The Single Greatest Story You Will Ever Read.

by Hippony

Liquid Pride

“Oh, sweet, merciless shit!” Cried the crystal ponies in agony. “It’s everywhere!”

Shining Armor stood and stared down at his minions in reverence as they all waded through his copious amounts of cum.

...Anyhow, so dude was chilling in the throne room, looking at the guys he just busted a nut on, and he suddenly had a thought: “Why in Celestia’s fuck would I just do something like this?”

While pondering this particularly puzzling predicament, he had failed to notice that the cum had caught on fire, and his city made of crystals was somehow flammable. Basically, while he sat there dicking around, his whole kingdom got fucked up. By the time he decided to be a useful thing once in his damn life, the whole kingdom was destroyed and everyone died.

---

Shining Armor awoke in a cold sweat. he sprang up and did that whole home alone scream.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” asked his wife, who was beside him, sitting in a chair and sipping tea.

“Oh, it was awful! I had this terrible dream; it was eve...” he paused, really looking at Cadence for a second, “Cadence, why aren't you in bed?”

“I like to watch you sleep.” she whispered in the most disconcerting of ways.

Giving Cadence a very creeped-out stare, he asked: “...What time is it?”

“About 5 AM.”

“I guess there’s no real point in going back to bed now, is there?” Shining Armor asked jokingly.

And then they banged. For, like, an hour. It was pretty hot, gotta say.

---

It was about this time when Twilight Sparkle woke up. She had had the strangest dream. There was this portal thing and she became human and Spike was a dog or something. Her friends were there but they weren't really them or something. There was some bad guy, she was some high school chick or something. And they were all, like, humans, but still had pony colours, which is kinda weird if you think about it. Like, maybe they weren't actually the humans of Earth, but were like alternate universe humans, thus making Earth people in Equestria not actually canon.

Or something.

She slowly trotted downstairs, after a short while of straightening up her mane with her brand new limited edition Twilight Sparkle, Alicorn Princess Brush (BUY NOW: ONLY 99 EASY PAYMENTS OF 99.99).

“Cocaine’s a Hell of a drug.” she thought to herself as she went to the library/living room. Picking out a book, she read it, waiting for the story to go somewhere with this.

But it never did.

Or did it?

Comments

[Regidar]

I creamed my grease-stained underwear.

[Hippony]

2947362
My life would be changed too if I exploded.

[Coral-The-Hamster]

Incredible.