Her reply is far too sluggish, and she gasps as I sit roughly on her chest.
“Rainbow...”
My voice feels strained. I can’t believe how sickly sweet I can make it sound when I want to.
“Rainbow Daaaash...”
“Nnnhhh?”
“Rainbow dear, there’s something I need...”
She smiles, halfway in some strange dream still. I wonder what she thinks I’m asking for as she smacks her lips. I’m pretty sure it isn’t what she gets as I lower my face to hers and press our lips together with a force I didn’t know I had. My stiff mattress groans and creaks at the sudden shifting of weight.
It takes a minute for her eyes to open again. Her lips are working automatically, and it’s still no guarantee she’s totally awake. I consider summoning water onto her, but dismiss the notion. In this state, it’s far more likely I’ll summon fire. I need her hooves to take that fire out of me before I can start my day. I guide her hooves to my haunches, testing to see how awake she is. I’m rewarded with a squeeze. I break our kiss and make eye contact.
“Morning sleepy-wings. Hungover?”
“Nah. You?”
“Do I look like it?”
She grins at the reply.
“The way you wake up every morning, I wouldn’t be able to tell until our third turn in the sheets.”
I guide her hooves up to my chest and let her knead my aching body.
“It’s... it’s not that bad.”
“Twilight?”
I have to gasp as she grins and rubs a line down my stomach to my haunches again.
“Y-yes Rainbow?”
“It’s always that bad.”
I groan and rub my soaking marehood encouragingly on her pelvis. Won’t she shut up and start touching me? I decide to threaten her as playfully as possible.
“Don’t make fun... It’s not too early to summon the straps.”
A look of fear crosses her face. A little over two months ago I summoned them to have my way with her after my first magic crash. I’ve been threatening her with them ever since. A few times she’s tangled herself up in the sheets and begged to be let go, and I’ve taken the opportunity to tease her before helping her up. Honestly, I think she’d get off on it. Stranger things affect ponies, and to a free flying spirit like Dash, straps might be the ultimate torture and pleasure. I muse at the chance of someday testing my hypothesis.

We’re snapped from our play games by a knock on the door. I groan into the pillow. There’s just no way. No freaking way. Not this early. Not the morning after winter wrap up. Not before I can drive this sky blue mare’s face into my crotch and let her screw my horn off.
The knock comes again. I can’t answer the door like this. I shake my head as Dash’s eyes meet mine, and I start gently rubbing myself on her again.
“Twilight.”
“No, Dash. Please...”
“Twi-”
“Not now!”
“Please, I’ll answer it for you. Don’t leave ponies hanging.”
“Not now.”
I’m on the verge of tears. I desperately need this. It’s like a sickness. She heaves me off of her. I lie where she’s left me as she takes to her wings.
“It’ll only be a second. Ponies need you, Twilight.”
I sigh and roll my eyes. The hormones are fading as the mood is ruined. I get to my hooves and push her back onto my bed.
“I-”
“Save it, Rainbow. You’re gonna get it when I get back.”
I try to make it threatening, but I’m just... too tired. Too distracted. The pony who’s going to get it isn’t in my bed, the pony who’s going to get it is on the other side of the door.

The shock that it isn’t a pony might be what saves him from my anger. Everything melts to confusion as I have to look up at him. Rarity’s husband, here this early? I invite him in, and he nods and ducks under my door frame. He takes a seat on one of my chairs, and I catch Dash creeping down the stairs while he’s not looking and wave her back up. I’m not sure he’d bother asking questions, but I’m not risking it. She nods and flutters back up to my room. I don’t get back to her for a half an hour, and when I do, I’m in a hurry to explain myself and leave again.

Dash rises from the bed as soon as I get into the room. She can tell from my pace that something’s wrong.
“Twilight, what’s-”
“Rarity. Got home last night and fainted.”
“What? How? Why?”
“He’s not sure. He thinks she’s not eating as much as she should be. He’s worried she’s not eating at all.”
“Huh?”
“I need to go talk to her.”
“I’ll say! Winter wrap up isn’t something you do on an empty stomach! She knows better!”
Dash’s indignation matches my own. Of all the stupid, prideful-
I calm myself. She might have a good reason for not eating while she’s carrying a growing foal. Something that doesn’t have to do with not fitting into dresses and saddles. Something that actually makes sense.
“I wanna go too!”
I briefly consider. Dash and Rarity... My pulse quickens. I realize I don’t want them in the same room anymore.
I frown and lean in to kiss her, covering up my feelings with a kiss. I slip in some tongue for good measure. When I break, she’s red faced and her hooves have strayed to squeezing my haunches.
“You stay here and think of the best way to please this.”
I motion a hoof to my quickly warming nethers. Just being in the same room as her is...
“I’m gonna need it when I get back.”
Her voice catches me as I make my way down the stairs.
“You’re not the only one!”

By the time I make it to the apartment complex they’re sharing, the sun is starting to peak above the rooftops. It’s somewhere around 9:30, if I had to guess. I wonder if she’s even awake. I make a note to develop some sort of sign language with her under-expressive partner, since he’s not said a word since we left. I get the sinking feeling he’ll have hell to do with the conversation that’s about to happen. I pity the ponies who live nearby, I’m sure they’re not used to the raised voices that are sure to be employed in the next hour.
I think back to Rainbow Dash lying in my bed one last time before I step over the threshold to their small one bedroom apartment. An hour? It might as well be a year.

Rarity’s sipping tea quietly in the living room when we walk in. Her eyes narrow as I come in.
“Twilight? I-I hadn’t expected company. I’m not fit to be... why I haven’t showered or... And this place is such a mess... You!”
Her eyes snap over to him. He leans against the wall and folds his arms. Good defensive posture. That won’t escalate 	things at all.
“I... I’m sorry Twilight. I wish I knew we were having a guest so suddenly or I’d have at least made tea. What brings you here?”
I take a deep breath. Why do I have to be the one to be here? Responsible pony, that’s me. Everypony always compliments my persuasive speaking. I’d hate to tell them how much of it’s just me winging it.
“Rarity... this is an intervention.”
“An... I’m sorry?”
“Two months ago you asked me to be your midwife, and to help look after you and your
foal. That’s why I’m here.”
Her voice is deadpan. She’s honestly confused.
“I... Twilight dear, I’m honestly confused.”
“How long have you been avoiding meals?”
I try not to swallow noticeably. My mouth has dried out quickly, and with the bomb of a topic dropped, the shockwaves have tensed up the entire room in seven short words. She avoids my eyes, her face suddenly a ruby red.
“I’m not... I’m not eating any less than I usually do.”
“That’s even more worrying then.”
“I beg your pardon!”
I sigh and recline in the chair, forcing myself to look her in the eyes. She won’t look at me if she can help it, but I have to make this work. I adopt a less aggressive tone.
“Rarity... Please. You have a growing foal inside of you. You need to take good care of
your body.”
She turns up her nose, cheeks still crimson.
“Keeping off excess weight is taking good care of it, the last time I checked!”
I realize this will be a harder argument than I’d thought.
“Rarity... pregnancy is hard for a pony who’s lived her whole life being a skinny, proper lady. Skipping a meal here and there to fit into a saddle has probably never been uncommon for you... but I’m telling you, for your foal’s sake, it needs to be nonexistent now.”
Her eyes narrow.
“I’m insulted. I admit it. I can’t believe you two would accuse me of being so... so reckless. I am eating properly!”
I look to her silent spouse for help. I can’t fight this part of the battle. I have no idea what gets eaten or doesn’t get eaten in this house. The burden of proof lies on him. For the first time, I imagine that I might be on the wrong side of a very stupid argument, and that he might be sorely mistaken, and I might be badly embarrassed. I’m thankful when he doesn’t disappoint me, when he recounts how many boxes of food there are in the house, and how many there have been for months. He’s kept a careful eye on her food intake, or lack thereof. I mentally berate the idiot for not making this an issue sooner. If he’s known about it for months, he should have said something months ago, not waited for her to faint.
“I- This is your fault!”
He gets up from the wall. The shouting begins. His fault? It’s his fault for always praising her toned muscular flanks. It’s her fault for being so shallow. Shallowness begets shallowness. What does that even mean? The shouting goes on until I dip into my will to be heard above them. Just the small exercise in magic is like pushing down a scalding wall of stone. When I reach the cold ocean beyond it I’m counting the seconds until I can be in Rainbow Dash’s bed again.
“Both of you can it!”
Two pairs of eyes rest on me. They raise up as if to shout at me to stay out of it, but I’m still riding the frigid sea of my will. I drink the light out of the apartment and they cringe as I straighten my neck. The rising sun’s rays stop climbing over the windowsill, and the room is quickly plunged into darkness. I’m tired of this argument, and I’m tired of the neighbors likely hearing every loud word. When it finally comes out, my voice is grating and tired, but it echos into the quiet black.
“I didn’t come here to listen to you argue. Your marriage is none of my business. Your foal is only my business because you made it my business, but you did make it that. Rarity, your reasons are irrelevant, what you’re doing is stupid and dangerous. I don’t care about your domestic disputes, but I’m sure you can both see what the other’s saying if you take a minute and think on it. I’m not trying to divide you or drive you to arguing here.”
My will continues to flow through me as I look at the two of them. He puts a hand on her hoof, and she leans into him. They’re honestly afraid of me. I look at Rarity with distaste. Always in the way. Always so vain. The heat begins to creep into my will. What is it Rainbow Dash sees in her? She’s a stupid vain pony, and she’s...
Shaking. Ever so slightly. She’s scared, and not just of me. Of being a mother, of being a bad wife... Two months ago I’d confided in Dash that I was jealous of how happy they were. I’d been so frustrated with how perfect their married lives were, and yet... Here they were, fighting and scared after only a hoof full of weeks.
I sigh, and the light floods back into the room.
“I’m... Just trying to be a good friend.”
They visibly relax. I glance between the two of them.
“I’m sorry. I just want what’s best for you both. I don’t think either of you is as vain as you’re believing the other to be. 	Please, Rarity. You have to eat, and you need to raise your body fat. I know you don’t like it, but give it time. You need to come to terms with the fact that pregnancy is going to change your body’s shape, but if anyone can wear weight beautifully, I’m sure it’s you.”
A smile illuminates her face.
“Twilight... that’s... that’s so sweet of you.”
“As for you-”
I cut back to him. He cringes after my magical display. Somehow, part of me still feels like this is his fault.
“Keep an eye on her. Feed her yourself if you have to. Make it enjoyable for both of you. Don’t wait two months to tell me something’s wrong again. Any longer and you might have been out of months to wait.”
Both of their faces drop from smiling to serious in an instant. Good. I need them to understand it won’t always be ok. Still, with that last pinch of fear, my job is done. I’m tired again, and the post-conflict shakiness has found its way into my limbs. I manage to meet her eyes once more with a forced smile.
“I’ll... take that cup of tea now, Rarity.”

As I’m walking home alone, I start to wonder why I was so hard on them. I’ve never used my magic to intimidate a friend before. Why did I suddenly hate Rarity so much? I realize that their being in the same room is why I drank so heavily last night. Somewhere in me, a possessive edge has started to form. Jealousy? Yes. I don’t want Rainbow Dash to talk to Rarity. All of this started because she admitted to me that she liked our unicorn friend. I can’t have that. You could call me selfish, but I need those hooves on me now.
That need is starting to scare me, I admit. I almost couldn’t cast a projection spell without her. I always imagined needing somepony special would involve a less... dangerous sort of need. Not the sort of need that backfires and burns down an apartment, or splits me limb from limb. Not that I’d been that close today, but it’s been a closer few months than it’s ever been. I break my stride into a quick gallop. Even my first experiments with learning magic weren’t this dangerous. Heaven help me but I need her to touch me right now.
By the time I reach the library I’m out of breath. I click open the door with a practiced sweep of telekinesis that leaves me warm. The warmth has spread to a burning heat by the time I’ve raced up the stairs. I plow into the bed and find it empty. I’m throwing pillows across the room before I can stop myself to ask where she’s gone. That much doesn’t matter. What matters is that she’s gone right now.
Stupid Rarity.
Stupid problems.
Every stupid pony getting in the way of what I want.
Always getting in the way.
With the fourth one thrown I’m out of ammunition, and I smack a hoof roughly into the hard mattress. Somewhere in the bundle of all the sheets, I find myself tearing up and sniffling.
Stupid Rainbow Dash... Where’s she gone?
I try to wipe my eyes, but the tears roll down thicker.
Doesn’t she know that I need her now? That I can’t help it? That she’s actually making me jealous now?
I curl up in my bed and wrap the blankets around myself. Consciousness fades as I cry myself to sleep.
My sleep is dreamless and restless. I straddle the border of wakefulness and sleep for what seems like forever. There’s a hissing noise, and I can’t tell if it’s some half-baked dream or something’s crept into my home. It takes an eternity for the implications of the second thought to creep into my mind. Even with the motivation of possibly being robbed by giant snakes, I have to force my eyes open. Clock says it’s been an hour. Hissing’s coming from my bathroom.
I rise to my hooves unsteadily. My head aches suddenly. It takes me a minute to gather that my room’s more of a mess than I left it. Magic’s seeping out of me in my sleep now... the walls are blackened, my sheets are torn. I’ve almost entirely destroyed my bedroom. I can’t bring myself to look at it. Just looking at the aftermath hurts my head even more. My thoughts clear and my vision blurs as I take a step. Hissing must be... the shower?
Anger I can’t explain or account for wells up in me, and I shout in surprise as a trickle of magic leaks out and scorches the floor under my hooves. I race into the bathroom and find a blurry figure in my shower, half covered in suds. I can’t tell if it’s steam or a further trick of my eyes. She gives me that blank caught-in-the-act stare as she halts the washing of her wings. The soap trickles down her body as we exchange stares for what seems like an eternity. We stare until an unquenchable sadness suddenly floods in where anger was. Where are these feelings coming from? When did I turn into such a nut?
I burst into tears as my magic surges with my unchecked feelings again and pops out all the light bulbs in the room. I’m running to her before I know what I’m doing. The mist lifts from my eyes, and I’m caught up in her hooves in seconds. Thoughts of sex, anger at being left, jealousy over Rarity... everything fades even further into the back of my mind as I revel in being held. Just being touched cools my mind. I bury my face into her soaking mane and sob until my chest aches and my lungs are spasming. All the while she strokes my mane and shushes me until I’m at least controlled enough to speak again.
“W-why.”
Great. I have the hiccups. I sob again.
“Deep breath girl. It’s ok. I’m here now.”
I finally manage to blubber out the question that’s been burned into my mind for months.
“Why is this happening to me?!”
I look the reason in the face, and I push her away as she stares at me, confused.
“Why? Why?!”
It’s the only word I can speak as I bury my face in my hooves. I haven’t been this out of control since I was first taken in by the Princess. Back then, She’d cooled my thoughts, calmed my heart and taught me to control everything. “…Her teachings had been words of wisdom that brought control, order, and organization to my life. Now I have none. My emotions own me at the slightest drop of a-”
I realize I’m talking out loud, and don’t know how long ago I started. Dash crawls forward and hugs me again, a mess of soap and dripping blue softness. I notice that we’re in the shower and being soaked for the first time. I bury my face into her chest. I can feel her kissing my horn gently and rocking me back and forth. It’s calming. The feelings that were blowing through my mind are finally replaced by my own fear. I’ve come to need her. It’s not just sex, the sex didn’t make me run home to her. It didn’t make me cry when she was gone. It’s ruining my magic, but it’s not ruining my mood. I need her in my life.
I manage to bring my eyes to hers and kiss her softly. She doesn’t respond at first, but eventually her hooves rub my back. When she breaks my kiss, she leans us both against the shower wall and eases my head onto her chest. Her hoof rubs my foreleg soothingly until the last tears stop.
“You ok now?”
I shake my head, all too conscious of where it’s resting. I’m not sure I’ll ever be ok again.
“You... need a quickie? Something to calm those nerves?”
I find my voice. It’s garbled and scratchy from sobbing and screaming.
“Where’d you go?”
“Had to move the clouds back over the fields.”
That’s a big job for one pony.
“You... did it alone?”
“Well, somepony has to. Nopony else is gonna wake up this early today. Ponyville needs-”
I sit up, and I see it in her eyes. The thread that connects us both. Ponyville needs us. It
refuses to function without us. It’s not an arrogant thought, it’s just true. We’re both so good at what we do, and everypony’s always so surprised that we’re not off winning medals or teaching at universities somewhere... they love that we’re here. They rely on that fact. We’re the best of our class at what we do, hooves down. They’ll never leave us alone for that reason.
I choke back a sob. How long has she stayed in Ponyville knowing the exact same thing I’ve known since I settled down here? How many opportunities has she passed up? My thoughts drift to the letter from the Princess offering a teaching position in Canterlot. How many opportunities will I pass up?
“Rainbow... Could you have been a Wonderbolt?”
“Huh?”
She tilts her head to get a better look at me, but I won’t meet her eyes. She leans back and lets the shower water dance across her face as she fields the totally unexpected.
“Yeah. Yeah, probably.”
I start to cry again for her. For both of us.
“We’ve been trapped here too long. We could have been with somepony special, Rainbow! Somepony who... understands us...” 
My thoughts shift to Her, in her palace of marble and gold. Underneath me, Dash stiffens as I sob unexpectedly.
“Hey! Hey hey hey... It’s ok though.”
I finally catch her gaze, and see how widely she’s smiling.
“I think we’ve got ponies here that are way more special than them.”
I sniffle and manage to stifle a laugh. Rainbow will never cast a spell, but she’s the best flier in the world. At the very least, she understands that weight. The weight we’ve both shared for most of our lives, no matter how we’ve hidden it. I look into the eyes that made that sacrifice, that continue to sacrifice everything for the place she calls home. I suddenly feel more coherent than I have in months.
I press my lips to hers, not because I need her... but because I want her. I slide my hooves down her body to her flanks, and she shifts to let me grope her haunches. She grins devilishly at me suddenly, breaking off the brush of our lips.
“Wanting that quickie after all?”
I shake my head and move to kiss her again. She turns her head.
“Twilight? You ok?”
I shake my head again.
“Hey- Hey wait.”
She takes my hooves in hers and rests them on my chest.
“All this... stuff... It’s still what we agreed, isn’t it?”
I shake my head a third time.
“I... I don’t know.”
It’s like word vomit. I don’t even know I’m saying it. I look up at her suddenly, the impact of my words hitting me. I wasn’t supposed to-
She’s looking into my eyes. Not away from me as I’d been expecting, but right at me.
“Ok.”
She kisses me before speaking again.
“We’ll... figure “us” out later. Ok?”
I nod.
Her kisses move lower, and I sigh as she works her tongue into me. It goes on for almost a minute, swirling about and lapping up every drop that the shower’s left on us. Just as I start moaning she comes up for air.
“You want it rough or...”
I manage to squeak out an “I don’t know”. I’m so out of energy right now, so powerless now that I’m in her hooves... Normally I take control of the bedroom. Dash’s search for signals in my conversation are in vain... I have no idea what I want right now. She kisses up my leg and back to my face. I can faintly taste myself on her lips. I’m not sure when that stopped being strange.
“Twilight... you sure you wanna go ahead?”
I reach up and turn off the tap. I tell her I want to lie here with her for a bit.
“Sex...ually?”
I nod. She darts between my legs.
“OK then! You asked for it!”
I can’t help but manage an exhausted chuckle as she bunches up her body with a sudden energy only she possesses. In seconds she’s between my legs with renewed vigor, kneading and caressing my haunches as she buries her tongue into my most intimate of spots. With each hot breath I feel energy flood my body that was absent minutes ago. Normalcy creeps back into our routine as I lose control of my legs, as they kick and buck on their own. One hoof reaches down to snap onto her mane.
“Yeah. That’s my girl. Get good and rough with your Dashie.”
My Dashie... Yeah. She wants our sex to be normal. Something she can deal with. Something less... emotional. I arch my back as she works her tongue over my clit and I shove her roughly deeper into my aching loins. Months of practiced rough sex creep into my routine. I slap her back roughly as she keeps working me over and over. I tug on her mane as I get closer to the edge, and she starts to suckle and lap at my clit with renewed determination. I tug her mane again, telling her to rub me with her hooves while she’s down there. She obliges, and the last bit of stimulation drives me to shove her away. There’s an aching building up in my horn, a magic locked into my body waiting to be released. I have the energy for it now, and I’m scared. She lies on the floor of the shower, the only noise in the room the sound of our panting.
“Gimme- Gimme your legs.”
She opens hers wide and I crawl awkwardly toward her, mashing my marehood against hers. She begins the grinding motion first, and before long the room is filled with our cries of pleasure. Her hoof drops down to her clit almost as soon as mine does, and within seconds we’re wrestling to grind harder against each other. The war ends with me pressed against the shower wall, her far stronger body easily pressing mine into a corner. As soon as I get the wall at my back the true strength of our efforts is revealed in a wave of body rocking pleasure. I can hear the sound of Rainbow’s breathing growing louder and faster, but it’s drowned out quickly by the same noises coming from me. The heat wells up in my body and finally releases in a body rocking, ear splitting orgasm. With a sudden and solitary burst of magic, the glass explodes outward from my shower door and onto the floor. The tiles in the room are ripped from the floor and pile up against the far wall. At the eye of the storm, Rainbow Dash tackles me and wraps me in her wings. As the dust settles, she picks herself up off of me.
“You... you ok Twilight?”
I melt into her body.
“Better than OK... Thank you. Oh yes... Yes... Thank you so much...”
I gasp for air in the afterglow and kiss at her chest over and over with panted thanks.
“Yeah... Your bathroom’s wrecked. Here, hold on tight.”
I barely have time to tense up before her strong wings pull us up and over the floor full of glass and out into my bedroom. When we arrive at the wrecked scene, Dash almost drops me.
“Is uhhhh... Is there any place in the house that hasn’t been wrecked yet?”
My stomach growls suddenly. The realization that I haven’t eaten breakfast or lunch so far hits me.
“Kitchen.”
She thinks for a moment, looking around the wreckage that is my bedroom.
“Yeah. Good. Let’s go there.”

She doesn’t need to carry me down the stairs and into the kitchen, but she does it anyway. When we arrive, she sets me down without any sign of exertion. I slump quickly into a chair, and she slouches into one next to me.
“Your house is... kinda a mess, Twilight.”
I can finally collect my thoughts. It’s like stepping out of a blizzard and into a warm home. My voice is mine again, and I smile at her.
“Yeah. I noticed. At least we’ll have an excuse for you staying the night tonight.”
“Yeah. You gonna be ok if I keep doing that?”
I nod. I feel amazing now.
“Well... how long can we keep it up?”
“I’ll... write a letter to the Princess. Ask her advice.”
It’s a lie, but Rainbow doesn’t need to know it. I’ll figure out my magic later. If I have to, I’ll include a note in the reply to the Princess’ letter regarding professorship position. I mentally kick myself for not having tended to it sooner. I’ll get to it... tomorrow? Eventually?
Across the table Dash settles into her chair, taking on her characteristic relaxed pose. She’s the only pony I know who could look that calm after we’d just blasted my upstairs to pieces. I can’t help but smile at her.
We spend the next hour talking about Rarity, Dash’s work, and eventually make our way up the stairs to my mess of a bedroom on the topic of why she ditched the idea of joining the Wonderbolts. As she speaks, I focus on cleaning up my room.
“Ponyville needs us. It’s like you said. I gotta admit, I get tired of everypony coming in with their needs-this-needs-that junk, but... It’s nice. It’s home.”
I focus on mending the scars in the woodwork. As she talks to me about her experiences with the ponies in Ponyville, I can see why she’s built up such a fierce loyalty to it. She’d never abandon the place.
As she talks, I find my magic much simpler to access. A few steps out of myself and I’m wading into the cool shores of practiced magic with ease. I go about clearing up the room with determination, and we wrap up mending the bathroom tiles and glass around the time my stomach reminds me that neither of us have eaten.
“Y’want me to grab us some take out?”
I smile and kiss her. Take out sounds excellent.
“Back in a flash!”
She climbs into the air and out my window in seconds, and I’m left patching up the shower door. It’s slow going sweeping all the glass together, but once it’s there I dip into my will. It’s still surprisingly simple, and in minutes the door is good as new. I’m almost down the stairs when I’m greeted by a zip of color coming in the front door.
“Got it!”
She unpacks the oriental cuisine carefully, handing me rice, eggrolls, and oriental salad. I settle onto my couch and scoot over just in time for her to land on it, plate in hoof.
“Should we pick up where we left off?”
It’s not an innuendo, surprisingly. We’ve been working our way through a series of fantasy novels for weeks now. Every night we read a few chapters more, and trade off amid snuggles. The fast food isn’t an uncommon factor; it’s the fastest way to unwind after a long day of helping everypony. As I lift the book with a slight flexing of my will and leaf through to where we’d left off, I feel her shift around the couch until she’s sprawled across it, eating as she leans her back against me. Every few paragraphs she cuts in to remind me to eat my food before it gets cold. I risk a few bites before plowing onward in our story. We haven’t had a day off in all the time we’ve been together, and the evening stretches into late night as we trade off chapter to chapter. By the time we’re tired of reading, it’s gotten later than we’d planned to stay up. I break our trade off with a yawn.
“You about tired of book worming it, girl?”
I laugh and hold out the book. She rolls her eyes.
“Another chapter?”
She reaches out to take the book, but I grab her hoof and tug. I’m not expecting her to be
so strong even when she’s not expecting it. My playful plan to pull her onto me and be ravished falls flat as she raises an eyebrow.
“Easy there tiger. You’ve got hooves of iron, eh?”
I can feel myself blushing. Brute strength isn’t my strong suit, she knows that.
“Here. Like this!”
She pulls me onto her and we collapse together with a laugh. The afternoon’s miserable
flood of emotions feels like years ago as she wiggles out from under me and demands that I catch her. The book falls onto the floor as I chase her around the living room and up the stairs to my neatly made bed. I’m grabbed a soon as I come in the door.
“I gotcha! Not gonna get away from-”
I dip into telekinesis and heft her from my back onto my bed with a thump. She struggles
against it, the only true pony in Equestria whose muscles might give me a challenge when I’m at my best. I grunt as I press her into my bed.
“You were missing when I got back today!”
She laughs.
“Sorry!”
“Next time I tell you to stay in my bed, what’re you gonna do?”
She grins as my horn bursts into light. The grin droops as the straps materialize.
“I’ll stay, I’ll stay!”
I try to assess her look, but the fear seems genuine. I’m not sure how to gauge what she
wants and what she doesn’t anymore. I decide to plod forward and let her tell me for herself. The straps fuse easily onto my bed, and in seconds she’s straining and begging to be let go. I realize I need a way to separate the good begging from the bad. I always thought safety words were a joke. I lean in and kiss her nose as she pant between struggles.
“Your princess is going to give you a safety word. You can use it when you want Twilight Sparkle back.”
She bites her lip as I dip a hoof between her forced apart legs.
“Your safety word is Canterlot.”
I’m not sure why I pick it. I don’t give it much thought as I dive into an experiment neither of us have ever run.
“Princess Sparkle wants to know Rainbow...”
She whimpers as I slap her flank.
“I want to know... how many times have you touched yourself this week, thinking about me?”
She squirms in the straps.
“Please... Princess. Please. I don’t... I wouldn’t!”
“Oh, but I bet you would.”
I try to ease into my role, but I’m almost scared by how easily it comes to me. I lean in adventurously and bite hard on her shoulder.
“Augh! Four. Four!”
“Only four? I’m insulted. I think somepony’s lying.”
“I... I...”
She strains again and I slap her, trying out the limits of my new power. It’s not a hard slap, but it makes enough noise that I wince.
“Rainbow, are you-”
“DON’T STOP.	
Her voice is a feral growl, but it dips into her submissive role quickly.
“I’m a bad pegasus...”
I experimentally swat her flank.
“I’m sorry Princess... I lied! It was... It was four times yesterday... while I was supposed to be working. I don’t know how many times I touched myself this week!”
Something of pride burns in my chest. If she’s telling the truth... it’s just plain hot. Visions of her ducking out of cloud duty to furiously rub herself fill my head. I lick a line up her chest as one of my hooves dips between my legs.
“That’s... a good pegasus.”
“Mnnnhhhhh... Please Princess?”
I lick a line further down and stop right above her lower lips.
“What? Sully the royal tongue with this lowly-”
“Please... just a lick.”
I gently rub a hoof across her.
“This? This is just foul. Look how wet you are already. It’s disgusting.”
She whimpers and I nod.
“Your princess will give you this.”
I bury my tongue into her, the flavor washed away by the control I have over her. She writhes and buckles and begs for more. She begs Princess Sparkle to grab the dildo from under her bed and screw her bad pegasus silly. I lift up my face and smack my lips as I feel her coming close to the edge.
“That’s... all for now.”
She strains again and my horn flares to life, pushing her hard against my mattress.
“Now who’s being a bad pegasus?”
“I’m sorry- Sorry Princess!”
I grin, summoning up the only other dominatrix trope I know from memory.
“Somepony needs a spanking!”
With a tug of magic I pull her free of the straps and flip her over my leg. My hoof slaps her muscular bottom experimentally. She flinches and I slap it again, watching as her firm rump barely gives under my hoof.
“Who was weak physically?”
“Nopony, Princess!”
I spank again.
“You said I was!”
She grimaces and bites her lip, spirit broken. I don’t need magic to hold her still anymore.
“It’s me! I can’t... I’m not a match for you... Princess!”
I swat her haunches again and she moans, hooves flying between her legs and rubbing furiously, driving her to orgasm on my lap.
“Did you just come from-”
“Canterlot... Oh... Ohhhh Canterlot.”
Safe word... Shit. Did I break her already? Was it bad? I ease her onto her back and ask her if she’s alright. She pants, tongue hanging out.
“It’s... It’s too good... I can’t... I need Twilight back now, that’s all...”
I nod and kiss her neck. I’m here for her.
“You’re... you’re really good at that. Way better than anypony I’ve ever been with.”
I bite my lip. She’s been with ponies before who would...?
“Rainbow, if that’s your... turn on, why didn’t you tell me?”
She sits up, panting.
“It’s... It’s not “you”. I didn’t think it was, anyway. You’re so quiet, and nice... and kinda really submissive. Where did you summon up “Princess Sparkle” from, anyways?”
I shake my head, not sure but ready to push the ball back into her court.
“You’re Rainbow Dash! Where did ‘A Bad Pegasus’ come from?”
“I dunno... I’ve always liked it... It’s kinda crazy. Straps are sorta new though. Didn’t know if I’d-”
I can’t help but interrupt, my hypothesis from that morning coming back to mind.
“You love being free so much. It must add to the fear to not be able to move! We should
try tying your wings sometime... There’s so much we can experiment with... Who knew there could be a science to one's bedroom?! This is great!”
She collapses into my chest and kisses it.
“Yeah. Maybe. Sometime... Soon... Wanna get the lights? I’m really... Tired now.”
The struggle has taken the energy out of her, but I’m wound up. I tuck her in and flick off the lights before heading over to the window to look out it. From behind me, I hear her sit up after a minute.
“Twilight, you got anything tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow’s Saturday.”
A few minutes of quiet pass. Usually that means nothing to us, but it is a holiday weekend. I look up at the stars, and I wonder if the loneliness I’ve felt looking at them all my life might be coming to an end. My revelations in the shower today have me thinking that maybe, just maybe-
“Hey Twilight. You wanna...”
There’s quiet for a moment. She’s thinking. If it’s sex, my body is ready.
“You wanna go see a play tomorrow?”
I burst out laughing.
“What?”
“Rainbow Dash... You want to see a play?”
“Well... sure. If it’s with you, sure! I can do high society, who says I can’t?”
Her indignant voice is suddenly very close. I turn to find her flapping behind me quietly, looking past me to the sky.
“We should do something you wanna do. You’ve been having it rough lately. You like plays and stuff, right?”
I nod. Are we going to go on a date? Shouldn’t I be clear about it?
“Rainbow Dash... are you asking me... out?”
She bites her lip and meets my eyes.
“Yeah. If you wanna. If not... I mean... we can always hop back into bed.”
I kiss her gently. It’s a soft touch of lips. Hers are so surprisingly supple. The cascade of her rainbow mane shimmers in the night lights of Ponyville. She looks down slightly at me, waiting for an answer. I rush to give her one, as best I can. We should do this. We can figure out “us” later.
“Yeah. Yeah, let’s go out tomorrow. We can catch a play, and then go through the park for you to stretch afterward.”
I catch her sigh of relief even in the dark, a dance of her breath across my face. I can’t help but smile as I wonder which part she’s relieved by. With one hoof, I lead her back to bed with the naughtiest smile I can muster.
“Of course... we can always hop back into bed anyway...”
> Chapter 4
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spring 3rd, 1010 PN
Diary,
This marks my second consecutive day of writing in you, a mark I note as a personal best. As I write, a certain blue pegasus is sleeping next to me. I’m having far too much fun tickling and prodding her with my quill... but I digress. I left you eagerly awaiting our first “date”. Tonight was...Well, it was fantastic, frightening, and utterly confusing. I’ll try my best to give you all the details. If I’m honest though, today’s story actually begins with last night, where I left you hanging. I’d tucked Rainbow Dash into my bed after another... well, another round of fun... well, I’ll start by telling you the details.

Another candle reaches its end, and I can’t help but sigh. They don’t make candles like they used to. They don’t make anything like they used to. That’s what everypony always moans about, right? I step across my room carefully, avoiding furniture I’ve hit with my shins one too many times in the dark. I reach my bed and duck under it, pushing aside a wide variety of assorted scholarly tools I keep under there. 
My hoof brushes the dildo I bought months ago, and I can’t help but blush. I’m not sure why I keep it with my spare quills, inks, books, and candles. One of these days, somepony will go looking for them and it’ll come back to bite me. It’s just the most convenient place to keep it though, same as the quills and other knick-knacks. I briefly consider bringing it out and waking up Rainbow for another round. I don’t think she’d complain. She’s been up late more than once. She thinks she’s sneaking out for quick night time flies without my noticing, but I’ve been woken up by her more than a couple times. Sometimes I let her know I’m awake with some more “aerobics” than her midnight flight might offer. I shut that part of my brain out as best I can tonight. 
Tonight I’m the one who’s up late. I never get days off, even on weekends. Every Saturday and Sunday without fail somepony will show up early in the morning, and start me on a quest to repair everything in ponyville that broke during the week. The only other pony working her flanks off that often is the one who’s enjoying her sleep in my bed right now. I’m not about to rob her of that. I’m betting she knows me well enough to know I’ll spend my whole night reading an academic collection and taking notes.

Someponies notice the dedication and call me a workaholic. Dash has only ever called me a bookworm, or an egghead. She and the other girls understand that this isn’t work to me. Everything all the other ponies make me do is. If I had my way, I’d do this every day. My thoughts flit to the letter wedged in the back of my diary, an offer to move back to Canterlot, to teach and treat myself to academia forever. It’s so appetizing. While I’m under the bed, I yank it out and take it over to the windowsill again to reread it. By the time I’m finished, my head is swimming with the possibilities. It’s taken years to get three books into “The Collected Writings of A Princess”, a collection that spans roughly thirty volumes and dates back thousands of years. I can’t imagine how much I could get done in just a week if I could set my own pace.
I chance a glance back over at Dash, to make sure she’s still asleep. If I squint my eyes, I can swear hers are closed. Her breathing hasn’t changed. 
I’m not sure why I care so much if she finds out. She’s been so good to me for these months, I don’t know why I’d hide this proposal from her. I wonder how she’d take it if she knew I was considering leaving Ponyville for bigger and better things. She, who tirelessly seems to have given up every dream she’s ever had for these ponies and this town. I wonder why she loves it so much. She shares my distaste for the neediness of the ponies. She loves her hometown of Cloudsdale. She has no real ties here other than the five ponies she’s endured a number of adventures with. Is that it? Can she not leave them behind?
Could I?

I swallow and check the letter again. No new text has appeared since the last dozen times I read it. No dispensation for moving, no offers to bring my friends with me. I pick up one of the collected volumes I haven’t gotten to yet and offer it a glance of contempt. This is always how She works. Her stupid words, and her stupid contradictions. She sends me here for a decade to work with ponies and make friends. Now, without an explanation, she’s offering to uproot me from them permanently. What must it be like to live so long, that breaking ties like ours seems like an inevitability? Could I do the things she does with eased practice and break ties with my pony friends?
I shift my gaze from the blank cover of a book to the subtly rising and falling blanket covers on my bed. Could I leave what I’ve only just gotten started? I set the book down, melancholy finally sweeping over me in its entirety, and creep over to Dash. I shake her just a little bit, and her eyes open. They shift from me, to the letter in my hoof. I drop it as if it were suddenly on fire. Her normally animated eyes shift slowly back to my face and she smiles.
“You comin’ to bed, egghead?”
I choke back a sniffle. How can she greet me so casually? She should be able to feel it. I’m planning on leaving her, and leaving all of them. Planning on it? Or just considering it? My hoof nudges the letter on the floor deeper under the bed, and I lift up my legs and try to climb into bed before missing a beat and letting out a choked sob.
I bury my head into her chest and she smooths out my mane and helps me into bed. I briefly apologize for waking her up.
“S’ok. Everything’s ok now.”
She rubs my mane a bit and I can’t help but tighten my grip around her waist. If I just fall asleep here, I won’t have to make the choice, right? I tilt my head to look over the already slumbering pegasus next to me and give one last look at the books piled up by the window, and I know it won’t be that simple.

My sleep brings me little comfort. Brief and quickly lost dreams of Spike leaving Ponyville, of me leaving Ponyville, of my friend’s reactions if I speak to them... They twist and turn bizarrely, and I twist and turn in my bed with them. Only a hoof-ful of hours have passed when I stir briefly in my bed and find it otherwise empty. I’m a sweaty mess, and my mane is a tangled knot of purple and pink. My hoof instinctively slips to where her body would be. The bedside is cooled. She’s been gone for some time. In the haze of sleep, the question rises up. Gone forever? I’m suddenly more awake than I should be. I jerk up into a sitting position, yank her covers away to be sure she hasn’t somehow sunken into the mattress. She really is missing.
I hop out of the bed and hurry to the window to light a candle. It’s still quite dark outside. The sun hasn’t yet begun to creep up, but the moon is low in the sky. I’d estimate it to be roughly four in the morning if I had to guess. I’m minutes away from staring the beginnings of a sunrise in the face. I light another candle, hoping they’ll guide my prismatic maned pegasus home sooner, before returning to my bed. On the way, my hoof bumps into my diary. I pick it up and reach under the bed, retrieving the letter and returning it to its proper position at the end of the book. I slide both under the bed, and briefly consider returning to my windowside work. My eyes burn, but... can I really fall asleep without her body next to me? My bed feels odd without her.
It’s another thirty minutes before I hear the creak of my skylight window opening. A trickle of light enters the room with it. I look up and catch her as she lights down on the window sill and tries to close it quietly behind her. It groans and squeaks in protest, rarely opened and rarely used. I clear my throat and she snaps her head around to see me sitting in bed, hooves crossed.
“Oh. You’re up. Sorry... did I?”
I sigh. I can’t possibly be mad at her for being Rainbow Dash. I want to yell at her, to tell her she shouldn’t leave my bedside when I need her but... The admission of need feels wrong. I admit that enough. I can’t admit it more than I already do. I decide to shrug and run the passive aggressive route instead.
“No. It’s fine.”
“Oh... Ok.”
She flutters down next to me, a little sweat still on her brow. I sigh and bunch the blankets up, lying back down and tugging them over me as I turn my back on her.
“You smell like a gym.”
“Oh. uhhh. Shower?”
My voice drips more venom than I mean for it to, but I quickly decide I don’t care.
“Just do it quietly.”
She tiptoes across my room and into the bathroom. The minute I hear the shower, I know it’s going to keep me awake. This is stupid. I get up and wander into the bathroom, where she’s soaping herself up.
“You have a good flight?”
She looks up, breaking her frown very suddenly into a practiced look of nonchalance.
“Y’know how it is. First flight of the spring and all that.”
It’s a stupid excuse, she’s flown as recently as last night.
“First flight? Really? I guess you walked to get our dinner last night huh?”
She sighs and drops the soap she was using. I watch it slip down into the base of the shower with a loud clatter. I see my chance and take a dig at her.
“I’m glad I didn’t try to go back to sleep.”
She roots around for it for a minute and chances a look up at me. I can tell by the look on her face that she’s getting mad. I’m glad she is. I shouldn’t be the only one who’s frustrated.
“You OK Twilight?”
“Me? Oh sure, I’m fine.”
“Really? You’re not acting fine. Feels like you got a-”
The soap slips out of her hooves and falls to the shower floor with a racket again. She’s scowling at this point as she stoops to pick it up again.
“A problem.”
She’s angry now, and it feels good. 
“Why do you always have to leave in the middle of the night?”
“I like to fly. You got a problem with it?”
“Only when it wakes me up!”
“Did it? You seemed fine when I left!”
Her voice is raised at last and she’s pressing herself up against my shower door with a scowl.
“Well I woke up while you were gone.”
“How the hay is that my fault!?”
“I’m having trouble sleeping, it’d be nice if you acted like you cared!”
She snorts and looks away.
“Why do you care if I care? Aren’t we just screwing?”
I want to hit her now. I want to burst out every shard of glass in that stupid door and tackle her. How can she be so dense?
“Didn’t you ask me out? What’s that stupid play tomorrow supposed to be about then?”
She looks around the room for an answer, and the soap slips out of her hoof again. She lunges for it before it can hit the floor, and commences a strange semi-juggling act with it as it bounces and slips from hoof to hoof. She instinctively reaches out with her mouth and catches it. She holds it there for a minute triumphantly before dropping it and spitting furiously between gags.
My tension relaxes a bit. It’s a funny sight, I admit it. She sticks her mouth up to the falling water and swishes it before spitting and repeating over and over. I finally laugh.
“You ok?”
“Blauaaagh.”
“Yeah. I bet.”
She sits down and swishes water around again, looking at me out of the corner of her eye. I look away. Wallpaper’s peeling in my bathroom. Probably the humidity. Shouldn’t leave the door closed if I can help it, the steam builds up and wrecks the-
“Hey Twilight...”
“Yeah?”
“You still wanna go with me tomorrow, right? To the... stupid play?”
I think about it for a minute. I chance a look at her. She spreads a bit of soap across her haunches, oblivious to the fact that I’m watching again. Heat rushes to my face, among other places, and I curse my treacherous eyes. In seconds all my thoughts are of sliding the door aside and hopping in with her. Of grabbing each inch of her in my hooves and smearing soap and suds across them. Of grabbing the dildo from under my bed and-
“Twilight?”
“Yes.”
“Yes what?”
“Yes, I still want to go tomorrow. Of course I want to go. I’ve never even been on a d...”
I struggle with the word. It’s the right word for this, right? Yes? We Agreed?
“On a date with anypony before.”
She stops soaping herself up and chances a look at me. I try to stop gawking so obviously, but I’m sure she notices. She’s blushing too much now not to have noticed. She looks away to spare me from the embarrassment, and I take it as my cue to keep studying those toned haunches.
“Well, if you’ve never been on one, I’ll go easy on ya.”
I gulp audibly and nod.
“Yeah... I think you should.”
“I’ll try to... Maybe you should ask somepony else too, but... I’ll try to be a good date. I’ll let ya know when you can...”
She’s rinsing the soap off now. I’m sad to see it go. I can dimly hear that she’s still talking to me, but I’m not paying any attention anymore. I take an uncertain step toward the shower.
“...and when you should touch...”
She catches me staring again and laughs.
“You even listening?”
I nod reflexively at the question. What kind of trap is that? Zoning out 101 teaches you the answer to that.
“Tell me what I just said.”
Practice at being half awake during academic lectures surfaces as my mind unlocks the passive part of me that was still listening.
“You said you’d let me know when I could risk a kiss and when I could sneak my hooves onto you... You were about to tell me when I should touch you?”
She rolls her eyes at the failed trap with a smile and nods. That’s all the time I need to pick up on the reality of what she was saying.
“Wait. I should- I mean. Rainbow, Ponyville shouldn’t know that we’re-”
“Yeah, yeah. That’s why you gotta be good at sneaking it!”
I briefly consider the implications of being caught. Ponies talking, forever. Not terrible. I’m sure they already do. More than anything, it’s the pressure that would be put on Dash and I if everyone knew... If they all knew... wouldn’t we have to...”
“Hey.”
She’s so good at reaching me quietly. I barely notice that I helped close the distance to the shower. I’ve been walking toward her this whole time without noticing.
“Hey... It’s ok. We’re not gonna get caught, ok? To everypony else, it’s just two really old friends going to a play to chill together. Tell ‘em I lost a bet or something.”
I slide the shower door open, the last barrier between us. My reply comes out half thought, more a breath than an answer.
“...Yeah...”
I watch the drops of water slide off her cheeks and eyelashes... I close the distance and ease my lips against hers. They’re always so soft, so comforting. Her wet hoof finds its way into my mane, and starts untangling it as she slips her tongue into my mouth. I let her do it, I offer no resistance as she runs it on every surface inside my mouth. I find my courage as I work my tongue over hers and push back. She grins in the middle of our kiss and finishes smoothing my mane as she leads me steadily under the hot pouring water. Before I know it, I’m leaning against the shower wall with her over me. I ache to slide down to the floor and lick between her legs until she can’t stand anymore.
“Twi...”
“Huh?”
“Y’wanna save it up for tonight?”
I think about it for a moment. Our sex is so good... and I know she’d let me take control right now if I wanted to. I could say no. After the events earlier tonight, I bet I could even strap her to the wall of the shower and take it. So why is she asking? She looks away from me as she answers my unasked question.
“S’just that... sometimes it’s even better if you both wait on it... y’know? If you really want it?”
I bite my lip. Is it her time of the month or something? Why should she-
“It’s ok if you still wanna... I mean... Maybe I’m just being a sap, huh?”
I laugh as the puzzle piece falls into place. She’s trying to be romantic. Good old Rainbow Dash. So bad at things she’s unaccustomed to. But still...
“Ok. We can wait. It sounds... fun.”
My hormones scream otherwise, but I silence them. She has a point. Waiting can make it all the better. Our earlier sex is proof that even holding off a day can result in kinky new things. I smile and turn the tap off on both of us, pecking her lips before slipping past her and fishing a towel off the rack. I toss her one and she catches it awkwardly with her face. I laugh.
“You ok with this?”
I smile and nod, and assure her that I am.
“You sure? You seemed so grouchy earlier.”
Earlier? Earlier happened? I stretch my mind to it and bite my lip as I remember the way we were treating each other only a hoof-ful of minutes ago.
“I’m... Sorry. I haven’t been sleeping well.”
“Yeah... It’s ok. C’mon, let’s get you to bed. Can’t have you grumping all over our date.”
I snuggle into bed next to her, her still damp mane filling our pillows with the scent of my shampoo and conditioner. My thoughts drift to the letter. I screw up my courage and try to bring it up. I won’t sleep unless... I whisper it.
“Rainbow...”
No reply. She’s already sleeping peacefully. We’ve been in bed for maybe a minute. I snuggle into her and try to push the letter out of my mind. It’s future Twilight’s problem.

