Prologue
Celestia's sun was slowly dipping behind Cloudsdale, bathing the city in a warm glow. The gentle night air swooped through a large, golden gate, and along a well-defined path leading up to a grand mansion. This was known as Thunder Mansion, home to the third richest family in Cloudsdale. On the fourth floor of this colossal home were two pegasi. One was in her late twenties, with a red, orange, and yellow mane and green, blue, and purple tail. The setting sun seemed to make her pale yellow coat shine and lit up her blue eyes. The second pony was just barely a toddler, with a mane and tail identical to the elder mare's. Though, her white coat shone with brilliance and her deep, green eyes shone with sadness.
Mirage, the elder mare, sat on the edge of her daughter's bed, stroking the filly's mane.
"Please, Momma. Just one story?" the filly, Spectrum Breeze, said.
Mirage spoke in a soothing voice, never removing her hoof from the filly's long, soft mane. "Sorry, Breeze. I'm very busy and have things I need to do. Try and get some sleep, we're visiting your grandmother tomorrow and you have to get up early."
"Okay," came the soft reply as Spectrum looked down sadly. "Do you promise to tell me a story tomorrow?"
"Yes. I absolutely promise," Mirage gently kissed her daughter's forehead before getting up and walking to the door. "I love you, Breezie."
"I love you, Momma."
Mirage closed the door quietly before starting her descent down the three flights of stairs. She hated that she never seemed to have time for her daughter. Spectrum was only three years old and spent the majority of her time alone. Though, she couldn't dwell on that right now. She had bigger things to worry about. She watched her pale yellow hooves step slowly down the spiral staircase, trying not to think about what awaited her at the bottom.
Mirage stepped off the last faux marble stair and onto the soft cloud carpet of her living room. She lifted her gaze from the floor and searched the room for her husband. Finding him absent, she turned her attention to the dining room. There, Mirage found him. Her husband, Cold Thunder, sat at the table with his back to her.
She approached the dark blue stallion and placed her hoof on his shoulder. He jumped slightly before turning towards her. He smiled upon finding his wife awaiting his attention, but his smile quickly dissipated upon noticing the worry in her eyes.
"Mirage? What's wrong?" Thunder asked, standing to face her.
"We need to talk."
"Is something wrong? You know you can tell me anything," he searched her face for any clue as to what she was so concerned about.
"I am so sorry," she muttered, the threat of tears in her eyes.
"About what?" Thunder asked nervously. "Just tell me."
"I'm pregnant again."
Several tense moments passed. The silence only broken by Mirage's ragged breaths.
Thunder spoke slowly, with a harsh tone lying just under his careful facade. "You know this is unacceptable."
"I know. I knew you would be upset, but it's too late now. We cannot change what is already done."
"I want it gone," he said after a moment. "I want an abortion."
Tears began to slide silently down Mirage's cheeks. "What?"
"You heard me," he said harshly, taking a half step back from his wife. "You know as well as I do that we cannot have another child. We already have Spectrum. She will someday be the heir to the company and will inherit our money. Everyone in this family has a maximum of one child. No more than that."
"Yes, yes," Mirage said frantically. "But, we could make a exception. Just this once. It is just one child, it won't change the fact that Spectrum will inherit the fortune."
Thunder shook his head slowly. "No, Mirage. No. Our family is considered purebred. You know that. Each child marries someone from Cloudsdale, they inherit their parents' fortune and then have one child themselves. Our one child is Spectrum. What are we supposed to do with this second child? It will break tradition!"
"So what? Just-"
"No."
"But we-"
"No! I said no, Mirage! We are aborting that thing inside you and that is final!" Thunder yelled.
Silence rang throughout the house and he waited to hear Mirage's next words.
"No. I refuse to get an abortion. You can't make me."
Blind fury swept through Cold Thunder. He reached out his hoof and struck his wife across the face. She yelped in pain and struggled not to fall over. Confusion clouded her mind. Thunder was gentle and kind. He had never struck her before. Mirage looked up into her husband's eyes and saw what she had always feared. She saw a new kind of bitterness that had taken hold in him. He had asked for one thing only, to have only one child. But she couldn't give that to him. Mirage knew in that moment, that her life would never be the same. Cold Thunder had been broken, and it was all her fault.
"Go. I need to be alone," his voice broke Mirage away from her thoughts. She turned and walked slowly up the spiral staircase, trying to ignore the burning in her cheek. As she arrived at her bedroom door, she could hear Thunder opening a bottle of wine downstairs. She knew this was going to be a long night.
She crawled into bed and lie awake for hours, trying to distract herself from the occasional noise from downstairs. She thought about Spectrum Breeze and this new foal who would soon become her sister.
Mirage eventually fell into a restful sleep, thoughts of her new foal comforting her from the unpleasant thoughts of the mad, drunken stallion downstairs.
Stats
Page generated in 0.054 seconds
Total duration
1,028 users online
1,948,887 hits today, 2,167,270 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Some mistakes I found:
swopped > Should be swooped.
well defined > Should be well-defined, but not really a big deal.
third richest > Again, should be third-richest, but not that big of a deal.
were two pegasi, one was in > Should be were two pegasi. One was in
and alight her blue eyes > Should be something like and light up her blue eyes
daughter, Spectrum > Should be daughter. Spectrum Watch out for comma splices.
Living Room Dining Room > Don't capitalize the names of rooms in a house.
Cold Thunder, sitting at the table > Should probably be Cold Thunder, sat at the table Make sure you keep the same tense.
No more. > Could be fleshed out a little to clarify the meaning. Something like No more than that.
parents fortune > Should be parents' fortune Remember to show possession!
and lay awake > Make sure you keep everything in the proper tense!
this new foal who soon become > Should be "this new foal who would soon become
Anyways, this story was a lot better than I thought it would be.
If you intend on making the stallion seem like a villain, I suggest making appear to be more vividly "broken", as you say.
Perhaps use some more descriptive adjectives or details when he freaks out.
All in all, a decent story. I'll keep an eye on it to see where it goes.
If they had one child per pair, the population would decline pretty rapidly.
Also, if they can only have one child per family, how can Dash have an uncle?
2158344 Thank you! I don't have anyone editing for me, so I am trying my best on my own. Your help is very much appreciated!
2158681 True. But this is only a tradition in Rainbow Dash's family, not all of Cloudsdale.
2160244 Wow. You're right. I hadn't even thought of that. Well, I've altered it slightly for now. It won't be a big deal to take him out of the story if needed. Thank you for pointing that out!
2161730 If you want me to take a look at things, just send me a PM and I'll give it a once over if you like.
2162882 That would be great! Thank you so much! I'll definitely send the next chapter to you when I get it done.
Huh. You know Cold Thunder, if you didn't want more kids, you should have considered getting a vasectomy.
Or did he, and that's one of the reasons he's so pissed?