Ch 17. Not meeting mr. Bear.
“A bear? You mean like the large furry things?” I ask her.
“Yes, mister Bear wants us to help him a bit. He can’t do it by himself so he asked me.” She says as she walks into the kitchen. “Do you want some tea?”
“Sure. What kind?” I ask while looking around if I see Angel.
“I make my own kind, do you mind?” She asks while I hear some port clanging.
“Not at all.” I say back to her as I see a pair of bunny ears poke out from behind a chair. I hear some humming come from the kitchen as Fluttershy prepares some tea. I see the small bunny hop out from the chair, sporting an angry look.
“Hi, who are you.” I ask him, playing dumb. I do fear the wrath of him, but maybe I’m lucky.
Angel just sits there with a frown, tapping one of his feet rapidly on the ground. He looks annoyed so I decide not to bother him. I stand up and look around a bit. From the ceiling hang a lot of cages which contain several birds. I see some baskets in the corner. I walk over to them too see what is in them. Some are empty, but one has a kitten and another one had a puppy. They are, as I expected, sporting exceptionally large eyes and look almost as cute as ponies.
I prevent a minor heart attack by walking back to my seat, just as Fluttershy comes walking in. She carefully balances a plate on her back. I think that if I have to do that that I would break a lot of cups.
She carefully puts the plate on the small coffee table and pours two cups of tea. “Here you go.” She says as she hoofs me one.
“Thanks.” I say as I take the cup clumsily in one hoof. Fluttershy sits down and takes a cup herself. Angel hops on her lap and nests himself there.`
“What is the bunny’s name.” I ask while sipping the tea. It is delicious. `
“Angel and isn’t he a cute little bunny. I found him when he was young and I took him in.” She says while hugging Angel, almost suffocating the little bunny.
“Where did you get all the rest of these animals?” I ask. I only ask just so they know that I know. If they start asking more questions than I am doomed.
“Some of them are owned by ponies in Ponyville and some are woodlands critters. I just tend to the ones that are hurt or those that need any food.” She says while a robin sits down on her shoulder and start making some noise.
“What has happened?” Fluttershy asks and the robin makes some more noise. “Then we need to go fast.” Fluttershy says as she jumps of the couch and starts walking towards the door.
“What has happened?” I ask her while rushing behind her.
“A couple of foxes have been attacked and they are wounded. I think that mister Bear can wait a bit.” She says to me as we walk along the edge of the forest. She turns to the robin and says, “”Could you go tell mister Bear that I won’t be coming until at least tonight.” The robin makes a noise and flies of again.
“How could you talk to that bird?” I ask her. I think that this is the first question about something that I don’t know fully already.
“I don’t know exactly, but I can understand them and they understand me. I think that it came with my cutie mark.” She says cheery as we walk into a little less dense portion of the Everfree forest.
I decide to ‘expand’ my knowledge of Ponyville and surrounding a bit. “What forest are we walking through right now?”
“We’re walking through the Everfree forest. It is a very dangerous forest if you don’t know it, but there are many wonderful things around if you take the time to explore it.” She explains while pointing through the trees to something.
“Have you explored the whole forest?” I ask as we walk in between some trees and into the forest.
“O, goodness, no. The forest is way too dangerous to explore it all. There are so many monster in the darker parts. There are a few maps, but they only cover a small part.” She asks while looking out for any critters that might need her help.
“Have you been deep into the forest?” I ask as I jumping over a branch.
“I think that the deepest that I’ve been must be the castle a couple of weeks ago. That was pretty deep.” She says while walking around the same branch that I just jumped over.
“What castle? I think that a castle in here would be quite obvious.” I say while looking around for sighs of the castle.
“Oh, no. The castle is very deep in the forest and it is a bad place. I wouldn’t advise to go there. When we went there we came across a manticore and evil ponies and so many evil things.” Fluttershy says as she shivers a bit from the evil memories.
“Are we going deep now?” I ask, a bit worried about meeting a manticore or another timberwolf.