I wake up five hours later still cuddled up to Dash. She’s awake, but she hasn’t left my side. Somehow, the letter doesn’t seem like a big deal anymore. I quickly decide it’s not worth bringing up anymore. I’ll figure it out. I kiss her cheek and thank her for staying with me until I woke up. She yawns.
“S’ok. I haven’t been up that long.”
I roll my eyes. She wouldn’t tell me the truth about that anyways. 
“Hey Twi-”
I roll ontop of her. Our promise to hold off on sex hours ago seems distant. I brush the streaks of red, yellow and orange out of her eyes and away from her face and look down at her.
“Yeah?”
“Somepony dropped by... they need me to...Mnnnhhhuuuaaah.”
I stop rubbing her wings for a minute so she can finish. It might be important, but it better be critical if it’s stopping our sex.
“They’ve got some snow clouds creeping back in from the Everfree. It’s weird, and they want me there to make sure... nothing goes wrong.”
It’s a holiday weekend, I remind her.
“I know, I know... and I feel like somepony’s freaking tail feathers after last night’s no-sleep marathon... but somepony’s gotta get the work done, y’know?”
I sigh. The Rainbow Dash I met years ago would have said no. She’s gotten so serious about work in recent years. I try to internalize it rather than despise it. We’re stuck here, right? We should work the best that we can with it. It’s my own mantra. I try to remember if I was the one who taught her that years ago, but I can’t remember. It’s too early in the morning for all this. I roll off her and pretend to pout.
“You’re still going to make our date right?”
“Huh? Of course!”
“Well, Ok. Meet up at the theatre?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll see you there. Enjoy your day off, Twi!”
I get a kiss on the cheek, then she’s up and out of bed in a flash, briefly stopping to brush her teeth on the way out before exiting via my skylight in a streaking spectrum of colors. I watch her climb higher into the sky from my window, and catch her do a couple rolls and loops as she accelerates toward the clouds. As she disappears into their downy looking fluff, I return to the prospect of our date tonight.
I pull out a quill and parchment, and start to make a list. I’ll need another shower. A real shower where I can wash my tail and mane properly. I’ll have to break out the sweet smelling shampoo and conditioner. It’ll have to be earlier in the day... afternoon... if I want to be dry when I show up for the play tonight. I need to brush my teeth before I leave. I’ll need lunch. Can’t go adventuring on an empty stomach. Adventures... it’s hard to believe this one qualifies compared to the things that Dash and I used to gear up to do. This adventure list seems so strange. So insignificant. It’s my first date list. It shouldn’t feel so odd.
I realize I’m not sure what else needs to be on the list. I need somepony who knows. Dash has taken off for the day... Fluttershy? I laugh to myself. Pinkie Pie? Absolutely not. Applejack? Probably working. Sweet Apple acres isn’t going to be my first stop after I’ve freshened up for a date, either. I reluctantly add “Visit Carousel Boutique” to the list after “Shower”, and “Lunch”. In an hour, I’m slipping on my rain boots and levitating an umbrella as I make my way through the drizzly spring afternoon toward Rarity’s house. It’s not until I knock on the door that I remember they’ve temporarily moved, and probably aren’t at the Boutique at all. I’m in the process of turning around when the door opens, revealing a slightly pregnant and suddenly smiling unicorn.

She opens the door with a surprised smile and shouts over her shoulder to put the kettle on. I’m ushered in in seconds, and relieved of every wet article of clothing I own.
“There you are now. Goodness, somepony smells nice. Plans tonight?”
I nod, no sense in hiding them entirely from her. It’s what I’m here for after all. A knot begins to form in my stomach as I realize I’m going to have to navigate a barrage of questions now, and I pray to the sweet cloudy sky that I can do it without outing myself.
“Ohhh. Twilight! Plans? You’ve got plans!? I was just teasing but- Oh goodness me, sit down sit down!”
I’m lead past rows of stacked two-by-fours over to a cushy chair covered by a dust cover, and she’s brushing my tail before I can protest.
“Who is he? Do I know him? Oh of course I do. Such a small town. Unless he’s not from here? Canterlot perhaps?”
Her voice quivers on the capital city’s name, eager for the potential juicy gossip. She waits with a huge grin for my reply, and I remember that I’m supposed to be asking advise.
“A-actually... I’m... I’m going out with Rainbow Dash to a play.”
Her head tilts and she frowns. The knot tightens in my gut.
“Pardon? A play? Why in Equestria would you go with Rainbow Dash of all ponies? If you’d only asked I could-”
I cut in with the best excuses I could manage.
“I... I don’t want to bother you. You’re expecting! You need your free time.”
She looks around, her ears flattening dejectedly.
“Well, not exactly... Ever since... well, now all I do is sit at home. It’s so dreadfully boring. Oh, I wish somepony would at least take me to a play.”
She shoots a glance at her husband as he sets a tray of tea down. He rolls his eyes and rubs her behind her ears. She tilts her head into it appreciatively, but I can tell after all our time together that she’s still a little disappointed.
“It’s not what you think... I...”
Rainbow Dash’s excuse from the night before returns to my mind.
“Rainbow lost a bet.”
Rarity raises an eyebrow, unsurprised.
“Well obviously. I don’t think you’d find another way to get her into a play. Which play is it?”
I realize I don’t know. Isn’t there only one showing on holiday weekends?
“I... Oh shoot. I’m blanking on the name... What’s the one showing tonight?”
“The Wandering Magici-”
“That’s the one! Yeah. The Wandering Magician!”
“Hmmm... A very romantic play, Twilight. Rainbow Dash will be bored out of her skull, I fear. You might have won the bet, but are you sure it’s worth the torture?”
I bite my lip. How can she talk about Rainbow like she knows her so well? Rainbow suggested the play after all. She clearly... Clearly knew what was playing... and wanted to go see a romantic play... with me. I start to wonder if I really know about the pony sharing my bed.
I’m still reveling in how much nopony seems to know about Rainbow Dash after a decade of being her friend when Rarity cuts in.
“Is she meant to be your wingmare then?”
My what? Oh. Right. Helping me find a date? Sure why not.
“Yeah.”
“Rainbow Dash. Your wingmare. Are you sure you didn’t lose the bet? It sounds as though you certainly lost the terms. What on earth kind of pony would she introduce you to, darling?”
I shrug.
“I dunno... I’m not... particularly picky at this point, I guess.”
She pouts her lip and tilts her head.
“Twilight... just because it’s been a... a little while, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have standards. A lady should always keep her standards high., especially one as pretty and intelligent as yourself! I hope you’re not considering finding a colt and taking him home overnight... So risque!”
I look at the floor, never sure how to approach the subject of colts. Should I act boy crazy? Not at my age, right? Deny it? But it’s too late to make it sound like I’m not... I sigh. I suck at thinking on my hooves. I settle for a shrug. To my surprise, she squeals with glee and moves onto brushing my mane.
“Oh my goodness! You naughty thing you! Oh you simply must tell me how it turns out tomorrow!”
I promise that I will, and ask if she has any advise.
“For bedding a colt? Well... I don’t know... I always waited for a bit. I’ve never... I mean not on the first date, or even the third-”
She gets elbowed gently and frowns over her shoulder.
“Alright. The third date. Once.”
I summon up the maximum depths of my inner actress and pretend to act interested.
“Oh my gosh? Really? You two?”
She straightens up, trying to salvage her pride.
“Well... It only seemed... We’d already seen each other bare, and... Well it was only meant to be a little kiss at first before-.”
A lewd suggestion of where the kiss was placed issues from the chair next to her and she throws a pillow at him to shut him up. I laugh a genuine laugh. Who knew the only words out of his mouth this visit would be so on point?
“Oh you two are simply vulgar. Honestly Twilight, I expected it from him, but you?”
I take on an apologetic tone between chuckles.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh. So you’ve jumped into the business quickly before, but it’s not normal?”
She scowls at me.
“I mean... Rarity, what do you do on a normal date then? To find a normal date. I mean.To find and go on. I want to find him and date him in the same night. My books say... Strike fast.”
Moon and stars help me. I offer a prayer to every princess who’s ever lived. I’m so bad at this.
She gasps.
“Twilight, are you telling me this is your first time looking for or going on a date?”
Somepony hears my prayers and offers me a way out. I sigh as if she’s caught onto the dreaded secret I hadn’t meant to divulge. It should throw her off the trail. I wrap my tail around myself. I notice she’s braided it without even asking, and jump into her arena by looking as sad as possible.
“...Yes.”
“Oh my goodness! Well we’ve simply got to get you something to wear! Come now, into the back. It’s still a mess... Oh... dust everywhere. I hope it’s not gotten into the fabric. We’ve covered it but- Come over here and uncover it you! We’ve got work to do for Twilight!”
He gets up with a grumble and I make an apologetic face to him over Rarity’s back. He shrugs. I might not like him much, but he’s not complaining about the sudden change in plans for his afternoon. He lifts the plastic covers off of the rolls of fabric with an ease that only a giant could manage. Rarity hurries over to inspect them.
“Mmmmm... A few rolls are too dusty to use without cleaning, and we’ve no time for that. We’ll use...”
She pulls out a midnight blue and looks it over.
“Mmm... a couple years ago I might have, but now...”
She holds up a black cloth to me.
“Black is certainly in right now... but what to complement it with.”
I try to hurry this along, not having even gotten to the real issue.
“Maybe that grey and some whit-”
“No no. Shush for just a- Sorry Twilight. Just... one a second. Black grey and white are too tonal together... Although...”
She looks them over again and then looks back to me.
“No no... not with your coat, but if you’re here... then she’s bound to be.”
I interrupt, eager to try to throw her off the trail she’s apparently back on.
“Why would Rainbow Dash need a new dress? She hates being fitted for these things.”
“Mmmh. Yes... but on a date... No, she’ll come for help with makeup at least.”
“It’s not a date! For her. She’s not on the date. She’s not dating. I mean... She sure better not being dating on my date night!”
Rarity continues to hoof her way through rolls of fabric, commanding more and more covers be tossed aside in her search.
“Hmmm? Yes, yes. Of course not, dear. Of cours~ Wahaha! Perfect! Hold still!”
I’m wrapped in white and her horn bursts into light. When it clears I’m left blinking, and she’s moving the beginnings of a dress onto her work table. In only a half an hour she’s sending a lovely dress my way. Mostly the deep, dark blue she always shoehorns me into, but there’s a surprising amount of white in it. She’s worked delicate replicas of my cutie mark into the pure white hem on both sides, and into the snow white saddle she’s put together for it. 
“It’s very bold. I don’t think I’ve ever been so... direct with a dress being made for somepony.”
She motions to the streaks that run down the very sheer drop on my chest and neck that match the colors in my mane and tail. All told, I look in the mirror and see something simple, yet...
“It’s very... sexy.”
She giggles girlishly beside me as we gaze at the mirror together.
“Yes, yes... Yes, it’s quite sexy. And quite accessable, for that spark of inner naughty mare.”
She motions to the back of the dress. It splits much earlier than most would, slightly exposing my haunches. Unlike most dresses, it seems to zip starting there and move up my back rather than the alternative. I’m fairly sure anypony could unzip it halfway and access my entire backhalf without ever removing it if they wanted... I briefly imagine Dash getting her hooves on that zipper and fondling my body throughout the play without a single pony noticing. Stylish, sexy, and functional. Nothing less from Ponyville’s resident fashionista.
“I... Thank you Rarity. It’s perfect!”
Yes, yes. I know, I know! Come now, get out of it before we get dust on it. Let’s sit down, and let’s go over the basics of the bases, how to tease... Oh we’ve so much to teach you.”
She shoots a look at the poor man who’s trying to cover up the fabric rolls again and rolls her eyes.
“Do that later. Ladies need to be left alone when discussing these... personal matters. Surely we have orders we put on hold for jewelry?”
He shrugs.
“Well... I’m sorry darling. I’m afraid I simply must kick you out for this. Mustn’t have a gentleman decoding the secrets of a lady.”
He sighs and walks through a door into a workshop. Even through the briefly cracked door, it looks like quite a mess. I can 	only guess it’s used for crafting the jewelry that he’s famous for making around town. I wish I could watch him, see how he does it... I admit that I’m curious. His methods could be invaluable for ponies who come after us. Somepony should chronicle them for the future.
“Twilight? Pay attention dear. Now we’ve only got a short time to get this right. Flirting... We’ll have to only go over the basics.”
For the next three hours, I attentively learn how to bat my eyes, how to walk in heels in the sexiest way possible, and how to sit properly. It all seems to connect with a central theme of teasing.  Rarity’s method of being sexy is to offer the promise of sex in every step, and withhold it with every word and action. The constant tug of appeal and denial will drive Dash crazy. It’s exactly what she soaks her saddles for, and I know she’ll be horny out of her mind in an hour if I can master it. I try my best, and by the time evening is approaching, Rarity sends me home to do my makeup with a confident push out the door, still offering advice as we go.
“You’ll be fine! Remember, swaying walk, gentle sitting, firm leg cross!”
I turn and ask if she’s sure, but she waves me on.
“You’ve got to be going dear, it seems my six o’clock appointment is here!”
I look around, and see nopony. I look up and see Rainbow Dash preparing to set down next to me. When I turn around, Rarity has disappeared back into the Boutique.
“H-hi Rainbow.”
She shifts her saddlebags and looks at the sky.
“Hey Twilight. What’re you doing here?”
“I needed to... I needed something nice to wear.”
“Oh. Cool. I’m just here for... To see how Rarity’s doing. She had that whole fainting thing, right?”
“Yeah. It looks like she’s better now though.”
“Ok. Cool. I’ll just go ask myself.”
“Ok.”
We part ways, and as I walk past I try to sway my hips like Rarity showed me. I’m rewarded with a very sharp turn of my sky blue bedmate’s head. I wiggle my hips as I look over my shoulder, just like we covered. Dash takes a cautious step toward me. It’s working like a charm, but it’s working in both directions.  I force the promise of sex back from my mind and try to cool my aching privates with careful self control. We’re in public. Anything more might attract attention, even on empty streets.
“Hey, Twi-”
“I’m looking forward tonight, Rainbow dear.”
“Rainbow dear?”
Address her like a proper pony and she has to act like one.
“Mmhmm.”
“Oh. Yeah. Me too...”
She bites her lip and turns back to the Boutique. I catch the motion, and suddenly the double meaning of what I’m doing hits me. Stupid Rarity... Dash likes her, right? I took lessons from... From the pony that... It’s both perfect, and insulting. I can win her over whenever I want with the tricks that won her from the start... but they’re not my tricks. I can’t do it alone. They probably weren’t Rarity’s tricks in the first place though, right? She had to learn them somewhere. Maybe a friend, maybe a relative? We’re all doing it to be on even hooves.
I decide to swallow my pride. I’ll get Rainbow into my bed before the night is over. Won’t that part happen pretty definitely? It’s not that though. I want her to get into my bed soaking through the sheets... She’s going out of her way to be nice to me, so I really want her to have a good time tonight... and I want a really good time too. I’ll do that whatever the cost.
“See you later tonight, Twi?”
“Mmhmm.”
I keep walking away, determined to make a turn out of sight as soon as possible. As I turn the first corner I find, I bump into the world’s softest wall. I look up at him as he towers over me. My stomach sinks. How much did he see? He’ll tell his wife, won’t he? I bite my lip. He holds out his hands. Something glistens in them. As he extends his palm, I see they’re ear-rings. They’re dwarfed by his hands, palms easily as big as my hooves cupping two lightning bolt shaped ear-rings in my size. As far as I can tell, he’s not made them on anypony’s orders... Why would he give them to me unless...
“You guessed?”
He tilts his head and raises an eyebrow. Maybe he doesn’t know? Maybe he’s just trying to make Dash and I match for our night out?
“Ok. Thanks.”
He nods. He’s gone before I can say any more. Two strides carry him back in the Boutique’s side door. It closes softly behind him, and I put the earrings on. They’re perfect fits, and I know they match my eyes. I hope it’s not too conspicuous, but... it feels right. It feels romantic. I look at the door one more time before heading back to the Library to get into my dress and prepare for tonight.

I’m hurrying through Ponyville’s night lights two hours later as I run into Rainbow Dash. Apparently we’re both running behind schedule. So much for getting to the play early for good seats. We don’t say a word as we meet on the street, two blocks to go. The silence is finally broken by my partner as we reach the door and duck in. I try to adopt the walk that Rarity showed me.
“Hope there’s still seats in the back.”
“Seats in the back? We won’t be able to see anything-”
I look down at her dress. It’s definitely got hints of the black cloth that Rarity hinted at before. It must have been made in the same record time as mine... Made to match. I’ve never seen Rarity dress her in anything but rainbow colors and cloudy white borders. She looks so much... older, and more mature in black. An ocean of shimmering sequins catches the light as we make it in the door. I can’t help but draw my eyes up the side of the dress, where gems of every color adorn the hem, all the way up to the collar of her gown. She’s got her hair in her customary casual ponytail. She’s worn it at every social outing we’ve ever been to together, but... I’ve never noticed just how good it looks on her. How it bares her back slightly, how it lifts her hair out of her eyes and shows off her ears. She’s wearing... replicas of my earrings. There’s no doubt they’re shaped like my cutie mark intentionally. Out of everything I see, I have to know the mystery behind them.
“Rainbow... These earrings... they must know. Right?”
“Huh?”
“Don’t tell me he didn’t give them to you.”
“Oh. Course he did. I ordered them!”
I have to fight to keep my voice a whisper as we sneak into the back of the theatre.
“What!?”
My stomach tightens. She’s outing us without even asking me! I lean in, my voice a sharp hiss in her ear.
“You promised nopony would know.”
She manages a few words out of the corner of her mouth as we find our seats.
“Easy Twilight... nopony does know. No... human either, for that matter.”
“How would he not guess?”
“Him? He doesn’t care about that kinda stuff. He’s super busy. He’s not gonna stop and think about why we ordered them. Hoof to the sky Twilight.”
I sigh. He does seem... very dense.
“What if he tells Rarity?”
“Confidentiality in the contracts. Nopony knows.”
“I’m sure he tells her.”
“You think after a day of not talking, they talk about business?”
“How do you know so much of what goes through his-”
We’re shushed by the older couple in front of us. The curtain is rising. I have to work hard to whisper directly in her ear.
“through his head?”
“Because we go out for drinks sometimes. Now take it easy. Show’s gonna start!”

The first act starts, but I’m a million miles away now. Why is Dash going out for drinks with some random guy? Does she really only like mares exclusively? We never really said... Well, we never said this was limited to just the two of us. That’s stupid though. He wouldn’t cheat on Rarity. Dash wouldn’t- It’s not technically cheating. Who knows what he would do though? Why is everyone in that stupid house competition? Am I going to be competing with the foal next? 
Of course, it makes sense now. Dash has to talk to him to get details about Rarity’s life. I always seem to forget she’s still in love with a married pony. It must be hard. I guess I eat up news about Canterlot whenever I can get it... And still... I sigh in my seat. Rainbow and I won’t ever be an “item”. This date was a dumb idea. I’ll always be in love with... with Her. And Rainbow will always be in love with Rarity. 
I sink lower into my seat, and find a hoof at the small of my back.
I look over and see her watching the play. A smile creeps onto her face. Her hoof navigates toward my zipper. Now I know why she wanted a seat in the back. I realize as I look around that she got them. Her hoof sneaks my zipper up a little bit. I consider removing it. I don’t really... feel like sex anymore. I can feel tears leaking into the corners of my eyes, and I try to blink them away. If I move to Canterlot, my life’s a lie. If I stay here, it’s just as bad. I get up and head to the bathroom. I can’t break down here, in front of everypony.
I make it to the restroom, lock myself into a stall, and sob into my hooves. I’ve got mascara on them in seconds. Great. No way to go back in after I get my shit together without everypony seeing. I don’t even know if I care. I’ll stay in here until I die. The door opens, and somepony comes in. I try to pull myself together. Whoever it is doesn’t need to-
“Twilight?”
Oh. It’s just Rainbow Dash. I make my intentions fairly clear with a single choked sentence.
“Go away.”
“Huh? You ok in there?”
“Go away! I hate this.
“Are you... Look, I’m gonna-”
She hops over in seconds without bothering to finish. It’s very crowded very suddenly. She’s very close to me. She brushes my mane out of my face.
“What is it? Is it the magic? I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to... We should have... this morning, and I-”
“It’s not that. Just please. Just please go away.”
Her voice drops to a whisper.
“You’re... you’re not in... danger?”
“No.”
“Oh thank Celestia. Look... if you needed to cry this badly, you should have-”
I push her away, and her back hits the door loudly.
“Don’t tell me what I need to do.”
“Hey... it’ll be ok. What’s wrong?”
The fact that we’re not in the right place for this conversation doesn’t matter. I’m sick of bottling it up as much as I have.
“Wrong? Everything is wrong! I hate this. I can’t...”
I struggle for my chief complaint. A minute ago I had a hundred. Now my mind is blank. I grasp at the only one I can think of that I can talk to her about.
“I’m tired of this messing around. Our sex is just... we’re just a lie.”
“Huh?”
“It’s not real. Neither of us is ever gonna get over the ponies we love. We might as well 
just...”
“What? No way. Look, dry your eyes. I know it feels weird. I feel weird too sometimes... But it’s not bad. Is it?”
“Only when I stop to think about it!”
She looks away. No casual sex partner should look so wounded. She unlatches the door to the bathroom stall and walks out. I follow her.
“If you want lies...”
She turns around, suddenly angry. Her face stays fixated on my hooves the whole time. If we weren’t trying to argue quietly, I suspect she’d shout my shoes off.
“Why do you lie to me then?”
Me? Lie to her?
“Yeah. That stupid letter under your bed. Didn’t think it was important enough to share that you might be moving someday?”
How... How can she possibly-
“I found it under your bed last night. I saw you holding it... Why wouldn’t you tell me? It’s from freakin’ months ago! And you let me get all worked up over you and now-”
“I haven’t made a decision yet.”
She looks up, eyes teary.
“I know. That’s why you were so sad last night right. It’s why you can’t sleep? Why won’t you talk to me?”
I look anywhere but her face. She was snooping through my stuff. It’s her fault she’s dumb enough to make her sad. I tried to protect her from this. I tried to protect me from this.
“Why? Why’d you go looking? I wasn’t bringing it up for a reason!”
“I... You said last night you’d send the Princess a letter about your magic going nutso. I catch you holding a letter in the middle of the night, and then you go all crybaby on me and squeeze the life out of me? I thought you were dying! And then I check after you’re asleep and-”
“And I might as well be!”
She rolls her eyes, and can’t blink in time to stop a tear from trickling down her right cheek.
“Oh come on! Don’t be so dramatic!”
“No. You don’t... you don’t understand.”
It’s a lie. This is the only pony in Equestria who could understand getting a letter that big and having to choose between Ponyville and their dream job.
“I wouldn’t- I... I... I lo... Look.”
She sniffles and straightens her mane a bit in the mirror.
“It’s ok. You don’t have to make a decision.”
“Yes. Yes I do!”
“Not yet. Not now. You can put it off. Think on it some!”
I swallow and sniffle. The tightness in my chest is easing for the first time in days.
“It’s still going to have to be done... It’s not going anywhere just because I want it to.”
“Look. You’ve still got time... Just think on it! These things work themselves out.”
She pulls me into a hug.
“I don’t have long...”
“Psh. Sure you do! Nine months is plenty of time. Go back into that theatre and ask Rarity how long nine months is! It’ll work itself out if you let it!”
“Rarity’s here? I- What if it doesn’t work itself out? What then?”
She frowns and breaks the hug.
“Then you freaking go! If you’re honestly considering it, then you can already do without m- without us! Just go!”
I shove her, and she stumbles back into the wall behind her. It wasn’t supposed to be that easy... Rainbow Dash is normally so strong... A shove would have moved me.
She’s on me in a flash. My limbs are pinned. I struggle to focus on magic, to move her off me, but my mind’s just too much of a mess. 
“You’re gonna shove me?”
“I’m... I’m sorry.”
I am. I’m sorry I’ve done this to both of us. I look up at her for what feels like the first time. I can’t read her face. It’s just... sad.
“Well fine. Shove away.”
She gets off of me.
“Shove all you want. But I’m sticking with you until you make your decision.”
I stop and think for a minute. What’s she trying to say?
“Rainbow... No.”
“Yes. Don’t act like you don’t want it. It’s not gonna break my stupid heart if you run off to your dream job or anything.”
She doesn’t even sound convinced herself. I pull her into a hug and apologize. I can’t believe I shoved her. I can’t believe I got... that angry.
“It’s ok.”
She’s smiling at me. She covered up that sad face so quickly... Her voice comes out a whisper in my ear.
“Why dontcha channel that kinda anger in the bedroom sometime, huh?”
“I doubt I could get you on your back if I tried.”
“Yeah? Well don’t get cocky. It’s these stupid heels.”
I laugh. She never walks anywhere. What does she need them for?
“Looking good, according to a certain somepony.”
“Rarity?”
“...yeah.”
I sniffle and check the mirror for the first time. I look like a wreck. Mascara, eyeliner, base, blush... it’s all run.
“Hey. One sec.”
She reaches into her petite saddlebag and pulls out a makeup kit. I try to form a sentence around the sniffling.
“I’m glad one of us thought to bring one... I never... thought it’d be you.”
“Yeah, yeah. You’ll have to do it yourself... I can’t...”
I look over her face. Eyeshadow, a little base, and some mascara.
“You look great to me...”
“Yeah? I uhhh... I had a little help. I’m really bad at it.”
I laugh. Rarity was right after all.
“S’not that funny.”
She sniffles and looks away from me.
“I’ll let you borrow it, but you gotta promise me something.”
I reach out take the kit without asking what it is. She can have the sun if she wants.
“No more crying if you can help it.”
I scowl. 
“I don’t choose to be an emotional wreck.”
“Yeah? Well keep it together better then. I don’t wanna see you crying until you make your 
choice. That’s a choice worth crying over... but it’s not worth crying over this many times. Wait until you make it. Give it one good time. Then let it go.”
I stop mid-reach. This sort of wisdom is uncommon coming from Rainbow Dash. Unless...
I turn her face to me and kiss her, suddenly. It’s fiercer than I meant it to be. When we break, I make sure to make eye contact.
“You’re right. Thank you.”
She nods. I see a pout creep into her lips, but she forces it away. It only confirms my suspicions. I pull her into a hug.
“Don’t you cry then, either.”
“Not gonna. Made my choices a long time ago. Did my eyes... watering... then.”
I nod and accept the kit.

I finish my makeup in time to catch Dash trying to do hers. She’s not as much a mess as I am, but her right cheek has a noticeable smudge here and there. She seems good at taking it off, but when she tries to reapply it...
She sneaks a glance at my face for hints. It doesn’t look like it helps. In only a minute or two she’s a mess of mascara, lipstick, base, and blush. I help her take it off again and she looks at the floor.
“This stupid crap is... So totally not for me. Froo froo make up isn’t-”
I shush her. If she keeps talking, I’m going to slip, and she’ll have eyeliner on her cheek. When I finish up she looks at it and half-smiles.
“What’s the trick? Why does it always look so good when anypony else does it for me?”
I laugh. She tries to use too much.
“What’s... how do you tell what’s too much?”
“You’re naturally beautiful, Rainbow. You don’t need much more than a little base and-”
She mumbles and looks at the floor.
“’M not beautiful.”
I turn her head up until she’s facing me.
“That’s your problem... You really don’t think you are?”
“You’re beautiful. Rarity’s beautiful. Fluttershy’s beautiful. I’m...”
I kiss her. It’s softer than our last one. I wish I could suck the self depreciation out of her. There’s been enough of that tonight. My hooves wander through her mane. So soft. Her hooves creep up my back and rub between my shoulders. Before long I’m cupping her face in my hooves and breaking the kiss. She opens her eyes, and I meet them with every ounce of determination I can muster.
“Beautiful.”
She laughs, and we kiss again. By the time we’re done we have to straighten our manes for what seems like the dozenth time before we can walk back into the theatre. My steps are back to being my own. When we take our seats again, nopony seems to notice. I bunch as closely to her as I can manage. I don’t care who sees me leaning on my friend’s shoulder. I’m surprised when her hoof sneaks back down to my haunches though. I look around to make sure that we’re still the only ponies in our row. As soon as I’m sure, I reach back and guide her hoof to the zipper. She leans in and drops her words like a whisper of soft wind at the back of my ear.
“You sure? You’ve been all over the place up ‘til now.”
I smile and risk leaning into her to whisper back. I sneak a kiss on her cheek instead.
“A friend recently told me in no uncertain terms to get it together.”
I feel her inch the zipper up. She waits until somepony onstage is speaking so that nopony hears it. Before long she’s got easy access to the fullness of my flanks and haunches. I lean a bit so that she can grope them easier. I try to pay attention to the play, but my mind is occupied with how far she might go. I silently beg her to lean a bit more, to rub between my legs where I’ve been dying to be touched all day. I uncross my legs in case she wants to try coming from the front. I hope it’s a clear enough signal.
She kneads my haunches for a few more minutes before yawning and sitting up straight, leaving me wondering if I’ve completely misrepresented my intentions. A full minute passes before she unbuckles her saddle and mumbles something about it being too hot in the theatre. I see. Inconspicuous. She asks if I can hold it, and I set it in my lap. My legs spread as she creeps her hoof under it and brushes my lower lips. I find myself slouching, half wishing she’d out us both and drop to her knees to lick me into blissful oblivion. Her hoof is suddenly snatched away. The curtain drops and the first act ends. I realize I’m only barely cognizant of what this play is about so far. I stretch into my mind as I straighten up in my seat and try to quickly zip myself up amid the shuffle of ponies. Dash stands up and blocks me from their vision as I do it, asking me how I’m liking the show so far.
“Oh... I...”
The zipper hangs and I shift awkwardly.
“It’s been pretty-”
“Rainbow Dash! Twilight!”
Rarity sashays over among the crowd.
I manage to unsnag the zipper as Dash quickly intercepts her. As soon as I’m ready to go, I hurry over.
“Too hot? Honestly Rainbow Dash, you’ve no sense of fashion. This theatre is positively frigid, in any case. Oh! Twilight!”
“Hi, Rarity!”
She looks me over.
“Dress still intact. Mane not a mess. Makeup clean. You’re doing better than Rainbow Dash, which is to be expected. Don’t carry her things for her at any rate!”
She levitates the saddle from my hoof to Dash’s back.
“You’re supposed to be working for Twilight tonight, remember?”
“Huh?”
Dash looks to me for a clue and I jump in as quickly as possible.
“Not until we get out and mingle with that... that crowd there! Plenty of colts for Dash to introduce me to! Where’s your special somebody tonight, Rarity?”
She rolls her eyes.
“Too tall to bring into good seating. He’s in the back row.”
I look around again at our back row. There was nopony there before. Now I see him in the corner. Black suit, black tie. How can something so big escape notice two times in a day? I curse my early horny, hurried scans of the rows.
“O-Oh? How d’you suppose he’s liking the show?”
She turns her nose up and walks over, swatting him with her tail. He stirs, and a sigh of relief escapes both Dash and myself. Asleep all this time? Thank goodness.
“Asleep? Honestly? No culture! No class!”
Dash flaps over and joins in.
“Give ‘im a break Rarity. This play stuff is pretty dull.”
“I believe you would think so. Try not to lean all over Twilight during the second act, would you?”
“You- You saw huh?”
“Well, only because I was looking for you. But honestly. You’re no better than him. Honestly, if she falls asleep give her a good swat Twilight.”
I laugh and nod. 
“I’ll be sure to give Dash more than just a swat before she can fall asleep.”
“Good.”
Dash tilts her head at my double entendre as Rarity joins the crowd.
“Twi? You wanna sneak out of here? I’m really sorry... I don’t even know what’s going on in it anymore.”
I really do. If we leave though... I chance a glance at Rarity. She’d notice. We’re supposed to find a colt tonight. I never thought she’d be here to see my lie through. I lead Dash into the crowd, talking out of the corner of my mouth as we approach.
“We need an excuse. I can’t go home with a colt tonight.”
“Yeah, what the hay’s with that?”
“I uhh... All part of the bet you lost.”
“Oh. Dang. I make really stupid bets.”
“Yes, you do.”
“S’ok, I got this one.”
She hurries off to the refreshments stand and leaves me to a slew of colts Rarity’s trying to introduce me to. I curse the name of Rainbow Dash playfully every time they ask who my fit friend was. Each of them makes his different advance. I try to send every signal Rarity taught me to tell them I’m not interested. For each one that takes the hint, two more are introduced. I look desperately around the room for Rainbow Dash once more. Soon I see her streaking through the swath of stallions now surrounding me. As she reaches the last one, she trips and dumps two glasses of wine onto me.
I’m not sure if it’s actually part of her plan, but everypony around us zips backward. Rarity lets out a dying gasp and practically swoons as I’m covered in wine. Dash is an explosion of excuses and apologies. She pushes back one of the stallions who’s offering a handkerchief and accuses him of tripping her. He departs infuriated and offended. Before long, every pony in the crowd is arguing over whose fault it was. Dash helps to pick me up and leads me out the door. As we hurry off, I shoot her a less than appreciative glare and wipe wine out of my mane.
“That was our plan? Leave to change clothes?”
“Huh? Sure. I got to flavor you up too! It’s the perfect plan!”
“Yeah. Perfect. Now we just have to walk home with me soaking wet during a chilly spring night.”
She laughs. “Alright, hold still. I’ll dry ya off.”
I push her back playfully. Every time she dries me off it curls my mane for weeks. Her “patented Rain-Blow-Dry” is a catastrophy. 
“Nu-uh. Besides, everypony knows that’s only the regular. I’ll give you the super good one.”
I frown.
“What’s the super good one entail?”
“Well... First you gotta get outta that thing.”
I turn around and let her unzip me. As I step out of it, I’m swept into the air, dress in one hoof, me in the other. We’re a blur of color, and I watch my hooves leave the ground behind at high velocity. I’ve been carried by her before, but this... This speed. Is this what liberates her every night? I’d leave out my window if I could do this.
The wind bites at my still wet body, and I huddle in and grip her tighter. I shift my eyes from the quickly disappearing earth and look up just in time to see a wall of fluffy white rushing up to meet me.
We burst through the cloudy night into a clear ocean of stars. Up here I can see everything. I can see it all. She holds me in her arms and I look down at the clouds. Her wings barely have to beat to keep two bodies afloat. I look up at her face, and she’s not smiling as I’d expect.
“Up here... I can hear everypony below. They don’t see or hear me, but they know I’m there. If they shout, I come running. I help everypony I can, whenever I can. Kinda like you in your library.”
I kiss her chest and ask why she’s gotten so serious.
“It’s... Just hard to share this space with somepony. I always have to be up here alone.”
My jaw almost drops. I’d never expect Rainbow Dash to admit feelings like those so readily. I hug her to me, and she doesn’t even tilt in flight.
“Y’wanna go back to my place tonight?”
I nod. She’s off like a shot. There’s not a missed beat, not a moment where I worry about being dropped. Her hooves are strong, her wings tear through the wind up here as if it were a gentle breeze. She banks left and bursts through the floor of clouds beneath us. That floor becomes a ceiling as she touches down.
“You got a spell for this?”
I sift through my memory. Cloud walking... Yes. Easy spell. I nod.
“You need any help casting it?”
I dip into my will. It’s calm tonight. I can’t tell why. I’ve been an emotional wreck enough times, been deprived sex for hours... I’m out of theories as to the cause. I ease the spell out and twist in her arms until I’m standing on the clouds. I look over to her bed and levitate her easily.
“Are these walls soundproof?”
“Yeah... Mostly.”
“Mostly?”
“You couldn’t hear thunder through them. I don’t think ponies are gonna hear us-”
I scrunch up my horn and pull clouds around her hooves. She tugs at them.
“Woah. You’re... Getting started really fast.”
I lean in and lick a line up her chest. My voice comes out husky and breathy.
“Where do you keep your toys?”
“Uhh... Under the bed.”
I reach under the fluffy structure and climb up. She’s been right all along. Her bed is the softest thing in Equestria. She told me so months ago, and I never came up here. Her words a few minutes ago echo in my ears. She has to be alone up here. The six of us have been friends forever, but... Of the five remaining, only one could join her in her home. Fluttershy’s not about to come into a high up cloud house. I wonder briefly if she’s ever had another pony in her home. I grab a particularly large dildo from under the bed. It’s rubber, and flexible. I hope I can make her home feel like a place she can share.
I kiss her ear as I climb back onto the bed. I’ll have to work hard to make her bed uncomfortable. I lean in and whisper as best I can.
“Are you... in the mood?”
She sighs and arches her back, hooves straining to reach her marehood. I secure the straps tighter and stiffen the mattress beneath her with a wave of magic.
“I’ve been ready since I first fumbled with your zipper.”
I lean in and nod. A belt materializes, and I clasp her wings to her side. Her eyes widen, and she heaves against the straps holding her.
“Nono. Not up here. Nonono.”
I lean in and nuzzle her nose before adopting a serious face.
“You have to rely on me now. You remember your safe word?”
She nods furiously. I wonder if she’s not fighting to shout it. Rely on a pony who’s never been in the clouds to make sure you don’t drop? I sit on her chest and slap her face with the dildo.
“Some bad pony went missing when I woke up this morning.”
“Nnnhhh. I’m sorry Princess.”
I slap her harder with it.
“Sorry? I got an apology earlier. I never got the part that came with it.”
She holds her tongue out, her breath already panting.
“You can have it. Please. Please Princes. Please... My wings... Don’t... Please... I’ll do it. I’ll lick you Princess, just please.”
I think for a moment. I’m not sure just how scared she is... The safeword... it’s here for a reason, right? I ease myself further up her body, resting my marehood on her mouth.
“If you have to talk, you slap the royal flanks. If it’s not important... You get punished.”
She nods and I lower myself until I’m sitting directly over her mouth. She buries her tongue inside me, and I moan. My spare hoof drops to my clit almost immediately. It’s going to be fast for me... I’ll have to make sure it’s slow for her to make up for it. She delves deeper, pressing her tongue all the way in and rolling it around. I gasp and grip her mane, hoof flying off my privates and onto her face.
“Yes... Good... Good pegasus. Good Dash.”
I stroke her forehead and she withdraws her tongue.
“No. Back in. You were a horny slutty mare not fifteen minutes ago. Groping the royal flanks in public... Unzipping my dress... Tongue me, or I’ll keep the belt on for the rest of the night.
I can feel her plunge it back in desperately. She’s eating me out with every ounce of vigor in her body. Kissing, sucking, licking as quickly and furiously as she can. I lean back and release one of her hooves. I need just a little more to push me over the edge. She misinterprets my command and yanks the dildo from my hoof. Before I can stop her, she’s slipping it in. I don’t get words out after.
The feeling of being steadily filled up by the monster tube I’d meant for her is overwhelming. My dildo at home is... Well, it’s not that. Every spare inch I could conceive of having is flexed and filled. I clench down hard. She slides it out and eases it back in. In seconds it’s slickened by my juices. I can feel the wetness trickling out of my quickly loosening hole and onto my leg. I’m a wash of hot wetness in moments. On a bad day I’d probably say no to the dildo I own, but this one... I finally get words out. 
“S...sso big. You’re working it so... Nnnnhhh... Oh DASH.”
I free another one of her hooves, and she lifts one of my legs up a bit and eases me onto my side, somehow managing to fit the toy even deeper than it already was. I can feel it bump the very edge of my insides, and I grab and claw at her cloud mattress as she continues to punish my hole with it. In only a minute I can feel the cascading pleasure of a true orgasm rushing through my body. I lie there, aching and moaning for minutes. I feel something tighten, then loosen inside, and I can feel a rush of liquid gush from my legs. I sit up breathlessly to apologize for wetting her bed, but can only flop back down onto it. She leans down and laps at my marehood, and I try to stop her.
“Nnhnn.. Don’t... I just...”
I look down and realize I didn’t pee, I just... Gushed. A squirting orgasm? I figured I wasn’t the sort of pony who could... But then... I’ve never been filled up like that. I find my voice.
“Yes... Lick your Princess dry. That’s a good pegasus.”
As she licks, I cum again. It’s just too good. I want her to keep her face there forever. I beg her to keep going. She licks me into a third, softer orgasm. I manage to roll onto my back and spread my legs again.
“Put it back in... Naughty pegasus, put it back in.”
“But... But I thought the Princess didn’t like...”
She’s smiling. She’s enjoying being right about my needing to try dildos.
“You cocky bitch. You laugh at your Princess?”
I snatch the dildo from her and strap her back down. Fear rushes back into her eyes.
“Please... I’ve been a naughty pegasus...”
I lower my face to her marehood and lick. She’s drenched. She’ll enjoy it. I hold it out of reach and turn up my nose at her.
“No. None of this. You get nothing. Your princess... Is going to sleep.”
“What?! No! Please!”
I look down at her.
“Please what?”
“Please Princess. Please! Oh for hay’s sake, please!”
She wriggles against the straps, and I slip just the head inside her. She stops struggling and waits for the rest, but it doesn’t come. She cranes her neck to get a look at what I’m doing, but I just sit there. I twist it and turn it a little inside, earning a slight twitch of her leg.
“Princess... Please... Don’t tease.”
“Naughty Pegasi need to be teased.”
“I won’t do it again... I won’t leave.”
I slap her on the face.
“No. no you won’t. I’ll keep those perverted wings tied at your sides from now on.”
“No! Please no!”
I slide the dildo in an inch.
“Please what?”
“Please Princess!”
I ease it in the rest of the way, painstakingly inserting it inch by inch until it won’t go any further. She lies in my arms, panting from the exertion of taking it. I’m surprised she can take it all. I wonder if I managed to. I lower my tongue to her clit and lick ever so gently at every inch of her around the dildo. When I finally slide it out, I start to lick it.
“Nnnhhh...”
I catch her straining as I lick it.
“Do you want it?”
“Yes... Yes Princess!”’
I keep her fixed in the corner of my eye and lick it again.
“Mmm... goodness. We have such a good flavor together. Who knew a cheap slut of a pegasus could taste so good next to a Princess? Mmmhmm... I must be able to make even your soaked snatch taste good.”
“Please... Let me taste, Princess...”
I lower the dildo to her lips and lift it just out of reach of her tongue.
“Mmmm. What does your Princess get in return for such a kind act?”
“I’ll be all yours Princess. Any time. You can... You can call me whenever you want. I’ll be your toy. Just let me taste this one.”
I nod and lower it to her mouth. She snaps her neck up as soon as it’s in range and begins to lick it. I ease it down into her mouth. How much of it can she take? Her mane slips down and she spits a bit of her hair out of her mouth.
I brush the cascade of colors aside and let her take another inch of it. On the next inch, I feel a slapping on my flanks. I ease it down again, and the slapping gets more persistent.
“You dare to touch the royal-”
The realization that it’s our signal floods back. I yank the toy out as she sputters and gasps for air.
I wipe the dildo on the sheets and lean down to apologize, but she chokes out words before I can.
“I’m sorry... Princess, I’m so sorry. I couldn’t take all of your toy.”
I lean back. She still wants to play? Hearing her apology gives me an idea.
“Your Princess forgives you. But you have failed her twice tonight.”
“Twice? No. No!”
“Yes. You’ve read my letter as well. So tell me, bad pegasus. What else have you done wrong today?”
“I... I...”
She looks around as if the clues might be written on the walls.
“You may begin with ‘This dirty mare confesses that.’”
She gulps.
“This dirty mare confesses that she... she masturbated thinking about the Princess today.”
I smack her on the flank, hard. She yelps.
“You are now forgiven. Another confession?”
“This... This dirty mare confesses that she wanted to fuck the Princess in the bathroom.”
I can feel myself getting hotter hearing her confessions. I slap her other flank.
“You are now forgiven. Again.”
“This dirty mare confesses that she wants to fuck the Princess again.”
I slap her hard on the chest and unbuckle one hoof.
“You are unforgiven. Your punishment is to please the Princess.”
I give her the toy and rest my body on her bed. I feel it gently rub against my ass. What’s she doing?
“The dirty pegasus would be wise to-”
She slides the head in, the lubricant from both of our bodies more than adequate for the job. I stiffen, unsure of how to proceed. It doesn’t... feel terrible. I decide to roll with it, for her sake.
“Proceed.”
She slides it in a little further. I can feel my insides widening to accommodate every inch. It’s so big... Aren’t you supposed to stretch before these things? I feel a slight pain as I take another inch, and bite my lip. I hear her spit on the remaining length of the shaft, and then it’s all the way in.
“Holy- You actually took... I mean...”
I groan as I try to relax my insides.
“You will use the Royal... Nnnfff... Nnnggg... Name.”
“The Princess took the entire toy on her first try... She’s... amazing!”
I nod and reach behind me, easing it back out.
“There. Your punishment is complete.”
“But... I have more to confess, Princess!”
I sigh and lower my face between her legs. I’m too tired to keep going with the game... but I need her to cum for me at least once more. Our toy is dirty now, so...
“The pegasus will be silent.”
I work my tongue over her. In the months we’ve been together, this has been the easiest way to make her cum. I feel a bit cheap for bringing her to a climax so quickly and in such a foolproof way, but she’s squirming under my hooves in seconds. I count two orgasms before I have to stop and catch my breath.
“I... I’m sorry for tiring you, Princess. I’m a terribly naughty pegasus.”
I nod. She’s not making this easy. Who’s torturing who, again?
She strains to spread her legs.
“Would the Princess truly punish me again?”
I kiss her, and her tongue is in my mouth in seconds. She wants the taste that’s on my lips. I want to mix it with the taste that’s on hers. We’re a bundle of hooves and legs by the time I ease her onto her back, unstrapped. I lower my face between her legs to make her cum again, and she finally speaks.
“Canterlot.”
I sigh and flop onto the bed, exhausted.
“Sorry... I know you were tired but... Oh geez... It was just too good. I had to keep it going.”
I kiss her stomach. Its’ the closest part of her. She pulls me closer to her. Minutes crawl by as we both catch our breath. She rubs life back into her aching and unbound joints. The light of the stars and moon ease in through one of her windows. I manage to crawl up next to her and flop my face onto her chest. She says nothing, just smiles. Dash breaks the silence after a few more minutes.

