The Dark Brotherhoof

by CelestialScribe

Chapter 3: Generosity's Peak

"Well, hellooo, Twilight Sparkle! It has really been too long! Oh, how time flies when you're encased in stone!" Discord remarked happily, twisting his face in countless directions.

Discord definitely seemed like his usual self, apart from the neck down accompaniment of thick stone. As Discord spoke, the rest of his statue wobbled precariously, threatening to fall over at any point, were it not for the stands keeping it upright from a distance. Discord would occasionally tilt too far, hit one of the stands, and be stuck on an axis. Until he forced himself back up with his head. it was rather amusing to see just Discord's head struggling to keep the rest of his stone body upright, but that was quickly overcome by shock.

"WHAT IN EQUESTRIA IS HE DOING HERE, PINKIE?!" Twilight looked about ready to head into another breakdown, or another magical over-reaction. "Did you STEAL him from Canterlot Gardens?" Twilight kept shifting between Pinkie & Discord, both with amused expressions plastered on their faces. "Do you realise how much trouble you could get in for this?!"

"Oh, I think she's right Pinkie, Canterlot Castle will be feeling awful sore without their most handsome statue on display." Discord said with a clearly fake expression of guilt on his face, pouting slightly. "I should return right away."

"What? But you said-..." Pinkie paused, catching on to Discord's obvious sarcasm. "Oh! Yeah, I agree. Let's get you back to Canterlot!" Pinkie said as she walked up to him.

"Pinkie!" Twilight yelled as she tackled her to the ground. "Don't get too close!"

"Oh, yes, Pinkie, be sure to mind my ever-expanding reach." Discord said as he shifted his neck forwards about five centimetres, then returned it another five backwards. He repeated the process until Twilight finally caught on.

"Twilight, relax, we've had Discord for months now! We brought him here as a, sort-of, mascot!"

"How could you use one of the biggest threats in Equestria as your MASCOT?!"

"He danced on your head Twilight!" Pinkie broke out in another fit of giggles. It took some time for Twilight to recall the event, Discord doing the 'running-mare' on the stain-glass portrait of her and her friends. "He's perfect for what we do!"

"So that makes it OK to just rob royal property?!" Twilight questioned, anger rising again at the lack of understanding that was circling her.

"Standing right here you know." Discord commented. "I would prefer I wasn't called property!"

"Twilight, you Pinkie swore you wouldn't get mad!" Pinkie remembered.

Twilight noticeably eased herself. She didn't want to break a Pinkie promise. "I'm not angry." Twilight paused, clearly angry. "I'm just worried! How did you get him here? Why is his head free?"

"That's easy! We just stole him at night, and replaced him with our crafted statue!"

"How did you manage to re-create Discord?"

"I didn't! The cutie mark crusaders did!" Twilight froze. The thought of a shoddy, makeshift, filly-built statue, clearly displayed in Canterlot Gardens for all to see. It was only a matter of time before someone discovered it was fake! "We just thought they might get a sculpting cutie mark for it, but nope!" Twilight tried to ignore the mind-boggling fact, she would have to return this somehow. Unless they really were cut out to be sculptors. The lack of cutie marks said otherwise.

"Ok, so what about his head? Why is it showing?" Twilight hoped she may finally get a straight answer, everything so far had proven that doubtful.

"I dunno! It happened a bit after we brought him here!"

Le sigh. "You don't know? So he could just be slowly escaping and you don't even care!"

"Why would I want to escape..." Discord butted in, "...when I have this delightful group creating chaos for me?" Twilight swore she heard a squee. "I get to teach my methods and hear about everyone's contracts! It's much better than being in Canterlot Gardens. Not a single pie has ever been thrown around there." Discord shuddered. "It would be great to have my entire body, but what for? So you can all defeat me again? I'll take what I can get!"

Twilight hated to admit it, but Discord had a point. If any one the elements were ever caught off-guard by Discord, Princess Celestia could surely repeat the memory spell that she made Twilight do, wherever she was during the whole incident after setting them out. I should definitely ask her about that. The elements would have also seriously restricted his power, he would have nowhere near enough power after a few weeks of ensnarement than he did after many years. Twilight had yet to notice that she was staring at a wall, deep in thought. Discord joined her.

