Shadowbolt: Origin

by Recovery15

A Strange Occurance

Chapter One: A Strange Occurance

It was mid-morning when Princess Starfire awoke. Her purple mane was disheveled, and her grey coat was mostly covered in her "Shadowbolt Commander" uniform. It had been a busy night of schoolwork and play in her room, high in the tower of the royal palace in Batlantis. Hopefully her parents hadn't noticed her being awake last night. She had been up almost all night playing with her telescope, and her parents hated when she did that. Starfire sat in bed, thinking about breakfast and how tired she was when she heard a knock on her door. "Come in," she yelled, wondering who it was. Almost immediately, the door opened and a small yellow mare walked into the room. Starfire didn't recognize this servant, but soon came to the conclusion that she was a slave from a part of the castle she didn't frequent. The mare, meanwhile, hid behind her pink mane in an attempt to avoid the gaze of the Princess. Starfire continued to examine the slave, noticing the lack of wings and any brands whatsoever. Curiously, her cutie mark was of three pink flowers arraigned in a triangle. Starfire wondered what that meant. They sat like this for some time, simply waiting for something to happen. Finally, Starfire decided to talk first. "Who are you,"she asked,"and where is Twilight? You're definitely not her. Are you new to the palace?"

The poor mare could barely respond. "I...uh...well...um."

Starfire became impatient. "My word, what is your name?"

The mare finally responded,"My...my name is Poesy, Ms. Starfire."

"Thank you, Poesy," Starfire said, glad to get a name. It seemed familiar for some reason. "Now, where is Twilight Whisperer? She was supposed to wake me almost an hour ago."

The mare seemed to be shocked by that question. Quietly she responded,"Ummm, well, she is back at the sleeping rooms. I think she's ill. She looked so awful, and she had the worst cough. So she asked me to take you to your parents".

Oh, no! Her parents might had noticed she'd stayed up. "Poesy, would you please help me get ready? I would much appreciate it."

The yellow mare nodded the affirmative. Starfire got up and went over to the chest near her bed, grabbed a brush, and handed it to Poesy. While Poesy brushed her dark purple mane, Starfire decided to ask her some questions. "What is your normal job here?" she asked.

Poesy suppressed a sigh. "Well, as my cutie mark shows, I love nature. I'm an excellent at gardening and animal care. I usually work in the garden, but I've already taken care of it. That's why I'm able to help out today."

Ah. That was where she had heard of this mare. Her mother loved gardening, and had mentioned a "Poesy" during her many rants about her gardens. She had also heard Twilight mention her when they were studying plants last year. "Is Twilight a good friend of yours?"

Poesy giggled. "Well yes. She and I have known each other since...."

While the mare didn't finish the sentence, Starfire knew how it ended. "Since the slave market," she asked.

Poesy made a small sobbing noise and stopped talking. Soon, she had finished brushing Starfire and put the brush down. Starfire thanked her and walked out the door, heading for the throne room.
____________________________________________________________________________________________

Walking into the throne room, Starfire immediately noticed that her father was yelling at a soldier who was standing in front of the throne. Her fathers voice was loud and commanding. "Define broken, Captain Sonar," King Camazotz shouted.

The soldier was visibly shaking, afraid that the enraged monarch would kill him. "Well, sir, one of my soldiers dropped the vase, and it broke, sir."

The king sighed. "You are decreased two steps in rank, return to your post."

The soldier, realizing he would live, was barely able to suppress his excitement. He threw a fast salute, knowing that doing this again would lead in horrendous torture or death. Camazotz ruled with an iron fist, but the slave trade had flourished under his rule. Starfire watched as a blueish Equestrian with a purple and pink mane rushed forward to clean the mess caused by the broken vase. Her father seemed surprised to see her. "Well, well, looks like my little Shadowbolt is finally awake. I would have thought that you would be sleeping off your long night of fun."

Crap, he'd noticed her up last night. Oh well. "Is Twilight okay? I heard she was sick," said the king, not a single drop of concern in his voice. He blamed the Equestrians for the banishment and destruction of Nightmare Moon, considered a goddess by the bat ponies. The only thing he cared about was that he now had damaged property, and that she needed to be fixed.

"I was just about to ask you about that, Dad," Starfire said. "Would you please send a healer to her? She promised to teach me to fly. Er, to take me to her friend Firefly, who will teach me to fly."

"I have given Sparkler orders to....."

"Who?" asked Starfire.

"The blue slave who just left. Anyway, I asked her to take Twilight a healing potion to help fix that cough of hers. Your teacher should be right as rain. Go find her and tell her to take you for lunch," said her father. Starfire was more than happy to comply.
______________________That night____________________________________________

"That was a fun time wasn't it, Starfire," Twilight Whisperer asked while she got Starfire ready for bed. The pink mare was exhausted after the long day with the child, and her white mane was slightly disheveled from chasing both the young bat pony and Firefly, Twilight's younger sister.