“Hey Twi...”
“Hmmm?”
“You have any breakthroughs on that letter?”
I roll over. She’s done her job too well tonight... I honestly don’t care about it anymore.
“I... I think you’re right. I think it’ll work itself out. The decision will get clearer in time.”
I curl up to her and push it out of my mind. It’s getting a little clearer all the time. Just tonight I found out that there are still places in Ponyville that don’t feel like home. Maybe tonight I can-
“Hey... we... we’re not gonna be able to sleep up here are we?”
I’m brought back to reality as I start to sink through her cloud bed slowly. The last grips of my spell wear off, and I break through her cloud floor and start to pick up speed. I’m in her arms in a second, and she’s whisking me off toward the Library. She doesn’t set me down until we’re on the veranda. I make my confusion apparent as I pace around.
“That spell has a time limit?”
“Sure, yes... But it should still have hours!”
“How many hours?”
“I don’t know... It should last for four, five hours longer than it did.”
She bites her lip.
“Magic’s still crazy then? You ever gonna really write that letter to the Princess?”
I sigh and slump against the railing, looking back at the sky. Under my hooves, the hardness of my tree home feels odd.
“Yeah... I’ll get around to it.”
She nods and heads inside. I expect her to be in bed, but when I get to it, she’s not there.
“Rainbow? Did you run off for your midnight fly again already?”
She emerges from the staircase with a  book in her mouth.
“Nnhffafffooff.”
I levitate it into the bed and climb in next to it while she tries again.
“Not going out tonight.”
She curls up next to me with it and I kiss her cheek. I check the title of her book, expecting a fantasy, an epic, or a detective novel. It’s a full blown academic book on magical maladies.
I snatch it out of her hooves and look it over.
“Why are you interested in magical afflictions?”
“I... Just wanna see if it’s got something you missed maybe. Maybe you caught something.”
I sigh.
“You used to look for the answer to stuff all the time in books. Why wouldn’t you do that now?”
I give the book back, not interested in arguing over it.
“Unless... You’ve already got an idea of why it might be?”
“I have some theories. It’s nothing you should worry about.”
I look over at my suspect as she sits next to me and force the worries out of my mind. All my life, my magic’s been my constant companion. I’d gladly trade it for a flesh and blood one. Wasn’t that why I fell in love with Her? Because she taught me how to handle it?
I cuddle up to my affliction and my medicine, and I try to assure her it’s all going to be ok. 
“It’ll be ok. It’s happened before... and I’m tired of being stressed over it. A very special pony taught me recently... some things are only worth crying over once.”
She stiffens as her own advice is given back to her.
“Alright... If you think it’s not worth the stress.”
I pull her closer as she clicks off my bedside lamp.
“Maybe it is. Maybe you’re right. It could be a terrible affliction...”
She moves to click the light back on, but I ease her hoof onto my side instead. I slow my 
breathing and ease her head onto the pillow next to me, kissing her goodnight.
“Don’t need the books for this one though. I’ve got the cure right here...”
> Chapter 5
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Entry 5: (Summer 76th, 1010PNM) Cunnilingus, Romance, Light domination, Foursome, Rarity, PoV Guy, Drama

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76th of Summer, 1010 PN

Diary,
It’s been... Well, months since I wrote in you last. You’ve been... well, I’ll get to that. I’ll get to how you’re the last place I can trust, too. I’m sorry for not writing in such a long time. A lot has happened in four months. Summer has been predictably hard. The torn up gardens have gotten worse, and I’m beginning to think I’ve figured out the culprit. I need more evidence to confirm my suspicions. Rarity is getting along in her pregnancy. Seven and a half months along, by my counting. I’ve told her that her due date is the 37th of Fall. Nine months seems like such a long time. It’s hard to pin down, but I’m basing it largely off of when she told me she was expecting... It could be a couple weeks sooner as a result. 37th is a conservative estimate. I’m babbling again. I’m not telling the story properly. I need to tell you the story of the last two days. I need to start at yesterday, and I need... somepony to listen. Please listen, Diary. Please.

Things were going downhill when I got my customary knock on the door hours earlier than usual. I have to admit, I don’t like being woken up early in the morning to treat torn-up gardens, but the case is genuinely curious. I’ve never seen earth ponies so mystified. They’ve been talking in quiet circles about how the ground itself is being poisoned by the digging. It seems superstitious to me. I roll over and stuff a pillow over my head. If I keep helping, the ground won’t give a seedling next year. Magic eats the heart out of the earth. If earth ponies are baffled, I’m not sure how I can keep helping in good conscience.

The knocking at the door becomes more insistent. Somewhere, I can hear a pony begging for help. It must be loud if it’s getting through my door and up my stairs. Next to me Dash stirs, and I know I’m not going to get out of this anymore. If she’s awake, she’ll make me see to it. I feel her grope around until she gets a hoof-full of my mane. I try to wriggle out of her grip before she can tug playfully at it.
“C’mon Twi... just go see what they want.”
I twist in my sheets. There are voices downstairs now. They let themselves into my home? They-
I look over at my bed partner. She looks at me through a haze of sleep for a second more before we’re on the same page. I watch all traces of exhaustion vanish from her face in seconds. They’re in my house. Screw trespassing, if they find us in bed together...
I hear them call for me from the bottom of the stairs. There’s a lot. I can hear somepony crying. What in Starswirl’s name is going on in this town?
I feel a kick at my back and I’m dumped out of bed as gently as possible by the rainbow maned mare I was just snuggled against minutes ago. She’s up in the air and looking for a way out. Her voice comes out a hushed whisper.
“There’s a lot of them...”
“Why would they let themselves into my house?”
“Obviously a big deal. Big deal. Bigger than torn up farms.”
I sigh and snuggle against her stomach as she hovers effortlessly next to me, wings not making a sound as they beat a gentle breeze onto me. She’s pressed herself against the wall to avoid being seen.
“I don’t want to... I want to stay... asleep.”
She flies up out of my reach.
“Go down there before they come up here!”
I hear my name called again and I try to run a brush through my mane before I’m unceremoniously nudged with a hoof. I finally give up on the hopes of climbing back into bed and start for the stairs.
I make it down them just as a slew of earth ponies are coming up to find me.
“I... Hi, everyone. It’s early...”
I look outside. Sun’s on the horizon, but it’s not up yet. Early is an understatement.
“Please!”
The one word sets off a spark of shouting and begging and pulling at me. I’m half dragged out of my house by the mob in seconds.
“Found him like this when we got up for chores!”
“Just won’t move!”
“Please!”
I try to gather some clues, but all of my questions are drowned out by general crowd noise. It looks like several farmer pony families have grouped up to find me. Everyone from their oldest to their youngest are trading theories on “poor Junebug”. I can’t figure out the half of what’s happened to Junebug until they stop at the gates of a completely ravaged farmhouse.
The ground around it has been torn. Giant claws, the same as all the times before. Fences are broken and twisted as if they were playthings. There’s still some heat to the ground that has nothing to do with the hot summer morning. Dawn is coming as I focus on bringing light to the farm. Magic has been coming easily for months now. Since my last writing, I’ve not had a single “episode”. The coolness of my will is a hoof’s breadth away, and I dip into it and summon up enough light to see the damage further.
In the middle of all of the torn up earth is a statue of a pony. I recognize her. Junebug has been turned to stone.
Pieces start falling together immediately. After roughly six months of looking for clues other than clawmarks, we have our first one. It’s starting to make sense, too. The ground really is being poisoned. There’s a basilisk coming to Ponyville.
I search my brain for facts from magical creature texts. Poisonous claws can easily kill a pony without treatment. They tend to keep to wilder lands, and there’s no real cure for their bite. They kill the very earth by walking and breathing on it, and they’ll kill anypony who looks directly at them. If Junebug is a statue, she’s been very lucky. I look around for the source of her savior, and I find it. The shovel she was keeping glimmers reflectively in my light... Why carry it? To protect herself? Was she keeping watch? Too bold. I’ll have to talk to the earth ponies about being more careful. For now, my mind goes to remedies.
She has hours before the stone is permanent. I have no idea how long ago it happened, but... The Equestrian Basilisk doesn’t hunt in the day. Its gaze has no power under the sun. Legend says it’s been cursed by the Princess of the Sun herself. The sun’s rays will bring this pony back to life, if enough time hasn’t passed.
I risk a glance up to the sky. Depending on how long ago it happened, she has either minutes or hours. I turn to find a crowd of ponies cowering outside the wreckage of the fences, waiting for me to speak to them.
I say a quick apology to Junebug before summoning up more light. I need to protect these ponies first. If the Basilisk is still around, I need to drive it off. I fire the light into the air and it bursts into blinding bloom, an unfolding rose of shining light. It won’t save Junebug, but it might protect the rest of the ponies.
I can finally direct my attention to the crowd. I instruct them to close their eyes before I begin.
“How long ago did you find her like this?”
There’s some murmuring before a little colt is pushed up to the front. He has a surprisingly deep voice, but he can’t be more than fifteen or sixteen.
“She and I were meant tah be findin’ what’s been huntin’ our gardens. I went tah trade watch with her an hour ago an’ found her like this.”
“How long has she been on watch?”
He looks nervously around and then remembers to clench his eyes shut again.
“Two hours? Three? I kinda overslept a liddle.”
I nod. If he’s telling the truth, his sister will probably live.
“We need to push her out to where the sun can get to her immediately. If you’re right, it should turn her back.”
Should. I prepare myself for an explanation if it doesn’t. There’s no saving her if it doesn’t. Two hours is the regular dawn-reversion time. Three is pushing it. And speaking of pushing it...
No ponies have crossed the line. Even her brother looks at Junebug with fear behind half-lidded eyes. I try to push her a little further on my own before giving up. She’s just too heavy to move alone. The enchanted stone around her interferes with everything. If a unicorn could cast a spell on the statues, there’d be no danger to them. A simple reversion spell would fix the problem, but the truth is... Unicorn magic just doesn’t affect them. What else am I forgetting? I heave again and prepare to start yelling at cowardly ponies when it doesn’t budge.  Instead, I get a shout from the sky.
My flare has attracted Rainbow Dash.
I’m sure she’s just been following me this whole time, but now she has an excuse to touch down next to me.
“Hey, what gives with all this light? Ponies’r trying to sleep right now.”
Her eyes catch on the statue of Junebug and widen considerably.
“W-what’s this?”
“Junebug’s been turned to stone. We need to get her out into the street where the sunlight can get to her.”
Dash looks around at all the ponies not helping and frowns. None of them have their eyes closed anymore, all of them are looking to the new arrival.
“They’re just gonna watch us push her there?”
I shrug.
“They’re scared... of what did this to her.”
Dash looks around.
“Speaking of... it’s not still around, is it? Can we take it, if it is?”
I shake my head.
“If it’s what I think it is... no. Two ponies or ten... we wouldn’t stand a chance.”
“What the hay is it doing in Ponyville?”
“I don’t know. Tearing up gardens and turning ponies to stone!”
I sigh. Dash’s questions aren’t moving Junebug an inch... And they’re not helping me sort this out any faster. There’s more to Basilisks, I just know it. I try to remember, but the task at hand is distracting.
“Can you just help me push her into the street?”
“Help? Pshyeah. Hang on.”
She grips Junebug by the midsection and lifts. Visible strain enters her face, but the statue lifts from the ground.
“Alright... Where to?”
I’m genuinely shocked. I knew Rainbow Dash was strong, but...
“This way. Into the road. Top of that hill if you can. She needs to get sunlight as soon as possible.”
Other ponies are coming out of their homes now. Up the street, silhouetted against the dawn I can see dozens spilling out to watch.
I can’t help but feel a tug at the back of my mind... Something I’m forgetting.
“Uh, Twilight?”
I hear the sound of Junebug being set down, and turn to find Dash stuck to her. My partner’s hooves have begun to grey and crack.
“Dash?”
The stone spreads up her legs and onto her torso.
“Twilight? Please!”
I swallow. Please rise faster, sun.
She’s squirming against the stone as its first rays come over the ridge. There’s a deafening crack and a blinding light and when my vision clears, Dash is lying on Junebug.
Junebug’s family hurries over, and I scoop Dash up in magic and hurry her off.
“I need to check on Rainbow Dash!”
It’s a hasty excuse, but the other ponies are just too busy with Junebug to care.

By the time I get Dash into my home and get the door deadbolted, I’m out of breath. My lips lock to hers and I push her mane out of her face. She breaks the kiss with a daredevil’s grin.
“That was awesome, huh?”
I nod and kiss at her neck. She was awesome.
“Yeah... Just another day helping out ponies in Ponyville.”
I kiss a little higher.
“You’re a real hero, Rainbow Dash.”
“Yeah? I guess... well... You knew what to do though. I didn’t even know I could have been-”
“Me neither.”
“Huh?”
“I kinda... Forgot that part.”
She leans back before flashing that gutsy smile she’s famous for.
“Then I guess I really was awesome, huh?”
I kiss a little further up until I’m nibbling her ear. She yawns. It’s a little bit of a turn off.
“Well that’s... pleasant.”
“Sorry.”
I break the embrace and yawn myself before walking over to our bed.
“You’re not gonna, uhh... Finish?”
I shake my head and flop down onto the mattress. My eyes are beginning to burn.
“Not even a little? Jeez, I just saved somepony! Brave super cool Rainbow Dash isn’t a turn on?”
I laugh and open my legs for her to come cuddle.
“Watching you narrowly escape danger, sure... Turn on. Yawning in my face with morning breath? Eugh.”
“S’not that bad...”
“Spinach salad last night.Trust me. You’re that bad.”
She looks at the floor and her ears drop. I try to cover quickly.
“We’re both that bad. Look, I’m just... just really tired, that’s all.”
She smiles weakly and climbs into bed.
“Can I have kisses anyways?”
I grimace and kiss her. She snorts and looks away.
“Don’t bother then.”
“Rainbow c’mon... I’m just playing.”
I turn her face back to me. She’s pouting.
“Yeah, yeah... I-”
I rub a hoof along one of her legs and she stops talking with a sigh.
“Mmm... Look at these strong legs. And those big powerful wings.”
I keep playing to her ego as I rub a little more.
“You picked up Junebug like it was nothing... Could you carry me?”
I lead my hooves in a little further until they’re between her legs. My teasing her is starting to get to me... I can feel myself getting wet.
“Yeah... Yeah... where do you wanna go?”
I point up to my skylight.
“Y’wanna go back to my place? Thought you wanted to sleep.”
I twirl her mane in my hoof playfully, braiding locks of green and blue together.
“Mmmm.... Your bed’s so soft... Mine’s so hard... I don’t want hard.”
I smile. I’ve gotten a lot better at flirting thanks to her. I slide a hoof further up her leg until I’m touching her marehood. She’s already wet, and she moans softly as I rub a small circle over it.
“Well... Maybe a little hard. Back at your place?”
I pout my lips and withdraw the hoof, and she scoops me into her arms and takes off in a snap.

I wake up in her bed hours later, and I know I’m a mess. My mane’s tangled, my tail’s curling from the humidity in the clouds, and my coat is sticky and matted in patches where her pre-bedtime squirting got out of control. I lick at her nose until she stirs.
“Nnnhh... that’s not... that’s not how I wanna be woken up.”
I put on my best mask of innocence.
“How would you like to be woken up, hero of Ponyville?”
“Mnnn”
She rolls over and talks into the pillow. Her words come out a muffled mumble. I only catch a couple as she flexes. I watch the muscles in her butt shift and flex, and feel heat spread between my legs at the sight.
“Lick lower.”
I spread her legs and tease at her lower lips with my tongue. She’s still a mess from hours ago... In the afternoon sun that’s coming in her window, I can see the glistening of her wetness on her mattress. I squeeze one of her haunches and she arches her back until she can talk over her shoulder around the pillow.
“Sup?”
“We need to get ready... we have things to do today.”
She turns her head back into the pillow and her voice is distant once more.
“Done enough work.”
“Not work. Rarity’s invited all of us over for snacks and stories today. Remember?”
She sighs and rolls over.
“I wanna stay here with you. I never got you to... Y’know.”
As she hints at my lack of orgasm from our fun earlier, her voice dips into a playfulness that any other pony who knows her would find alien to Rainbow Dash. I know better though. This is a side nopony but me sees. This is my little Rainbow Dash. She’s kind and generous and hopelessly horny. She really gets off on being commanded to give me pleasure, and I haven’t indulged her in days.
“C’mon. Get your stuff together.”
She groans at my insistence.
“Can’t we at least get a quickie out of the way? You could use the magic help, right?”
I shake my head.
“You know I don’t. I haven’t needed it in months. I’m all better now! So get your stuff together sleepywings.”
She grumbles and steps under a cloud, reaching up and giving it a kick. Rainwater begins to pour down, and she ducks her mane under it.
“Gah. It’s so hot.”
I slide off the bed and over next to her.
“My cloudwalk spell doesn’t have much longer... Lemme go first.”
“Yeah, ok.”
I get the important parts out of the way, and escape with minimal amounts of groping. As I finally duck away from her searching hooves she rolls her eyes.
“We’re gonna do it tonight, ok?”
“Do what?”
She turns around in the shower, pointing an accusing hoof at my back half.
“You know... That. With the strapping down and the... You know.”
I pretend to act surprised.
“You like the strapping down? Maybe your princess will have to punish you by strapping you down less!”
She blushes profusely at her mistake.
“No no... I hate that stuff. It’s creepy, y’know? Please don’t do it tonight.”
“I don’t believe you. Maybe your princess will have to find other ways to punish and embarrass you.”
She looks up from shampooing her mane.
“Huh? What other ways?”
I grin and wiggle my hips, legs sliding apart.
“I’m not sure yet. We’ll find out eventually.”
The water turns off quickly and she pounces on me.
“C’mon Twilight. One for the road! Just a quickie?”
I ease her off me and she puts up no resistance. She’s hoping I’ll punish her for being too forward. I put it in a mental checklist. If I punish her every night, it might get stale... best to let it build up for a week and take it all out on her at once. She’ll like it that way more.

The sun’s high in the sky and we’ve missed the morning as we walk to Rarity’s apartment. Every pony we meet stops us to thank us or to ask questions that I can’t answer with perfect confidence yet. Now that I have an idea of the creature, I’ll have to make molds of its prints and compare them to books to be sure. Still, there’s no shortage of gratitude and curiosity in Ponyville. Different earth ponies demand to give Dash and I different gifts. We’re finally stopped a block away from the more urban half of our little country town by Junebug’s mother, Mayfly. She pulls us both into a hug and cries on us for a few minutes, and we let her. Dash even returns the hug and insists it was nothing. We’re not allowed to go until we’re given a very old looking necklace; a family heirloom. Mayfly insists we have to take it in her gratitude. The gems on it look like diamonds. It looks too valuable to part with, and I spend a good few minutes trying to refuse it. I make a mental note to flash it back to her later tonight. For now, we’ll have to say anything to go on our own way and let the town quiet down again.

At last, Rarity’s apartment comes into view. We make our way inside and up the stairs, past the rows of doors until we’re outside hers. I lean over and fix Rainbow’s mane a bit. When she reaches up to knock on the door, I stop her.
I always need a moment to collect myself before seeing Rarity these days. Dash confessed to me a long time ago her feelings for Rarity. “It’s a unicorn. Longtime friend.” She hadn’t had to say anymore, I just... knew. She’s apparently pined after Rarity her whole time in Ponyville, the same way I’ve spent my life watching an ageless immortal grow more beautiful. I bite my lip and think about it. I hate the closeness of this apartment. I knock after a deep breath, and the door clicks open after some fumbling with the lock. He fills the doorway, tall and silent as ever. With just a gesture, he indicates that we should come in. I can hear Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie laughing from inside.
I can smell baking already, and I take a place on Rarity’s couch. My last trip here was much more strict. I never got to notice how cushy and soft it was. Beside me Dash flops down and sinks into it, reclining with a sigh.
“Well. Welcome Twilight! Make yourself... more comfortable, Rainbow Dash.”
Rarity fills the room with a life only a pregnant mare can. It’s hard to take my eyes off of her. Seven months along, and she’s taken my advice about eating to heart. She’s finally put on more than a little pregnancy weight. For not the first and not the last time, I wonder what kind of child she’s carrying. Will it a be a foal, or will it be like him? Perhaps something as legendary as a centaur? Something strange, or simply something unique? Perhaps every trait is recessive on one side or dominant on another, and we’ll get an entirely normal foal or human. It’s impossible to tell at this point. Despite my misgivings moments ago, I can only smile a genuine and sincere smile at my friend. She’s taking on a responsibility that most of us only joked about so long ago. The first one of us to get married, the first one to adventure into having children... It puts what Dash and I did this morning to shame, to imagine that she’s going to bring life into this world, while we can only work tirelessly to protect the lives already in it.
I tune back in to find that Dash has struck up a conversation while I was miles away. Pinkie and Fluttershy are demanding all the details of our adventure this morning. Dash is halfway through the story when Applejack enters the room and takes a seat, and laughing and hellos are exchanged. She adjusts her hat as Rainbow insists she needs to start the story from the beginning. Everypony rolls their eyes and lets her launch back into an even more exaggerated tale of heroism. For just a minute, I feel like I’m back with the friends I’ve known for over a decade. We’re all enjoying each other’s company when the timer for brownies goes off. Applejack and Pinkie pie ask to help, but Rarity insists that her spouse has things taken care of. We can hear him clattering around in the kitchen as Dash’s tale of this morning reminds Fluttershy of her experience with a cockatrice so long ago.
I look the timid yellow pony over for a minute. If we have a Basalisk, could she handle it? Only if her stare was up to the job. I’ve been petrified by a cockatrice and rescued by her before... but basilisks are less forgiving. When they’re threatened, it’s not just a staring contest. The six ponies in here together might be able to tackle the creature though. Applejack says something, and by her tone of voice I can tell I’m meant to laugh. I continue thinking, socially acting on autopilot. I try to think of a way to ask for their help as Rarity excuses herself to go help in the kitchen. I realize as she goes that our six pony team will be down to five now. Pregnant or as a mother, she can’t do what she used to. We’ll miss her gutsy determination and sharp wit if we decide to tackle the basilisk alone. I have to remind myself that I’m not sure it is one. That we can’t go in without certainty, and that there’s no sense getting everypony worked up if it’s not one. Now isn’t the time to ask for their help.
I risk a glance over to the kitchen for a glimpse of the pony who I’ve seen kick a manticore in the jaw, but she’s disappeared from view. The countertops are in the way, but it doesn’t explain where her spouse has gotten to. It’s hard to believe I lose track of something so big so frequently. Normally I owe it to Dash distracting-
I feel a squeeze on my haunches. Rainbow has snuck a hoof under the back cushions. I can’t help blushing, but I beg my face not to show it before somepony notices. In spite of myself, I shift a bit so that she can get a better grip. I have to trust that she won’t do something dumb and get us caught, but she just strokes them softly, rhythmically. It’s a gentle brush of her hooves every now and then, reminding me that she’s there. I sneak a smile over to her while everypony’s talking. Rarity breaks us from our game by entering the room and handing us brownies with some excuse I don’t quite catch.
The others enjoy theirs first as Rainbow and I have to shift a little bit apart. There’s a chorus of compliments on the flavor. Dash and I take a bite, and I almost choke. The taste I know only from between Dash’s legs lingers in my mouth as I swallow. I can tell she knows it too... That somepony was getting more than a little dirty while baking. I can scarcely believe how the taste has carried over to the final product. It’s subtle... if I didn’t have my tongue inches into Rainbow Dash every night, I wouldn’t notice the flavor of mareparts accenting the brownies. It’s there though, and I exchange a quick glance with Dash before we hurry through ours as politely as possible, hoping not to embarrass our hostess.
The conversation moves back to adventure, but my thoughts remain fixed on the sky blue mare next to me. Did she enjoy Rarity’s taste? She’s certainly as aware of what we just ate as I am. I’m not sure how it happened, and I risk a glance at her husband’s hands. I wonder if they weren’t fooling around before he baked them... or if they were fooling around in the kitchen instead. I catch myself grinding my teeth. I didn’t expect to have to actively compete for Dash’s affection, but now... Do these brownies change anything?
Applejack’s the first to stretch and excuse herself for the time. Last to arrive, first to leave. Such is the life of a busy farm pony. I’m surprised when Pinkie and Fluttershy also get up with the necessary excuses. I guess we’ve all gotten older and busier than I’d thought. It’s no surprise when Rarity politely requests to walk everypony out. It is a surprise that she asks Dash and I to stay and clean up. As everypony else files out and the door clicks against the frame behind them, Dash looks over to me. Her voice is a very silent whisper.
“Did we just eat...”
I nod.
“Woah.”
I look around the small living room. For the first time, a thought enters my mind. Why would Rarity ask us to stay? Is it too paranoid to wonder if she caught that we recognized the taste? I shake my head and look over at Rainbow Dash. What if Rarity wants to... Ask us? What if Rainbow comes clean about her crush?
I stop the assault of what-ifs and look at the rainbow maned mare next to me. Dusk is coming, and the sun is directly on Rarity’s window. The light is fractured as it comes in, and a line of rainbow light rests on the side of Dash’s face. Rainbows on Rainbow... coming in at twilight.
It’s been on my mind a lot lately... What we have going on. Our dozens of dates in the past few months have gone off without our being caught. We’ve assumed the worst about Ponyville and getting caught, but now... What if they find out? Would Dash leave me, to spare herself the embarrassment? No. She’s too loyal, and too close for that. She might leave to spare me though.
I gulp as I realize I don’t want her to go. I love waking up next to her in the morning. Our little private jokes are perfect. She always gives me the right amount of space when I’m working. She’s not under my hooves all day, but she’s always in my arms at night. She lets me snuggle into hers when I’m scared. I realize that I’m scared now, and I wonder if she’ll take the risk of holding me.
I lean in.
“I’m scared, Rainbow.”
“Huh?”
“What if they... found us out?”
She frowns, and her hooves wrap around me and pull me closer.
“What makes you think they found us out?”
“I dunno. I worry. Would you leave me, if they did?”
She looks at me for a moment and then smiles.
“Me? I wouldn’t leave if you asked me.”
I kiss her. It’s a soft kiss, but it builds in passion as her hooves find their way to my mane. I let her ease me onto my back. The fact that this isn’t the time or place slips out of thought and mind. In my heart, we’ve already been found out. I turn my face so that she can kiss at my neck. My hoof sneaks between her legs, and my other finds her sides and eases her wings open. She spreads my legs, and I bump my head on the corner of the couch as I try to stifle a moan. It makes us both laugh a bit. We look around to make sure nopony’s back in the room, and she dips between my legs.
“I gotta have more than just a taste, y’know?”
I spread them a bit, and she giggles like a school filly. She’s kissing the outside of my marehood, every inch is licked or touched by her tongue and lips. My moans aren’t even quiet anymore. Dash comes up for air and I tell her that her princess demands she debase herself in public further.
“Dewhatsa huh?”
“Lick me until we get caught.”
“Oh. Duh!”
She does it, too. She licks and probes for whole minutes, and I don’t bother hiding my moans. The thrill of Rarity walking in at any minute and seeing me with Dash... with my Rainbow Dash... It almost drives me over the edge.
There’s a squeal of pleasure from the kitchen, and Dash stiffens against me. We both lie there for a minute, afraid to move. Were we hearing things? My echos? Dash shifts off me quickly, and I sit up properly. Nothing to see here.
Silence fills the room. I finally dare to ask.
“Rarity? Are you- Is someone there?”
She pops up from behind the cabinet, flanked by a very sheepish looking husband.
“I’m sorry girls. It’s just... you seemed like you were having so much fun and... Well it would be terribly rude to interrupt. Goodness knows how long you’ve been...”
Dash’s hoof brushes mine. It reminds my heart to start beating again. My throat has dried to the point that I want to reply, but I think only a croak would come out. My mind is racing, and I’m trying to not cry. How did we get so reckless? Damn hormones! Can I cover this up?
Rarity shifts uncomfortably in the silence.
“How... long you’ve been... together, unable to act. I just thought it would be a shame to spoil that.”
Somehow she’s made her way over to the couch, and she’s inches from Rainbow and I. I slip my hoof over Rainbow Dash’s. Is this it? I squeeze and she squeezes back. I can’t lose her here, not to Rarity.
“You girls know you can tell me anything... I wouldn’t- we wouldn’t tell a soul. We never will. You’ve my word as a lady.”
She stands there for a moment. He sighs behind her and moves to her side.
Is this it? Are we... not outed, then?
I breathe a sigh of relief. Dash manages to mumble a “thanks” and I just nod. I can hear the blood thundering through my body. It’s pulsing in my temples... everything seems shaky suddenly. Dash thanks her again, and looks at me. I smile a fake smile, and Dash eases her head around and kisses Rarity’s cheek.
My heart stops as I listen to the expecting unicorn sigh. I can’t believe my eyes. Dash eases in for another kiss on her cheek, and then another. Then their lips meet, and I’m frozen watching. I want to tear the room apart, but...
I look at the sad smile on Dash’s face. How long has she wanted this? How selfish am I for stopping it? Can she still be my Rainbow Dash if she does this? If we do this?
I try to slip up behind her as quietly as possible. My hoof slips between her legs and she slides off of Rarity with a grateful sigh. On the floor she spreads her wings and her legs, and I start to rub her gently. Rarity can join in... but I want my Dash.
I look over to find her locked in her husband’s embrace. I return to licking Dash down. As I work my way up to Dash’s lips with my own, I hear a soft moan come from Rarity. She’s leaning down, inches from me. She’s being penetrated by him, and her hooves paw at the carpet in front of me. I lean in and offer my lips to hers, and she takes them gratefully. Her lips and tongue are salty, and I break the kiss with a moan as Dash shifts under me to start licking. Unhindered by my mouth, Rarity’s own moans fill the apartment. Her lips meet mine again and the sounds of our lovemaking mingle between our lips. I feel them mash against mine with a rhythm that tells me he’s slamming her on the other side. Dash’s tongue works in deeper, and my insides tighten as the heat in my privates becomes unbearable. I cum like a crashing wave, and drop off of Rarity’s lips with a sigh. I look around for Dash, and she fills my vision, lips locking to mine.
She grips me tightly... we’re wrestling and fondling and kissing all at once. I realize as much as I like her, I hate what she’s done to me. I’m insanely jealous. I’m insanely horny. I’m insanely possessive. She’s driven me insane. At the end of the day, she just... has to be mine.
I decide to give her what only I can give. I slap her flank roughly and ease her back onto her side. In seconds my hoof is working with months of experience. Each rough circle is determined to make her cum with a vengeance, and she does just that. The resulting orgasm happens faster than she’d like, and she struggles to contain it. Her eyes fly open and she gives me a warning look, but I ignore it. She groans, trying to hold it back. My other hoof toys with her clit, and I know what’s coming just as surely as she’s trying to stop it. In seconds her body shaking orgasm gushes liquid across the room. The spray of her juices hits the floor, Rarity, and her husband as she writhes in my hooves and begs for more. When she’s finally stopped, we chance a look at Rarity. The mating scene that greets us has reached a frenzied pitch, and I lead Dash over. She’s always wanted this... this is her chance.
I lick a line first, to let her know it’s ok. Then I focus on kissing Rarity to keep her quiet. Dash’s tongue finds Rarity’s clit, and the next minute is spent trying to wrestle her still while she’s pounded, kissed, and eaten out simultaneously. By the time we’re done with her, her eyes have practically glazed over. The weight of her body flattens and jiggles as she flops onto her side, exhausted, and finally gasps out an invitation for Dash and I to stay the night and go out for breakfast tomorrow.
I look at Dash, and she smiles and shrugs. I suspect she’s looking for the ok, and I give it to her. In a minute, we’re helping Rarity into her bed and snuggling up to her. Beside me in the giant’s bed, Dash shifts uncomfortably. She’s cuddled up to Rarity’s side, and I let her have it. I know she wants it, but she finally turns to me instead. My heart slows down. Could it be that she’s still interested in me? This is her triumph. I choke back tears. This is the part where I lose what I worked for, and go back to being a reclusive bachelorette. I feel a tear trickle down my face as the giant and his wide wife sleep peacefully next to me. Dash shifts her position and looks at me again. When she sees the tear, she crawls over.
I dry my face. I can’t let her give this up because I’m getting attached and sentimental. I didn’t see it coming, and neither did she... but this is perfect. Her life’s ambition realized. She smiles and pulls me to her.
“You ok?”
I sniffle and nod.
She relaxes into the expansive, enormous bed and opens her legs for a hug. I laugh and a sob sneaks out. I’m in her arms before I can question it. I can’t be sure if this is really happening or not.
She shifts a bit and kisses my cheek. I move to kiss her lips, but she turns her head with a sad smile.
“You’re ok. Let’s get some sleep, huh?”
I manage to nod, numbness sneaking in where insecurity was reigning moments ago. I’m fooling myself. I’ve lost her. Pity aside, our little dream life is coming to an end. I should have known it always would.
The next morning we’re called to breakfast. Rarity’s shooing her husband around the small apartment and asking him if he’s got his wallet, but she sticks her head in the door to tell us we’re all going out to breakfast. I roll over and find Dash across the bed from me. Outside the bedroom I hear the giant stumbling around. He’s a lot less quiet in his own home.
He’s getting his shoes on by the time we’ve combed our manes and made ourselves presentable. Rarity dotes on us as we lock up the apartment and my heart aches as she looks us over and declares us the loveliest of couples. If only she knew that we were a couple of convenience.

Breakfast is quiet for the most part. Rarity does her best to respect our secrecy. Maybe she thinks she’s doing us a favor as she invites us out to dinner that night. We try to politely decline, but she won’t hear of it.
“Come now. We’ve all day to prepare for a very fine night out. You two really should go out and get some fresh air once and a while... There’s nothing wrong with going out with some friends.”
Dash rolls her eyes at Rarity’s subtlety, but as she does she catches mine. Suddenly she’s all smiles.
“Yeah. That sounds good! Right Twi?”
I nod.
It’s going to be a long night.

The morning’s turning to afternoon as we head back to my Library together. I don’t dare say a word while we walk back. I wonder if I should tell her to go home and leave me be. I certainly feel like sulking a bit. I’m surprised when we arrive, and Dash closes the door and flops to the floor immediately with a sigh.