“No, no, no. We’re just walking along the edge right now. We shouldn’t come across any monsters here, just the occasional woodland critter.” She says as we arrive at a large clearing. The sun is shining brightly and I see several bunnies, foxes and other creatures running around. Fluttershy runs towards them and talk to some of them.
After a few minutes of this she gestures for me to come and I follow her over a small his towards a fox den. I hear a soft wheezing come from inside as I walk up.
Fluttershy walks up to the entrance and puts her head in. she quickly pedals back into me and knocks me over. She quickly stands up and starts taking deep breaths.
“What’s happened?” I ask while checking if she’s still fine.
She keeps hyperventilating and just points towards the den. I walk over to it and put my head in too. What I see disgusts me and I understand why Fluttershy was so alarmed. In the den lay two torn up fox bodies and a couple of twigs.
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I am so busy I might not even get to correcting these chapters.
I don't even know if i might post a chapter tonight.
Maybe I'm merciful and won't post one tonight.
2293537 yet you did, making my life ever so harder D:
course its my own damn fault im procrastinating by finding something to do other than edit/write/proofread your story. (for note i meant edit/write my story not yours) so without further ado, let us begin
Status:
procrastinatingReadingProofreadingSleepingFINISHED!"“Yes, mister Bear wants us to help him a bit. He can’t do it by himself so he asked me.” She says as she walks into the kitchen." Since youve already said Mr. Bear you might as well make it look better by saying it again instead of mister
Also, YOUR FRIGGIN KILLING ME WITH ALL THESE "___ as she/he action place" please stop D: its getting a bit old and it makes your story seem dull for lack of variety
"...the wrath of him,..." proper terminology is his wrath, you only say the wrath of... when you have an actual name to go by
"I see some baskets in the corner. I walk over to them too see what is in them." you can make this a compound sentence but you dont have to
"... another one had a puppy. " first off, verb tense agreement, your still in present XD had -> has also there is a doublespace between another doublespace one. see?
"...I think that if I have to do that that I would break a lot of cups." i don't know what to call this one....
"...I think that if i have to do that, I would (1st choice) be breaking a lot of cups (2nd choice) have broken a lot of cups."
Well fuck its bed time, did it really come by that fast? anyways, there are the changes for tonight, ill get the rest in the morning -_-IM BAAAACK
onto the corrections
"“Angel and isn’t he a cute little bunny. " i say a pause but technically there isn't one there "Angel (, or ;) and isn't he a cute..."
"I only ask just so they know that I know. If they start asking more questions than I am doomed." i have no idea what the underlined part is, also than -> then
im reading and im crying, conversation after conversation it's, she says while; asks as she, your breaking my heart man :(
"...flies of again." im going to murder you of -> off also the bird never flew off before, so it cant fly off again...
"...She says cheery..." cheery -> cheerily
"...Ponyville and surrounding a bit." -> "... and its' surroundings a bit."
HAHAHAAHAHAHA FINALLY
"...while pointing through the trees to something." this is completely unnecessary as it does nothing for the story and only serves as filler, also wtf is she pointing at?
"... for sighs of the castle." sighs -> signs
"I wouldn’t advise to go there. " technically this is grammatically correct but it would sound better if you did "...advise going there."
"...a manticore and evil ponies..." since you have more than 2 items you put a comma instead of a conjunction "a manitcore, evil ponies AND..."
"...and talk to some of them." plural(s)! also the some is redundant
"...a small his towards a fox den." im guessing you meant hill instead of his
"...wheezing come from inside as I" come -> coming also your not alone, flutters is there, ergo we instead of I
"she quickly pedals back into me..." Capitalize she (first time with this so congrats on going this long XD) also, back-pedaling is an actual thing, its preferable to use it instead of pedals back
LAST SENTENCE!!!!!
"...I see disgusts me and I understand why Fluttershy was so alarmed." run on sentence! well not really but you could separate them like so
"...I see disgusts me. I understand why Fluttershy was so alarmed."
Well im finally done, hopefully your too busy to post anymore so i can recover in time to be able to edit it asaico (as soon as it comes out)
Your Faithful Comedian
-Buck
IM DONE!!!!!