"What are we looking at?"

"Nothing! Erm, so..." Twilight faltered.

"Pinkie, did we do it? We defeated the almighty Twilight Sparkle in conversation!"

"Yay!" Pinkie danced around Discord. "Oh, wait, I already did that with my Pinkie sense!"

"Well, my first time then!" Discord beamed. "Wait, nope! I completely destroyed your emotions, I remember! I count that as a win." Discord nonchalantly commented.

"Hey! You still need to apologise for that!" Pinkie took a serious tone, it may have been sometimes unclear with Pinkie being Pinkie, but she cared for her friends more than a joke. "Or I get the bucket."

"Not the bucket! No, alright, I'm sorry, Twilight, for demoralizing you and causing you to lose hope in your friends!" Discord quickly said unemotionally, clearly the bucket should be something feared all over Equestria, but Twilight had more pressing matters to attend to.

"That's alright, I suppose, do the others know about Discord? And they're all completely fine with it?"

"Yep! No one cares really as long as he's not destroying Equestria." Pinkie confirmed.

"Renovating Equestria." Discord corrected.

"Renovating..." Pinkie repeated, "... those chocolate rain clouds were pretty tasty!"

"I'm glad someone saw it that way." Discord glared at Twilight with his usual smirk.

"Forget this! I've had enough crazy today! I'm going to bed, I'll sleep here tonight Pinkie, changed my mind. I'm keeping an eye on Discord." Twilight lied, she just needed to collapse in the nearest bed.

"Discord gets all the mares. They can't keep their eyes off me." Discord said slyly, his grin widening as a pair of sunglasses poofed onto his head.

"Shut up Discord." Twilight was in no mood. Until she came to terms with what just happened. "Discord, did you just use magic?"

"Maybe."

"Yes then."

"You got me, i'm going to break out of here with my vast array of spells, watch." Discord proceeded to conjure a number of things upon his head, moustaches to bandanas, and even changing his head to the shape of a banana.

"So you can only use magic that affects your head, good."

"If I could use my hands I would be clapping so slowly right now."

"Very funny."

"I'm serious, the amount of sarcasm that I would produce would blow your mind."

"Uh-huh, well I'm going to bed, this has been an incredibly long day. Good night Pinkie." Twilight began approaching the door.

"Awh, no love for Discord?" Discord very convincingly created tears, supported by Pinkie Pie edging Twilight on- shifting her head frantically towards him.

"Fine, good night Discord." Twilight tried to say with no tone of voice, he was still her enemy after all.

"Hooray! Night, night, sleep tight, don't let the bed-bugs bite! Now say that!"

"No."

"I'll take what I can get." Discord repeated as Twilight left.

---

"Saw Discord, didn't ya'?"

"Is it really that obvious?"

"Yeah, he has that effect on people, he's pretty awesome once you get to know him though! And a few revenge pies to the face later."

Twilight ended up back in the main room, Applejack had left and the only remaining were Rainbow Dash and Spike- still sleeping by the fire, but now covered in a blanket, this would be his bed tonight.

"So, you ready for tomorrow Rainbow?" Twilight was still very nervous, but if she could have any protection whatsoever, she was glad it would be Rainbow Dash.

"Pshh, no problem, fancy ponies like Blueblood are way too stuffy to notice what'll coming for him!"

"I'm not so sure, Pinkie's plan seems legit though, how did she come up with something so professional?"

"Ah, it was probably Fancypants or Discord who helped, if there's chaos involved, he's all over it!" Twilight grew evidently more nervous around his name. "Don't be so worried, Twilight! It's not like he can escape! Even if he could, I think he's loving this way too much to ever leave, I know I am!"

"I hope you're right, this could go very badly."

"Could. It could go badly, but it won't, Discord or the contract. I'm way too awesome to be caught by anypony, and you've got magic! It'll be a cakewalk! Literally!"