“H-hey Twilight.”
My voice is harder than I mean for it to be.
“What’s, uhhh... What’s wrong?”
I stumble for a way to say it practically. I’ve been turning “what’s wrong” in my head over and over all morning. I’m still not sure I can express it coherently, but I try.
“I’ve just... gotten used to all this. It feels weird that it’s going to change.”
“Huh? Why should it change?”
“Because you... you don’t want it to change?”
She looks around, messing with her mane.
“...No. Rarity’s nice and all, but... I like us. I thought you wanted...”
I’m not sure where the sudden energy comes from, but a cloud lifts very suddenly. Her voice comes out uncertain.
“So... then what was last night?”
She looks around. She was on the verge of saying more, but she’s stopped now. I tread for both of us.
“Whatever you’re ok with it being I guess. Small changes are cool and stuff but... I don’t wanna change this too much.”
I pull her into a hug. She can have her fill of Rarity whenever... well, when she can get it. I promise her I’ll try not to be too jealous.
“You’re jealous of me and Rarity?”
I nod.
“But I thought you liked... somepony.”
I think for a minute. My thoughts wander, but I just can’t get them together. There’s other things popping up. Built in warning messages. I’m getting very distracted.
“Tonight.”
“Huh?”
“Tonight. We have to get ready for tonight. You should... go home and get ready. I know I’ll need some time myself.”
I dig for the excuse as best I can without being rude.
“You can stay if you want, but I’m just gonna be doing boring stuff getting ready for tonight y’know?”
“Oh... ok. Well, I like watching you do boring stuff.”
I nod.
“Ok... ok that’s good. I’m gonna go shower.”
“Huh. Ok... I guess I’ll head home, unless you want some... company?”
I shake my head. There’s no way to try to hide it.
“Dash... a lot happened last night. I need time to think.”
Her face falls and she looks at the floor..
“Oh. Ok. I’ll come back in a couple hours to see how things are going then?”
“Pick me up an hour early. We can give each other the once over to make sure we’re presentable.”
“Ok...”
I turn to head into the bathroom, and Dash stops halfway out my skylight.
“Hey Twilight.”
I try not to grind my teeth as I turn.
“Yes, Rainbow?”
Her voice quivers as she hovers there, refusing to meet my eyes despite all the distance between us.
“Don’t dump me, please? We can figure all this out in a way that isn’t... weird. I don’t think I want us to be over.”
And she’s gone then, leaving my head swimming.
She doesn’t want us to be over? She’s got Rarity at the tip of her hooves, and she still wants to stay with me? Does she not think she can do it, or... Is she picking me?
I’m rushing down the stairs and out the door before I can stop myself. If I stopped to think, I wouldn’t bother, there’s no way I could catch Rainbow Dash when she’s flying. As it stands, I almost slam into her as I burst out the door of the Library calling for her.
She’s sitting on the ground outside my door sniffling. She looks up as I narrowly miss her with the door and shout at the sky. Our eyes meet, and I yank her back into the library after making sure nopony is looking. I wipe her eyes without caring if she knows I caught her crying.
“I have something you can wear. Stay with me this afternoon.”
She sniffles.
“I don’t want things to change Twilight... Why? I’m sorry... Why don’t I want them to change?”
I kiss her.
“I don’t think I want them to either.”

We hop into the shower together, and she soaps up my mane for me. I slide down onto the floor and let her do it. I need to think, and this is relaxing.
“You thinking ok with me here?”
She sounds happy. I decide to push it.
“Yeah. You sound like you’re in a good mood. You feeling better now?”
She nods.
“I like being here with you like this, Twilight. It’s... it’s really nice. I can’t speak for everypony, but I’d trade a day of this for a lifetime of touch and go sharing with a pony like Rarity.”
My thoughts start to coalesce.
“You’ve realized you can’t ever really have her... so you’ll settle for me.”
“Twilight, it’s not like...”
I straighten up and gently ease her hooves aside.
“It’s ok... I don’t mind I guess. I like being with you.”
“You like being with me?”
She sounds so surprised. I trudge into the painful truth.
“Dash... I’ll never get a chance to truly be with the pony I’ve spent all this time looking at either. If this is the best we can get, why not enjoy it?”
She looks at the floor.
“It was never Rarity for me.”
I stop washing out my mane and look at her.
“What?”
“It was you... I was gonna admit it to you that night. When I said I was in love with an old friend who was a unicorn.”
I slump down in the shower and listen to her spill out her heart. Every word is a shock to me.
“I’ve liked you for... for a really long time, Twilight. It’s never been about Rarity. Since I first messed up your mane, since I grabbed you at the fallen bridge on the quest to find the elements, since I first touched you... I’ve liked you. You’re a pony like me who gets things done... but you knew how to make yourself get them done. I was always about finding the fastest ways to get stuff done, but you... you were special like me, and you didn’t take short cuts. You never blew off all the normal stuff.”
I listen as she unfolds a decade’s longing.
“I wanted to be like that, so badly... When my chance to go audition for the Wonderbolts finally came... it was the same week you wrapped up your studies and decided to stay here. I couldn’t decide.”
Her tears are mixing with the water running down her face, and she keeps wiping it and rubbing her eyes. They’re getting puffy and red, and I ease her hooves into my lap so that she can finish her story without irritating them anymore.
“I had to stay here with you though... I’d never feel like this for another pony. But when I tried to tell you... I just... I chickened out. I thought it was obvious, but then you assumed Rarity, and then you admitted you liked somepony and I just went with it.”
She stops to look at me, and I can’t hide my shock. Her ears flatten against her head and she studies the shower drain intensely.
“I’ve been... rolling with it since then.”

I lean back in the shower. Pieces are coming together. They’re not all here yet, but it’s close enough for me to relax. I realize she’s waiting on me, and I pull her into a huge hug as I realize what it means. It means that what I’ve come to care about most in the last six months isn’t going anywhere unless I say so. I feel like an idiot for sitting there, mumbling nothing but thanks to the Princesses until she laughs and hugs me.
“You’ll stay my Dash, then?”
“Yeah... Will you stay my Twilight?”
I sigh and kiss her neck.
“Twi?”
My mind fills with pictures of my heart’s longest desire... images of Her pop to mind. Do I choose the princess who captured my heart, or the pegasus who stole it? I opt for the truth.
“I don’t know... let’s just keep going this way.”
She smiles at the concession.
“Mmk.”

Our spirits are high going into that night. I get into my finest gala dress, and Dash does the same. We put on perfume, we put on makeup, and we get into heels. It’s everything she hates. I promise when we get out we’ll go for a fly, as far as she can take us. She can set us on a mountainside, and we can look at the moon. We’ll sleep together up there. We’ll manage to navigate to dinner with Rarity, and excuse ourselves politely at the end. Sex under the stars a mile from anypony. The kind of thing she likes to do.
Dash smiles at the end of my rambling plan, and kisses my cheek.
“You’re a sap Twilight Sparkle. I love it.”
I cringe at the word love, but plod through it as we reach the door to the restaurant. Is love acceptable here? I can’t give her an answer... her love feels like pressure on me, and it feels unfair to her. I should bring it up tonight.

We’re able to laugh honestly that night. There’s accidents- a wine spill, some careless comments about Rarity’s weight, but honestly... it’s a true double date. Something I never would have thought all that time ago coming to terms with my sexuality that I’d get. I get to laugh and play with Dash’s hooves under the table while we pretend to be interested in what they have to say. We both get to think dirty thoughts of what we’ll do to each other when we get done with the evening, and know the other is thinking them. We get to join in honest conversations in between those thoughts. Rarity talks about her worries about pregnancy. Her husband goes through too much wine, and actually talks a bit. It’s shocking to hear his voice, so different from any of ours.
The night wears on, and we all settle for coffee and dessert. It’s a far cry from the youngest outings when we’d all go out together and take turns making the biggest spectacle of ourselves. It’s different from our early adult years when we all went out and drank together. We talk about both times, and everyone is suddenly conscious of the “today”- how far we’ve come. Things grow quiet, and Rarity self-consciously conquers dessert as Dash and I sip our coffee. I look over at her.
Years ago, I wouldn’t have expected to be the mare who drank too much with her. When I drank too much with her, I wouldn’t have expected to be the mare sleeping with her. When I slept with her, I never guessed I’d be sipping coffee, and asking myself... Can I honestly, really fall in love? Can I give my heart to her? Will those soft blue tones, that wild streak, that vast prismatic shine framing her face and tied back in a stylish bun hold my trust? Can I... Really, honestly stop running?
I could settle down with her. Here, in Ponyville. Rarity’s the first small step in coming out to our friends, and to this town that needs us so often. The ponies who hung their heirlooms around our necks and thanked us profusely love us. How unreasonable are our fears? Could we weather the occasional rejection together? I gulp.
These are thoughts I couldn’t have thought months ago, or even last night. Dash’s confession of love has freed me to honestly think about them. If we got found out, she wouldn’t leave me. She’s chased me so long. She’d be... proud. Could I be proud of this? Of us? I nudge her hoof under the table, and she smiles. The smile runs a heat through my body that has nothing to do with sex. I could be proud of her. I realize I already am. She’s a pony who conquered herself to be with me. How much we’ve both changed. The traits she admired in me have faded in the years. Now she kicks me out of bed to make sure I go to help ponies in the morning. Yet she still... says... she loves me.
I can feel her hoof slip against mine under the table cloth where it rests on my lap. She squeezes it. Across the table, Rarity’s far from sober husband recounts the same handful of bits for the third time before leaving them on the table plus a generous tip. As he rises, Rarity helps to steady him, and I study them. Could that be us? Not with the expecting a baby bit... I have no interest, and I doubt Rainbow does. She doesn’t seem the childbearing type. I realize I’m thinking about life after marriage with Rainbow Dash, and I blush in spite of myself. Still, as he stumbles to walk out and down the street, I think for a moment on it. Having somepony to walk home with every night, a guaranteed part of my life...
I look over to Rainbow. She rests a hoof on my back.
“Should we take off?”
I shake my head for a minute. I’ve spent the whole night in a daze.
“I need... to grab my stuff from my house. We should get a blanket in case it’s cold up there.”	
She laughs and nods.
“What, my wings aren’t warm enough?”
“Not for those heights. Have you ever- of course you have. How can you possibly be
warm up there?”
She looks around as we walk.
“I dunno. It’s not that cold.”
“It’ll be warmer with two bodies under a blanket.”
I slip a wink in and give her my best bedroom eyes. Truth be told, I’ve been watching her flanks in that dress all night. I know it’s been designed to strip away for quick flights. I could have it off her in seconds. I lean in and whisper right into her ear.
“Think we could get a quickie in at my place first?”
She blushes in street light.
“Y’wanna have some sex to prep for some sex?”
I offer a coy smile.
“I wanna have the naughty stuff...”
My hoof slides up under the train of her dress.
“...before we do the sensitive stuff.”
I ease it into the joint of her wing and watch her eyes slowly lid.
“It’s all... naughty to me.”
She swerves out of the light almost drunkenly, and pulls me in for a kiss as soon as I follow her into the dark and out of sight.
“It’s always naughty to me.”
I return her rough kiss with my own.
“Always? What about soft and... sensual?”
“That’s so... sappy, Twi.”
I kiss her a little more gently.
“I like sappy.”
“Oh... Ok. We can do both.”
Her hooves slide my back legs apart, but I tuck and turn my body away.
“Not out here... Mmn. Not yet.”
I’m aching for her touch as we finish closing the distance to my home. We’re into the Library in seconds, and I strip away her dress. She pins my hooves to the wall as I try to get the last of it off.
“Now now... Let’s keep the naughty stuff out, actually.”
I squirm.
“You love the naughty stuff, Rainbow. You’re always begging for it.”
“Yeah, but that was before I knew...”
She brushes my lips gently.
“How much you loved the sappy stuff.”
I blush as she walks across the room to the stairs. How did she get so sensual?
“I’ll grab your blanket. Got anything else you need?”
I tell her I’ll slip into the kitchen for something incase we get hungry, and she nods before zipping up the stairs.
As soon as she’s out of sight I tear across the room like a horny school filly. Naughty, nice, it’s all going out the window. I can’t wait to get her hooves on me.
I stumble and hit my leg on a chair and go tumbling. Stupid. Not looking where I’m going. Pain lances into my left foreleg as I catch myself. I hit my coffee table roughly and lie there, dazed. The picture frames and mail that were on it settle onto the floor. Dash’s voice reaches me as I straighten them up, asking if I’m ok. I wince as my leg aches to move. It’s not broken, but there’s gonna be a hell of a bruise. I can already feel the muscles stiffening.
I shout up that I’m fine. Just too much wine, and I ran into the table in the dark.
My hoof finds the last picture frame, and I set it back down. Myself and the princess. I dip into the magic she taught me to ease the aching in my joints. I remember the way she’d look after me personally... I shake my head. My heart aches looking at her. It’s been a long time since I looked at her. I forgot how much... she affected me.
“Got the blanket, you got the-”
Dash looks down at me, and I look up at her and smile.
“You ok? You look hurt, Twi.”
I nod.
“I’m... a little hurt.”
“Where?”
“I mean I’m fine.”
She sets down next to me, determined to look me in the eyes and tell if I’m lying.
“You sure?”
“Just... thinking.”
Dash stiffens up.
“Don’t scare me like that. Can’t have my Twilight getting hurt.”
I try to quell the anger rising up. I feel like an idiot for going out and drinking and doing dumb things. I have studies. I have potential. How can I so easily forget the princess? How can I get so distracted?
“Your Twilight?”
“Huh? Yeah. I mean... I’m your Dash. Right?
“I never said I was your Twilight yet.”
She steps back a bit and looks at my front door.
“I know. I just figured... well, with Rarity not on your mind...”
“What’s Rarity got to do with this?”
As if on cue, a letter with Rarity’s seal pops into being next to me and drops to the ground.
Dash jumps, and so do I. I scoop it up before she can get to it.
“Twilight. Had an accident. Tripped and fell getting in the door. -==--==--= almost landed on me. Pushed me out of the way, but it was a very rough push. Feeling ok, but a bit scared. Please check on the baby?
-Rarity”
I pause and try to make out the name she scratched out in her hurry, but resolve myself to being better off not knowing. That she even wrote it without thinking and still sent it tells me she’s desperate.
I look to Rainbow Dash.
“I need to take this. I’ll only be a minute.”
I hurry up the stairs before she can say a word and grab some parchment and a quill to scribble a hasty reply. My thoughts are wrapped up in Dash right now. I don’t want to go anywhere with her anymore. I want to sit next to that picture downstairs until I figure all of this out.
“Rarity,
Check with the enclosed spell. You should get a pulsing at the end of your horn if you do it correctly. Lower the horn as close to your womb as possible. The spell should take care of the rest. It sounds like...”
I stop to think. I have no idea what their situation is, but I’ll try to be merciful.
“It sounds like he protected you and the foal very admirably. Don’t hold it against him, it was quick thinking.”
I curl up the letter and burst it into flames with a whip of my will. It vanishes into the night, and Dash clears her throat behind me.
“Am I always gonna come second, Twilight?”
She sounds sad, but it bugs me.
“It’s not always about you. Rarity really needed that.”
She looks up from the floor.
“Will it always be about Rarity? Can it ever be about me?”
My jaw drops. What is she talking about?
“I thought you said you didn’t have feelings for Rarity, Rainbow!”
“I don’t, but you do! I know you do. You write about that ‘royal white unicorn’ in all your poetry. I’m just asking... Can I ever be-”
My brain clicks and catches up at last.
“Royal white unicorn? Poetry- You... You’ve been reading my diary?”
She gulps.
“Yeah.”
I mentally fly through everything I’ve written as best I can. How much does she know? When did she read it? What has she read about herself? She could know everything!
“I read just the first little bit... then I felt real bad. But... You just kept getting sicker, and I didn’t-”
She hasn’t put the pieces together. I want to vanish. I realize I can easily just spark out of the house. I can go anywhere. I try to focus, but a wall of heat rises up in my mind. Not now... not now.
“I don’t love Rarity. How could you- How dare you look through my diary?”
“Twilight, don’t lie... I’m... I’m sorry. I-”
She notices the picture of the princess and I.
“Unless... Twilight, d’you-”
I try to dip into my will again, desperate to escape. I get a burning in my mind, and I take off running down the stairs instead.
She follows me, and I turn on her as we hit the bottom of the stairs. The heat hurts, but it’s steeled my resolve. She’s broken everything... my trust, my heart, my magic. I want her out.
“Get out of my house, Rainbow Dash.”
“I- No... No please.”
It’s the most pathetic tone a pony can manage, and it’s coming from the bravest one I know.
“Please... Let’s talk, Twilight.”
“No. You- You- I can’t believe you’d... Just get out!”
She shakes her head, tears running down her cheeks.
“I said I’d stick with you, that you couldn’t get rid of me. Just talk to me!”
I dip into my will, not to send myself away, but to send her away. The spell refuses to come. I force it to.

A sound like the tearing of thick wet cloth fills the library. Heat pours out of my body and the air grows dense. Every candle, every light for miles flicks out. I struggle to control the rebound. A maelstrom of wind and fire comes into being inches from me. I force it away. It flickers out and the room is deathly silent. I see Rainbow’s mouth move, but the air is too thick for sound now. It’s hard to breath. As suddenly as it came, the silence is filled with the roaring of flame. Magical sparks burst from my horn, and the spell goes off with a hundred times its force. Books are blasted off their shelves and onto opposing walls. My living room window bursts out, and Rainbow Dash is hurled out of it. My furniture splits and crashes against the walls. I struggle to control it, to push back the fire I know illuminates my eyes. I try to reach for the virtues that check my native element, but I can’t feel them. I don’t feel like a good pony. I feel like a failure. Thoughts of the princess assault my mind. Dark stormclouds fill my home, their magical sparks wracking my body with pain. I’m going to die here, trying to close this spell and save ponyville. I slouch in the air and let them start to consume me. It’s fine, I wasn’t doing much living.
Somewhere above the roar of the void left by my rebounded spell I hear a feral scream. The storm clouds are hurled out of my home with swift kicks before they can do any further damage. The whole dark room is a blur of colors. Rainbow Dash has returned for me. Her leg is twisted awkwardly from where she must have landed outside. Her side is a gaping wound from where she flew out my shattered window.  I try to shout to her to run as she reaches out for me, but the spell gets the better of me. It’s determined to do what it was meant to do. My voice thunders eerily above the night.
“Get. Out!”
I wake up on the floor of my library and look desperately for Rainbow Dash. I don’t even know if she’s still alive after all of this. To date, there’s never been a magical rebound that hasn’t claimed a life. I take to my hooves and hurry out of the library. My leg is sore again, and I’m limping.
Dash is on the ground outside my house. She’s breathing, but it’s shallow. I pull her upright and focus on my magic. I need it. It has to work. Instead, it won’t come at all. I don’t even get the will of fire, I just reach out and touch... nothing.
I reach into myself, tap into my deeper magic. I reach into the element bound to me. I pull her back into my home, and I dip back into it. The will of fire roars at me, and I welcome it now. It will be the fourth time in my life I’ve dipped into the element without any of the others to hold onto it. I let the fire that normally rebounds my magic become my magic instead. My element, my soul... She can have it. I can’t have killed my only lover. The only pony who’s ever even tried to love me. I can’t... I can’t kill the pony that I...
Her eyes twitch and flicker. Her wounds heal. Her bones knit themselves back together. I can feel my very soul aging, but I pour as much as I need into her to make her live. She gasps and looks up at me. I smile weakly at her. She scrambles away from me, shocked. Tears streak her face.
She stares at me for a moment, then slowly she drinks in the destruction around us.
“Do you... really want me gone that badly?”
I look at her blood on my hooves, and I realize I spilled it. I’ve been inches from doing something like this for months.
I meet her eyes, and I steady my voice..
“Yes.”
She swallows audibly, and nods. Without another word, she runs out of my home. The wind slams my door shut behind her.
I curl up on the floor, her blood on my hooves, and sob into the night.
> Chapter 6
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Entry 6: (Summer 78th, 1010 PNM) Sad, Light Domination, Drama, Cunnilingus, Toy Play

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78th of Summer, 1010 PN

Diary,
Sorry for not writing in you for a couple days. I’m not sure why I’m bothering now, you don’t feel private.. I just need a place to talk after a long day. Maybe if she could read you now, she’d know just how much her breaking my trust broke me. I wish she would. She could read your pages, and she could know how sorry I am, how hurt I am, and how lonely I am without her. She could read them, and she can know why we can never be together again. Let me tell you why. Let me tell you about today, diary.

It’s mid afternoon when I wake up. I’m woken up by a very insistent knocking on my bedroom window. It takes a minute to remember where I am. I haven’t left my bed since I got up. I know I smell bad, and I know I’m a mess. I try to straighten my mane up, and go back to sleep. The knocking returns, and I curl into a ball and hug my pillow into my body more tightly. In my half-sleep, I hope that the pegasus I’m snuggled up to won’t kick me out of bed and answer the window. I whisper to her that they’ll go away, and the knocking increases in volume, obviously holding a different opinion. It’s finally enough to make me sit up, and that’s enough to wake me up. I heave my pillow-partner aside. I’ve taken to cuddling with it because I can’t sleep without another body anymore. It’ll go away in time, I tell myself again.
I’m halfway out of bed when I remember the reason I’ve spent so much time in it. A pegasus knocking on my window? I peek out it and spy the mailmare, and breathe a sigh of relief. She’s probably worried because I haven’t come outside to pick up the mail in a couple of days. I open my window and accept a full saddlebag’s load of mail. I thank her for her time and mumble an excuse for not getting my mail sooner, and she salutes me before fluttering off with the usual swerve in her flight.
As soon as it’s polite to, I slam the window shut. No other ponies will be coming in that way if I can help it. It might be a louder and harder than I mean it to be, but I’m past caring. I need to take a shower and get myself together. Ponies are going to start coming to call again soon, and who knows what’s happened while I’ve been gone. Another basilisk attack? Ponyville’s problems seem distant as I slog through my mail.
I toss aside a few bills to be paid, levitate a letter opener, and start going through all of the letters of thanks and requests for help. I categorize them in order of urgency, and breathe a sigh of relief that nopony seems to need anything today. They’re in luck too, because I really don’t feel like housecalls. I lie back in my bed and pull the pillow back up against me as I thumb through the mail. Sure, sure. It’s pathetic, but there’s nopony around to judge. I snuggle in for a moment and sniffle. It’s warm, and it smells like her. That’s good enough for now. It's enough to let me go an hour without crying. Baby steps.
I find a letter from the Canterlot castle in typical flowing script. I open it in a hurry, wondering if it’s about my professorship. Instead I find a form letter addressed to all persons of royal importance past and present asking for donations for Canterlot’s school for gifted foals. I don’t have the spare bits at the moment, but as a show of good faith every letter seems to have come with a token of gratitude. I shake the envelope and two tickets to Canterlot’s finest spa fall out.
I tighten my grip on the pillow and think about the spa for a moment. Fine food, high class ponies, and pampering? Not the sort of thing I’d weather alone. The last time I went to the Canterlot spa, I spent the two hours after locked in a bathroom with my hooves between my legs. Beautiful, high class mares bathing and talking so casually about sexual matters they’d normally decline ever being interested in... 
My thoughts drift from those mares to my favorite one. I can’t help a hoof straying down my chest to my nethers as I imagine Rainbow’s long list of sexual interests she once shared with me. It had seemed so personal, so naughty... I find myself rubbing shallow circles on my lower lips. My pulse is picking up, and I roll my head over and take a deep breath into the pillow that smells so sweetly of her strawberry soap. That same night, I’d set out to push every one of her little buttons. Licking behind her ears, playing with her wings, rubbing her hooves, Suckling her in unusual places... I can almost hear her begging for more again.
I relish the memory of our last sexual exploits before we parted ways. I’m rubbing a bit harder now, and I roll awkwardly to the edge of the bed and grope under it for the toy we’ve shared countless times. As I fumble through quills and parchment blindly, I remember pushing her biggest button the hardest. In her cloud home, licking her silly while she was strapped down. Letting one of her hooves free to slip a toy between my legs-
My hoof grasps a familiar thick rubber object, and I can’t yank it out and slip it in fast enough. It’s freshly cleaned and sanitized from my last use as always, but I lick it lamely, pretending to savor her taste once again as I lube it up naughtily. Then it disappears between my legs, and my back legs kick and buck of their own accord as I none too gently plunge it in and start working it roughly. It hurts for a moment until I loosen to take it all, but the fantasy shifts to her punishing me for hurting her. She just keeps slamming me with it, telling me what a hopeless bitch I am.
I crawl onto my knees and punish myself, ass in the air. She’s such a quiet submissive pony in bed, nothing like what she is from day to day... But now I imagine the horseshoe being on the other hoof. She’s slapping my flanks roughly, and telling me it’s the only way she’ll forgive me for hurting her the way I did. I know somewhere I’m crying, that I’m enjoying the sex less and less...
I let the toy drop out, and fall onto my side, panting. Her name slips from my lips in a soft whimper, and I cry into the pillow for the first time that day. What was initially numbness floods back to clench at my chest, and make it hard to breathe. I genuinely fell for her, and I drove her off... I had to drive her off. Our feelings make me too dangerous. I throw the dildo across the room and the pillow goes after it. All the pillows go flying, and the comforter goes next. She’s the idiot. She’s the one who broke my trust. We were finally settling down, and I wasn’t having any trouble with my magic. We were happy. Why would she break my trust? Why would she dive into my personal secrets, instead of asking me?
I run out of things to throw and rip the sheets off the bed. All of it has her scent, every last bit of it has been washed to keep the love we’ve made from staining it. Now I don’t want to see them again. The colors are ugly, and I hate them. With the fiercest scream my lungs can manage I fling them across the room, scattering all the letters and mail bundled up in them. I sit on my bare mattress, panting and trying to catch my breath. The tears are gone, and now that I survey my destroyed room, the anger is quickly fading. I’m tired of feeling and hurting and crying over all of this. I toss the tickets to Canterlot Spa onto my nightstand as I start to pick things up.  I don’t want to go. I have no reason not to go... but I have no reason to go, and I have no interest in working up my hormones again. 
I scoop up the mail from where it’s flown after my tirade, and begin by reorganizing the help requests. Amid them is a town hall meeting request that’s dated yesterday. There’ll be a townhall meeting at the start of next month, and the brief overview of the agenda makes it clear I should be there. “The recent attacks that have turned a pony to stone” and the “explosive use of magical power at the library” both make the top of the list. I sigh and pin the letter to my “to-do” board. I’ll have to deal with Dash then. I might as well visit her now.
I’ll need to shower before I go to check on her. She’ll probably be at work, but I should check on the state of her wounds. I realize with a sudden chill and a twist in my guts that she might be lying at home unable to move, or might have never made it home that night. The gravity of everything that passed crashes onto me, and I barely manage to turn on the taps once I reach the shower before I’m left slumping against the wall.
I need to do this. I could get any other pony to go and check on her, but I’m the one who did it to her. I hurt her, not just emotionally but very physically. There was a lot of blood on my hooves that night. I look into the basin of the shower. This is the first time I’ve turned it on since I washed them off that night before going to bed. There’s still a hint of red that’s now stained into the floor around the drain. I’ll have to really scrub to clean it off if I can’t magic it away. I summon up my will, and it comes surprisingly easily. I pour it into the stains on the floor and then release it, and watch as they vanish in a burst of light and sound.
Will patching up Rainbow Dash if she’s hurt be that easy? I couldn't seem to access my magic around her that night. Just remembering wrestling with the will of fire leaves me feeling exhausted. I realize that steam has risen up from the shower, and the water’s finally gotten hot. 
I slide in with a groan and let it splash onto my face. I push my matted and soaked mane out of my eyes, and flop onto my back, letting the hot water dance across my chest in loud drops. I close my eyes, and gradually the thundering of the water on all sides of me becomes hypnotic. I cover my ears with my hooves, and it takes on a sound akin to summer rain on a sturdy rooftop. The water sounds distant, and I let out a large sigh. My skin and coat tingle as the heat spreads to the parts of my body that aren't under the water.
It’s been a long time since I could lie down in the shower. It’s hard to take up this position when there’s two ponies in it. I lift my hoof to the ceiling and let my eyes open. It seems so far away. As I squint through the bouncing droplets of water, I feel as though I could touch the ceiling if I were a little closer. I know better, and the realization that it’s at least four meters up ruins the image. I roll my eyes and close them again. The house is so quiet now. The water is white noise in my mind, and for the first time, I just feel... still. Even my breathing seems to stop. I realize in the quiet of my bathroom that my house is truly empty for the first time in my life. I've gone without friends before, but I've always had my parents, or foal sitters, or Spike, or Rainbow in my home. Now I’m really alone.
I sit up. It doesn’t have to feel bad that I’m alone like this. A sense of responsibility for myself creeps in, and I resolve to get everything done today that I’ve been meaning to do for weeks. With no one to distract me, I can finally read all the books I’ve been meaning to, and prepare for my professorship in Canterlot.
I stop squirting shampoo into my hoof and stare at it for a minute. Do I even want to go? I’m still not sure... I picture Her, the regal Princess welcoming me home. She won’t have any time to talk, but she’ll be glad I’m there. I’ll be glad she’s there. I’ll get all the work done that I’ve been meaning to get done, and I’ll master hundreds of new magics that I just don’t have the time to study otherwise. The water pools in the cup of my hoof and the shampoo starts to trickle away.
Her teachings say that time ill spent is time that might well have never been. I watch the shampoo trickle out of my hooves, and wonder if my time in Ponyville hasn’t been the same. I think about the last few months with Rainbow Dash, and I imagine what the Princess would say. Her teachings also say that one never loses anything in friendship and love. Does time count? Have I really been wasting mine? I’m pushing thirty years old. I’ve been in Ponyville for almost a decade and a half. The last ten years haven’t even been adventurous. I’ve learned next to nothing except how to serve a town of helpless ponies. Isn’t it about time I got serious about my time?
I squirt more shampoo into my hoof and start to rub it into my mane. No more wasting time then. Visiting Rainbow Dash is chief on my list of things to do today. I need to make sure she’s ok to put my mind to rest. I’ll never get to my studies peacefully tonight otherwise. I’m sure I have some things of hers to return as well, I can drop them off at her house if I need to. Perfect efficiency. Not a wasted minute if I can help it. Maybe I can even think of a way to give her her things while she’s at work without seeming suspicious.
I rinse the shampoo and hop out of the shower in a hurry. Toweling off takes only a few minutes, and then I comb my mane and hurry down to the kitchen to have breakfast. Two days without a meal have finally caught up. As my mane dries, I try to thumb through the Ponyville newspapers and catch up on the last few days. When it’s clear nothing of importance has surfaced, I wolf down the last of my lettuce and mustard wrap and strap on my saddlebags.
I search the house for Rainbow’s things, and eventually I have them piled up. A couple of her own books, one of her saddlebags, some dresses and saddles she’s worn on dates, a toothbrush and a hairbrush, and her makeup kit. I survey the pile and wonder if I really want it gone. My resolve in the shower seems distant... Now that I’m actually about to go out the door, anything seems possible. What if she asks to stay together? The thought bounces around in my head. Would I say no? She was hurt, but so I was I... I ache to be touched by her again, to not spend the rest of my life in loneliness. Canterlot seems so distant, so cold, and so foreign. My bed upstairs is a warm place filled with happy memories. Is it really impossible for it to be that way again? 
I decide to leave it all here just in case. I’ll ask her if she wants it back. She can come to my place to pick it up. We can have tea, and talk. It’s braver than I’d first imagined but... why run from possibilities?

The decision doesn’t unwind the spring that’s coiled in my chest as I walk out the door. If anything, every step makes it tighter. How do you talk casually to a pony you blasted out of a window? Will we just forget that it happened, and talk like friends of so many years? We could try, but it would be a dire lie. I know as I imagine it that it would kill our friendship in the long run. We have to face it, even if we don’t want to. The thought makes me sick. My lettuce wrap isn’t settling well at all now. I realize I didn’t brush my teeth before leaving the house, and contemplate going back. Can I go to her smelling like mustard and lettuce?
I chide myself for thinking of excuses for retreating. If I go back into my library now, I doubt I’ll have the courage to face it again for a week. The next time I see Rainbow Dash after all of this can’t be the town hall meeting that we have to work together in. For better or worse, I need to at least manage to make our relationship function for a few months more.

Unfortunately, I don’t navigate my task flawlessly. Just getting to the weather team leaves me running the gauntlet through a dozen ponies, all with requests and considerations. I do my best to be polite and explain that I’m in a hurry, but I don’t reach Rainbow Dash’s work team until the afternoon sun is starting its descent. When I finally find them, not a soul knows where Rainbow is. Eventually I track down the pony currently in charge, and she says that Rainbow Dash has called in sick for the last two days. I express my heartfelt concern, and leave with the spring in my chest wound tighter than ever.
Rainbow Dash called in sick? How badly did I hurt her? I don’t think I’ve ever heard her call in sick specifically... Though a variety of other excuses cropped up when she worked through her lazier days. I trot over to her cloud home, and summon up a cloudwalking spell with no trouble. I can probably reach her from the second floor of Sugar Cube corner if I walk a straight line up and over. Reaching a pegasus house is an ordeal though, and I’m sweating by the time I manage to find a path up into the clouds and hike back over to where Rainbow’s home is.
The magic comes out easily enough, and I’m hopeful as I knock on her door. The fluffy texture of the clouds that pegasi weave is firm and rigid underneath, and I can get a good resounding knock if I use enough force. I hope it’s not louder inside than it seems outside.
No reply comes, and I begin to feel sick. How long ago did Rainbow Dash last speak to somepony? What am I going to find if I try the door on my own?
I consider walking away and letting it go at this. She probably doesn’t want to see me... I’m the one who made her... sick, after all. I knock again, a little more urgently, and try to speak to her through the walls that keep out thunderstorms at these altitudes.
“Rainbow Dash?”
My voice sounds so strange. Even the conversations with the weatherponies didn’t do its alien feeling justice. As I think about it, I notice that my voice has taken a different tone when I’m trying to talk to her. It’s so much softer than the voice I use for other ponies. I try to correct for it as I call her name again, but it doesn’t matter. I can’t help softening it... I wonder if it’s noticeable to other ponies?
I try the door handle to take my mind off the potential for such an obvious past tell. Though I jiggle it and try my best, it’s deadbolted. I call out for her again, and tell her that if she doesn’t let me in, I’m going to come in on my own. I begin to gather my will after no reply comes forward.
The sound of the deadbolt sliding back breaks my concentration. The door cracks, and Rainbow Dash looks out of it at me. She swings it open just enough to lean against it. She folds her hooves, and looks anywhere but me.
“Hey Twilight. How’re things?”

Saying that Dash is a mess is being too kind. She stares at a fixed point in her door frame with eyes much too red and puffy to belong to Ponyville’s bravest flier. They look so dull and sunken, and they’re framed by a rat’s nest of a mane. It’s tangled, it’s unkempt, and it puts my two-day bed-head to shame. I slept on my hair, it looks like she’s been pulling at hers. The bags under her eyes tell me she’s done a lot less sleeping than I did. Somewhere under the absurd tangle of various colors, her ears remain locked flat against her head. After a moment, bloodshot rose-tinted eyes flit back to me.
“You ok? You’re staring.”

I almost laugh. Instead, I want to cry. She’s asking me if I’m ok? I look her over for a sign of our struggle two nights ago.
“I- Yeah... I just... I’m looking to see if you’re still hurt from... the other night.”
She opens her mouth to say something, but closes it again. After a moment, she rolls her eyes.
“Huh, yeah. Yeah, it’s here.”
She turns her side and lifts an unpreened and messy wing to reveal a wicked gash under her coat. It’s scabbing over, but around it the flesh has gotten tender and red.
“You just come here for that? I’m fine. Don’t need anypony checking up on me. Just been feeling a little sick s’all.”
I try to think of a way to break through that stubborn ego, and aim for the side that’s hurt instead of the pride that’s hurt.
“You’re looking a little... That looks infected. You should let me take a closer look at it. It’s gonna make it hard to fly someday if you don’t give it proper treatment.”

She sighs. I decide to be more direct.
“It’s a weak excuse to come in and talk, I know. You could go to Ponyville general hospital and get a real nurse to look at it, but you know you don’t want to go out right now. Just let me come in and you can say what... What I think you want to say while I fix it up.”
She steps back and moves to close the door. I stop it with my hoof. The glare she gives me could turn lesser ponies to stone.
“What makes you think I have anything to say to you?”
“Because... we’re both a mess. And I’ve got something to say to you... I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.”
Her eyes open wide for the first time in our conversation, and she steps back.
“Yeah... Yeah, come in. It’s been really hard to sleep... this is the side I sleep on, y’know?”
I smile and enter. I do know. She loves to sleep on her right side.
“Yeah. You took the right side of my bed so that you could always be the big spoon.”
She clicks on a light and sits down before replying.
“You’ve been thinking about that too, huh?”
There’s no sense in lying to her.
“Yeah... I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.”
I wish I’d chosen better words. I’m still not sure where I stand in all of this. I’m not ready for things to-
Her ears rise and perk up at this. Suddenly, she leans in, lips out. I turn my head as gently as possible and let her kiss my cheek. She takes the kiss, and tries to move a little further forward. Her hoof gently slides up my face, and moves to turn my head. I resist, and she stops and leans back.
“S-sorry... You don’t wanna...”
I step back away from her. The windows aren’t letting in much light, but what they’re giving me paints a picture of her waiting, expecting my reply with a quivering lip in their scarce rays. In this light, I can still see the burned spots in her coat. Spots I put on her. I can’t trust myself. I screw up my courage and make up my mind. This is it. I’m going to walk out that door as soon as I’m sure she’ll be alright.
“No... Sorry... Nothing’s changed from the other night. I just... Let me see that side, huh?”
She nods, and her ears drop back down. Her head hangs as she turns to let me look at her. The poorly cared for wings lift up and I lean in. As best I can, I slip a hoof onto her side. She sighs, and I remember briefly how soft she can be under my hooves.
“I can’t see it... can I get a little light in here?”
She nods and I lift the shades up with my magic.
“You’ve got your magic back.”
Her voice seems distant. I just nod. I try my best not to think about how many times I’ve touched these sides in a different way... how her flanks and haunches are only inches away...
“It was always my fault that you were having trouble, huh?”
I swallow. I don’t want to rub salt in her wounds... I’m just as bad for her as she’s bad for me. I wish I could tell her so. I slide my hoof further up her wing joint, looking for how far the infection has spread. So close, the inviting warmth of her marehood is growing wet from the constant touching. I resist the urge to push her down and bury my face between her legs.
“You stayed with me so long, even though it hurt. Why can’t I do the same?”
I sigh.
“Was it just sex?”
There it is. An easy way out. I gulp and nod as I rub the wound gently. With just a little effort, the magic I’m pouring into her eases the redness. The swelling fades gradually. She should have gotten stitches and let it heal naturally. There’ll be a scar there now, but she should fly just fine. She hisses and bites her lip as the magic does its painful work knitting gashed muscle and flesh together. It’s obviously very tender. If only she knew how much more it was than this, but... but right now, I rub the messily healing gash on her side to take my mind off the heat growing between my legs.
“Then... Can’t it just be that again? Look... I’m sorry.”
She sniffles and steps away. I stand up straight and try to look her in the eye, but she sinks onto her couch and puts her hooves over her face.
“I’m sorry I made it more complicated... I... Don’t you find me... y’know... Good enough to sleep with again?”
I shuffle my hooves awkwardly at the question and look at the floor. When neither of us says anything for a minute, I clear my throat and try to figure out how to ask her if I can just look at her side. My hooves ache to touch her again... I know if I get the chance, they’re going to sneak in a grope, and I don’t want to stop them. I want to feel those toned flanks between my hooves one last time. I open my mouth to tell her I need to check her side again. Instead, she drops her hooves down and looks up at me, broken.
“Don’t I look good to you anymore? You said I was beautiful, but I... Am I not even good looking to you anymore?”
I sigh and flop down into one of her chairs. This could be very easy. Somewhere in me, I’m a little angry. She’s not even trying to let me do this fairly. I can only keep being honest with her. My resolve stiffens, and I remember that I’m not here to feel her up.
“I... Of course you’re still good looking. Goodness’ sake Rainbow... I... I just want to... It’s taking all I’ve got to keep my hooves off you. Just looking at those... Just looking at your butt and being so close to your body right now, I...”
She sneaks off the couch toward me.
“So do it... It’s ok... I don’t mind. Come over anytime you want a quickie. If we just meet up every now and then. We shouldn’t be miserable and alone about that, right? S’how it all started.”
Her lips find mine, and her hooves drop between my legs. I can feel her smile softly as she finds out how wet I am. I sigh and spread my legs. I’d love for those lips to find my mareparts and sweep me into blissful oblivion... 
But the last of my resolve sparks up at the same time. I push her back with the last of my strength. I can’t keep resisting her like this...
“It’s not just sex anymore... It can’t ever be... you... you broke my trust, Rainbow.”
She steps back and I can see her struggling not to sob. It’s in her voice.
“You don’t even... You don’t even wanna be my friend anymore? This whole thing ruined it all?”
I shake my head.
“I don’t know... I’m not sure. Friends don’t break other friend’s trust.”
She finally sobs. It’s a pitiful sound coming from her.
“I wish it’d never happened!”
My insides twist.
“I wish I’d never- We’d never... I just wanted to be close to you. I gave up everything to stay here with you! Now it’s all ruined!”
She slumps down and sobs into her hooves. I step forward and rub her back. From somewhere in the mess of crying pony, her voice chokes out.
“I’m sorry, Twi... I’m really sorry. Please don’t stop being my friend...”
I run my hooves through her mane and lift her face up, making up my mind.
“Rainbow... I forgive you for the diary. I’m sorry for hurting you... This is all...”
I motion to her still singed coat and she nods.
“This is why we can’t ever be more than friends though.”
She nods.
“I’m dangerous, Rainbow. When I’m with you, I’m dangerous.”
She nods and starts to say something, but I cut her off. She looks up at me, and her lips look so soft...
“Just gimme... One last kiss, huh?”