"Fun? It wasn't fun, it was awesome! The way Firefly doges and weaves like no ponies business...."

Twilight sighed. " Yes, I know. I was there, remember? Now it's time for bed. No arguing, okay?"

Starfire crawled into bed, her Shadowbolt costume covering her thin body and keeping her warm. Twilight wished her a good night and left. Starfire quietly got up and crawled over to her window. The stars looke equally gorgeous tonight. Suddenly, though, she saw a white flash, similar to the one given off by a falling star. Spreading her wings, Starfire flew out of her room to investigate.

Author's Note:

WOW!!!!! It felt good to get that out. Please, if you see any grammatical errors, please let me know. Also, to clear some stuff up that might be confusing, I am using 5 of the original six characters, so Twilight and Twilight Sparkle aren't the same character.
Hope you enjoyed and please leave feedback!!

Comments

[Recovery15]

I would also like to thank Aegis Shield, Pen Stroke, Kkat, the parisprite(even though you seem to be nuts), Annonymous Pegasus, shirotora, and all the countless writers I have read in the time since finding the site. I can't name them all, these guys are the ones that made the greatest first impressions on me and am honored to have my own story. Also, if this comment comes off as creepy, I apologize

[Eep]

Hmmm... It is interesting to think of a Bat winged pony civilisation existing somewhere, and preying on 'Equestrian' ponies. However... You'll have to have a very good reason why the god-like Princess Celestia doesn't step in and stop them from stealing 'her little ponies', as it were. P:

I would also suggest that if you are not planning on having 'Twilight' be Twilight Sparkle, that you describe your Twilight as a pegasus, or mention her colour, or something. It feels like you are building up this sick Twilight to be ours, horribly captured by these other ponies... And then it's not her at all.

I'm a little confused as to what exactly your main character was doing, why she was up so late the night before, and why her father would care. Was she playing with Equestrians, in a way not becoming of her station? Was she studying subjects that the king objects to? Was she just playing, spending energy that could be better applied in her schooling?

Why is the King so angry? Why is he so evil? Characters are rarely evil just to be evil, especially ones who are responsible for the prosperity of an entire civilisation. If you kill all of your underlings for ridiculous reasons, such as accidentally breaking a vase, then you are going to find yourself in the midst of a revolt. Ponies won't stand for that.

Why was the flying lesson mentioned, if we never got to see it? What purpose did it serve? We never got to meet Firefly, and we don't know how Starfire did in her flying lessons.

I do really like the idea of her being a 'Shadowbolt', I think it's interesting that Nightmare Moon would have used the name of something that already existed. It makes me wonder what her ties to this civilisation are. Was she their Princess, much like Celestia is the princess of the Equestrians?

As for help finding earth ponies, I suggest you check out this wiki of the original toys. You might also be able to find the original episodes on an online streaming site... *whistles*

[Recovery15]

>>wulfaeI thank you for your interesting views on my story. Yes, I can understand why Celestia would step in, and why playing with Equestrians is "Unbecoming". I promise that the next chapter and probably the one after that will contain some back story.
The flying lesson I'm planning to save for use in a flashback while she is on the run. And the ties nightmare moon has to the Bat ponies will be explained very, very much in detail in, probably, ch. 2, which I will probably entitle a brief history.
And finally, for twilight. The reason I am keeping her, and the other G1 characters, the way they were initially is because I plan for them to run into the mane 6(probably in book 2). Oh, I can't wait for that scene

images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130102094210/mlp/images/e/e8/Crazy_Pinkie_Pie_S1E25.png
And thanks for the link. I found it very useful.
And now, I sleep

[Izarra Kiania]

The yellow mare nodded the affirmative. Starfire got up and went over to the chest near her bed, grabbed a brush, and handed it to Poesy. While Poesy brushed her dark purple mane, Starfire decided to ask her some questions. "What is your normal job here," she asked.

>"What is your normal job here," she asked.
That should end in a question mark. Statements end in commas in these situations.

Examples:

"This is a statement," she said.
She said, "This is a statement."

"Is this a question?" she asked.
She asked, "Is this a question?"

"This is an exclamation!" she shouted.
She shouted, "This is an exclamation!"

If you don't have an editor/prereader, I could probably help. I've been having trouble with the PM system lately, so you can send me an email if you want: shadow.blaze.pony.24 (at) gmail (dot) com

[Word_Smith]

It's refreshing to read a striving author's work instead of one that has already mad a name for themselves like I hope to one day. Good on ya.