Twilight felt far more confident now, she should of before, with all the letters the mare sent to Princess Celestia she thought she might have learned something about trusting your friends judgement by now. "Thanks Rainbow, I need some sleep though, i'll be on the range in the morning, good night!"

"Got it, good night Twilight." Twilight was about to take her leave, when Rainbow Dash interrupted. "Oh! Wait, here's the letter from the contractor. Bet you twenty bits who it is!"

"Ah-ah, don't spoil it! I'll read it in bed, thanks." She took the curled letter with her magic and then headed for her room before stopping to ask the cyan pegasus a final question with a smile. "Who won that hoof-wrestling match Rainbow?" The pegasus' ego was usually easily spottable, and she regretted to mention the detail of the victor.

"Erm, that's not important! Bye!" She then zipped out of the room before Twilight could question further.

---

Dear Derpy Hooves,

I understand that you have certain friends that can help get a pony discredited, embarrassed and ruined. I do not have the slightest clue into how, nor any desire to find out, but as I'm sure you are aware the news reports confirm that your group get results. Naturally, I would never succumb to such a ruthless tactic myself, but I shall take great pride and applaud those who are willing to get this done. Prince Blueblood, whom I'm sure you and many others must be aware of, has paraded himself amongst the higher-ups of Canterlot in a truly undeserving manner for far too long. How he can even consider himself of royal status is beyond me, his actions at the Grand Galloping Gala have confirmed that. I would be most appreciative if you could, for lack of a better phrase, 'take him down a notch'; knock this buffoon off of his self-imposed pedestal of egotism- and turn him into the imprudent, inconsiderate blockhead that he deserves to be revealed as. If it is at all possible, I would like to request to be in the audience as he his degraded, though I would be content with it at least being embellished all over the news.

I would prefer my identity to be kept a secret, a lady should not be known to indulge in things such as this, so I know I can rely on you to keep it that way.

Cordially yours.

"Well, I guess I better make quite a show if Rarity's going to be there." Twilight chuckled to herself, masking her nervousness with humor. She didn't know what time it was, but frankly, she didn't care, she needed all the sleep possible for tomorrow.

Twilight briefly concentrated on Blueblood. She was certain that it wasn't the complete destruction of all things fabulous, as Rarity had put it, when he was at the gala with her, but she definitely deserved some redemption. If Blueblood's attitude was a fraction of how Rarity had described it, Twilight could only hope his humiliation would show him 'how to better treat a lady'. She sheltered comfortably in bed, and was fleetly asleep after blocking any negative thoughts she had for the task at hoof.

Comments

[CelestialScribe]

I Pinkie swear the contract will be in the next chapter, there will also be far less chapters between each one!
PINKIE SWEAR!
Thanks for all the support!

[Castel]

Now I'm wondering what the royal guards would say to Twilight after she advances through this storyline... "Psst. I know who you are. Hail Discord."
Then again, anyone saying "Hail Discord" would be really weird. Maybe just "Hail The Black Hoof"?

[Valsion]

I can imagine Discord loving the hell out of a pranking dark brotherhood. Also while I was reading this I thougt that this story could also work with the thieves guild plus the nightinggales and Luna. I can even think of a reason why Luna would become guardian deity of criminals, the main reason why she turned into Nightmare Moon was that nopony would stay awake to enjoy her night. So, who were probably the only ponies that would be active during the night? Thieves of course, so the princess of the night decided to reward them for nocturnal carreer choice by protecting them and having her guards 'look the other way' occasionally.

[Meta Knight]

great

[Purple Thunder]

"Le Sigh"

I don't know if you know where I got this from, but The Yogscast are amazing.

Also,

[MrDenim]

252671 Le sigh was on like every third sign in that map!

[digiz]

Again with Blueblood thing. IMO Rarity deserved what she got, thinking she could just waltz in there and get married into royalty and money.

[Reisentanith]

Sweet Discord sweet Discord,
Send your child unto me,
For the sins of the stuck up must,
Be baptized in pie and shame.

[Zamorakas Devilhorn]

3377509 Yes. Just Yes.
Also, Sulfur Cannons anyone?!