My resolve is failing.
I’m stupid. I’m kissing her now. My hooves find her haunches, and she makes a noise akin to a question from between our lips. I've caught her off guard, I grip her haunches harder, and she suddenly starts working my mouth fiercely. I know she sees it as her only in. I have no heart to tell her I don’t think it’s an in at all. Right now I ache to be touched, and I have to have her. Her hooves grip mine, and she forces me to squeeze her butt harder.
It’s just as firm as I remember it. Just the right amount of give before I find muscles honed through a lifetime of work and athletics. I roll onto my back and let her lie on top so I can get a better grip. I squeeze and savor what I swear will be the last time I grope her. My hooves are all over her, and she finally breaks the kiss and smiles. I try to get out that I’m not in control, but all I get is
“Rainbow- it’s not.”
She kisses my chest, and trails down between my legs.
“I know. Just this once. One last time, right?”
She looks up at me with that dogged, determined smile I’ve always loved about her.
“S’ok! Just gimme this one last time. But if you ever wanna... Just know I’m around, huh?”
I try to tell her it won’t be necessary. I try to tell her to stop. But as her tongue slips inside me, all that comes out of my mouth are the moans of a guilty mare whose final walls have crumbled. I grip her mane and shove her harder between my legs. She slurps and licks more messily and more enthusiastically than she ever has in our lovemaking. It’s the last attempt to win me back in her heart, and nothing I can say will stop her from thinking that way... and instead of trying, I just spread my legs wider and let her do it.
I let her eat me out until I’m begging her to never stop, and she’s smiling through licks and kisses. I reach down and rub at my clit, but she moves my hoof away and drops her mouth onto it, licking and suckling at my aching marehood. Normally I like it treated a little more gently, but... the direct stimulation feels like a punishment. It just feels too good, it’s powerful and strong and body rocking. I move to stop her, to push her away. I need breath, I haven’t been able to get more than a gulp of air whenever she stops licking to catch her breath. As I try to stop her, her hooves grip mine like iron and drop them to my teats.
I can feel them under my coat, soft and flush against my body. My nipples have gotten hard as she’s played with me, but now she’s tracing circles around them with my hooves held in hers. When I start doing it on my own, she lets go and starts to fondle my haunches.
They’re not as firm as hers, and I blush as she squeezes them. I don’t get as much exercise, and they’re soft and squishy in her hooves. I can feel her kneading them as she moans into my soaked snatch. I lift up a bit so that she can fondle them better, suddenly self conscious. She’s never obsessed over my bottom and my nipples this much... only ever played with them as she would any other part of my body. If anything, my horn’s always been her attention.
“You... Having fun down there?”
I barely manage to pant it out, but she stops licking and looks up. At the cessation of pleasure, I shove her face back down.
“Not yet... just a little more!”
I’m close, and I can feel it. She keeps squeezing my butt as she continues to suckle at my clit. She’s far more aggressive than she’s ever been, and I decide to let her have it.
“Spank my ass! C’mon Rainbow, get rough!”
She licks with renewed vigour and swats my bottom. It stings, and I let a moan past my lips. Despite the lack of firmness, I know I’ve got a plentiful set of flanks. I can feel them shake with each harsh slap, and the sensation all melts together as she drops her tongue back inside me and uses her spare hoof to rub furiously at my clit.
I cum twice, and the orgasms are very close together. It takes entire minutes to compose myself as my body shakes and tries to wriggle free of her continued rubbing and licking. Her hooves are like vices the entire time, and I roll and thrash around in her grip with swears and shouts that would make a sailor pony blush. When she’s satisfied, I sit up and look at her through a haze of hormones. She’s scorched, flushed, and still looks like hell. I ease her onto her back and pin her hooves down.
“You slapped the...Royal...”
I try to get into character, but she’s smiling like an idiot. She’s just so desperate for this “last time”... She’d let me have a hundred last times and never say a word.
I sit up. She’s so co-dependent, I just can’t take advantage of her and dominate her. I shouldn’t even have done this- it’s wrong. The smile fades from her face, and I realize she’s caught on.
“Twi-”
“Rainbow... I’m sorry.”
“Hey... it’s ok.”
“This is all... I should never have-”
“You’ve got needs. It’s alright. So what? It doesn’t matter!”
I get to my hooves shakily. She's given me such an orgasm that standing leaves my head swimming and my steps uncertain
“There’s a townhall meeting at the start of the month. Two weeks. We need to sort out some things there for the mayor... I think it’s best if we just... call the Library an accident, magic practice.”
I look at the wound I’m trying to sweep under the rug so that I’m not run out of Ponyville as dangerous. I know just by looking at her that I could have hurt her far worse, and she’d never tell a soul. Because of her feelings for me, or because that's just the kind of pony she is? The difference matters more than I ever thought it would.
“But... I think you’ll be fine. That'll heal up nicely now.”
I try to cover all the bases for the other things I came here for, but they’re flying out of my head as I look at her on her back, blushing.
“Hey... It’s ok.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take advantage of you-”
“I’m telling you, it doesn’t matter!”
I turn to leave. 
“Twi! Hey! Don’t beat yourself up over it! I’m over it! It doesn’t matter!”
I close the door to her home behind me, shutting out her voice. I slump down on the other side of it, trying to shut out those words.
Doesn’t matter? Of course it matters. I can’t keep my hooves off her. I have to live with her for the rest of my life, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop wanting her now that I know what having her is like. Every time I slip up, every time I can’t keep my hooves off her, I’m ruining a part of her, and she’ll never care about herself, because she thinks she loves me. 

How can that not matter?
> Chapter 7
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Entry 7 (Summer 89th-92nd, 1010 PNM), Light Masturbation, Sad, High Drama, Romance, Light Fondling

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89th of Summer, 1010 PN

Diary,
It’s been a couple of weeks since I had something worth writing about. I feel like I’m losing everybody in my life. Rarity’s baby shower is in just a hoofful of days, and I almost feel like I have no friends to visit there anymore. Rainbow Dash will be there, and now I’ve gone and... Let me just talk it out here for now. I’ll have to go and apologize to Rarity later.

I’m shaken out of bed by a knocking on my window. It’s rough, and it’s not the mail mare. I check the time, and realize I’ve slept in. I try to cuddle back up to my pillow when the knocking becomes a soft pounding. What the hell? I wasn’t dreaming well anyway. I shake my head and kick the pillow to the side roughly. She’s probably here to pick up her things, as agreed.

Rainbow Dash is looking none too pleased when I open the window. She’s in luck. I’ve been sleeping like shit, so I’ll be glad to start things.
“I have a door.”
“Yeah? Answered that lately?”
She flutters effortlessly outside my window, arms crossed and face looking elsewhere, her hair a mess. She’s started wearing it that way over the last few days. She turns her eyes to me reluctantly, and I mentally shout at the tugging in my chest to go away.
“Your stuff’s downstairs anyways.”
“Yeah? You gonna be at the town-hall meeting tonight?”
I just manage a nod as she enters.
“Don’t see why you can’t just give it all to me there.”
“I’d rather ponies didn’t know we-”
“Yeah? Guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”

I shake my head and wonder how we got here. These short replies are ours. They have been since Rainbow realized our last screw wasn’t fixing anything. I can sympathize. I feel just as used, and I feel like a bitch for having used her. Now she thinks I gave her a pity-fuck, and I know the truth: I just can’t keep my hooves or my mind off her.
I lag behind to watch her butt as we make our way down the stairs. I wouldn’t mind admitting it to anypony but her. It’s a nice butt. I’ve always liked looking at this butt. I’ve just never felt so guilty about it. Even when we were just friends, and every glance at the girls I traveled with was a new knife in their backs, I could at least sleep at night. I don’t sleep so well now.

“This all of it?”

I swallow and nod. Her tone of voice digs at me. My heart aches to know she can talk to me like this. Not being together was one thing, but are we going to keep going until we absolutely hate each other? I can’t stand it.
She moves for my front door and fumbles with the lock, and I let her out with a simple flex of my will.
“Thanks.”
“Yep.”
I close the door behind her and try to make my way unsteadily up the stairs. I make it to my room, but decide to turn into my bathroom instead. I’ve got plenty to do today, and tired or not, I need a shower before I do it.
I slump down in the shower and let the water land on my face.
I pulled together my resolve over a week ago in here to make the best of things, but I haven’t followed through. I don’t have the energy for those kinds of commitments anymore. I come home from working for other ponies every day and fall asleep with my hooves between my legs to thoughts of her.
They stray there now. I mentally reprimand them, but I slide them over my marehood anyway. A shock of pleasure shoots into my body, and I let the warmth that accompanies it flood in. I grope around in the shower for my dildo. It’s not like anypony else comes by to judge me for leaving it in there.
In seconds it’s sliding between my legs, and I’m moaning her name into the shower walls. The fact that she could be a foot outside my shower skylight doesn’t bother me. I need something between my legs right now. Maybe if she hears me, she’ll wing down here and join in. A little more sex on a failed relationship can’t make it worse than it is now, right?
I work the dildo in deeper at the thought of her coming down her and punishing me for once. Just completely taking charge, like she did back in her house. The memory of our last bout at sex is enough to send me over the edge, imagining her squeezing my flanks and letting me slap hers.
I throw the dildo aside, finished already. Sex isn’t even good when I do it alone. I soap up my mane and wonder if I couldn’t call Rainbow up and negotiate a truce. As the hormones fade out of my body, the guilt floods back in its place. Always, I’ll always just have to use the memory of her like this. I can’t be with her again. It’s too much. It’s dangerous for her, and it’s too hard for me. Mostly that it’s too hard for me. I let my head soak under the water for a few minutes before turning off the tap and toweling off. I want things to be different. When I take to my hooves, it’s hard to walk with my head aching. I make my way down the stairs and survey the mess of a living room. I want to fix some food, but my stomach tightens up. I slump down onto the sofa instead.
There are books scattered everywhere, I haven’t bothered cleaning in weeks. I push some of them off the couch to make more room and stretch out. I don’t give a thought to where or how they land. I have work to do today. I need to sleep, and I can only get a few more hours before noon comes and I can’t dodge it anymore. After a ton of tossing and turning, I finally manage it.

I’m in a long hallway. On my right, someone’s knocking at the window. I move to open it, but I don’t want to.
The window is hot to the touch, and I pick up some oven mitts and try my best to open the oven door. It spills outward instead, and I go with it.
I’m in a sea of fire now. I cry and beg for Spike to pull me back into the house, but around me trees spring up. I’m running out of safe places to stand.
Behind me the fire wells up. Ahead of me it parts. I run forward, but I know it’s out there somewhere.
I reach out with my magic, and lightning flares up somewhere. I’m not going to cry. I run forward.

I’m woken up mid-dream by knocking. When I take to my hooves, I’m already feeling woozy. That’s been happening a lot lately too. My hooves feel a mile away, and my gut is tight.
The knocking comes again. Not hooves. Only one explanation.
I call out that I’m coming, and try to push some books aside into ugly stacks so that he can have a place to sit. When I open the door, Rarity’s husband isn’t alone. She pokes her head around him, but it’s almost enough to make me laugh that she’s trying to stand behind him. She’s put on more than a little weight in the last few months, and my guess is she’s begun to enjoy it. I find my voice, and the smile I manage is somewhat genuine given the funny sight on my doorstep.

“Good afternoon, Rarity!”
She steps around him and stands up straighter. Heavens help me but she’s big, and it has nothing to do with the baby. Every step she takes leaves fatty ripples all the way down to her haunches. She’s taken my advice about putting on weight to more than just her heart. It’s getting dangerous.
“Twilight! The spa trip you sent us on was simply lovely, thank you so much!”
I nod and swallow. Most of the things that come in the mail from Canterlot are going to her now. I don’t really care for any of them. I don’t really have any interest in the place anymore. I thought I would. My thoughts drift off to the pair of tickets for the Crafter’s expo sitting upstairs. It’s been my plan to give them to her as a baby shower gift, but it seems like a dumb gift. You’re meant to give ponies baby-related things as gifts, right?
“It’s my pleasure, Rarity. It’s good to see you two looking happier than you were!”
“Yes, of course we are! We’re doing so well, I figured we simply must stop in and see how things were going, to thank you properly. It occurred to me that we started off so long ago helping you to fix your oven, and we simply must bake together!”
I shake my head. Is this real life? Am I still dreaming? Why on earth would anypony come to my home and bake?
I look at her smile. It has been weeks since I did anything with anypony else.
“Sounds great, Rarity! Do we have any-”
Her husband strides past her and toward my kitchen, holding up bags. I can figure out what’s in them easily enough.
“Of course, of course! Now come and give me a proper hug. Mmm. There’s a girl. You simply mustn’t lock yourself away in here with Rainbow Dash all day every day, ponies are really starting to wonder what’s become of you!”
I gulp and realize I’ve never told her we broke things off.
“I-”
She hurries into the hug, and I’m given armfulls of huge, soft pony.
“Now don’t get me wrong dear. It’s perfectly natural, and it was bound to happen that you’d discover your... Well, you know. I’m just so glad things are working well!”
Right. Glad. No sense spoiling her happy trip. I’ll just tell her later.
When we break the hug, Rarity practically skips into the kitchen. Once we’re there, it’s just a matter of setting up for baking. She pulls up a chair as I ball up cookies into dough, and her husband adjusts the oven.
“How was Canterlot?”
She grins and leans back in her seat, resting her hooves on the immense roll of her stomach.
“It was simply magnificent! A proper gem! And we got up to the naughtiest things, oh it was just terrible of us.”
This last revelation is delivered with a wink and a hushed whisper. I try to pretend to care a bit more about her sex life.
“Oh really? What kind of things did you two get up to?”
She wiggles her eyebrows and motions for him to come over. Adjusting the oven doesn’t take much longer, and as soon as he’s over there she’s leaning into him.
“Well, a little bit of everything, really. I’m not sure... Oh I don’t want to bore you. ...Conventional sex must be rather dull for you.”
I shrug. I’m assuming she means straight sex there, but I don’t nitpick at her word choice. Some ponies are just awkward about the subject, it’s nothing hateful.
“Now remind me again... Are you exclusively mare oriented, or are you...?”
I nod, and realize it gives her no clue. “I just like mares.”
“Always, yes?”
I wince. My head hurts, and these questions aren’t doing it any favors.
“Yeah. Ever since I was a filly in Canterlot.”
“What must that have been like? So many pretty mares in Canterlot! It must be like candy shopping!”
I nod. Childhood was a lot of that. A lot of potentials. Never any contenders. By the time I was sexual enough to care, there was only one object of my desire.
“And the princesses there too, why that would have been scandalous, yes?”
I rub my temples and nod.
“Yes, what normal common pony would fall for a princess?”
She misses the sarcasm, and I’m glad for it. I’m not thinking well, I’ll out myself hard if I’m not careful.
“Oh well... Now you wouldn’t have been so bad. You’re no normal common pony! You’re Twilight Sparkle, the princess’ favorite student! It would have been adorable, if not a bit strange.”
I roll my eyes and think about the princess we’re both speaking of. So regal, and so proper. She’s the only pony alive who really knows what I wrestle with every day. To curl up with her would have been spectacular. I realize my stomach isn’t getting tight thinking of her anymore, and that there’s another mare who I was able to curl up with when I wasn’t feeling well. I try to get words together.
“Well, Dash is...”
“Where is Rainbow today, Twilight?”
“She’s... Off with Pinkie pie!”
The lie comes easily enough, but I knew the topic was coming. Should have had something better ready. Stupid. I wash my hooves as she continues to grill me.
“Pinkie pie? Goodness, what in Equestria are the two of them doing?”
I stop to think about it. What is Rainbow Dash doing right now? Off pranking with Pinkie Pie? My stomach knots up as Rarity slips the first tray into the oven. She waddles back to the chair and it groans as she sits in it with those enormous haunches.
“Oh you know. Just one of her... play dates.”
Saying it out loud only tightens the knot in my gut. Rainbow Dash out with another mare? Why can’t I stop caring? I stare intensely at the oven, and don’t say a word as I think it over. She probably is off with Pinkie Pie somewhere. They’re probably zipping in and out of clouds right now. I remember being carried by her into the clouds. The feeling of her strong hooves holding me and scooping me up. The weightless feeling as my hooves leave the ground. The slight pumping feeling of her wingbeats as we climb higher into the sky with seemingly no effort. The feeling that we’re about to hit a white wall, before we burst through it into a sea of diamond stars that I didn’t remember were there, and lock onto the Rainbow Mane for dear life. The stars seem huge, and the clouds seem far away as we keep going up. There’s no sound up there but the wind. It carries the sounds of ponies walking, the sounds of them talking, and the sounds of them working.
“...Twilight, is that jealousy?”
She catches me off guard as I pull the tray back out. We’ve gone almost ten minutes without actually saying a word.
“I- of course it’s jealousy! I don’t want Rainbow Dash running around with other mares like that! I want her to be...”
Rarity tilts her head and smiles at me, and I just stop.
“Now now. It’s not that bad. The jealousy gets better, I promise. There was a point in time where I thought I’d never approve of him going out with other mares... Just look at him now though, going out for drinks with Rainbow Dash like a pair of brothers.”
He’s going out for drinks with Rainbow? Since when? I didn’t hear a word about it. Rarity continues on for a moment while I’m still digesting this new gem.
“I must admit, things have gotten... much better since you... Twilight? Are you feeling ok?”
No, I’m not. My head’s splitting, and my stomach hurts. I feel like I can’t walk.
“I’m fine! Just thinking. What were you saying?”
“Now now, Twilight. Tell me, how are things? Is everything ok?”
She blows on a cookie and starts to munch it while I scramble for an excuse. I want to give in and just admit it to her. I settle for a half truth.
“Rainbow and I... We had a fight.”
Actually saying it makes me want to cry. I bite my lip and swear that the tears forming won’t make it down my cheek.
“Oh? Oh Twilight... Oh it’ll be alright! Was it a terribly awful fight?”
I manage a weak nod. It feels so good to admit it.
“What was it about?”
I start to cry.
“It’s me. I’m... I’m just awful. Why am I so awful?”
Rarity’s cookie hits her plate in a second, and I have a hoof rubbing my hair.
“Now now. You’re just fine. Tell me everything.”
I can’t tell her everything, I just don’t have the heart.
“Rainbow Dash and I... She admitted she’s loved me for a really long time... and I couldn’t... I can’t say it back. But I think I might... I might...And I...”
I can’t say anymore. I’ve already got the hiccups. My head’s spinning. It’s hard to breathe.
“Sssh. It’s ok. Rainbow Dash needs to adjust to you, Twilight. Especially if she’s had you on a pedestal for this long.”
I maneuver words in between gulps of air.
“Adjust to me?”
“Well... You have changed since we met. You were outgoing. Generous with your time, very generous. You were kind, and you weren’t above a bit of fun even if it made you nervous. You were honest, and you were fiercely protective of everypony you knew.”
I can’t tell if I’m being insulted or not.
“I... Was?”
“Well, everypony changes. You got tired, and I can’t blame you Twilight... It’s just growing up, getting more realistic. But Rainbow’s become the opposite! That mare was barely responsible enough to own a turtle, and now look at her! She’s put the old you up on a pedestal, become what she idolized, and she expected you to jump in with her... But... it’s ok not to be ready.”
I shake my head. I haven’t changed. Ponies have changed. They’re the ones who need me all the time now. They’re the ones who can’t understand what it’s like, wrestling with the will of fire to help mend their little books. They don’t understand what it’s like to have no one you can rely on when you want to be weak for a minute.
“The old Twilight’s still in there. I promise. Dash has to look harder to find it. Just look at us! Ever since your talk, things have certainly been improving... Between him and myself.”
I’m grateful for the topic change, but my head’s swimming nonetheless. I file it all away to think about later.
“Rarity... about that... Too much in the other direction.”
“I’m sorry?”
I smile. She’s been very honest with me about myself. Even if she’s wrong, I’m sure there’s plenty in there to consider. I should be honest back.
“It’s... you’ve put on a bit too much weight, maybe. You’re going to be having a foal in a little over a month... You’ve got to be in good shape or it’ll be too hard.”
She finishes chewing her third cookie and frowns.
“Twilight... I’m not overweight. I’m expecting a foal!”
I nod. She’s denying it. That’s fine. Any pony would deny the truth when they’re faced with it from somepony else. Still, she needs to fix up her habits.
“Alright, alright... That’s fine, but maybe a little exercise?”
She finishes her fifth cookie and glares from her husband to me.
“Exercise? I don’t need it! I’m as fit as the day I... Why, the very recommendation-”
I try to jump in before she can get too worked up.
“Just some walking. Nothing too rough.”
“Too rough? I’m not fit for the tough stuff anymore? I’m not avoiding it because I can’t, I’m saying I don’t need to!”
I roll my eyes and wish someone would back me up.
To my surprise, he does. His voice is... odd. I’ve only ever heard it a hoof-ful of times. I let him speak his piece. As gently as he can, he tries to tell her they can go on walks together, but she pushes the plate of cookies away.

“Walk together? Fine! Take her side! We’ll go right now. I’ll show you, it won’t even cause a sweat. Then we can put this whole ugly business behind us, and both of you can apologize for being terribly rude to an expectant mare!”
She’s halfway out my door before I can call to stop her. Just a short walk!
I move to follow her as she zips out the door and up the path toward the mountains, but my legs wobble and I fall. He races past me with a quick apology, and I sigh and dust myself off. When did I get too weak to walk?
I walk back into my home and sigh again. Nopony ever wants advice. Not really. I lock the door and pull down the shades. The sun’s hurting my eyes, and I need some rest. I haven’t eaten today, and I don’t remember eating yesterday, but I’m far too tired to eat. My stomach hurts. I just need a little sleep, that’s all.
I curl up on my couch and fall asleep, determined not to be woken up by knocking again. I’m not going to take callers today.

The dream comes again. I can’t get out of it. By the time I’m in the ocean of fire, I remember I’ve been there before.
I look up. There is no sky, only darkness beyond the licking flames beneath my hooves. I start to walk through the fiery trees. In a moment, I could swear I’m back where I started. Behind me, the ground continues to vanish. Before me, a path continues to form. I walk for what feels like hours, fire at my heels. Each time I look back, the flames are closer. I start to run. I trip and fall, and scream as I plunge headfirst into a fiery tree. With all the speed I can manage, I take to my hooves to try and escape the fire that has surely caught up to me now. I stumble and fall.

I’m halfway across the room before I’m fully awake. There’s no light threatening to come in the windows. It’s bound to be dark by now. I sigh. Outside I can hear rain. I hope Rarity’s walk finished before that started. With only years of practice motivating me, I pull up my mental list of things to do tonight.
The town-hall meeting is first on it.
I race over to a clock and realize it’s already started. I’m fifty minutes late. I’m never fifteen minutes late, anywhere. Everypony will know something’s wrong! I hurry out of the house and into the rain.
As I run, I try to summon up excuses. Too much work lately? Everypony knows I’ve been a shut-in. Helping Rarity? She’s mad at me, might not corroborate the story. Overslept? No, too close to the truth. Don’t want ponies to think i’m lazy. Didn’t catch the time? Much too irresponsible to be true. Clock broke? Clock broke! Perfect. That could happen to anypony!
I hurry into the town-hall meeting with an apology ready. As I run in, ponies part quickly.
“Sorry everypony, I’m a bit late... My clock-”
I’m shushed and I sit down as the Mayor continues her speech about raising security in Ponyville. At the end, she turns it over to me with a smile.
I take to the podium, and I try to explain the threat their town faces. The dangers of Basilisks spill from my tongue, and every pony listens with total attention. As I address the crowded room, many jaws drop. As I describe the way that they work, their poisons and their gaze, many ponies hug each other. It’s clear they’re afraid. I tell them they don’t need to be.
“Now you don’t have to worry. We’ll be taking care of safety in Ponyville just like always.”
I’m cut off from any more by the Mayor, and I let her have her moment. Politics is tricky.
“That’s right. And here to tell us all about our new safety measures in Ponyville is our finest flier, Rainbow Dash!”
I slump down in a seat to listen, and it dawns on me that I’ve been cut out of the safety section of this process as she goes over it. Dash outlines a plan where she’ll take care of the skies over Ponyville at night with some other pegasi. Its gaze likely won’t be pointed skyward, and they can sound the alarm from the safety of the clouds. When they see the basilisk, they’ll summon up other ponies to take immediate action and return it to the Everfree forest. Fluttershy has been nominated to head up removing the basilisk. I’m not sure she’ll enjoy that, but it does seem more practical than any alternative, save one. Me.
The mayor calls up the next order of business, and my name isn’t spoken again. Nothing else at the meeting has to do with me. I get up and leave in a stupor. Isn’t a single pony going to actually ask if Rainbow’s plan for removing the basilisk is the safest method?
I get out the door, and I’m stopped in the street by the sound of somepony clearing their throat. I look up and find her above me.
“You ok Twilight? You look like a mess.”
I shake the dizziness off and look back up at her.
“Why’d you leave me out of the safety measures?”
She lands next to me, ears flat against her head.
“The Mayor thought... and I thought that it would be best to, after the incident at the Library.”
The library? That’s right. The other order of business tonight that I was meant to be involved with was explaining the explosion at the Library.
“I missed that. How could they decide on it if I didn’t tell them?”
She studies the cobblestone road instead of meeting my eyes.
“I told them.”
I struggle to swallow. I was afraid of this.
“You? What’d you tell them?”
She looks at me now.
“I told them the truth, Twilight. Not about... you and me, but about how you’ve been having trouble controlling your magic. I told them it was my fault, but they didn’t care whose fault it was or why it was happening. They voted to leave you out of further business until you could prove you were back in control.”
I meet her eyes and breathe deeply. I hate her. The only life I had in Ponyville is ruined. I tell her so.
“Well... Maybe this’ll make your decision to move easier. Maybe that would be easier for everypony.”
I want to hit her. Pick her up with magic and fling her into something... but I push the hurt away. It feels like treachery, but somewhere in my heart, reason surfaces. Rainbow Dash is right. I blasted her through a window, not just in my imagination, but with my body. She has the scars to prove it, too. I can’t control it anymore. Canterlot is the safest place for me now.
My voice is weak, and I know I’m inches from crying as I speak.
“I... I don’t want to leave Ponyville. I don’t want to. I love it here.”
She nods.
“I know Twi. I’m sorry.”
Sorry? She’s the reason I’ll probably have to leave. It’s her fault I’m in this mess!
“Yeah? You’ve picked a hell of a time to start feeling sorry.”
“Huh?”
“Did you ever think I might not want to go back to Canterlot? Not that I have a choice now..”
“Twi-”
“When I walked in, everypony walked away. I couldn’t even give a proper lecture on basilisks. They were... too afraid of me. Weren’t they?”
“Hey, just think about-”
“I’m gonna go home. I really need a chance to sleep.”
I turn my back and leave her standing there.

Two days pass. I hear nothing from Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, or her. The only words I hear from any of the girls are a reminder in the mail that I don’t need for Rarity’s baby shower. I haven’t heard from Rarity, but I hope she remembers. By the time the 92nd rolls around, the weekend’s over. I’m curled up in my bed asleep when I get the written letter asking me to come over. It’s from Rarity. I set my alarm and go back to sleep. It’s the first dreamless sleep I’ve had in weeks.

I wake up feeling only a bit better, but with the way I’ve been feeling for the last week it might as well be the start of a new life. I roll out of bed without begging my clock for five more minutes, and set about getting ready to go over to Rarity’s. She’s been obsessing over checkups lately, and I’m sure she’ll want one. I tuck the book with the spell in my saddlebag, but I can already cast it from memory. I don’t really need it, but best to be safe.
I comb out my mane and test my forehead. Still a bit hot. The fever I’ve been running for the last few days hasn’t broken, but I should be able to tough it out. Heavens help Rarity if this isn’t important. I briefly consider just cuddling back into the cool side of my pillow and blowing it off. Her baby shower’s today, and I should really apologize to her for upsetting her a few days ago. I steel myself to make a quick checkup and apology, and then nap before the shower. Things are looking up as I step out into the sunny summer day.
Halfway to her apartment, I remember that Rarity’s only recently started moving back into the Boutique. I should have thought to ask her which home she’d be in. I pull out her letter, but it gives no hints. I decide to check the Boutique first. It’s closer, and my legs are starting to wobble. When I try the door, it’s open. Not figuratively, the door is literally not closed. It’s curious, but I suppose it means they’re expecting me. I try to move in quietly, not sure what the state of the house is. If it’s in the process of being burgled, I’d hate to give myself away.
There’s a lot of noise coming from the kitchen. Someone’s whistling, and the smell of eggs and hashbrowns is filling the whole downstairs. If there’s food, I’m betting Rarity’s behind it... Or in front of it, these days. I push the door ever so slightly, but can’t get a peek into the kitchen. I swallow and steel myself to apologize.
I swing the door open and I’m met with a bare human backside. He spins around and drops the towel he was holding, a plate of cooked food in his hands. Between his legs that... thing swells up, hard and ready. I barely manage a shout and run out of the room, slamming the door behind me.	
“Y-your front door is... it’s open... and Rarity...well she asked for... Are you decent?”
It’s all I can manage. What the heck kind of kinky stuff are they getting up into this house? Towels and food and... boners?
He shouts that it’s ok, and I can hear him running over to my door. From inside the room there’s a thud, followed by a massive clattering of objects and the sound of a body hitting the floor. It’s accompanied by a chorus of painful swears. I jerk the door open to make sure he’s alright, and he’s on his back, junk on full display only a couple feet away from me. It’s fully erect, and he’s clutching his likely bruised foot. Around him, cookware litters the kitchen floor. I snap the door shut again and hurry down the hall toward the front door. I’ve obviously come at a bad time, and now I’ve embarrassed the poor man. Rarity passes me in the hallway at full speed, and I stop to wait. If she needs help, I might be able to lend it.
Instead, there’s just a lot of laughing from the kitchen. After she’s done laughing at him, she calls me back in. I’ll have to trust her over him. I step in and find him with a towel secured around his waist this time. She sees to him while I watch. Trying to be helpful, I move to pick up all the pots and pans on the floor that spilled out of the moving boxes he tripped over. There’s a surge in my will, hot and angry. Instead of just putting those pans back in their places, everything in the kitchen begins arranging itself. I finally let the spell go as the last fork slides into place.
“You’re sure you’re alright darling? Awww, you were making breakfast for us? I married the best man, I just know I did.”
I decide to plod through this as best I can. Back to quick apologies and sleep. Stick to the plan. I decide to open with a less consequential apology.
“S-sorry for coming in without knocking, but I really expected that-”
“Oh Twilight, you’ve nothing to be embarrassed about. You’ve been party to more than that between all of us at any rate!”
Great. Now I know I’m blushing. She starts to set the table and invites me to sit with her, and I try to hide the red I know is flooding my face. Memories of all the mistakes I made with Rainbow Dash that night come flooding back. They’re not all bad. I cross my legs and take a deep breath.
“Come share this breakfast here, Darling. Have you eaten yet? Just look, he’s made my portions far too big, you simply must have some. It’s the least I can do for having you over here on such short notice.”
Short notice. Checkout. Checkup. Check up on Rarity. Not check out Rarity.
“Yyyyyyeah. About that. Rarity, I know you’re nervous, but I just gave you a checkup this Tuesday. Are you really sure you need me again? It’s only been four days.”
“Well, I... You see... Oh heavens, you do remember the walk you advised us upon, yes?”
The fact that she’s studying a dot on the wall is a bad sign. I try to scoot to position myself between her and it.
“Well we sort of took your advise. We went hiking. And well, one thing lead to another, and we fell asleep on the mountaintop. When we woke well... A storm came up. We’d been...”
She clears her throat and motions with her hooves to his towel with a not quite subtle back and forth motion.
“We tried to get down in time once it got bad, but it was just too strong. The water rose up so fast, and it was just terrifying.”
She cuddles into him for a moment, and I’m sure my jaw is dropped as she goes on with her story.
“Well, we started to make our way down, but it just... it all happened so fast. Before I knew it, he was shoving me up into that tree to protect- there’s a tree on the mountain. It’s not very strong, it couldn’t hold us both. I almost watched him get... Well, we shan’t dwell on it. I watched him swim until he couldn’t anymore... Then I just couldn’t take it!”
I look around to make sure I’m not dreaming. No fiery walls? Alright, I’m awake, so what in Equestria is this pony doing this close to having a baby?
“I focused my magic on his ring, and I managed to... Well, we pushed everything clear, and he climbed out, and I jumped in and dragged him to shore. But we managed to save each other at a great deal of personal work. I just... I want to make sure everything’s ok after that.”
I can’t think of anything to say. In the last two days she’s climbed a dangerous mountain and almost drowned with this huge idiot at her side. Does she want me to congratulate her on surviving?
My silence grows uncomfortable. She looks around for a minute and starts to dig for excuses with a quick clearing of her throat.
“Honestly, I’m not sure where the storm came from. Was it scheduled?”
Her excuse making is enough to snap me out. I realize I have to get to her about this while I still can. She’s put herself and her whole family in serious danger if this is even half the story. I wish I’d never agreed to help her with this. I help too many ponies as it is... but in this moment, I can see why I do it. These are the moments that matter. I cut in as quickly as I can.
“How would I know? But more importantly-”
“Well I just thought that... I mean, you and Rainbow Dash...”
Rainbow Dash? Why always Rainbow Dash? I don’t have a clue what she does anymore. If she wants to dump a year’s worth of clouds on some mountain, it’s still not even her fault that Rarity almost drowned.
“Rarity, I don’t know everything Rainbow does, and she was... busy that day. Just what are you trying to say?”
“I just thought you might have known when you sent us out dear, I wasn’t trying to-”
Yes. I sent my only remaining close friend up on a walk into a doomed and flooding mountain pass on purpose. Is she being this ridiculous on purpose?
“You do know this isn’t my fault, don’t you?”
“Well no, I mean yes, I mean... I just didn’t know if you knew there was a storm planned for the afternoon. I certainly didn’t think there would be.”
“Well neither did I. And even if I had known, it was your choice to take those risks, Rarity.”
“Excuse me?”
There’s no use sugar coating it for her. I have to lay it on and be honest while I can. The fact that I came here to apologize for being too honest a couple of days ago is miles away from my mind.
“You two could stand to have a little more self control. I’m sure it never occurred to you that it was a little dangerous to do the things you did? It’s your eighth month. You could have been seriously hurt!”
“Twilight Sparkle, I’m surprised at you! This was all a tremendous accident. I don’t think it was anypony’s fault.”
I dip into my will. The fire’s there, and I push it back with as much calm as I can manage. Somewhere in all of it, I manage to draw out the spell I need. Inside her, Rarity’s body pulses with the life of a healthy foal. I wonder if I should tell her, or let her sweat it out. I decide that I’ll tell her, but not without a stern warning.
“Oh sure, it’s nopony’s fault. And everypony I know has to get this checkup, the one intended to be given once a month, four times in four weeks. Are you sure you’re ready for this? You two don’t seem to be settling down much.”
“Are you implying we’re not fit to be parents?”
Parents? Sex in Canterlot’s spa, and now on a flooding mountain top? It’s not about parents as much as it is about adulthood. She needs to be more considerate of the ponies around her. Her sex life is going to ruin her regular life if she’s not careful.
“Well no, I’m saying that you’re not exactly acting like proper adults lately.”
“And what pony acts perfectly all the time? You and Rainbow Dash? You think yourself and Rainbow Dash would be fit parents?”
Dash and I? Parents? I throw the idea aside as ridiculous, but it isn’t about us. I throw a hasty lie over it to get back to the matter at hand.
“Well, no. And yes. Yes, I think Rainbow and I could be good parents if we tried. But this isn’t abou-”
“Well then isn’t that just the biggest shame.”
My gut jerks, and I resist the urge to slap her. Taking a low dig at my chances of having children?
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me! You think Rainbow Dash would be a better parent than either of us? Still running off to do her work early and catching everypony in a thunder storm so she can go play pranks with Pinkie Pie at her age!?”
“Don’t you turn this onto Dash and me! You’re the one who makes these... decisions. And for your information, Pinkie Pie and Dash were out collecting things for YOUR stupid baby shower that afternoon, which is TODAY by the way.”
The second lie comes as easily as the first. Why not? Make her feel the guilt. She’s the one assuming things about Rainbow Dash and I. She deserves her stupid misery. I can practically hear the sound of this bridge burning. Fire is filling my ears now.
“Toda-? Well if it’s so stupid, I don’t expect to see you there!”
“Well maybe you WON’T!”
I find my hooves and take to the hallway. It’s like walking through a haze. My head is swimming. Raising my voice has hurt my throat. My head is ready to burst. In five steps, the anger’s leaving me, and it’s replaced by genuine fear. This is it. My body... This is what dying feels like. The heat rushes up and I force it down. I have to get away. I’ll let her know, and then I’ll find a quiet place to die. I turn and try to put her mind at ease before I go.
“Your baby looks fine to me, Rarity. I’ll see you tonight... Maybe.”
It’s a big maybe. I close the door and almost miss her parting “Fine.” Sound drips out of the world. Birds chirp miles away. I try to pull myself together. There it goes. The last close friendship I still had. I could call up another one of the girls that I’ve grown apart from, but what’s the point? I’ll ruin it too.
I stumble up the street. The conversation I just had surges through my head with a fiery throbbing. Dash and I having foals? If I just survive this, I’ll apologize to her. I really will. I can feel tears tumbling down my cheeks. I let myself cry her name. I don’t want to die alone, but I guess I deserve it. The streets are completely empty this afternoon. Why not let it all out one last time before I die?
The fire floods through me again, and it’s just a little harder to push back. I stumble, and force myself to my feet. If I lose it, that’s it. I can feel it rush down to my hooves and back through my body. With the last of my concentration I force it down again. Above me in the sky, I can feel the sun growing hotter on my body.
I stop on a bridge and can’t go any further. The air is stifling, and I can’t breathe it. All that comes out when I exhale is a sob. I apologize to Rarity and Rainbow Dash and the Princess as I lie there. The flames continue to eat at me. My stomach tightens, and I vomit. The taste of acid rushes up and out of my mouth. The heat is in my throat too now, and I choke and cough. It hurts to breathe. My vision blurs up.
I look down at the river below and it looks cool. It’s closer than I ever noticed it was. I could tumble down. Plunge into it, extinguish the fire in me that’s eaten everything I ever loved. My thoughts drift back to Dash. Behind me, the fire starts to rush toward me. I run forward. The only safe space is under me. I’m in the air. I apologize to her.

Behind me the fire continues to chase me. I run forward, and all the times I’ve run this circuit rush back to me. Thoughts of the last two weeks bombard me. I can feel them singing my coat. Far away, the flames lick toward a black curtain. I’ve lost it all, haven’t I? Isn’t it time to stop running, and start living? To start dying? I stop in my tracks and look to the only place I haven’t. Beneath my hooves.
Below me, the sun churns and swirls. The intense heat of the world’s most powerful energy pulls at me, starts to swallow me up. I let it do it. I can feel hooves clutching at me as I sink, but I let the girls go. I abandoned them a long time ago.
Suddenly one hoof surges forward. It grabs on, and it won’t let go. I’ll lose my leg at this rate. Her rainbow mane plunges into a fire her soul was never meant to take. Tears rim her eyes. It’s killing her just to hang on, but she doesn’t care. She won’t let me go. In her eyes, I see the hurt of holding onto a pony who wants to die. Do I really want to?
My life in Ponyville rushes back to me. Thousands of days spent in the company of friends. Drinks, laughter, good cheer. Tears, drama, rumors, pain. How can I just give it all up? When did I get so weak? There’s a whole lifetime of being watched by this mare who’s always loved me, silently and tirelessly and thanklessly. I haven’t even gotten to explore it. Alongside the thread of my life, an entire life I’ve never known runs, aching to join mine.
She has this too. She has a history. She has a life. She has an entirely different set of memories. She has parents. She has somepony who will miss her when she dies. I’m one of of those someones. I’m a someone just like her. She’s watched me plunge into being the very thing she despised in herself, and she still hasn’t given up on loving me. Somewhere in her, a famously indomitable spirit refuses to believe I’ll lie down and die. I realize she’s right.
As the hands of flame grab me and pull me down, I shout one last time to the ponies I was leaving behind. I’m coming back for them. I’m going to live.
I’m sitting in front of a throne that blazes with the wrath of the world I was just consumed by. She sits there in an infernal glory. Where her eyes are, the white void of the will of fire rushes forward and consumes me. I apologize to her, and the flames cease their wicked dance across my body. They wait, suspended and expectant, for the moment when I come clean and apologize for loving any pony but her. I intend to cheat them of their sport.
I am sorry, Celestia. I’m sorry. I can’t love you anymore. I just can’t. I don’t feel anything when I look at your picture anymore. I’ve spent months trying to. I don’t care that your readings sometimes make no sense. I didn’t leave you behind, you left me behind. I can’t do that to another pony. I won’t hurt the pony I love by insisting on being as distant as you are. I have to stop trying to hold on to a love that died so long ago. It’s going to kill me with it if I don’t.
The heat recedes backward. The shine of her coat fills my eyes. I’ve seen Celestia raise the sun. Now I watch it set at her back. The white of her eyes reaches backward, pulling the entire world in. I’m rushing upward through a white void.
On the other side, my vision begins to clear. Above me, the white focuses into clouds. Dash’s head comes into view. The softness of her legs is at my back. I stir, and find myself in her lap.
“Twi?”
She’s crying. Very hard. Where are we?
“You’re cooling off. Thank Celestia!”
I pull her in and kiss her.
“Not Celestia. Thank you.”
“Huh?”
I pull her into a hug, and she sniffles.
“What the hay were you thinking?”
“I was so hot... I was... The will, Rainbow. It almost killed me.”
“Twi...”
I look around. I have energy for the first time in weeks. I have questions.
“Where are we?”
“My house. Well... My house, but way up.”
I look at her curiously.
“You were burning up. I saw you from the air, but you wouldn’t say anything when I shouted at you. You were crying a lot. I was... Happy to see it. Then you started to throw up, and you flopped over, and I came down to check on you, but you freakin’ jumped off the bridge!”
I nod.
“The water in it... Just looked so cool.”
Delirious or not, I almost killed myself. It begins to set in. I bury my face in her coat and breathe deeply. She pushes me back and looks away.
“Quit... Being so touchy. I can’t take that. I’m glad you’re ok... but... I need you to stop. It really hurts when you do this.”
I shake my head and shush her.
“Dash... Please.”
I need to figure out how to talk to her. I stretch my memory back to the dream, but it seems ages ago. What was it about? I decide to settle for rambling.
“Please, Dash. Can I just speak? For a minute? Just talk something out? If it doesn’t make sense, I’ll go away. I’ll move to Canterlot to stop hurting you. Please.”
She nods and sniffles a bit. She’s fighting to keep it together.
“If it’s... You don’t have to say you don’t care. Ok?”
I shake my head.
“I’m sorry, Rainbow. I’ve spent...”
I look around and take a deep breath. I summon up a cloudwalking spell so that I can get off of her lap. It’s shoddy, but the magic comes. I step out shakily and move to a window.
“You found out the other night... When I grew up in Canterlot, I fell for her. For Celestia. I was so in love with her... I thought I was so in love with her. I was obsessed, for the longest time. It felt like she was the only pony who understood where I was in life. When I got invited to Canterlot, it ruined everything. I was afraid to move back, because I’d...”
I swallow and say it for the first time out loud.
“I’d stopped loving her. I was scared that I never had. It was the only thing in my life I always thought I knew for sure. I was so sure of it. I didn’t want to let go of the certainty. But you came into my life, and you turned everything upside down. Loving somebody isn’t pining away for them at a distance. It’s holding them in your arms and not wanting to let go.”
She pulls me in and starts to cry into my coat.
“I got a lot of things backwards, and I was stupid. I was really, really stupid. I hurt you, and...”
This all sounds stupid and lame.
“I’m sorry.”
She nods.
“I got in a fight with Rarity over how she was acting, and I realized I really have changed. I... I have changed.”
I say it, and it feels true. I must sound like the cheesiest mare in Equestria right now.
“I don’t like it though. I tried to help her. Today I tried to help somepony for the first time in a long time. It wasn’t about how often I was right, and how often she needed me. It was about trying to really help her realize what she’s doing with her life... but the way that I did it was stupid. I’ve ruined all the friendships I’ve come to love.”
Dash leans back on her bed and looks at the ceiling as I talk. I know she has things to say... I just hope I can say everything before she stops me and tells me it’s too late.
“I ruined everything, Dash. I had nothing left. I’d changed so much... I was ready to let the fire take me forever.”
I look around the room.
“And then you came. In my dream... You held on. I don’t know why.”
She shakes her head and looks at me. The distance between us closes in seconds. I can hear every word on my neck as she leans in.
“I heard what you said on the bridge.”
I tilt my head. The bridge seems like a very long time ago.
“You cried out for me. I told you... Up here, I can hear everypony. You cried out for me, that you didn’t want to die alone.”
Realization of why we’re so high up dawns on me. She grabbed on, gripped my flaming body against hers, and she knew what the will of fire could do. She pulled me out of Ponyville, shot to the sky with a ball of fire in her hooves, uprooted her whole home so that we could burn out together, miles away from harming anypony.
“You kept whispering my name while I carried you. You kept asking me not to let you hurt them. You didn’t have to ask. We were miles away by then... but I knew then...”
She chokes up and wipes her eyes.
“I knew I was going to die with the Twilight I fell in love with.”

Tears flood my eyes, and I pull her in and kiss her once, but she turns her face, and now I’m the one kissing her cheek. I have to convince her that things will be different.
“She’s still in there Dash. I want to be that Twilight again... but I need help. Please... I need you to trust me.”
She looks up at me and shakes her head. I squeeze her hoof in mine.
“One last time. Please?”
She nods.
“Don’t leave me hanging again, Twi. I won’t forgive you again.”
I shake my head.
“Do you forgive me now?”
She looks at her wall again.
“I... I dunno. I dunno yet.”
I nod.
“After Rarity’s baby shower today. We’ll go up to the mountain we were going to go to before things... went wrong. I’ll try to explain then.”
She shakes her head.
“You shouldn’t be going anywhere. You almost exploded.”
I look down at my hooves and hop on her clouds once for emphasis.
“I’m fine now... I think I’ll be fine now. I think it’s over.”
She tilts her head.
“I... I was wrapping up my control over the will of fire in my feelings for someone I didn’t love anymore. Just being around you whipped everything out of shape. I built my whole life’s control on something that didn’t exist anymore, Rainbow... But I think I’m finally... letting go. I have my own control now.
She blows her mane out of her eyes to cover up rolling them, and I can tell she doesn’t believe me. There’s only one way to prove it. I grab her, dip into my will, and find an ocean of cool water. With a quick “pop”, we both materialize in front of my Library home. Another spark and we’re in my bathroom.
Dash takes a quick step back and looks around, but I pull her back in and spark us both
back to her cloud house. She bites her lip and I smile and lower my head. She rubs my horn, just a bit. Just enough to know it’s turning her on.
“Ok... You’re in control, but...”
I kiss her neck.
“I’ll set things right. I promise, Rainbow. And I’ll wait as long as I have to for you to trust me again. I’ll wait my whole life if I have to.”
She shakes her head.
“We’ve both done enough waiting for love.”
Her lips press against mine, and she eases me onto her bed.
“Don’t leave me hanging tonight. You understand?”
I nod.
“I’ll be on the mountain after the shower. You better patch things up with Rarity first. Otherwise, you’re not getting an ear.”
I nod.
“And no promises. I can’t chase you around if I don’t think things are really gonna be different, Twi.”
I nod.
“A little rough stuff doesn’t bug me, but I just gotta know you’re not gonna hurt me on purpose again.”
I wince at the thought. She knows it wasn’t entirely an accident.
“And if you ever try to jump off a bridge again, I’ma kill you.”
I nod. She kisses me again.
“These kisses don’t mean...”
Another kiss.
“I forgive you yet.”
Another kiss.
“Tonight could be the end of it.”
I open my mouth and let her tongue in with the next one.
“I just want our maybe last sex to be less shitty than the memories you tried to leave me with last time.”
I lean back, determined to win over the pony who can make my heart skip with just her lips.
“No more kissing then. We’ll save it for the makeup sex.”
“There might not be-”
I shake my head.
“I’m not leaving that mountain until there is. I’d rather starve than waste another life on love that isn’t coming.”
She shakes her head.
“You’re crazy.”
“Crazy about you.”
She forces her lips against mine to shut up the cheesy lines.
“S’the best kinda crazy.”
I lean back and spread my legs for her.
“It’s the last month of crazy.”
Her hoof slips between my legs, and I close them to trap it there.
“Yeah?”
I pull up her hoof and breathe every word onto it before licking it.
“I’m tired of crazy.”
She nods and plants one last kiss on my lips.
“I got one of your dresses here you never came by to pick up. It’s not washed, but it should do if you wanna get fancy for the shower.”
I shake my head. It’s informal. Didn’t she read the invitation?
“Read the- I dunno. It’s someplace. I wasn’t sure if I was gonna go or not.”
I roll my eyes. Rarity would be heartbroken if she didn’t.
“Yeah well. Babies and stuff, right? Not exactly my thing.”
“It’s not about your thing, or my thing. It’s about making a friend feel safer about a life changing decision.”
She tilts her head for a minute and smiles. She kisses me and wraps me into a hug.
“Yeah. My Twilight’s still in there alright.”
I smile and snuggle into her chest at the mention of “her” Twilight. I want to be that.

She wings me down to Ponyville at a heart racing speed. We zip through my Library home to pick up the crafter’s convention tickets. They’ll make a good peace offering for my apology. On the way through, I decide to grab a quick shower. Dash sighs, but I know I’ve broken a fever today. I’m sweaty, I need to manage some water, and I need to think about a proper apology for Rarity. A shower will give me all three.
“No excuses to her, alright?”
I nod and shampoo my mane.
“Being sick counts as an excuse.”
I shake my head and open my mouth to answer. A mouthful of soapy water leaves me sputtering.
“No excuses! That’s the universe telling you!”
I sigh and spit. When I’ve cleared out the taste, I turn back to her. She’s leaning against my glass shower door. The spread of her haunches is right there. I push myself against the other side of the glass.
“I was totally out of it. I don’t even remember it.”
“That’s an excuse! You meant what you said when you said it, and you know it.”
I can take a hint. She’s trying to tell me how to form my apology later tonight. I don’t even know how I’ll go about that. If she’s giving me the chance, aren’t I already in?
I can’t leave that to chance though. She has every reason to actually think about herself this time around. If I can just test the water.
“Dash-”
She turns around and sees me pressing against the glass. Two steps backward create space between us.
“Not yet, Twi. Don’t start that here.”
I wash out my mane and slide the door to the side.
“Dash...”
“Huh?”
I know she’s following my bottom as I step over to pick up my towel, and I accidentally drop it.
She gulps audibly from across the bathroom.
“I... Twi...”
I know it’s hard for her. I was weak once. I sympathise.
“It’s ok. You can touch. It doesn’t have to mean anything. You deserve it.”
She races forward and grips my haunches. I can feel them squish in her hooves. I wiggle my butt again in her hooves, and she lets out a perverse sigh and mashes my haunches together.
“I hoofed it to these so many times, Twi... You have no idea. After we broke up, I couldn’t stop... You were...”
I motion with my head to the dildo in my shower.
“All you could get off to? I know.”
“All it did was make me feel worse”
I nod.
“Always. I always felt worse after, too.”
She nods behind me and steps back. I towel off, and we head out the door to Rarity’s home. As I lock up, she checks the street to make sure that it’s empty, and kisses me. I tilt my head and take the kiss. I don’t care who sees it anymore. If I can have her, it’s worth losing respect. Anypony who hates what we’ve worked this hard for doesn’t deserve my company.
I take the kiss, and I let her tongue back into my mouth. She sighs and eases her hooves back to my haunches. I flex them, and she squeezes harder. A cool summer breeze blows, and I melt into her body.
It’s all the worse knowing tonight might not go well enough for her. Every act feels like it might be the last one. I aim to make sure it isn’t. I ease her hooves off my haunches. I want her to make the choice in clear conscience, but I also want her to know that she’s getting the whole package this time, not just sex.
Behind me, Dash lags to take one last long look at my body before we join ponies in public. She tucks her wings back against her body and looks up at the sky as we stop walking.
“Twi, I really hope you don’t screw it up tonight.”
I swallow as we reach Rarity’s door.
“Me too.”
> Chapter 8
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Entry 8: (Summer 92nd, 1010 PNM) Cunninlingus Romance, Masturbation, Tribadism, Light Domination, 69ing, Some other pretty sexy stuff

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The door to Sugarcube Corner has never seemed so imposing. Fall is coming, and it’s already getting dark. Stormclouds have already begun to form, but there’s no lightning yet. The only light so far comes out from the delightful two-story bakery’s windows, and in place of thunder I can hear their music from out here. As bleak as the chilly evening seems, the party inside is certainly the exact opposite. It’s a Pinkie Pie party, and that means comfort and good cheer. So why do I feel so insecure?
It’s the pony at my right that I’m worried about. Only an hour and a half ago I finally spilled my guts to her, but I’m aching to tell her the rest. The idiot in me wants to skip out on apologizing to Rarity, hurt feelings or not. My relationship with Dash is worth... Well, I only found out today how much it’s worth to me.
There’s a time for everything though. Dash is adamant that I apologize to Rarity first. We’ll wing our way to the mountaintop we’d agreed on after the party. I bite my lip and hope I can still organize all the thoughts I currently have in order. If I can keep it together when I talk to Rarity tonight, I should be in good shape when I talk to Rainbow.
She touches my side, and I jump.
“You ok over there? You’ve stared at the door for forever!”
Despite the darkness I nod, and I find it hard to swallow before I can speak up to confirm it.
“Just... thinking.”
“About apologizing to Rarity?”
I shake my head, but realize she can’t see that either.
“No... Yes. I have a lot of ponies to apologize to!”
I’m pulled into a quick hug. Is she mad or not? I’m going to die confused at this rate.
“Don’t get worked up. You can do this.”
I nod and smile before opening the door and stepping in.

The music is loud, even for a Pinkie Pie party. There’s an abundance of cake, party games, and wrapped gifts. A table in the corner has punch. I tuck “our” gift into Rainbow’s wing. It’s best to save those tickets for when the party dies down. I’d hate to upstage anypony. I give her one last uncertain look. I’m not sure I can face Rarity before I’ve faced Dash. It feels like I’m doing apologies backward.
Mr. Cake waves at me and we make our way over together. We have to sneak through throngs of ponies dancing and playing party games to make our way over to him, but we manage to do it without attracting too much attention.
“Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle together! Well isn’t this a surprise!”
My heart leaps in my chest. I realize he’s just commenting on our arriving together, and the sigh of relief must be audible. I get a gentle prod and see that I’m expected to reply.
“Mr. Cake! This party is looking amazing!”
Despite having to think on my hooves, there’s a sincerity to my voice that’s been lacking for years. He must pick up on it, because his smile is much wider than the usual harried half-expressions he manages these days.
“Oh? Oh yes, Twilight! Pinkie’s gone especially out of her way this time!”
I’m flocked on all sides by ponies asking how I’m doing as Mr. Cake’s second mention of my name attracts their attention. Their voices thrum together and overwhelm the music, the games, the storytelling, everything. They close up a circle quickly, and the questions come so quickly I can’t separate them.
“-Heard all about your magic accident-”
“-True that you broke windows?”
“-That there was a fireball?”
“-Says you were trying to create your own sun!”
“-Canterlot’s magic police can tell when you cast spells?”
“No, that’s the Princess!”

Dash is my saving grace. It’s not the first time or last time tonight. She grabs me by the hooves and roughly pulls me through the wall of curious mares and colts until we’ve reached the punch bowl. Her only hint that we’re not trying to be impolite is a loudly shouted excuse about being thirsty and needing me to conjure her a glass. Anypony can tell it’s a lie, and we barely make it to the cup-covered table before they redouble toward us.
We get to the punch bowl flocked on all sides. The situation here isn’t much better, but I can get my back against a hard surface. Rainbow presses up against my side, and for just a minute, I know she knows how hot this spotlight can be. Our shared experience lets me hold my head a bit higher. Her hoof brushes against mine, and I find myself blushing despite every pony’s shouted inquiries. Images of cuddling against her or hiding my face until they all leave leap to mind. To my surprise, she steps forward and extends her wings to shield me from the barrage of inquiries. She says that we really need to say hello to Rarity before we can answer more questions, and Mr. Cake manages his way through the throng and politely asks if we’re looking for the mother-to-be.
It’s the first good question I’ve heard all night. I push down Dash’s wing and nod until I’m sure my neck will come unhinged.
“She’s in the kitchen with Cup, trying to get her courage up to come back out to face this noisy bunch of ponies, I think.”
The comment leaves many ponies hanging their heads, and the general fervor deflates instantly as they realize their insistent mob mentality has apparently driven off the mare of the hour.
“I’ll go... Talk to her, see if I can get her to come out then!”
It’s a perfect excuse, and I duck toward the kitchen door as the ponies begin to step aside. I’ve never been so thankful to have a colt like Mr. Cake around. Celestia help me, if I live that long I’ll be just as bold and crotchety.
With this to bolster my resolve, I crack the door to the kitchen. Inside, I can hear her
talking to somepony.	
“-said some terrible things to Twilight recently, and I just know I shouldn’t have. She doesn’t know what it’s like though, she doesn’t understand! I’m not ready yet, just not ready. And I’m sorry for what I said to her, but I’m starting to think I shan’t ever be... ready for this.”

I step back from the door and let it close quietly behind me. For the first time, the weight of everything I’ve said settles into my mind. I don’t belong here tonight. I turn to try to beat a hasty retreat, but Dash fills my view. How can she look so tall and imposing? Of course, I’m helping her case by cowering.
“Is this the changed Twilight Sparkle?”
I can feel tears filling my eyes. This will be it. I can’t possibly convince her that I’ve screwed things up with Rarity too much to fix alone.
When I don’t reply, she grabs me roughly and pulls me by the ear around a corner and up the stairs. When we’re outside the bathroom door, she hardly knocks before flinging it open, pulling me in, and pushing me roughly against the wall.
“Is this it? You dragged me along with all those pretty words and this is it?”
I shake my head and try to explain.
“This and that are two different things... I wasn’t sure what to do with us before, I know now... I know how much I hurt you by doing the wrong thing. By being selfish. Rarity’s-”
“Rarity’s it. She’s the reason this started, but she’s also the reason it’s going to end. Did you forget? I told you. I told you Twi.”
She swivels around in the cramped bathroom so that I can’t watch her choke up.
“I-”
A sniffle.
“I told you. You can’t just change one part of you. The Twilight I loved doesn’t just love me. She has to love everypony.”
I pull her close and bury my face in her mane so that I don’t have to keep whispering. She stiffens as I do it, but I feel her head turn. I lean into her ear and keep my voice low. I try to reach into the organized thoughts I had just twenty short minutes ago, but they’re replaced by a jumble of feelings I can’t articulate.
“I do. I think... I mean, I know I do. I feel like... I’m so lost, Rainbow.”
She turns.
“You can’t be lost. Not anymore. That was the point of today, wasn’t it? You found you. The real Twilight wouldn’t be lost now.”
I’m practically shouting into her mane when I can finally find my voice.
“I questioned her ability to be a mother! I questioned both of them! To their faces, a month before! If I go in now, what can I possibly say? The insecurity is there! It’s in their heads! I can’t take it back! The damage is done! ‘Sorry’ won’t fix it! It won’t come close!”
Her expression blanks.
“Huh?”
“Today... When we spoke... argued... I asked... Well...”
Her hoof slowly extends to my face. I wish she’d slap me and ask for details. It’s what I deserve, isn’t it? Instead, there’s a gentle caress of her hoof across my cheek. She brushes aside the tears that were forming, and she smiles. Where does she summon this level of compassion? Why does she keep having it for me?
“What’d you do, Twi?”
“I... They got into a bunch of trouble. Dangerous trouble. Dangerous for them and the baby. I told them it was dangerous, and I told her she wasn’t acting like... Like a pony who’s expecting a baby. I asked her if she was sure she was ready to be a mother.”
Dash sighs and sits. I join her, and she brushes at my mane a bit while looking at us in the bathroom mirror. It’s not the ugliest picture it could be. Neither of us has cried yet tonight, and I can probably fix up my reddened eyes if I don’t rub at them.
“This stuff’s really not my thing. I’m not just saying so, it really isn’t... I’ve always tried to be that sorta honest with everypony. If I’d been there, I bet Rarity’d be mad at me too.”
I can’t help but laugh and nod. Now that I think about it, Rainbow’s approach to anypony but me is... Well, it’s brutally honest. It always has been. Maybe that’s where I got the strength to be that direct with Rarity. Now the source of my inspiration is blushing and pushing her mane out of her eyes. It looks cute on her when it’s this long and unkempt. I resist the urge to kiss her and tell her so. Right thoughts, wrong time and place. Well... Friend’s bathroom? Wrong time, at the very least.
“Just ‘cause I’d do it though, doesn’t make it good.”
I snap back to looking at her.
“I’ve done that to loads of ponies and hurt their feelings. You were the one who said this party’s all about making Rarity happy, not us, right?”
I nod.
“Well sometimes... Giving advice to a friend is like that.”
I stop and think for a minute.
“Fighting doesn’t have to suck unless you make it, anyways.”
Unrelated point, but true, I suppose.
“Like, I get in fights all the time. Well, got. I don’t get into many anymore. Just little ones. Except for like... Well, not counting us. I don’t know what that was.”
I giggle, and suggest that “Altercation” might be the right term.
“Huh? Yeah, sure. Alterwhatsit I guess. Not sure. But that’s not the point!”
I nuzzle her cheek. There’s something pleasant about being given wisdom by her. It’s refreshing and awkward and unexpected.
“So what is the point?”
‘	“The point is, just ‘cause something’s the truth doesn’t mean you have to be a bitch about it. Sometimes ponies don’t need the truth, they need other stuff. I’m not the best at giving that stuff, but you always have been. And you have to go back to being the one who does that, because I suck at it.”
I turn her head and kiss her. She sighs and returns it. The soft brush of lips we manage to exchange is terribly dry... I hadn’t realized how dry both our mouths were. She finally breaks the kiss and looks at me.
“You get that for courage, but this is it. This is your one shot. Right now, you either go and set things right, or you don’t come back for seconds. You got me?”
I manage a stiff nod. She’s so demanding tonight.
“C’mon. Let’s go. I’ll give you one more push.”
She doesn’t have to grab me by the ear this time, but I know she’s at my back, herding me forward. We make our way down the stairs before we’re spotted by the other girls. Applejack breaks into her typical stride when she catches sight of us, and tries to flag us down for punch, but Rainbow pushes me forward. She gives me one last whisper before turning away.
“I’ll explain things. You go.”
I take another tentative step or two until my ear is pressed against the kitchen door. From the other ear, I can hear Rainbow catch up to Applejack and the others.
“Y’all just get here?”
“Just a minute Applejack. Rarity and Twilight gotta talk.”
“Y’sure?”
I force myself to shut them out so that I can listen at the door again.
“-it then, yes? After this it gets better? No more uncertainty?”
I breathe a sigh of relief. Have they come to a conclusion? Will I still be needed?
A powder blue hoof reaches over my shoulder and knocks on the door for me. I turn back to see Rainbow, Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Applejack at my back. They’re smiling. I’d forgotten how good it could feel to have them at my back. I really have been trying to save this town alone for too long.
I can hear the bar being thrown aside on the other end of the door. Why was it locked? I don’t get to find out. Rainbow’s outstretched hoof swings the door open, and then her other pushes me in roughly. The door slams shut behind me, and I’m greeted by the sight of a kitchen full of scattered and empty cupcake pans. As I look around, I find Rarity in a chair, and her husband up against the wall. I note the icing on her cheek, and make a mental note to ask Rainbow Dash how she would bring up Rarity’s eating habits. No, bad idea. I’ll think of something tactful eventually. I decide to open the more pressing matters the best way I can.
“Rarity-”
She cuts in without a second thought.
“Good evening Twilight. I hope you’re doing well.”
Her voice is entirely deadpan. This is a different sort of angry Rarity. Our average angry Rarity would throw a fit, or cry, or even shout if she thought it ladylike. The fight we had this afternoon was a glimpse of the pony in front of me, an entirely different mare from the one I once knew. How long has she been this different, and how long have I not noticed it?
“I’m doing fine. Yourselves and the foal?”
She wipes away frosting from the corners of her mouth, and dabs her eyes with a napkin.
“We’re physically fine, at least from what you tell me.”
Oh, and now we’re at it. How to apologize? How does it go? I’m sorry. Right.
“A-about that. This afternoon.”
“Twilight, I know what you’re in here to say and it’s no use if Rainbow Dash makes you say it.”
The edge in her voice brings the tightness in my stomach rushing back. I can feel my cheeks burn. If she doesn’t stop taking digs at Rainbow, I’ll slap her senseless and burn this bridge once and for all. I intend to let her know.
“Makes me- She’s not making me say anything, alright? Stop ASSUMING things about us!”
My aggression seems to be the right card at first. She bites her lip in place of words, but then she looks over to him. He strides over next to her and clears the room in two steps. With a pony as big as Rarity dwarfed next to the giant, my idea of slapping her seems foolish. Do spells work on humans? Just how powerless would I be? Did I really come here to fight? I came here to apologize, and I’m trying to decide if I can take on my pregnant best friend, and her lanky and silent spouse. Turn it around. Don’t break down. Change comes slow. Just apologize.
“I think that we’re both... guilty of assuming things, Twilight. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry that I do. I know you and...”
The apology is on the other hoof, and I’m not expecting it. I almost miss her starting in on Rainbow and I again, but the memory of the girls outside rushes back. I have to cut her off while I can.
“Don’t say anything! Don’t talk about that, alright? Not here, not yet. We’re not ready, and I don’t know who’s listening.”
I can feel myself choking up. I’m dimly aware that she’s nodding and preparing to speak, but I jump in while I still have the courage. I meet her eyes with every ounce of meaning that I can. I promised to help protect her, and her foal. I’m going to be here to do both. I promised Rainbow that my life would never become about just me again, and it won’t. I’m going to be here for this foal, and I won’t cheat her parents out of what little confidence they have left.
“I’m sorry for what I said. I’m sorry because I’m your friend, and I shouldn’t say that.  Any pony who works as hard as you did to protect your family, and any pony who asks for help as often as you do, obviously cares about her family and her foal.”
She nods to me. The hint of tears is there. They’re so close to both of our eyes.
“That’s true. And you’re right, you shouldn’t have said what you did to us. But you were right about something else also. There’s more to raising a baby than just wanting what’s best for her. You need wisdom and confidence, as I’ve learned all too recently. And what confidence I get robs me of wisdom sometimes.”
I’m stunned. That last sentence, to me... For me... I want to write it down. To post it on every surface in my home. Celestia herself couldn’t have said it better. How are such perfect sentiments distilled from such seemingly random encounters?
“I’m glad to have a friend who can say what needs to be said, Twilight. Thank you so much for saying the things that must be hardest to say.”
I’m going to cry. I know I am. I try not to cry until I can say my last piece. I pull up my memory of my lie to her. Dash and I aren’t broken up in her eyes. Dash and pinkie were out pranking that day. Right. That was the lie.
“Somehow I didn’t expect you to recognize that. How hard it is to tell one of your friends you think they’re irresponsible that is... But then, you did it too. When you mentioned Dash... and Pinkie still pranking. And she and I aren’t much better when we’re-”
Don’t slip. Wouldn’t it be easy to say? Fighting. I steer clear of the word.
“And we hide, and we don’t want to tell anyone, and we don’t know what they’ll say and-”
I have to get my feelings out to her. Damn the ponies listening at the door if they are. How can everypony but me have been so practiced at living their lives from other ponies’ perspectives? I start to pace the room, and I have to look at the ceiling tiles to keep the tears from trickling down. How could I live for years thinking I was the wisest and smartest pony in this town, when these mares so easily prove me wrong? The sound of her heavy hoof-falls approaching me on the kitchen tile brings my eyes back down, and Rarity pulls me into her side. She’s warm, and soft, and she smells so sweet. Is this motherly side I’m crying into really my old friend? My heart just keeps spilling out.
“And I don’t know what my family would say or hers, or how long she’s felt that way about mares, or just how long she’ll keep feeling for me, or if I’m the only one she’s ever really felt for, and if she wants to settle down ever like you two have done, or if that’s even possible. And if I’m not ready, and if she’s... just as scared.”
I pour every last insecurity out into her side as she shushes me and smooths my mane. I haven’t cried this hard since I drove Dash out of my home weeks ago. When I have nothing left but tears to dry, she levitates a pan of cupcakes over to me. Half of them are already gone.
“You know what I find gives me courage? A nice cupcake or two.”
I note that it’s among good company. From where I’m standing, I can already see three more pans.
“Were those you? You must have needed a-”
I sniffle and try to make myself presentable.
“An awful lot of courage.”
I take one. What the hell? I could use courage. I have a friend at my side again, but we have to go back out into that party, for better or worse. The looming conversation with Rainbow Dash seems inches away suddenly. I resist the urge to bury my face into Rarity’s side again and keep hiding in here a bit longer. She seems to catch on, and rubs her hoof on my back, determined to dole out her first bits of motherly wisdom.
“Well, I have discovered of late that the cupcake isn’t as important as the person who gives it to you. I do believe we find all our confidence when we are safe... Safe among our friends.”
How can she know? It does feel like the moments we used to write letters for so long ago. Is this her way of saying that no matter what happens with Rainbow... I push it out of my mind. I’m going to explain myself to Rainbow. Things with Rarity fell together. She smiles as I take the cupcake.
“Dear Princess Celestia?”
I nod and smile. The name doesn’t hurt to hear anymore.
“Dear Princess Celestia.”
We laugh as we make our way back into the party.

The sound hits us as soon as we’re out the door. Now ponies take turns coming over to greet me, and I note they’re doing the same for Rarity. Dash hurries over to me and pulls me aside as soon as the happy couple break off and take their seats on the sofa.
“So?”
I smile and she throws her hooves around me in triumph.
“I thought so. That’s my girl!”
She rubs my mane, and I can swear I hear a sniffle above the fevered pitch of the party.
“That’s my Twilight.”
I ease my hooves around her and pull her into a bigger hug. Whether or not ponies are staring doesn’t bother me anymore. Under one of her wings, I feel a hard object.
“Dash?”
She looks up at me with a huge sportsmare’s grin. She’s breathless and flushed, and I can’t explain it. For all the world, it looks like she ran a marathon seconds ago.
“Dash!”
“Huh?”
“What’re you carrying? Where are my tickets?”
She blushes a deeper shade of crimson and backs up.
“Well... I wasn’t sure if... Look, I always knew you’d manage things with Rarity, but I figured we could look cool and cover up for what you were talking about if maybe we gave a more traditionally Twilight gift.”
I pull a parenting “How-to” guide book out from under her wing. Did she zip off and get this in the time it took me to make a stumbling, awkward apology? She gives better Twilight Sparkle gifts than I do. I dip into my will and with nothing but a soft popping sound, the book is wrapped. Rainbow tucks it under her wing.
“C’mon. Let’s join ‘em on the couch. They’re calling for us. I think it’s time to open presents anyway!”
We take our seats, and we’re immediately joined by the other girls. There’s barely enough room to squeeze Rarity and her husband onto the couch, but she insists I sit on her other side. We cram on until we can hear it creaking, and Rainbow settles half-onto my lap and half onto the arm of the couch.
So we go through presents, and more presents, and more presents. I have to rely on Rainbow to comment for both of us. The softness of the couch calls to me. I haven’t slept properly in days, even weeks. I cuddle my cheek onto Rainbow’s firm bottom and hope nopony notices as the festivities wind on. If they do, they say nothing. At last, ours is the only gift remaining. Ponies have begun to disperse, and I sheepishly reach under Rainbow’s wing for what will very obviously be a wrapped book. If she guesses what it is, Rarity doesn’t comment until she’s opened it.
Her smile is reward enough. Beside her, he grins too. She sets it carefully atop the pile of gifts she’s accumulated for her soon-to-be, and I give her the envelope next. It might need a bit more explaining, and I prepare to do my best before Dash cuts in.
“This one... this isn’t really fitting for a baby shower, I know. I just- Well, we thought, y’know, you should be there for it.”
They open up the envelope and take out the pair of tickets to the Canterlot Crafter’s expo that I’d been saving for them. It’s this weekend, and it’s the absolute latest I can recommend Rarity leaving the house for an overnight trip.
“Since the baby’s coming in just a few weeks, we thought you should probably drum up some business for the Boutique.”
I’m so glad Rainbow’s here. I take over from her as best I can, thankful that she’s sharing in the responsibility of giving such an odd gift.
“And well, this just seemed appropriate... I mean, because, well...”
Because I had them laying around? No. They can still be thoughtful, right? It’s just sharing. Sharing with... With Rarity, and... I catch sight of his hand, gently rubbing those enormous haunches of hers. They must be soft. The memories of the four of us, together...
Dash bursts out laughing. She’s caught me blushing, and I’ll bet my hoof she knows why I am.
“Ohhh Twilight, you go right ahead and tell her why sharing’s so-”
“Rainbow-”
I clamp a hoof over her mouth. Not with ponies around! Not in-
She licks my hoof. That’s so gross. That’s so second grader. That’s so... Well, Rainbow Dash. I push her head back into one of the couch cushions and look around for a pillow to stuff over her face instead. She’s laughing from behind my hoof, and I’m trying to keep a stern expression and failing.
Rarity finally cuts in. She’s barely keeping her voice below the pitch of a gleeful squeal.
“It’s an honor, Twilight. We’d love to go. Are you sure it’s alright though? These must be so hard to come by!”
I manage a quick smile over my shoulder as I try to kill Dash with Pinkie’s couch.
“Yes. You’re the perfect pony to go. I just know you’ll both enjoy it!”
She turns to her husband and snuggles into his chest, and I resume my work, her words coming in faintly over my shoulder.
“Oh I simply can’t wait! I hear the expo-ball is particularly beautiful. Can you imagine? Dancing all night, a five star hotel, and the next day- oh to speak to some of the designers and craftsponies!”	
We’re pulled into a very sudden thank-you hug. Dash tenses as her body lunges forward, and we push off each other to avoid crushing against her stomach. How much can a pregnant mare take there? I snuggle into the hug as best as possible. She’s incredibly soft and squishy, and hugging around the bulge of her stomach is almost impossible. She’s pulled away as the heat of being against a mare’s soft body begins to flood toward my privates. I share a glance with Rainbow and know by a wry smile that she feels the same way. As quietly as I can, I snuggle back up to her flank. She sighs and blushes as I do it. Between the wrestling and being so close to somepony we’ve been intimate with...
“Twilight, Darling?”
Distraction! Perfect!
“Something on your mind, Rarity?”
Hers isn’t the voice that comes out though. I’m surprised when he shushes her and begins to ask in his impossibly deep voice if I can explain why recently her horn was very “sensitive”. He has the luxury of performing air-quotation marks here, and it somehow leaves even less to the imagination than the normal innuendo might. The heat in my privates grows, and I know I’m getting wet as he describes how recently it was very “sensitive”, and now it is not again, and asks why.
I swallow and try to be clinical. I can’t exit the party hormonal at the end of the night or I’ll never manage anything. I risk a glance around and find that the other girls have made an exit long ago to help clean up Rarity’s mess in the Kitchen with Mr. Cake. Only Mrs. Cake is still here cleaning up, the other guests having departed some time ago. I have to hope she’s as good at keeping secrets as an old wivesmare should be. My hooves stray to Dash’s wings as I talk, and the relative vacancy of the living room gives me more courage to be sensual than I should ever have in public. As I reach a hoof down, I brush the scar under her wings. She moans and one of her hooves drifts down her chest. Rarity shifts and sighs at the sight.
I take a deep breath. Things are getting downright indecent at this rate, but I wouldn’t blame them if they did. I know Dash flew quickly recently, and the clinical explanation I try to give is aided by the fact.
“Unicorns and Pegasi sometimes exert themselves too much, whether it’s athletics or magic. It’s no different than if anypony works a certain muscle too hard... But it’s different for everypony, some ponies have their feelings mixed up there. What should ache or hurt feels good or thrilling. If you work it out that way too often, the tenderness can be present throughout the day. As you can see...”
I slip my hoof to her other side and rub the fold of her wing, right on the joint. Her moans turn into a soft grinding on the arm of the couch. I can see where she’s left the smallest hint of wetness. I do my best to drive out thoughts of burying my tongue in there now and tasting what I’ve been aching to have for weeks.
““If you did the kind of magic you told me about... well that’s pretty big stuff, Rarity. It’s possible your horn might be tender after. It’s also possible it might give you a better workout than running about at this point. Just look at me!”
I lean back to emphasize the leanness of my figure. No sense mentioning that I’ve scarcely eaten in weeks. If she works out with her magic, it might save me two battles worth fighting. She blushes at the mention and turns around to give him a kiss. Beside me, Dash eggs them on with a loud “Woo!”
His hand creeps up her back. It clenches slightly while it’s there, and their kisses get more passionate. It’s a possessive gesture at the least. I think I can guess where he’s worried this will go. I chance a glance at Rainbow, and my stomach tightens. If only he knew what we’re going to talk about when we leave the party. If only he knew how remote a possibility his worries were. I study the reclining pegasus, and suddenly screw up my courage. This is it. Be the Twilight Sparkle she loves. Don’t be afraid!
“I think it’s time Rainbow and I got going. Are you two going in our direction? We’ll walk you to your doorstep.”
Rarity straightens her mane from the kissing and nods to me.
“It would be our pleasure to have the company. Just to the doorstep though, I’m positively exhausted.”
Panic floods as she accepts my invitation to actually leave. This is it. I can count the seconds until my confrontation. My chest tightens.

We hit the streets just as it starts raining. Rarity’s poor spouse has armloads of gifts and things. I try to help him by levitating a few things, but he manages the majority of them on his own. Every so often, Rarity looks up at the sky and sighs. After her recent encounter with what rain can do at its worst, I can’t blame her.
Dash lags behind, obviously harboring the opposite opinion. The clouds she set up this morning have at last begun to share their rain with Ponyville. Every so often, Dash stops to stare at them. I know she’s not that absorbed in something she does every day. She can’t be looking forward to the conversation we’re going to have any more than me. That she isn’t excited after everything that’s happened tonight twists my insides and tightens my chest. Can it be possible that as much as we’ve accomplished, she still has misgivings about us? That’s the only reason she’d be as afraid of this meeting as I am. She’s the one calling the shots, after all. But if she’s going to say no, shouldn’t she be at peace with it? Not necessarily, perhaps?
Rarity calls out goodnight, and I realize we’ve begun to walk past the Boutique without them. I levitate the last of their gifts over and wish them well. Then we round a corner, and we’re out of sight. We keep walking, but we’re both obviously aware that we’re neither walking toward the library or the mountains.

The silence is intolerable. Not even crickets are chirping. The wind blows, and the sound of grass blades moving is deafening. I have to break it.

“Rainbow... Let’s go up.”
She looks at me and manages to raise an eyebrow.
“Just like that? You sure?”
I nod. It’s now or never.
I don’t get a word out before her wings beat and she’s in the air. What can I say or do? I wrap my hooves around her neck and shoulders, and she lifts me as if I weighed nothing. Then we’re up into the air. Gradually we gain altitude, not a sign of exertion on her part
I curl my face into her chest and whisper to her.
“Not like this. Not tonight. Take me up like you’d go up.”
She says nothing. I feel her tense up, and then the force of the world disappearing under us yanks me into her arms. She keeps accelerating, keeps speeding up. I risk a glance upward and see the stormclouds she laid out, but they burst aside in seconds. The wall of black clouds is yanked into a funnel in our wake, and the rain that filled them goes with it. She keeps climbing, spinning both of us in a tight roll. When she steadies out, a wall of white looms up ahead. We burst through it into an endless starry night. With a whipping of wind, the funnel of rain she carried with her explodes into a gravity defying shower and drenches every cloud around us. They sink toward Ponyville with a crashing of thunder and lightning as she unleashes a one-mare weather storm.
I pull myself into her body as she leaves the sudden storm behind. When we finally light down on the mountain, I have to sit down. She blows her mane out of her eyes and proudly walks up behind me.
“You ok? Too rough?”
I grab her and pull her into me. Our lips are a locked, tangled mess. If she was trying to crank my sex drive to the fullest, she succeeded. The adrenaline’s gone, and all that’s left is a serious desire to replace it with heavy, mind blowing sex. My tongue works through her lips and she finally finds her spirit as she pushes back. I push the cascading prism of her mane aside so that I can see her eyes. Once I’m satisfied, I close mine and focus on really working the inside of her mouth. Every inch, every second of our lives. Letting go means dying. Letting go is too much. No more letting go.
Then she breaks the kiss. I sigh and flop onto my back.
“You- woah. Jeez.”
She wipes her lips awkwardly and blushes. Our mountain peak shimmers in the moonlight. I’m dimly aware that my back is in snow, and is very cold.
“C’mon, Rainbow. Get closer here.”
I pull her down and she settles in next to me, blushing furiously. I take a deep breath. I don’t have to feel like I’ve just given her my last kiss. Tonight went well. I can explain myself.
“Rainbow-”
She rolls over and kisses me again. I let her straddle me, and all that stops her is my confused moan.
“What? C’mon. You didn’t get worked up over all that stuff? We can sort things out later.”
I kiss her neck.
“Mnnn. That’s a start. Could be rougher though.”
I kiss, and start to suck.
“Pretty weak. Rougher!”
I pull my lips off her.
“Dash please. I... We need to talk!”
“Yeah?”
I turn my head. The snow is frigid on my cheeks. It helps to clear my head of the hormones coursing through me. Their lusty screams quiet as the frost digs into my coat.
“I hurt you, Rainbow. I... The way that we sleep together, the way that we fought that night... You shouldn’t keep coming back. You should be running. Please... This is your last chance. I’m... I’m weak, too. If you give me the chance, I’ll stay by your side, but... it might...”
She pulls back.
“Woah. Slow down.”
I get a gentle shove, and she forces me to look her in the eyes. Every word is punctuated with a hoof gesture- from herself to me. Over, and over. It’s practically hypnotic.
“Let’s not let you do all the talking. I’ll talk now. First off, one fight doesn’t mean a trend!”
I snort.
“I left you in need of stitches.”
“By accident! You wanted me out, sure. Did you want me in stitches?”
I think for a second.
“No... but accidents can still hurt you!”
She pulls me into her.
“You dummy. I tried to tell you before. The danger doesn’t matter. I’m a daredevil! This is what I do! I live for the danger!”
I sigh and roll my eyes. This is what I'm worried about.
“Wait. That came out wrong.”
“...Did it?”
“Oh for pony’s sake!”
She pushes me onto my back and pins me. Her hooves are like iron.
“I love you! I’ve said that before. I’ve said it! Ok? And I’m sorry too! I love how rough you get during sex. It cranks me up, it doesn’t make me scared! I love it! You could be rougher, and it’d be fine! It’d get me going even harder! Rub my bruises, tickle my hooves, spank me, hit my scars, gag and blindfold me, use your freaking teeth on me!”
She’s shouting now. Her hooves have pulled mine onto her haunches, and they’re forcing me to squeeze.
“But don’t you ever think you’re taking advantage of me. You really think I’d let myself get pushed over for that? Me? You think I’d let somepony abuse me?”
I gape, and she closes my mouth for me with her hooves.
“There. Now. That problem’s done. Talk.”
My head swims and I struggle for a new starting point. She folds her arms as she waits, but she doesn’t have to wait long.
“I... It’s just that I’ve changed, Rainbow. It’s not all physical hurt. I’ve gotten so jaded. But I’m so tired of being this way. I want to change again. I’m sorry, I really am. I got so wrapped up in the life I thought I was forced to life, that I started to resent everypony. I even took it out on you. And I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have come back to you.”
She swallows and looks away from me.
“Yeah? So? Why’d you do it? You- I looked up to you for this! I didn’t realize how different things were until you were shouting at me to leave you. Until you picked Her over me.”
The Princess. That’s what it’s come back to. It was bound to.
“I couldn’t have... I thought I loved her, Dash. I thought I did, and I clung to it. I wouldn’t leave it. I couldn’t leave it! It was all I’d known for so long. She’s the only pony in Equestria who knows what it’s like... How tiring it is to have everypony always asking for things!”
Her ears flatten at this, but she kisses my cheek.
“Not the only pony.”
I swallow and nod.
“No, not the only pony. I didn’t know it until we started... staying, together. How much everypony needs you. How you might be just as lonely.”
“It’s been this way for as long as I can remember, Twi. It’s lonely at the top. Everypony relies on you. They want strength in their lives. Everypony I’ve ever dated has. They don’t get it! They don’t. They don’t understand that sometimes, you just want to-”
“to be the one who leans on somepony else for a change.”
I finish it for her, because I’ve said it before. I’ve never dated anypony before Rainbow, but I know it. It’s the reason I’ve spent most of my life cuddling up to my pillow, wishing somepony stronger than me would hold me for just a minute.
I look at the only pony who has, and smile. I plod on as best I can with that courage.
“Today I realized though, that I... I’ve never loved her.”
Dash tilts her head. It feels so liberating to say it. I have to stop and kiss her again. Her hooves rub up my sides.
“I’ve never loved her. Admired? Yes. Worshiped? Practically. Wanted, even desired? Yes. But it’s not the same. I spent so long sticking to feelings for her that had disappeared so long ago. I thought what I had for her was love, but it wasn’t...”
I look at Rainbow Dash.
“Love is... Oh, how do you even describe it? If infatuation is finding somepony to be flawless, what is love? It’s seeing somepony’s flaws... And understanding them. And not giving up on them.”
I shake my head. This is terrible, and badly explained.
“What you had for me when you came back... What I have for you. That’s love. I love you, Rainbow Dash. And I don’t care who knows it. I don’t care anymore! I love you!”
She buries her face into my chest, and I rub her mane.
“Twilight, I-”
“I’m still scared.”
I interrupt her, but I’m not sorry.
“I’m still scared. Of everything. Of us. Of ponies knowing. I want to be strong, but I’m just... I’m not as strong as everypony thinks, Rainbow. All this, this is the result of that. The result of trying to be Her, and keep ponies at a distance, and protect them, and still feel for them. I can’t do it... I don’t know what to do now. I was so sure, for the longest time, I’d just keep everypony away. When you came into my life, I... I had the chance for something, for the first time. To be with a pony who didn’t need me, who just wanted to be held like I want to be held sometimes. And now that I have you, I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. What do I do now?”
She lies down across my chest, and says it as if it’s the most matter of fact thing in the world.
“You love me. The world doesn’t need another lonely princess.”
Under her weight, the snow digs into my coat. I shiver, and her eyes widen. She notices for the first time that I might be cold.
“You ok? I mean, it’s... It’s cold up here, but that’s kinda normal for me.”
I shiver and nod.
“Hey, c’mon. Hop on, let’s go warm up at your place.”
My teeth are chattering, but I wrap my legs around her waist.
“Warm me up here.”
“Hey. You owe me. You should warm up with uh... A little starter.”
She blushes at the shameless request for sex so close to all our apologies. I can’t help but grin as she lays on her back and spreads her legs. The snow matted into her mane adds another dimension to it. She looks so odd outlined in white. I lower down to her marehood, and I can feel the heat on it. It’s a welcome heat. I start to lick in slow circles, and her moans fill my ears in a sweet harmony with the snow crunching under her body.
“Twi...”
I kiss her clit.
“My Twilight... Is it real this time?”
I lean in and lick a line up her chest. It’s so cold.
“Yes...”
I kiss at one of her nipples. The cold has hardened them, and I can see them past the part of her coat that’s thinned.
“I’m your Twilight”
It feels good to say it.
“My Dash.”
I pull her closer to me.
“My Dash.”
I return to slow circles on her lower lips.
“Yeah... Your Dash. Always your Dash. Your Dash forever.”
I can feel her legs tightening and flexing. In the snow, her shivering body writhes against mine.
“Twi-”
I keep licking, harder, faster.
“Twi!”
I plunge my tongue in at last, giving her what she wants. The taste I’ve been craving for weeks fills my mouth. Her taste. My Dash’s taste.
“Canterlot!”
I stop licking.
“I- You’re freezing. Look at you!”
I hold up two hooves. They’re certainly shaking.
“C’mon. Let’s warm up. Give me a spell or something at least!”
I nod and dip into my will. It’s easy to find a warming spell. Soon the circulation in my body isn’t as painful. I tap my horn to Dash’s forehead next. As I do it, her fetish gets the better of her, and she starts to lick at it. In seconds, the heat coursing through her body melts the snow off of her.
“That’s more like it. C’mon. Use your horn.”
I nod and ask how she wants it.
“Huh? How about like this!”
I laugh and let her straddle me. Her lips find their way to mine, and her tongue fights mine with all the ferocity it can muster. She pins my hooves down and sits up, looking down at me. She has to blow her rainbow mane out of her eyes before she can get a proper idea of what to do next...
“C’mon Rainbow. Look at these haunches. They won’t squeeze themselves.”
I wiggle under her for emphasis, and she lowers herself down to my marehood. Both hooves clench my bottom as she slides her tongue into the deepest parts of me. It’s been a couple weeks, but she still knows every spot. Hers is a practiced method, honed over our months together. I let her squeeze my haunches more. A moan escapes my lips as she keeps swirling around inside me. The wetness of her tongue mixes with my own juices, and I desperately wish we had something to slip inside besides her tongue and wings.
She keeps licking, and one hoof strays up to my clit. It’s a gentle massage, not the rough rub-down that she loves to have done to her. I lay back and let her sweep me away into bliss again. In between gasps, I grip at her mane and pull her face further into my pussy. I can feel the heat of her breath, the wetness of her tongue as it licks every untouched inch of my insides. When I can’t take it anymore, I pull her face up.
“Twi?”
I pull her up until I can grip her haunches and turn her.
“Talk to me, don’t just-ooh.”
When I’ve finally got her positioned over my face, and her face hovering over mine, what I intend to do sinks in.
“I donno how long I can-”
I slip my tongue in and her voice goes up by a fifth.
“keep goiiiing, if you do thaaat.”
She does it though. Her tongue returns to my snatch, licking and suckling and swirling over my clit and lower lips. I’m in a slightly better angle, and I bury my tongue in. The taste and scent fill my senses, and I sigh, in heaven at last. Each lap of my tongue brings her closer, and before long her whole body is shaking as she tries to keep licking me while inches away from her own orgasm. I only stop to warn her not to bite her tongue, and all I get in reply are moans and the tightening of her legs around my head. I lick deeper and play with her. After a moment, I slide my tongue in a triangle shape, and withdraw from her.
“What shape did I just lick, hmm?”
She stops kissing at my clit.
“I... I... how should I-”
I lick a triangle inside her again.
“C’mon, little Dashy. What shape?”
“I... I dun- Squaaare.”
I slap her flanks and lick it again.
“You’re just guessing!”
“Nnhhaaa. Go slower then! It all feels too-”
I lick again and manage a throaty “Mmnnmm” as she begins to guess incorrectly again.
“Ci-Triangle. Ohhh, that’s a triangle. Ohhhh. Oh yeah.”
Her legs tighten their death grip around my head and pull me in closer, and I keep licking that shape into her until she’s wiggling and threatening to twist my neck with her kicking and flopping around.
“Warmed up? Let’s do our alphabet.”
I giggle and slap her flanks before licking in the letter “I”.
“Line... Line with... some... H? No. Iaaaahn. I. I!”
It’s a serif I. Yes, I’m impressed. I manage an L next, and she guesses it between desperate swears.
Around the time I hit “O”, she has her first squirting orgasm of the evening. It fills my mouth, it runs down my face, it mats into my coat. I slurp and lick and drink down every drop of her sweet juices that I can manage. It’s hot, and it’s full of her tangy, semi-sweet taste. Some mares probably freak out when their partner squirts. I love it. I push my tongue in deep, desperate to lap up every drop. One of my hooves strays between my legs and begins to rub ever so slightly. The snow around us is a complete mess from where we’ve thrashed around in it. I lick “V” next.
“U...?”
I spank her flanks.
“V! Gotta... ohhh. Nhhaaa. Cute.”
“Do I need to finish?”
Her voice comes out testily from the other side.
“Mnn... I wish you would.”
I barely finish E before the next orgasm steals her out of my hooves. Her wings take her a good foot away from me before she lands, rubbing her still sensitive and dripping privates.
“Mmm... Dash, come back! I have to... clean up that mess.”
I chase her into the snow, but she tackles me and kisses me. I slide a hoof between her soaked legs and lick it clean before I press my lips to hers. Our tastes mingle, and I sigh as her hoof works its way to my hot lower lips.
“Don’t just... Gotta do something fun. I played a game with my tongue!”
She’s such a cheater. Just dives right in and leaves me a wet, hot mess through the most direct means. I read entire books on the subject, she just has a wealth of experience at making it happen fast, hard, and good.
I guide her hoof up to my chest.
“Dash... Be with me. Every night... Please?”
I meet her eyes, and she smiles and nods. She’s got the hint. Slow and tender tonight. Just a bit more tender than what she’s planning.
Her soft rubbing starts. I shift a bit and kiss her cheek, before grabbing the hoof in my privates and rubbing harder. After a minute of soft stimulation, I sigh. We’ve been too active to shift down a gear now.
“Alright... We can be a little more rough tonight.”
She leans up, likely confused by my flip-flopping.
“You wanna? Uh... You know what you like... Show me what you wanna do!”
I nod and she slides back.
“How do you want it?”
It’s a simple matter to get into position. With Dash on her back and her legs spread, I situate myself between them. When she’s ready, I rest my marehood atop hers. I can feel everything rubbing against her. She shifts under me. It’s perfect. My weight keeps it rough as I grind on her, but as she reaches up and pulls me into a close hug, her lips against mine... It’s just right. Our improvised missionary is the right mixture of tender and rough for a midnight romp in the snow.
I slip my lips against hers, and feel her shift under me to add a bit more stimulation. One of her hooves gropes until it grabs my bottom. I can feel her squeezing it, and blush at the amount of give it still provides after two weeks of severely undereating. Despite her recent introversion, her own flanks still hold the hallmark musculature that I’ve come to love about her body. Every inch ripples with drive and power. I roll us over as quickly as I can. She can do so much more on top than I can.
She does, too. Every ounce of those muscles works to grind not just in the direction of our bodies, but in circles that begin slow and end rough and fast. As she holds me in her arms, one hoof plays along my mane. It reaches down to cup my face. I can’t help but let out a moan as she finally finds the right spot with her gentle rotations against my marehood. She picks up in speed and rubs against me harder, and my moans fill the night air. I can see my breath stretching up to the moon and stars above us. The hair flicks and flies out of her mane as she works harder. Around our hot bodies, melted patches have begun to form. I accept her hoof and bite down to avoid starting a landslide with my customary vocal performance. A moan escapes her lips too as I bite down, and somewhere in the haze of pleasure I make a mental note to nibble on my Dashie the next time we bed down.
She continues to grind against me, and I spit her hoof out of my mouth and pull her in for a kiss. As soon as she’s there, my hooves fly back to her haunches and continue to rub them. Each thrusting, grinding rotation flexes and bunches her muscles against me. The sheer strength with which she can make love to me blows me away. I know I’m moaning her name into our kisses, I know my teeth latch down on her lip until I can taste the faintest hint of blood. She cums on top of me as soon as I do it, and the shaking of her body finally drives me over the edge. The heat of our passionate lovemaking courses through my body and I swear that on the cold mountaintop I can see it leaving both our bodies.
She collapses next to me, and I pull her in close, rubbing her back and haunches further. My joints are twitching under the strain of our sex. Every inch of me is aching to be rubbed and licked and kissed by her. On top of me, the heaving of her chest finally slows until she can speak to me. She pushes herself up with her hooves and wipes her forehead in a vain attempt to get her mane out of her eyes again.
“Twi... Oh... It was... That was really good.”
I fondle her haunches for a moment longer before sliding my hooves around her body to her nipples. I rub soft circles until she can’t prop herself up over me anymore, and she practically melts onto my body. Her lips find mine, and I kiss at her again. Little pecking kisses break across my lips. I pant and try to catch my own breath.
“We... We need to have more makeup sex. More often.”
“Yeah... If I’d only known... We’d... have had to fight more often.”
I guide her hooves down, between my legs. She toys there with a smile, her breath rolling down my shoulder as she rubs my intimate spots softly.
“Another go?”
I nod and push my sweat-soaked mane out of my face.
“Maybe, I just need to catch my breath.”
I look at the mare who’s given up everything to stay with me and can’t help but kiss her again. She closes her eyes, and doesn’t bother to reopen them when our lips part. She just lies there, chest rising and falling, hooves rubbing soft circles over my body. The weight of her body feels so right. I know I’ll sleep better every time she’s in my bed. I have been ever since we met.
“Stay with me tonight... Rainbow.”
She rests her head on my chest, and I rub her mane.
“Tonight, and every night. I love you, Twilight Sparkle.”
I’m slipping off into post-coital bliss as she whispers those words over and over in my ear. Each time, I manage to whisper them back a little more quietly. High atop a windy, frigid peak that overlooks ponyville, I start to fall asleep with a smile in the arms of the mare of my dreams. As her breathing softens, I close my eyes, and let the words roll through my mind.
“I love you too, Rainbow Dash.”
> Chapter 9
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Entry 9: (Autumn 34, 1010 PNM) Romance, Cunniligus, Masturbation, Tribadism, Domination, Toy play, Sexy Foursome, Second Party Lactation, The plot progresses, Stuff happens.

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        Dear Diary,

I’ve decided to start writing in you again as Rarity gets closer to the end of her pregnancy, and my decision to remain in ponyville nears. My decision about my professorship is all but made, but my struggle with the will of fire continues in its own way. Ponies around town still fear me, and the mayor refuses to let me prove in any way that my control has returned. The basilisk is still out there, and Rainbow’s solo-pegasus-plan is still in effect. As a result, I lie awake worrying every night until she returns from her flyover. I’ve taken to making her at least stop in and tell me that she’s home safe. Most nights she just knocks on my window and stays with me, climbing into my bed and letting me hold onto her until I can be sure she’s still safe. 
On the increasingly rare nights that I fall asleep, I don’t mind when she wakes me to tell me she’s finished and is alright. The few times she’s caught sight of me sleeping through my window and let me slumber on into the morning have been far worse than a few minutes of being awake. Nothing is worse than waking up in the morning with a snap, and realizing that she never came home. I want to help her, to be there with her. I continue to seek ways to control the will of fire entirely, but they elude me as they’ve eluded the keepers before me.
 My relationship with Rainbow has begun to smooth out considerably following our recovery. Tonight we managed to clean up a lot of misgivings and misconceptions. I’ve never felt as closely to anypony as I do to her. I hope someday that she can see it, but I want to be patient with her. Where we are right now makes me so happy, and I could go on with it for years, but I’ve learned that there’s more to life than just love. My feelings for her have made my decision of staying in Ponyville easier, but I worry that someday I’ll wake up at night and wonder what could have been, too. I want to take one last trip to Canterlot, to make sure that I’m making the right choice, but I don’t know how to tell Rainbow. There’s so much I want to tell her, and after tonight, there’s so much that I think I can. Let me try to tell you about our experience with Rarity and her husband today, and what it’s done for us as a couple.

        The sun is retreating from my face when I wake up from my afternoon nap. On my chest, her face covered only by her rainbow mane, my Dash slumbers. I run a hoof gently through her hair, and she wiggles her body a little and buries her face deeper into my embrace. Around our bodies, uncut grass reaches for the sky, easily taller than either of us. On our remote hillside just outside of ponyville, we’re out of sight and out of mind of most ponies. This is where we’ve taken to spending our afternoons during the early-autumn warmness. When the chilly night finally arrives and the fireflies lead us out of our fescue forest, we hurry home and cuddle up all the closer to share a good book.
        Our days aren’t always as relaxed as this one. Sometimes she turns circles in the air for hours while I watch, and sometimes I go up with her in my balloon. Today was a long work day, and by the time she’d finished moving clouds around ponyville she’d been too tired to fly. I stifle a giggle at the thought. Rainbow Dash, too tired to fly? Not likely. The sneaky hoof that cups my bottom even as she sleeps reveals her real reason for wanting a late afternoon cuddling session. I certainly wasn’t too tired for what we finished doing an hour ago, and I can feel a warmness building in my body as I contemplate waking her and doing it again.
        In my forelegs, she stirs on her own. The prism of her mane slips aside and reveals those misty cerise pools, and she rubs her eyes until they’ve cleared to their normal crystal clarity. Poets and writers always waste volumes describing eyes. Personally, I find a pony’s eyes much more telling when they’re closed. It’s the only time anypony could guess that the pegasus straddling me and yawning might have a gentle side under that rugged, extroverted exterior... Well, anypony who doesn’t top her in bed, I muse. She rubs her face again and smiles down at me.
“Time?”
I check the sun and guess it to be around four thirty or five.
“Huh. Gotta get... going.”
She smiles, leans in, and kisses me. There’s a lingering taste of all the naughty things we did remaining on her lips, and I hold her head to mine for over a minute, just trying to find new ways to move my lips over hers. When she finally pulls back, she offers me a shrug and a halfhearted smile.
        “You knew I was gonna have to get up eventually.”
        I roll onto my side and hike up a leg to show her what she’s leaving behind. I push a poutiness into my voice that I’m hopeful will give her second thoughts.
        “Mmm...Hmmm... but I don’t want you to go.”
        She bites her lip, and I know she’s struggling. I laugh, the simple flex of control sufficient to put me at ease, and move my legs back together.
        “No, no. Go on, Rainbow. He’ll be waiting for you. It would be rude not to attend. Just... hurry home, after!”
        She nods, but her voice betrays her uncertainty.
        “Yeah, I know.”
        There’s a pause, and we both say nothing. I ease onto my back again and sigh.
        “Twi- I could call it off and just stay here! He’ll understand!”
        I rub my chest with my forehooves and put on my best teasing smile, and she flops back down into the grass next to me.
        Rainbow’s been looking forward to going out for drinks with Rarity’s husband all week. As she hits the earth next to me, I know I can’t take it away from her. She deserves to have friends besides me. She’s my Dash, and I love the way she staggers home after these nights and pushes me onto my bed. It’s the only time in our lovemaking that she takes any degree of control, and I can submit for her. Most of the time, my submission turns into her ordering me to dominate her. I still haven’t gotten back into the... swing of that, but who can blame me? A month and a half ago I almost killed her with the same power that she wants me to use to top her with now. I can only pray I have more control tonight than I did then.
        “You’re not even here anymore, are ya Twi?”
        Her guess is right, and I blush. 
“Sorry. My mind wanders too easily. It always has.”
She kisses me and runs her hooves down my sides. Those eyes search mine for some sort of clue, and I know she won’t be satisfied just looking.
“You think that’s a big deal to me? I love it about you.”
She settles down on top of me and kisses my neck. Her whispered words travel up the curve of my body to my ears.
“What were you thinking about this time?”
I turn my gaze elsewhere. There’s a ladybug trying to climb a blade of grass next to us. I flex my will as I talk, straightening the stalk with my magic until it climbs up to the tip.
“I was thinking about you.”
Her breath is hot on my chest now.


“Yeah. You. You deserve tonight. Go have your drinks and enjoy yourself, Rainbow. You work hard to keep Ponyville safe, and you take your life in your hooves every night that you do it.”
I lean up and kiss her, my sudden melancholy slipping away as her face is framed by the early autumn twilight.
“Go and do it. Live life!”
She frowns and takes my hoof into hers, moving it up to her chest. I can feel blush flood my cheeks as her heartbeat thunders under my touch. The pace increases, and her face reddens too. She moves it closer to mine, her eyes locked into mine. They’re firm, unwavering, unblinking... Deep.
“I’m not dying, Twi. Every night, I’m coming home to you. I promise.”
I smile and kiss her warm, rosey cheek.
“So come home tonight after your drinks. I’ll be waiting in bed for you just like always.”
She swallows and nods, spreading her wings and letting the wind lift her before she can rethink it. I lean back and sigh. With a blur of colour and a farewell shout, she’s off and streaking into the clouds.
I roll over and climb to my hooves. As soon as she’s out of sight, I check the sky. It’s getting dark already, and there’s nopony around. I dip into my will, and find the wall of heat that always accompanies it. With practice and determination, I slip past it, and into a different world.
My world takes on a darker hue. I’m travelling miles in an instant, compressing the world around me into a blur, until I pop back into wholeness in my Library.
It’s an old trick, but it’s never an easy one. I stumble briefly as my hooves acclimate to walking again. It takes a minute for my eyes to adjust to the darkness in here. The sun is setting on the wrong side of most of my windows, and only the one in my bedroom likely still has light in it. I flick out a match and light a candle or two before making my way to my room. There, the long autumn shadows stretch across my room, leaving only little slivers of golden light on my floor. I love and hate this time of year. The weather is the best it can possibly be, but the early and long nights are the worst. The urge rises to call Dash back with a letter, to keep my loneliness at bay for a few hours more. I push it aside. I’m a grown mare, I shouldn’t be so afraid of being alone in my own home.
I settle into my desk chair and start to thumb through journals and secondhand accounts of ponies long gone. Lovers and family members of previous holders of the element of magic sometimes recount a loved one’s struggle with magic surges long after they reach adulthood. If my theory is correct, and the will of fire is really tied up in holding the element of magic, then the most recent account barring mine would be Celestia’s. Her works litter my desk, and circled passages and scraps of paper with hurried notes are scattered around my floor. Two nights ago I found a reading in “Philosophies of a Princess” that cryptically announced that “True power is akin to a world of flame, both a gift that warms those who receive it reverently, and burns those who use it poorly.” It’s more of her cheesy million-interpretation philosophy at work, but what if it’s more than that?
Now a second theory is growing in my mind, but I dare not think of it. It’s not mentioned anywhere else in recorded writing, but it would make a great deal of sense. I spread sheets of paper out and begin to connect the dots on a theory that I’ve been avoiding for weeks for fear of never sleeping again. Every pony has a talent. My blinking here was my own spell, a talent unrecorded by anypony before me. If nopony before Celestia has documented a struggle with the will of fire, and the element of magic is an innate aptitude for all magic, couldn’t be stand to reason that it only grows stronger as each previous holder relinquishes it? The life and teachings of every magician who has ever wielded it are wrapped up in one ever growing, forever expanding talent. If so, the will of fire is Celestia’s burden and strength, and like all the strengths of previous bearers, will be passed on to every holder following her.
I slam my journal shut with the conclusion that only one pony can put my theory to rest. I’m going to need to make a trip to Canterlot someday, and I’m going to need to find a cure for the ponies who come after me. It will almost certainly be my life’s work. Somehow, having a purpose beyond mending books, farms, and broken picture frames everyday lightens my heart, in spite of the revelation. My research has culminated in a theory that could lead to saving me, and everypony who comes after me. Just as quickly, my heart sinks. Identifying the problem is only half the trouble. I still have no leads on how to really cure the burning assault that every use of magic is accompanied by. That could take a hundred lifetimes to find, if it exists at all.
Now I wish I’d gone with Dash for drinks. She’s stopped asking if I’ll go, but I know she wouldn’t mind if I did. I’d just feel out of place. This is her “Guy’s night out”, where she can try to trade drinks with Ponyville’s resident heavyweight. She insists she’ll outdrink him someday, but I don’t see how. Biology’s on his side; he has the better metabolism, the larger body mass and weight, and higher fat reserves. His stomach is linearly connected to his liver, and he’s built to pass toxins quickly. Any alcohol made to leave pony systems in hours probably leaves his in half the time. Academically speaking, he’ll always thrash my slender, athletic, muscular girlfriend. 
The thought of that muscular body leaves me blushing. A hoof creeps between my legs, and I know I won’t get any studying done now that I’ve distracted myself. It’s for the best. This is the only way to relieve the stress of my discoveries. I push away the books I’ve been using, and slouch down into my chair. Will my hooves alone be enough to alleviate the hormones distracting me, or should I go further?
I shoot a glance over to my bed. Under it, books, scrolls, quills, and my ever growing set of toys are cluttered and mingled. As I think on it, I can almost feel my latest present from Rainbow inside me. I bite my lip as I reflect on what a size queen she’s made out of me. I never liked penises before I met her, and I’m convinced I still don’t. It’s not the man, or the penis that’s enticing, it’s what she can do with a piece of rubber that’s shaped to biologically induce pleasure in any mare. This particular one is shaped and sized to fill any mare up and then some.
        With my resolve in tatters, I slide off my chair and crawl across the floor. I imagine her telling me I’m just a horny bitch, and my hooves flick over my clit as I admit it outloud to my empty bedroom. As soon as my hooves are wrapped around that enormous rubber shaft, I clamber onto my bed and spread my legs. I can practically hear her voice as I close my eyes and slip into fantasy.
        “C’mon Twi. You know better. Don’t make me start on you with something so big, it’s gonna hurt.”
I spread my legs and tell her to shut up and stretch me with it. As I plunge the toy in, I sink my teeth into my pillow and pull back. The pillowcase holds, refusing to give, and I work the toy out until I can relax my mouth again. It leaves my jaw and my pussy sore, but the second time is easier, and by the third time I’ve relaxed considerably. Now I can get down to the enjoyable part, and I pull the ever slickening toy out and slide it back in again.
I can hear my blood pounding in my ears as I pick up speed. My heart rate’s risen, my breath is ragged and the entire bedroom has risen in temperature. It’s muggy now, and it smells of sex and sweat in minutes. I roll onto my stomach to access my privates better and relax my legs, and soon I’ve dribbled a puddle of juices onto the bedsheets. They’re sticky and wet and I take a few fumbling half-steps before I can ease onto my side.
I don’t get to change positions nearly this much when Rainbow is in control. She picks one, and she goes to town until I cum. It’s why she brings me to an orgasm so much faster than I do to myself. I try to savor it, but she says she loves the expression on my face when I cum impossibly quickly. It must be quite a sight. I’ve tried to do it to her before, but the joy of making her squirm and denying her it always overtakes me. She’s far too variable. It can be hours before I let her orgasm sometimes, and other times I can only hold her off for minutes.
My own pacing is almost up, now. My spare hoof creeps around to my clit, and I bury the rubber toy balls-deep into myself with a cry of lust and pleasure. I can only hope nopony walking past overhears me shouting my invisible lover’s name. With a final panting sigh, I collapse onto my side and try to catch my breath. I can still almost hear her voice with each gasp.
“Told ya you should have started smaller. Gonna get loose at this rate.”
“Shut up, Dash. You’re... You’re not real.”
Her voice falters. Damn it sounds so close.
“Huh? Not real?”
I sit up, still panting.
“Just... a figment of my... imagination.
“Twilight, have you been drinking while I was out drinking?”
I look over to where her voice is coming from, and she emerges from a shady corner in my room. I practically fall off my bed. Am I hallucinating? Dreaming? Her face breaks into a huge smile, and she almost falls over as she wobbles and staggers over to my bed.
“You should see your face!”
I blink and rub my eyes.
“You’re- You were out drinking!”
“Sh’yeah, I came back fifteen minutes ago!”
I check my clock. I’m not crazy, it has only been an hour since she left to go drinking. Normally she’s gone until nine or ten. She can’t possibly be drunk already.
The way that she staggers and collapses onto my bed in a fit of giggles suggests otherwise, though.
“You’re done already?”
“Yeah, we wrapped up super early tonight- I’m supposed to... Something about...”
She looks around the room for a clue and just starts laughing.
“Dash, how much did you two drink?”
“I dunno. It was all really fast. He said we should talk to him later tonight.”
I frown and pull her upright amid a fit of giggles and a hiccup.
“Hiccup drunk? Could you be more of a stereotype, Dash?”
“Call me Rainbow!”
I roll my eyes and she twists her head and falls onto me.
“Like it when you do that.”
“Rainbow, please. Get off.”
Her hooves stray between my legs, and find some of their recent wetness.
“You were having a good time, huh?”
I gulp and spread my legs a little more.
“Yeah...”
“Yeah? I was watching. You always that horny when I’m off drinking?”
I sit up and pull a pillow over my privates, my face suddenly a flood of crimson.
“You were watching? Dash! Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I dunno, you were already saying my part!”
I eye her sternly and flex into my will. The sea of fire parts, and I lift her easily.
“Why didn’t you join in?”
She swallows and bites her lip as I hold her upside down.
“I... My princess didn’t... give me permission to.”
“So you just watched from the shadows instead?”
“D-don’t hurt me, princess.”
At the mention of pain, I set her down and sigh. From her prone position, she tilts her head back over toward me.
“Twi?”
I scoot over to the edge of my bed, back to her.
“Sorry.”
Why can’t I get over this? Why do I keep seeing her blood on my hooves every time she wants to play rough? Her hoof on my back brushes my mane aside, and makes room for her to whisper in my ear.
“Hey, it’s no biggie. Let’s get showered up.”
I sigh again.
“Rainbow, that’s just an excuse to-”
She kisses my cheek, and begins to rub slow circles on my shoulders.
“Something’s up with you. No excuses. You’re a sweaty sexy mess. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
I turn around and can’t meet her eyes as I clutch her to me. I whisper each insecurity into her chest. What if I can’t cure the will? What if it curses me, and everypony after me? What if I can never be rough with her again, and I’ll always be this dangerous?”
“Huh? Where’s all this coming from?”
I just sniffle, and she smiles.
“No tears. No tears today, alright? C’mon. I’ll show you how to have a little fun in the shower, without your magic.”
I nod and kiss at her neck, and tell her we can have fun right here if she wants.
“I was gonna give you a good time in the shower. Take off some of that stress you’ve been feeling.”
I push her onto her back and her wings unfold. I kiss a line up her neck until I’m at her side.
“Twi... It’s supposed to be your-”
        I gently sink teeth into her chest, and she moans and tenses.
        “Your turn... Your turn... Not me...”
        I lick a circle around it and ask if she’s ready.
        “Nnnh... Twi... You’re...”
        I nibble a little harder, shifting the site of my bite between my teeth while I suckle on it. In seconds, a hickey starts to appear. Dash is a mess of wings and hooves. I’ll have to tie her down at this point if she can’t behave.
        “I... Nnhhh... Please...Please?”
        She rolls until her scarred side is facing me.
        “There... Bite...”
        I lean in a bit. It’s healed up alright... I can’t tell in the dark if it’s entirely closed. It has been over a month, but she’s reopened it twice while flying so far. It seems like a bad idea to bite an unclosed wound.
        Dash seems to think otherwise. She grabs my head and lowers it down. It’s hard to tell who’s dominating who.
        I dip into my will and summon up a bit of light. The scar looks closed up. The tender, pink of the flesh shines against my pale lavender light. I lower down and lick it. It’s slick and smooth, and my tongue slides along it. I breathe a mouthful of hot breath onto it, and she wiggles under me.
        “That’s... C’mon...”
        I fumble with my hooves a bit. It feels really weird that she wants me to play with the scar I gave her, the same one that almost killed her. I look down and find her rubbing herself roughly with both hooves between her legs.
        “Dash... Are you... Imagining me hurting you?”
        “Just bite!”

        I sink my teeth into her gently, and something between a moan and a cry of pain passes her lips. I nibble a line up her body to her chest, and bite down, hard. She screams.
        “Yeah. Fuck, yes!”
        I bite again, a little lower. A small bruise is already appearing where I last bit. I try to be gentler as I make a third and fourth mark, leading down to her scar. Again, I tease her with heavy breaths.
        “Fuck yeah. Oh yeah. Fuck yes.”
        Her hooves are working with obscene speed over her soaked snatch. Her eyes unclench and look over to me.
        “Do it!”
        I shake my head. I hate this scar. I hate what it represents. Why does she want me to play with it? It’s not fair.
        I push her hooves aside and start to lick between her legs instead. The taste of a horny and denied Rainbow Dash fills my mouth and coats my tongue. I know she’s close, I can hear it in her breathing. I kiss and suckle at her clit before returning my tongue to her insides and slickening her up. When I’m satisfied that she’s wet enough, I grope around blindly until I find the dildo that was inside of  me not so long ago. I slide it in, and she squirms and moans. Her legs shake, and her eyes roll back a bit as she groans into one of my pillows. I try to encourage her as I work it in further.
        “It’s big... can this slutty pegasus take it all?”
        “Nnhaaah.”
        Dash is tighter on her worst day than I am on my best, and it’s hard to slip it in. I have to go slowly, and I have to keep rubbing her clit and licking at her to lube her up enough to get the monstrous shaft even halfway in. By the time I work it all the way in, she’s rocking my bed with her orgasm. I pull it out, and she kicks me lightly in between hurried breaths.
        “Why can’t you fucking do it?”
        I start to mumble my reply, and she pulls me over to her.
        “Why? Why are you so hung up on it?”
        “I-I don’t want to... I don’t want to hurt you more, Rainbow.”
        She sighs and swats me with a pillow. I know she’s just playing, but it hurts to know I can’t make her happy the way she wants. I blink back tears, and she sighs again and sits up.
        “I’m sorry.”
        “No, Rainbow, I’m sorry. It’s my fault, it’s-”
        “S’not your fault. It’s the will, right?”
        “No, I... I don’t understand it. I’m an awful top. I don’t understand, I don’t like the fact that I like to hurt you.”
        She laughs and leans back. The laughter tightens my chest, when it should relax me. Can’t she understand?
        “I really am in love with the nicest mare in the world.”
        I wiggle up to her, but she rolls off the bed and heads for the bathroom. I take to my hooves shakily and follow.
        “You’re so nice that you’re afraid of your own kinks. That’s pretty nice in my book, Twi.”
        I adjust the taps, and look up at her. She’s over by the wall doing pushups. I watch those muscles ripple and flex with each descent toward earth.
        “Rainbow, you seem awfully sober for a pony who just came back from a bar drinking.”
        She laughs.
        “I might’ve been exaggerating a... little bit.”
        I roll my eyes.
        “Pretending to be drunker than you are? Isn’t that a little-”
        “I was hoping you’d take advantage of me.”
        I step under the water, finally satisfied by the temperature. I should have known that was her reason.
        “C’mon, let’s get cleaned up, huh?”
        “You gonna pregame with me?”
        I laugh. Pregame for what? That huge party we’re not going to tonight?
        She looks around for a minute before her eyes widen, and she grins.
        “Oh, right. We’re supposed to go over to Rarity’s for dinner tonight.”
        I drop my bar of soap mid rinse.
        “We’re what?”
        “Yeah. Couple hours from now, we’re going over for dinner. Is that cool?”
        I shake my head. Rarity’s hormones have been crazy lately, every story she tells me is fetishistic-sex this, and fetishistic-sex that. I struggle to articulate my objections.
        “If we go over, you know she’ll want to... She’s been trying to... For months she’s been wanting us to come back over and do another one of those kinky foursomes.”
        “So why don’t we? Can’t we try a foursome again?”
        I bend to pick up my soap and resume washing.
        “Dash, I think... We should probably get a twosome down first.”
        She frowns, and then we both laugh.
        “Alright, yeah. Given. But dinner’s not so bad. We’ll just say “no thank you” if she brings it up.”
        “When she brings it up. She will. He couldn’t ask you at the bar in front of all those ponies, but I bet she asks us tonight over dinner.”
        “You never know!”
        I finish rinsing my mane and pull Dash closer, pointing a hoof dramatically toward my skylight.
        “I always know. I’m the smartest mare in Equestria!”
        She rolls her eyes.
        “Yeah, yeah. So, smartest mare in Equestria, why is she definitely going to ask for a foursome?”
        I try to sound matter-of-fact as I step aside and let her shampoo her mane.
        “Because, my dear Dash, Rarity is a kinky bitch.”
        “We’re ALL kinky bitches!”
        I bust out laughing again, and she can’t help but join me.
        “Well, maybe we’ll all be kinky bitches together then. Maybe someday, but not today, I think.”
        “So can we be two drunk dykes instead?”
        I wrinkle my nose at the word. She’s so open and joking about her sexuality, and I’ve struggled with articulating mine my whole life.
        “We can be two drunk mare friends.”
She gives me a frown and pushes her soaked mane out of her eyes so that she can be sure that I see it. I bite my lip and choose my words carefully.
“Who... Love eachother.”
She nods and motions with her hoof for my to continue.
“And like to sleep together.”
“Darn right!”
        I push her against my shower wall and kiss her. My voice comes out husky and low.
        “Sleep together a lot.”

        It’s an hour and a half, and another round of rinsing before we’re satisfied and can climb out of the shower. She slaps my flanks with a towel and calls me her bookworm, and I grab it and pull her into me for a kiss. How in Equestria did I fall so deeply in love with this perfect, stupid, beautiful pony? She breaks my kiss with her daredevil’s grin.
        “Shots?”
        “Shots?”
        She zips off.
        “Shots!”
        I limp over to my bed and sit down on it. She can bring the shots to me. I need a minute to find my legs after what we just did. Maybe if I drink enough tonight, I can go all the way and punish her for being such a horny mare lately. Maybe if I just relax my inhibitions...
        She zips back up into my room.
        “You only have Vodka. Why? Why only Vodka?”
        I roll over to face her, and she swoops through the air to return to studying my haunches on my other side. I crane my neck to find her. When she’s out of range, I roll over again.
        “There’s some wine too! Did you look for it?”
        She moves back to my other side in a blur of color.
        “Not gonna do shots of freakin’ wine.”
        “Not gonna do shots of Vodka either?”
        She wrinkles her nose.
        “Ew. Only if we have to. Can I rush to the store?”
        I roll my eyes.
        “What’s wrong with Vodka? I keep two kinds of alcohol in my house. The kind that you enjoy, and the kind that gets you shitfaced. What other uses for alcohol are there?”
        “Uh- enjoyment? That’s the jaded Twilight talking again. You always had the girliest drinks when we’d all go out and drink together. What was the one you really liked?”
        It’s Blueberry Schnapps, Sour Raspberry, and club soda, but I pretend to have forgotten. Who has time to drink socially?
        “Blueberry... something.”
        “As if you can’t remember. You love blueberries, dontcha?”
        I sigh and look up at the ceiling.
        “Don’t spend too much, and don’t be gone long. We need to be moving soon.”
        Without another word, she’s off, climbing through the air and out my skylight. I lean back and glance over to my desk. With a quick flex of my will, I levitate my notebook over to myself, and open it up to search for any other leads. Harmony... Elements... Magic... I write a quick diagram and circle each one. Harmony... Very philosophical, always has been. I let my pen spill out anything I can brainstorm. Aristallion’s dissertation on virtue ethics claims that the cultivation of virtues gives one an inner harmony to act morally, and lead a healthy life. Harmony is also musical. Perhaps I’m looking in the wrong places?
        I flip through my personal index of books on reserve at the Canterlot Royal Library. There’s so much in there, it’s impossible to be sure I haven’t missed something. I circle a few books that sound promising on harmony and ethics, and a few others on music. It can’t hurt to explore all the leads, even the strangest ones. I close my eyes and dip into my will experimentally.
        The facts are all there in my head. Things started going downhill when Dash came into my life, but there’s no reason to assume that love or infatuation could confuse it. More likely is that she wrecked my ability to concentrate and shut the will of fire out the way I normally do. The few times I’ve accessed my magic without running into it at all have been around her, or because of her. I try to recall those times.
        “Twilight?”
        My journal is pulled out of my hooves. She holds it upside down and squints playfully.
        “Your hornwriting is really messy.”
        I prop myself up and try to snatch it back, but she swerves out of my reach, forelegs cradling multiple brown paper bags.
        “And your mouth-writing is so much better?”
        “Least I don’t smear my ink!”
        “You write in pencil!”
        I finally snag it from her with a flex of my will, and she laughs again.
        “C’mon, I’m just playing. Any breakthroughs?”
        “Just guesses and ideas.”
        “Watcha got?”
        I sigh and lean back against the headboard of my bed.
        “Nothing useful. A bunch of unrelated fields and stupid ideas.”
        “Awww. I’m sure you’ll get it. Here, you got a glass?”
        I laugh at how easily she returns to what’s fun, and dip into my will. It’s nothing but cool water, and I pull two classes and some ice out of thin air with no trouble at all. No trouble? Why? I’m distracted from those thoughts when she whistles and pulls out all the ingredients to make my favorite drink.
        “I think this was all of it, right?”
        All of it? All of what? The drink. Right. Bluberry, raspberry, soda water. Yes.
        “Yeah, how’d you-”
        She finishes pouring and slides the cocktail over to me.
        “You know how long I’ve had my eye on you. I loved our nights out!”
        I sip it and thank her for my glass of nostalgia.
        “Yeah? Let’s make more good memories tonight, ok?”
        I clink my glass with hers. We both take a polite post-toast sip, but she winks at me and continues to tip her glass back. She shouldn’t drink alone. I tip my glass back, and let the incredible sweetness fill my mouth. The lovely, sparkley, bubbly purple cocktail vanishes from both of our glasses, and she pours another one.
        “Cheers!”
        “Again?”
        “Again!”
        By the time we’re leaving for Rarity’s house, I have a nice little buzz going on, and Dash is back to tottering as she walks. I slap her flanks as we make our way out the door, and she whirls around and mashes her lips against mine. I blush and open my mouth, letting her tongue in. She tastes just like my cocktail, and I lick every inch of the inside of her mouth to steal the taste. When she’s done, she gives me an absolutely bullshit innocent look. I want to drag her back inside and tell her she’s not fooling anypony, and punish her for being so forward in public. Instead, I just look around and make sure we’re still alone in the street. She’ll get it later.
        “We ready to go?”
        “Yeah.”
        I lock the door, and we make our way out into the night.

        It’s dark, and we huddle together in the autumn night. Rarity’s house has never seemed so far away. As we wander, Dash looks up and asks if I think it’ll rain.
        “Maybe, I- Wait what?”
        She laughs.
        “‘Course it’s gonna rain.”
        “I know. What the hay kind of question is... Nevermind.”
        Of course it’s going to rain. She spent all day stacking rainclouds. It makes me want to hurry, and I pick up the pace. Behind me, she takes to her wings and hovers along beside me.
        “So just so we’re clear- no sexy stuff with Rarity?”
        I nod.
        “Not yet.”
        “Just being clear.”
        I roll my eyes. Ten minutes into dinner and two drinks from now, Dash will probably be the one to bring it up. I can at least put up some resistance before I’m forced to give in.
        We reach the door of the boutique and I knock without hesitating. I’m glad Rarity and her husband are back to living in their home, and not that cramped apartment. There’d be no room for any of us to sit were that the case. 
        I knock again. Still nopony answers. With a shrug to me, Rainbow opens the door and enters.
        “-Rainbow”
        She stumbles over to a chair where he sleeps, Rarity sprawled across his legs. It’s an enormous, overstuffed recliner. She looks so happy and peaceful. I’m content to leave them, but Dash prods him with her hoof.
“Hey... Hey, dude. Dude, we’re here. Didja forget about us?”
I sigh. This is our out. We don’t have to do kinky foursome sex. We can go home, and we can drink a little more and sleep.
“Dash... Dash, don’t. If they’re tired, we should go home.”
The poor man looks around, stunned for a moment before Dash leans in with a grin.
“You should totally see yourselves. You’re such old timers, I swear. Does being parents mean you act like a pair of old grannies? Seriously, you slept through us knocking and coming in your front door. How do you even do that?”
        Rarity hops down from her perch on the footstool and stretches her back. That enormous body ripples and shakes as she yawns and looks from one of us to the other.
“I should like to know too, but after you were twenty minutes late I supposed a nap was in order, Rainbow Dash.”
        I sigh.
        “I’m sorry, Rarity... We are a bit late. We got caught up... we had a few drinks at my house, before we came over... We didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”
“Now now, Twilight. That’s all water over the dam. Let’s get to the dinner table, yes? No sense in waiting a moment longer.”
We follow Rarity into the kitchen and up to the table. It’s set with fine china, a proper tablecloth, and an enormous spread of food. The cheesy potatoes that Rarity is famous for around Ponyville are the center of the meal, but a delicious spread of salad and other goodies wait on the stove on warmers. She’s got proper wine glasses set out, too. The ones I have at home are little guest glasses at best. I make a mental note to do some reading on the difference. When she takes her place at the head of the table and he sits next to her, Dash and I take our seats across from them. With just a small shift in my will, I pull the food off the warmers and onto the table, while Rarity pours three much too generous glasses of wine, one for everyone but herself. I smile, glad that I don’t have to tell her not to drink while expecting. Next to her, her husband rubs her hoof.
“Wow Rarity. You’ve sure outdone yourself this time. What a great looking meal!”
        Both of them smile, and Dash and I are invited to fill our plates first. We do so graciously, and the remaining portions are heaped onto his and Rarity’s plates. I’m not surprised when he gives her far more than he gives himself.
        It’s not hard to find my appetite. I’ve had little to eat all day, and I’ve been drinking for the last hour. Even barring that, the food is absolutely amazing. Nopony makes Rarity’s cheesy potato recipe quite right but her. By the time we’re winding down, everypony’s plates are almost cleared, and Dash and I are given a second glass of wine. It’s a sweet merlot, and I sip at it much more carefully than the first. Rarity’s taken out the strong stuff. If I’m not cautious, I’ll be in over my head. The topic shifts several times, from business to Rarity’s pregnancy, and our collective readiness. It should only be a couple of days at most, and the foal could come at any time. I promise her I’ll be around and ready to come over at the drop of a hat. This seems to please her, and she continues to probe me, asking if I can be sure the due date is soon.
        The honest truth is that I can’t, and I warn her that it’s just an estimate that I’m giving her. If anything is an indicator, it’s her pre-birth lactation. Ponies tend to put out more milk the closer they come to childbirth, and hers should be settling down on a semi-sweet creamy flavor if she’s close. This seems to earn a frown, but when I ask if she’s still putting out as much milk as she has been, she smiles again.
“Oh, yes ... yes. Just tonight in fact we had to milk them a third time … it’s been simply awful. When we do it, I just can’t keep my hooves off him either ... and of course he can’t keep his hands off me. Things just turn so naughty so quickly, you know?”
        I chew a little remaining salad politely, and I know I’m blushing. Here it comes, this is it. Any second now, she’ll ask. Dash’s rougher voice surprises me, and I look over to her as she leans across the table, flicking her fork around to point at things for emphasis.
“Oh man, I totally know that feeling. Tonight when I got back from the bar, oh yeah. Couldn’t keep my hooves off this silly filly over here.”
I swallow and try to look anywhere but across the table. Can I call it or what? Here comes Rainbow getting us involved. I try my best to be stern with her, as I take the fork away. She’ll put somepony’s eye out and put us in somepony’s bed at this rate. I pray to Celestia that she doesn’t start in on catching me pleasuring myself.
“Rainbow...”
“Gah, you should have seen her when I got home.”
I pinch her as I finish taking the fork, and she straightens up and looks at me.
“Couldn’t even tell her we had dinner to go to until I’d dragged her into the shower... And then we needed ANOTHER after that, but you know how it goes. I’m tellin’ ya, unicorn sex is so. Freaking. Amazing.”
Across the table, I can see Rarity settle slightly in her chair.
“Oh my goodness, yes. We both needed showers after our interaction as well. Not as badly as the last time the four of us ... but do you remember that? Oh my stars, what a night!”
“Ohh yeah. I keep telling Twilight we should totally, totally hop back in bed with you two crazies sometime, but you know how hard it is to get this pony to do anything.”
“Oh really? So you mean you two might be ... interested in doing something like that again?”
“Well...”
Oh for Pony’s sake. How on earth can this be my fault? We agreed together! I nudge her under the table as I try my best to change the topic.
“Rainbow, please. I don’t know that it’s ... such a good idea to talk about this over dinner.”
Rarity cuts in quickly, and I know it won’t be that easy to get out.
“But... Well, Twilight. If I’m honest, that’s sort of the reason we invited you ponies over tonight.”
Nailed it. Poor Rainbow. I make a note to tease her about it later. Smartest pony in Equestria indeed. For now, my attention shifts back to Rarity, and waylaying this conversation. Dash and I aren’t really in the proper place for a foursome in my eyes. We need to slow down, not speed up. I’ll just have to break the news gently.
“I... I’m not sure that’s such a good idea Rarity. Can’t we talk about something else? It’s just so sudden, and you with a baby on the way and all... I don’t think it’s wise.”
“O-oh... Oh right. Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”
“Mean to make it awkward?”
“No. Yes. I mean...”
I try my best to give her a comfortable out. I don’t want her to feel awkward if I can help it.
“I thought you two got really jealous over the last time we did it. Did something change?”
“You could say we’ve been talking. We’ve talked out a few ... kinks.”
        Now Dash is jumping back in. Her face is beet red, whether from embarrassment or a half a day spent drinking, I can’t tell.
“Kinks huh? Us too!”
I sigh.
“Not enough we haven’t.”
“But Twilight-”
“This isn’t something I feel comfortable discussing in front of other ponies, Rainbow. Please?”
She retreats a bit. She knows I’m not just playing with her now, but that I’m serious about trying to avoid the foursome. I should have been clearer with her from the start. Now she’s embarrassed too. The man stands up and takes our plates and silverware over to the sink. Soon we’ll be moving into the living room, and I don’t want things to remain awkward. I try to spare everypony’s feelings as best I can.
“It’s not that I’m opposed, I just ... we need some time to think on it.”
Rarity straightens up and levitates her glass. I take mine and Rainbow’s with us as we start to rise from our seats.
“I understand perfectly, my dear. You needn’t get involved tonight if you don’t want. Do keep in mind that our time is running out though...”
There we go. Temporary reprieve.
“I know. I’ll try to give you an answer by tomorrow, alright?”
I try to fake the most confident smile that I can. She returns it. We’ve known each other too long to know these are anything else.
“Alright then. Until then, I thought maybe... Maybe you could do us a favor?”
A favor? I try to sound uninterested.
“Oh?”
Dash and I settle onto the couch, and she lays across my legs, glass in her hoof. We both give Rarity our full attention.
“Well... You know how I’ve a fondness for his hands.”
“Yes.”
“And recently I’ve been ... well I’ve been wondering, do you think it’s safe to put two of them in?”
Dash sits up.
“Do you mean to tell me you can get those-”
She shoots a glance over at his hands for emphasis.
“-Those things inside you?”
Rarity shifts, red creeping right up to her horn. I feel bad for her, because it’s an honest question about her sexuality. Most mares would be too self conscious to ask about it.
“Rainbow Dash. Please. A mare can fit plenty of things into herself, as you know all too well.”
My partner takes her reprimanding quietly, blushing and grumbling as she sinks back against my flanks. I ponder Rarity’s question as she does it. Childbirth should loosen things up enough that it wouldn’t be a problem. I glance over at them to be sure. They’re huge. It’s amazing that a little three foot pony can take even one of them.
“To answer your question ... it might be a bit dangerous. But I think it’s possible. Especially after the foal, things will be a bit ... stretched after that. Try to remember-”
“Oh ... we weren’t going to wait that long. I was really hoping we could get them in before the baby.”
There’s the characteristic recklessness I’ve come to expect of our mother-to-be. Being this close to having the baby must really be weighing on her mind. All those things she’ll not be able to do until her foal leaves home- I’d be in a hurry suddenly too. Still, this one seems dubious.
“Oh... Gosh, I... I’m not sure about that, Rarity. That’s not a place you want to rip, harm or damage right before the baby.”
“But wasn’t it you who said that a couple can continue to have ... relations...”
        On my flank, Dash almost bursts out laughing. I shoot her a genuine glare this time. She doesn’t have to make Rarity feel bad for talking about sex, this isn’t highschool. After a moment of staring at the floor, Rarity picks up.
“...Up until the birth, as long as they’re careful?”
How to keep an eye out for her, without restricting her experimenting? It’s hard for me to say. I try to recall our previous conversations on the subject.
“Well, yes. I’m not saying it’s impossible, Rarity. But you need to be a good judge of when it hurts, just like anypony ever needs to be. You’ve told me before that’s a tough call for you to make”
“Yes, that’s why I was thinking perhaps ... perhaps tonight you might watch over us while we try it.”
I sigh, and I flatten my ears a bit. Here we go again.
“You mean like ... participating.”
“No, not participating. Just watching.”
Are we speaking different languages?
“You mean like participating.”
“No! Twilight Sparkle, surely you see the difference?”
No, no I do not. I tell her so, and that I’ll make up my mind tomorrow. Her lip quivers.
“I... I didn’t mean to make it seem like-”
“I’m sure you didn’t. But my answer stands. I’m sorry, Rarity.”
Rarity’s ears flatten and blush creeps up to her horn. Damnit, how does everypony always make me feel guilty? Now I’ve made her and Rainbow feel bad. How to recover?
“Well, if Rainbow will go pick up the book for me... I’ll thumb through it now and see if I can do a little research to make sure it’s possible. How’s that sound?”
Rarity smiles.
“Oh Twilight, you needn’t... I mean, I really do want you to enjoy tonight and relax with us, you needn’t read.”
Dash is up and out the door already. I know she just wants to have fun tonight. Giving her something to do to facilitate that should cheer her up. As soon as she’s gone, I realize this is my chance to have a girl-talk with Rarity. These are the only ways I can get information on what she’s been doing lately, and the only ways I can make sure she’s being safe. She cherishes our gossipy girly talks, and I endure them to make sure she’s happy and comfortable with the foal on the way.
“Alright, we have five minutes. Maybe more if the book’s hard to find. So tell me about this ... talk you had. Dash and I had one recently.”
She leans in and begins to exposite a weekend in Canterlot that is filled with fetishism and debauchery. 
“So he finally came clean about that fat fetish eh? It’s about time!”
“Oh I was rather shocked at how deeply it ran. Did everypony know but me?”
“Well we knew he liked you big. But that is pretty interesting. Dash finally admitted to enjoying being held down, I swear I thought she’d never come clean. Last night was our first go at strapping her to the bed fully and-”
“Oh my goodness, how kinky! How’d it go?”
“It was amazing. You should have heard her beg.”
“Oh, I know that sound. I’ve got him trained too, you know.”
I have to admit it’s fun pretending he’s not here. It’s not a spiteful thing, though he worries me in his own way. It’s just so fun to watch his face as he keeps trying to tell us that he’s here, listening to us talk about him. He finally rises and goes to grab another glass of wine. Neither of us says a word. As soon as he’s gone, we’re both laughing into our hooves at how well we’ve played him, and played off of one another.
“So tell me about this bondage work! I’ve always been curious, you know.”
I roll my eyes. I’m not really prepared to talk about me, and half the time I end up telling her things Dash and I got up to months ago, just to avoid telling her about our fight. I’m not sure why it matters that nopony ever know.
“Why am I not surprise that you are, Rarity?
“I beg your pardon! I’m not that... kinky.”
I laugh internally at Dash and my joke earlier.
“No, no. Of course not.”
“She’s a strong one though, isn’t she? I mean, honestly, how hard do you have to work?”
“Well, she’s strong, but my magic’s fairly strong too.”
She leans in, on the edge of her seat now.
“It’s true! Oh I’ve always thought you two would at least have a deep friendship in that regard, but to realize it plays out that way in bed...”
“It’s not all me. You should see how hard we have to strap those wings down.”
“Well I should bet so. You did mention they were strong.”
I take a gulp of my wine and slog onward. Maybe I can bait out something about her and those hands that can help me to guide her.
“You haven’t lived until she brushes you down there with them. She’s so soft, they’re so incredible.”
“Why Twilight sparkle, do you have a wing fetish?”
I finish draining my glass and laugh. Not like her hand fetish, no.
“No, it’s nothing like Dash’s horn thing... I think I just have a Rainbow Dash fetish.”
“Ohhh that’s such a sweet thing to say. You really care for her, don’t you?”
Care for her? My heart twists in my chest. Celestia yes, I care for her.
“I... I’d raise the sun for her if I could, Rarity... Just to see her face in its light for a few more minutes a day, I’d stop time itself.”
“That’s so poetic... I wish a certain someone would say such things about me.”
There’s a thud at one of the windows and my vision fills with Rainbow Dash. She’s got twigs and leaves in her hair where she’s no doubt flown through branches on her drunken adventure. I wrap my hooves around her and try to give Rarity an apologetic glance. Talking about Dash has made me really, really want Dash. By the time she’s done kissing me, any excuse for sex is sounding good.
“You didn’t tell me what book to get, so I just brought the ones off your desk labeled ‘Rarity.’ Sorry.”
I kiss her again. She’s my perfect wonderful pegasus. My life would be so empty without her. How to tell her?
“Oh Rainbow, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for. This is perfect!”
        I set about thumbing through the book, but Rainbow won’t be ignored. Every few minutes a new assault of kisses begins. I wouldn’t dream of ignoring her, either. She’s so beautiful, so perfect, so-
        I stop mid-kiss, as she slides down my body.
        I’m trashed. That’s what’s going on here. My judgment has gone to hell.
        She climbs back up my body after a minute and presses her lips to mine. I smile and close my eyes. They do feel heavy. Being drunk isn’t so bad. I can hang in there.
        She kisses at my neck, and closes her eyes too. I rest my copy of “Your Sexuality and You” on my face. The firelight is making it hot. While Rarity sits with her husband in their chair, Dash’s breathing goes steady on my slowly rising and falling chest, and the world fades out.
        
        I wake up to a nibble on my ear. Her voice whispers into it, hot and husky.
        “They’re gone”
        I try to roll over and find Dash’s weight on my body. With a grunt I roll both of us off the couch. She scrapes her hooves on the cushions desperately for traction, but we both hit the floor with a thud. She gets to her hooves and shakes her head clear.
        “Well that was definitely the sexy move.”
        I test my hooves and find myself a little more sober than when I left off. Just a little. Each turn of my head brings the whole room slowly racing to catch up.
        “Dash-”
        She tackles me.
        “C’mon Twi. D’you remember how Rarity found out the first time?”
        I rub my haunch with my hoof. I’ll have rugburns at this rate. She grips where I’m rubbing, and smiles from above me.
        “Remember yet?”
        “Remember... What?”
        “How we got caught!”
        The memories of Rarity’s apartment seem distant. Cuddling lead to fooling around. Rarity coming back in. Foursome on her floor. Carpet burns after. Dash and I expressing how we felt for each other for the first time. Going on a double date. Mind blowing sex after. Right?
        “Dontcha wanna get caught again?”
        I sigh.
        “C’mon Twi. Sexy foursome, sexy twosome, what’s the difference? I just want you to have fun. Our only couple friends are gonna have a foal soon. Not gonna be time or energy to do any of the kinky stuff.”
        She’s right, but I hate to admit it. The part of me that is deeply curious about everything is burning to try a foursome again, and see if we can’t do better than the jumbled sex we pulled off last time. Dash knows she has me cornered, that if nothing else my recently rediscovered outgoing nature is aching to try as many things as possible, while they’re still possible. She shifts her weight on top of me. The movement of her legs tells me just how wet and hot she is down there.
        I lean up and kiss her. There’s a brief moment before her hooves sweep through my tangled mane and she eases down on top of me. I spread my legs and help her grind our quickly warming privates together. The touch of her soaked lips on mine, rubbing and sliding and grinding sends arcs of electric pleasure up my spine. I kiss at her neck, and my kisses turn to nibbles as she picks up the pace. One of her hooves fumbles and manages to stroke and rub at my horn. It’s a bit sore from all the practice I’ve been giving it lately while experimenting with the will. She turns the soreness into pleasure with careful and precise rubbing. Each caress of her leg surfaces buried pleasures I hadn’t known I could bring. She starts to lick and suckle at it, and I can’t do anything but lean back and moan. Even grinding seems like too much work now. The world fades into blissful oblivion. I can feel her hooves on other parts of my body, can feel her rubbing my gushing pussy with hers, but it’s distant compared to the softness of her tongue and the warmth of her throat.
        There’s a slam of a door, and Dash stops. I’m panting loudly, and I can’t hide it. Rarity and her husband are back, but all I can think of is having Dash finish what she started. When I open my eyes, he’s striding across the room, great naked figure hurrying over to the fire to put on another log. When his job is done, he sits down on the edge and begins to rub his back and chest. As she carefully makes her way into the room, Rarity breaks the silence.
        “I- We didn’t mean to interrupt.”
        Above me, Dash fumbles for an excuse.
        “Rarity, we uhhh... Ok, let’s face it, you’ve caught us doing worse. Right?”
        Her eyes narrow, and she raises an eyebrow.
        “Well, I was going to say I’ve caught you doing the same thing once before.”
        Dash shifts uncomfortably above me. When she finally gets off, she pulls me around until I give in and rest my head in her lap.
“Well, it just seemed so cool. Neither of us have a fireplace, ya know?”
“I can imagine ... it’s ok. Honestly, you two needn’t have stopped. We’re ... not here to judge you.”
“But...”
“No, not if you won’t judge us. But I’ve just come in from a thunderstorm, and I want my husband’s body against mine for a bit. I hope that doesn’t ... make either of you uncomfortable.”
        As she mentions him, he rises from his spot in front of the fire to make room for her, and she graciously takes it. When she’s situated, he sits down behind her, arms draped around her neck and shoulders. Dash leans back and folds her forelegs behind her head, doing her best to look cool after being caught screwing on her best friend’s floor.
“So you two got caught in my thunderstorm, eh? What’d you think?”
Rarity’s ears drop at the mention of the storm still raging outside.
“I thought it was dreadful. So sorry, Rainbow Dash. I’m just ... I don’t quite care for them as I once did.”
“Pshyeah. I don’t know if you ever really liked ‘em, but it’s always worth a shot. That one’s stacked five clouds deep y’know.”
Behind her, Rarity’s husband yawns and rises. She jerks around and grabs his hand as it retreats from her shoulders.
“Where are you going?”
That low, rumbling voice. He announces that he’s going for coffee, and asks if we want any.
“Not yet. I’ve...”
She looks over at us, bites her lip, and turns back to him.
“I’ve something I must tend to, as a wife.”
        Without another word, she slips his whole, huge member into her mouth. It looks soft and limp, but it disappears in between those lips, and the sound of her tongue and throat working fills the quiet room. A moment passes, and she opens her mouth wider and slides her throat off his shaft. It’s enormous now. I’ve never seen a proper stallion, but his must be six to seven inches long. That’s at least enough to fill a tiny three foot pony up. She smacks her lips lewdly as she finishes, and then starts to rub it with her hoof.
“Must keep this part warm. The rest of you will be fine I suspect, but this part just seemed so miserable.”
As she’s done the trick, her leg has slowly hiked up, and she’s begun to recline on her side. Now in the firelight, Dash and I can see everything. Beneath the stomach and between the haunches that are easily as wide as two ponies is a slit glistening and aroused in the firelight. Just above it rest two swollen, peachy teats. I know from our conversations that they’re filled with milk. I let myself wonder what it tastes like. Beneath me, I can feel a slight heat from Rainbow’s privates. I know I’m becoming just as aroused by the same sight. Finally, Rarity turns a guilty expression to us.
“I know I said ... Twilight, I’m sorry.”
        I struggle to sit up and conceal myself. From this angle, the whole room must know I’m turned on.
“Well... I... It’s technically tomorrow, you know.”
Everyone in the room glances at the clock. I’m not wrong, it’s half past twelve in the morning.
“And we did talk about it after you’d gone... We thought you’d gone upstairs to bed. So I guess... I guess we’ll try, if Rainbow wants.”
Dash grins.
“You mean we get to play with those? So. Freaking. Great!”
        I should have known Dash would be interested in the milky breasts. Why not though? It’s not like either of us will have them. I’m curious to experiment with them myself.
        My partner beats me over to Rarity with ease. She’s far too fast, and she’s in a drunken hurry. Her hooves fondle the balloon of Rarity’s left breast, and milk dribbles from the nipple. I can feel myself blushing as I approach. I wonder what it’s like, to be so full? I cup one in my hoof. It feels heavy and soft, despite being tight against her body. Just a small squeeze earns me a trickle of white nector. Wouldn’t it be embarrassing for ponies to see my breasts leaking milk? I have to keep in mind that Rarity gets off on it, on being watched and exposed. As if on cue, she moans and shakes under our combined touches.
“Nnnhhh ... so many ponies.”
        Above us, her husband’s hand slides off her stomach, and he rises to his feet. He’s a towering monster when I’m standing up. Lying on the floor and looking up at him gives me an idea of what insects must feel like. What must they feel like to him? I hope he’s not picked now to become jealous, but he smiles at me and nods. I can only hope that’s the go-ahead. As he walks out of the room, I lower my lips to Rarity’s breast.
        I try to tell myself that it’s purely academic, but the swollen mammaries under me are genuinely hot. If I could only get Dash a pair, without all that accompanied them...
        I suckle experimentally, and milk dribbles onto my tongue. It’s a bit sour, but there’s a soft creamy taste under that. It’s not bad at all. Rarity’s hoof rubs at my mane, and I assume Dash is earning equal treatment. Above us, she trembles.
        “That’s it dears... drink up... it’s... just for you.”
        I suckle a little harder, and a moan escapes her lips. I can feel Dash settle her marehood onto my leg, and she spoons up and wraps one hoof around me and down to my still tingling clit. Heavy footsteps tell us he’s come back into the room, but it’s hard to hear where he is over all the moaning. Above us, Rarity mumbles something, and we’re waved off her breasts for a moment.
“In front of ... in front of everypony? You don’t- you can’t make me...”
        He holds out a handful of chocolate chips, and she eats the from his hands. Before long, feeding her is a group effort, and it’s only broken when she grabs his cock and demands sex. It’s a group effort, but we manage to get her onto her hooves. I’m invited by him to try rubbing her butt.
        It’s an immense, and soft ivory bottom. Every inch of it ripples and jiggles as I touch it. She’s put on serious weight. I wonder if Dash likes this sort of booty, and invite her over. I discover her on her back, rubbing her soaking privates with one hoof. She looks so lamely at me, and I know she can’t cum without me letting her.
“T-twiliiight.”
        I bury my face between those legs, and start to lick. Her taste floods my mouth and coats my tongue. Her insides quiver and tighten as I lick shapes and words into her. I kiss, I suckle, and I ferociously assault her netherlips with my tongue and hooves. She’s squirming and rolling wildly, but I’m not about to let her escape so easily. She finally tightens as we bump against a sofa. I brace us with my legs as best I can, and she can’t get away anymore. A writing, moaning orgasm is my reward. Across the room, Rarity wrestles her husband onto his back, and straddles him. I pull Dash up and begin a whispered plan with her. As I explain it, the idea sounds better and better.
        “If they’re going to get us involved, we should bring our sex to them.”
        “Huh?”
        “See her up there? We’re going to deny them. They’ll cum when we let them. I’m gonna need you to hold him down. Make sure he doesn’t cum, either.”
        “Why me?”
        “Because I don’t want to handle his cock.”
        “And I do?”
        “Well... You’ve been with colts before!”
        She rolls her eyes.
        “He’s my best dude. What if it’s weird?”
        “Now’s a bad time to decide this could be weird.”
        “Alright, alright. You’re gonna get it if it is.”
        I nod, and we get into position. Rarity’s bouncing up and down on his shaft is joined by our combined efforts to tease both of them. I set my tongue to work on her clit, and Dash rubs her hooves over his shaft each time it’s exposed by an upward motion. In only a minute, both of them are groaning for release. 
We don’t give it to them.
        Each time she’s about to cum, I pull Rarity off. Dash restrains him, and we all lie there panting and struggling until somepony wriggles free. Dash clenches down on his cock so that he can’t cum, and the wrestling finally escalates when he throws all of us off. The strength of a giant is terrifying, and he manages to get Dash into an easy headlock. Her perfectly trained body miraculously contests him, and she lifts him off his feet with her hooves and wings. Rarity joins the fray in a way that no pregnant mare should, and I pick everyone up with a flex of my will. The struggle of the married couple is just too much for me to hold without pouring in an exhausting level of focus, however. They break free, and I dive in to throw my body weight onto the pile. Soon everypony, even Rarity is straddled ontop of the human, and still he’s pushing us off. With a final primal shout he rolls Dash and I off, pushes Rarity onto her back, and starts to slam her. At last, Dash and I can do nothing but crawl on the floor toward each other and hoof-bump. It’s been a hell of a game.
        Dash’s hoof wanders between my leg, and between ragged breaths, she asks if I wanna finish what we started. I can only nod, and she climbs back on and locks her legs into a scissoring position with me. Our moans are all that I can hear, and I’m only distantly aware that there’s another couple in the room screwing. It doesn’t take much work to bring me back to where we were, but I desperately wish Dash would return to working my horn again. I try my best to rub it with my own hooves, and the pleasure finally overtakes me. Dash continues to grind for only a few moments more, before she finally collapses in an orgasming, panting heap next to me.
The giggling starts with Rarity, but it’s infectious. Somepony in the room murmers something about “amazing”, and I can only nod and grab Dash’s firm haunches. Under me, Dash squirms and wiggles. I look over at Rarity, and she holds up her poor spouse’s hands.
“S-so Twilight ... do you think you could...”

Much later, Dash and I creep up the stairs and into Rarity’s guest bedroom. She’s fallen asleep after a great deal of work on her, and we try our best to be quiet as we climb into bed. We hit the sheets, and discover that Rarity’s guest bed is more comfortable than either of our real ones. I’m not terribly surprised. What I am surprised by is the huge grin on Dash’s face as she pulls me into her and clicks off the bedside lamp, before whispering in my ear:
“Still up for one more go?”
        I groan, and close my legs tightly. 
“Not right now, no. I never thought I’d say I was orgasmed out... but I think I am. The second round with Rarity was tiring in its own right, and just watching her be filled by not one, but two of those huge paws of his was enough to make me tired. The orgasm Dash gave me during that time was more than I could have ever asked for. Not to mention, during round two I touched a penis, even if it was just to lubricate it because his hands were occupied. I don’t want to sound like a drama queen, but that was a bit... gross.”
Dash snores next to me, and I roll my eyes. That didn’t take long. One monologue, and she’s asleep. Wonderful. I roll onto my preferred side, and I feel her hoof grope for me.
“Dash? Are you asleep, or just faking?”
More snoring. Not helping, but I don’t care. I wiggle back up against her and let her get a leg hooked around my side. I close my eyes and snuggle into the pillow. Behind me, I can feel her scoot closer and pull the blankets up around our shoulders.
Faking. That’s fine. I close my eyes again and tell her I love her.
She nibbles on my ear, and I turn to her. I’m given a soft kiss, and I’m not expecting it. I try to recover, but her lips are already gone.
“Love you too, Twi. I gotta... head out the window, for a few.”
What? Now?
“It’s that time. I almost forgot.”
That time? Oh. The Basilisk. My stomach lurches.
“You gonna be here, or head back to the Library?”
I sit up and rub my eyes. This changes my plans. Why did she wait until I was comfortable and about to sleep to change my plans? I have nothing to entertain myself with until she comes back. She listens patiently to my complaints and then takes my hooves in hers.
“So don’t. Just sleep.”
I roll my eyes and yank my hooves back.
“Easy for you to say. Would you let me go out every night alone?”
Her ears drop.
“No. Look, I won’t be gone long. One hour, ok?”
“One hour? That’s enough time to do a flyover and patrol?”
She puffs her chest up proudly.
“For me? Yeah. I’ll be from here to the edge of the Everfree in less than a minute. Can’t take much longer to comb Ponyville.”
I sigh and let her leave. It’s going to be a long night. I’ll just stay here. Perhaps I can experiment with the will safely outside my library. Dash slips open the window, and steps out.
“You gonna be ok while I’m gone?”
I just barely manage a nod. She’s gone before I can change my mind.
Once she’s disappeared, I sigh and flop down onto my pillow. I close my eyes, but everything’s wrong. There’s sweat on me, my body is sticky from playing with everypony, and my energy is back now. Now that she’s out and in danger, I can’t help but be wide awake.
The decision to experiment with my will is a difficult one. I have the free time, and I have nothing else to kill it on. I make a mental list of pros and cons as I toss and turn.


Con: Not sure what direction to go in. Haphazardly experimenting while tired and drunk is the least advisable thing in magicianship.
Pro: Drunken and tired state frees me of inhibitions and welcomes me to try things I normally wouldn’t. All the best breakthroughs are made this way.
Con: You can get drunk any time. You can stay up late and drink yourself silly in safety.
Pro: I have time to kill now.

I sit up and push the blankets off myself, and toss the pillows up against the wall. A hint of Dash’s daredevil attitude creeps into me. What would she do? My decision is made. I close my eyes and pour my body into my will. It’s deep, and the power courses and hums through my mind. The deeper I plunge myself into it, the louder the throbbing, humming, pulsing beat of it fills my head. I bite my lip as an aching forms behind my temples. The humming rises and falls as I try to manipulate it. It’s like playing with a sea of frigid water. I’m acutely aware of every drop, and for the first time since I learned magic, I explore them one at a time.
Thousands of years of shared experience hurry past me, and pour into me. I can feel the power overtaking me, filling me to the point of bursting. My temples throb, and my head aches. My mind cries for release, and the true depths of my unexplored will rise up and crash over me. The hum of power that had filled my mind is a shrieking wail of screams and death sighs, accentuated point by rhythmic point by the pounding of my own blood in my ears. What it is to be alive is hammered home with every throbbing explosion of sound. Every second is accompanied by the slam of my own pulse widening and constricting my veins. I press it all from my vulnerable, overwhelmed mind for a moment and beg it to stand aside. The ocean of contesting minds graciously parts, and reveals a flaming nexus. The heat rushes up at me, a surge of power too great to contain. The beat of blood and power rises to a death pitch. I tear my eyes from it, and am jerked from my meditation. The force of my return to reality is accompanied by a hurtling wall of black that overtakes me and plunges me deep into its outstretched hands.

I’m sitting on a beach. There’s a hole dug in the sand. The roar of the tide fills my ears. In the distance, the cry of the gulls mixes with the sound of somepony singing. I can’t make out the words. I reach down and scrape at the bottom of the hole, to find what I’d buried there, but the tide sweeps up and fills it with murky water. I wince, cup my hooves, and try to empty it out. Around my hooves, the soaked sand sloughs off the sides and widens my pit. By the time I’ve bailed out the water, the low tide roars back up and fills it in again. The hole widens, and my task is doubled once more. I grit my teeth and try desperately to empty the pool at full speed. As soon as it’s empty, it’s filled and widens again. I look around desperately for something to help me empty it.
My eyes come to rest on her. Elegant hooves climb into smooth, impossibly long legs. A regal mane; filled with blinking, infinite points and a myriad of colors; flows as if on a wind only she can feel. That stern face, etched old by millenia, looks down at me. Her voice is a breath on the wind, and it’s the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard. The singing in the distance ceases with her every soft sound; but each word carries a weight, as if it were whispered by a choir of harmoniously pitched voices.
“You cannot empty it.”
She points beyond me, to the raging sea. Rain hammers down on it, adding new water every minute.
“It is always full.”

I wake with a start, and almost fall out of bed. It’s a minute’s hard breathing before my senses return to me, and the fact that it was a dream settles into my mind. What time is it? How long have I been out? Hour and a half. I’ve been out cold for an hour and a half. I twist in my bed to try to find Rainbow, and find the sheets cold and empty. My mind goes back to the maelstrom of screaming discordant tones that replaced thoughts, to the dream, to that face that the sun shined on despite a storm, but all my thoughts instinctively recoil. It’s been too soon. It hurts to think.
Where is she? Where is my Dash? I need her right now. I take to my hooves, and move out into Rarity’s hallway.
The boutique is dark, and it’s cold out in the hallway. Three in the morning is a hell of a time for Rainbow to be missing. I find only one door with light coming from it, and I can guess that it’s Rarity’s bedroom. What might be waiting for me in there is the last thing on my mind. I push open the door and squint in the bright light of her bedside lamp.
She’s sitting there, humming to herself and working on a horn puppet for her baby. The covers bunch up around her, and she whistles happily. The bed beside her is vacant.
“Rarity?”
She looks up and notices me for the first time.
“Ah, Twilight! What’s got you up so late?”
I fumble with my hooves. The dream is absolutely out. Not going to discuss that just yet. My partner’s absence is an easier subject.
“Rainbow never came home.”
Rarity’s mouth drops.
“She what? Was she off somewhere?”
“Did she come by your room, perhaps? Maybe just to say she was going home because she didn’t want to wake me up? She does that sometimes.”
She looks around for a minute and puts her puppet on the table next to her.
“No, no... He’s out too. Picking me up some food. We only just headed to bed after waking from everything. Is Rainbow out getting something also, or just stretching her wings?”
Rarity’s not heard of the basilisk? She almost certainly wouldn’t have sent her husband out if she had. With everything going on in her life, I’m not surprised she hasn’t gotten word of it, despite being the towns’ resident gossip. I decide not to trouble her with it until it’s relevant.
“Yeah, she’s... she does this.”
“Well perhaps they’ve met up while out there.”
I shake my head. I doubt it. She’s just late. Probably sparing me again. Stupid Dash.
“Do you want me to put some tea on? We can wait up for them together, if you’d like.”
I shake my head again.
“I just... Wish she wouldn’t do this.”
“Have you told her so?”
I sit at the edge of Rarity’s bed and sigh. It’s been troubling me in more ways than one. I consider telling Rarity about my experiment, but now that I’m closer to sober, it sounds even stupider. I can’t believe I’d put my friend at risk so willingly to test the limits of my will. I can’t bring myself to tell her what I was doing an hour and a half ago. I wish Rainbow would show back up. I wish she’d stop leaving me altogether.
“How can I? It sounds so selfish. I want her to stay with me. I want her to always stay with me.”
I can hear Rarity’s enormous body shift on the bed behind me, and her hoof rubs at my mane.
“You should tell her so. You should talk about it.”
“Talk about what? Marriage?”
The rubbing stops, and I look back to find her staring at the ceiling.
“Well... if nothing else, why not move in together? You can still have your space, and it sounds like she’s over often enough. It might put your mind at ease to know she’s coming home to you every night. Not like she has much to leave behind in that old cloud home anyways. A couple paintings and some very light furniture, isn’t it? She can do better if she moves in with you.”
I bite my lip. I’d been giving it thought, but how can I bring it up to her?
        “Would you like to talk about it, Twilight?”
        I shake my head again and take to my hooves. I’ll find my own way to bring it up someday. For now, I need something to drink.
        “Water? Tea?”
        “Something harder?”
        My voice sounds strange. It feels like I haven’t heard it in years. I shake my head.
        “Well, we’ve a few nice things down in the liquor cabinet. Do you have anything in particular in mind?”
        I sigh and sit on her bed. I need to talk to somepony. I can’t even walk without the tightness in my gut overwhelming me.
        “What about... What about, ‘I’m playing with powers beyond my control and I need to forget it for a night so that I can tie my girlfriend down and ravish her’? Do you have any of that?”
        She tilts her head for a minute, and the room is silent. I’m acutely aware of her breathing.
        “Twilight, is this about your... magic?”
        I nod.
        “Mine’s been getting stronger too. Could it be something...”
        I interrupt her with a shake of my head. Her magic has been getting stronger since her experience on the mountaintop, but it’s still tied into her gem magic. It’s getting stronger only in regards to her partner, not in regards to a cosmic scale.
        “Yours is getting stronger because you’re close to him, Rarity. That’s it. It’s moving to fill in the gaps, to make you strong enough to protect him. Mine’s out of control, because...”
        The clouds in my head part for a minute.
        “Because I fell in love with... with somepony so strong.”
        She scoots closer.
        “Yes? And?”
        “And... How do you protect somepony so strong? The depth of power that I’m playing with... it’s so huge... I got to see it tonight.”
        She’s only party to my puzzling it out loud now. Rarity is far out of her depth as a unicorn and a magician, as I move from the real to the abstract in seconds.
        “It’s so huge, deeper than anything I could access... but it only gives me as much as I need... and with her here... I need so much more. Like filling in a hole in the sand. To protect her from something- but that’s not possible. That’d make it a competition. An equation with two edges to balance. Every time she raises the stakes, I’d have to...”
        Memories of the last year are summoned and dismissed. It’s true. She’s been getting stronger, and as a result, so have I. I could become something terrifying if she becomes that. The solution is obvious of course, to break myself from her before the power backing the will of fire is too much for me to contest. Running away from her before didn’t save me though, so what can I do?
        I stumble from Rarity’s room in a daze. By the time I reach the foot of the stairs, I can shake it all off. I need a stiff drink, and a nap. When I get home, I can cope with it all, and I can figure everything out a safe distance from everypony.
        At the bottom of the stairs, voices approach the door. I hurry down them. Rainbow’s voice is distant. She must be up the walkway still, talking to him loudly. I stand by the door, ready to embrace her. I need her to take me home.
        I can hear her speaking as she approaches the door.
        “Yeah, I’ll just talk to her. Try not to get too excited, you know?”
        Her who? Her me? The door opens, and I swallow. I know I’m frowning.
        “Too excited about what?”
        He practically jumps out of his skin. Dash gulps and holds up a Ponyburger bag.
        “Got you... something.”

        He scurries up the stairs while she tries to make excuses. I can’t help but raise my voice a bit as we talk.
         “I was just stopping to talk to him and... and I figured he shouldn’t go to the store alone, y’know?”
        “Alone? What about me? I’m here, having nightmares, and I’m alone!”
        “Huh? I... I just... I got your favorite... here.”
        I roll my eyes.
        “You got my favorite? You just knew what it was? You just remembered? Dash! I can’t believe you’d stay out so late and worry me!”
        She’s trembling. She sneaks closer to me, and kneels in front of me.
        “Please, Princess... Please... Don’t punish me.”
        I can’t believe it. She thinks I’m playing with her. She wants play? She can wait for me. I dip into my will and summon the straps for her wings. She starts to sob as I put them on her.
        “Please no... Please Princess... Please...”
        “Go. Wait for me at home!”
        She backs up and looks out at the pouring rain.
        “Please Princess, don’t send me from your side.”
        Her ears flatten. Somewhere in the game, she’s afraid I might actually be mad at her.
        “Go. Go home and wait for me!”
        She hurries out into the rain, wings strapped to her side, unable to fly, and I look down at her meager offering. My favorite veggie burger, and a blueberry slushie? I sigh and blow bubbles into it while I try to figure out what to do next.
        The realization that I’ve played into her game sets in first. Now I have even more explaining to do. Why did I have to play along with her? I should have sat her down, explained it to her... I was just... Just thinking that if we could talk about it at home, where I’m safe...
        I look around the boutique. I hate it now. Everything is quickly becoming an obstacle to me figuring out the will as quickly as I can. I take a deep breath and remind myself that pacing is important in these things. A sip of my blueberry slushie helps to calm my nerves. I can’t just race toward answers at maximum speed. I can’t afford to burn out, or worse. 
        I reach into the bag and pull out the veggie burger Dash got me. Small veggie burger, light ketchup, extra cheese. She really does know my orders by heart. I pull out a basket of hayfries, and find that she’s gotten an extra large order, likely to share. I sigh and set them on Rarity’s coffee table before sitting in one of the comfy chairs in her living room. A light comes on in the hallway upstairs, and I know someone’s coming down to see how all the shouting turned out.
        Unsurprisingly, it’s Rarity. I take a bite out of my burger and sigh as she makes her way slowly down the stairs.
        “Twilight?”
        She’s looking for me in the dark. I light up the room briefly with my magic to let her know where I am, and with a flex of my will, lift my burger to my mouth.
        “Well I never expected that you'd be the one stuffing yourself into misery. What was that fight about?”
        I shake my head.
        “It wasn’t... Nevermind.”
        She sits down and tilts her head.
        “Twilight Sparkle, come now. You can tell me what’s wrong when something is. You were a bundle of nerves upstairs.”
        I think for a moment and swallow what I’d been chewing. 
“The honest truth is, what I was puzzling out upstairs is something that I need to talk to Rainbow about. Two things I need to talk to her about, honestly.”
“Honesty, yes. Honesty is...”
She yawns.
“Very good. It’s good to communicate in a relationship, as I’m sure you’ve learned.”
I haven’t learned it well enough it seems, but I nod.
“Talk to her about those things. Are those the only things?”
I rack my brains as I take another bite. There’s plenty on my mind these days. The will of fire, moving in with Dash, the trip to Canterlot, and... They’ll take so long to talk about. My sex life is up there too. That’s something I can talk to Rarity about, right?
        “Dash likes when I dominate her... but it always...”
        I bite again so that I can think of my words. Feels like we’re fighting? Yes. I hate that I enjoy overpowering her.
        “I don’t like it.”
        In the light of my magic, Rarity smiles.
        “Why not?”
        “It feels like I’m supposed to hurt her or take advantage of her, and enjoy it. I’m afraid, because I do enjoy it. What if I really do enjoy hurting her? What if I really can’t help it? And what if I’m too strong, and I do hurt her?”
        Rarity leans back in her chair and eyes my hayfries.
“Will you be ah... eating those? All of them, I mean?”
I push them to her, and she snatches a hoof-ful. After a minute of quiet chewing, she sits up.
“It’s like... the baby.”
I... what?
“Yes! Yes, it’s like the baby, Twilight.”
“I don’t follow.”
“You once said that no mother who thinks so often as I do of her children would be a bad one. No partner who so openly fears hurting her partner would do so. If you’re worried, you’re safe. You’re a good Unicorn, Twilight.”
I set down my burger. She has a point. I did make that point. It does feel good to hear it.
“Rainbow obviously likes the tug of war. She’s easily the strongest personality in any place she’s ever lived. You’ve certainly spotted it by now; that’s the reason she loves to be taken advantage of by you. You’re always a step ahead of her, but she’s your closest equal. You’re the only pony strong enough to dominate her. It’s thrilling for her.”
I think I understand.
“So... If she was with anypony else, it wouldn’t be satisfying, because she’d always be pretending.”
“Precisely. You’re the only pony who can give her a proper fight. She’s otherwise unassailable. She wants that from you not because she enjoys being hurt, but because nopony can hurt her. What must it feel like to finally find somepony who can? Thrilling, and terrifying, and exciting. All things she loves. You’re a perfect, out of control nosedive in her performance. You’re the only thrill she could have in bed.”
I nod and agree. It makes sense, and I’m glad to know she doesn’t just love to be beaten and swatted and hit.
“Well, perhaps not. But perhaps so. She might love it naturally, and that might well just be a part of who she is, but it’s countered by the fact that she refuses to be second to anyone.”
I finish Rarity’s thoughts for her as she finishes my hayfries. I hadn’t wanted any, anyways.
“So then, it’s always been her fetish to be treated that way, but it’s always been her personality to avoid it. She’s... competing with me to see if I can force my way in.”
Rarity nods sagely. It should be a crime to look so motherly.
“Someponies love to be dominated because it’s who they are. Someponies get a thrill from competition. Rainbow is both. You’re her competition, and her top.”
        I straighten up and finish the last bite of my veggie burger. I have a lot of talking to do with Rainbow when I get home. Right now, before I lose it though, I need to take care of something.
        “Rarity, I have to be going.”
        She smiles.
        “I know. Come back any time.”
        With a flex of my will, I push aside the fire in my mind and plunge into the cold.