Rainbow Dash Goes All-Out

by lightning_dust_12

Part 1: Rainbow's Secret / Rainbow Meets Soarin'

Rainbow had always wanted to join the Wonderbolts, but she never got the chance to inquire. At the Grand Galloping Gala, she had the perfect opportunity, because the Wonderbolts would be showing off their newest flying tricks. Not a pony in Ponyville was left without knowing about Rainbow Dash's aspirations. But she had a secret: she secretly admired Soarin', the captain of the Wonderbolts, not just for his flying skill, but also for his looks.

After two days of preparation, Rainbow Dash was finally ready to leave for Canterlot, the glorious capital of Equestria, where the Gala was held. It was a days train ride to Canterlot, which seemed like forever to Rainbow Dash. When she finally arrived at Canterlot, there was a large crowd on the platform of the station. As she was stepping off the train, something caught her eye. A cyan-colored pegasus-pony wearing a blue suit emerged from the crowd in front of her. His eyes glowed olive green, and his navy-blue mane rustled in the wind. When Rainbow Dash realized who this pony was, her mouth fell open.

The courageous captain of the Wonderbolts began to move toward her through the crowd. Another pegasus-pony with a bright orange coat appeared next to him, and said something to him. She looked worried, and Rainbow Dash noticed her expression even through the dark pair of sunglasses she was wearing. Soarin' whispered something back, and continued toward Rainbow Dash. Soarin' reached her, and politely sat down, waiting for her to introduce herself. Finally, Rainbow Dash said. "Soarin'?"

"Yep. That's me!" He responded. "Well, I just love your-"

"Can I apply?" Rainbow cut in. "For the Wonderbolts, I mean," Rainbow Dash said, blushing. Soarin's expression said it all. He was going to say no. He proceeded to plot out Rainbow Dash, from head to hooves. When he got to her rainbow-colored mane, he stopped, and sighed. "Tell you what," he finally said, "meet me and Spitfire in room 207 at the Royal Canterlot Inn, eh? We'll see what we can do for you."

Rainbow Dash became excited, and then frowned. "Who's Spitfire?" she asked.

Soarin' gestured with his head. "Don't look now, sugarcube. She's not happy. I better go now. See you there!" And with that, Soarin' disappeared back into the crowd, leaving Rainbow Dash feeling like a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, that some filly had just stumbled over.

Rainbow Dash knocked on the door with Room 207 written on it. When the resident opened the door, Rainbow Dash, took a step back. It was Spitfire.

"Oh. Hi. Come in." Rainbow Dash didn't move. "Don't worry. I only kick ponies that Soarin' doesn't like." She sounded resentful, and Dash didn't like her one bit, but she went in, and saw Soarin', leaned back in an arm chair by a fire. He got up, and greeted her. "Hey! Sit down, so we can talk." Rainbow Dash happily sat down on a couch across from Soarin'. She was about to speak up, when she noticed a small wooden frame with a photo of one of her best friends from Ponyville in it. "What's a photo of Applejack doing here?" she asked.

"Oh, me and Braeburn Apple are good friends, and he insisted that I meet his sister, Applejack. As it turns out, she's really awesome. But that's beside the point." Rainbow Dash frowned. "So, back at the station, why did you stare at-"

"So, I still don't know your name," Soarin' cut in.

"I'm Rainbow Dash."

Soarin' stifled a laugh, then said, "it goes with the color of your mane." Dash couldn't help smiling.

Soarin' came and sat on the couch next to her. "You know, it's been a loooong time since I've seen a pegasus-pony as...um...aerodynamic as you." There was something about his voice that she didn't like, but she told herself that he was probably just nervous. Soarin' edged a bit closer to her, and an emotional sonic-rainboom went off in her head. Rainbow Dash could feel the warmth of his body, and smell his sweet cologne. Suddenly, Rainbow Dash fell out of her trance, and realized that Soarin' was being yelled at by Spitfire.

"What do you think you're doing?! I thought you said you were done with this kind of...of...junk!" The sonic rainboom inside Rainbow's head reversed direction, and raced back toward the center of her pony-brain.

"Dude! Chill out!" Rainbow Dash yelled back.

Until Spitfire turned toward her, Rainbow Dash had never realized how Spitfire's mane looked like it was on fire when the sun hit it. "And you! I don't know how in Equestria Soarin' finds you attractive," Spitfire snapped.

"Well, you're a mare, so you shouldn't find me attractive anyway." Out of the corner of her eye, Dash saw Soarin' cringe.

"Fine. Fine! I don't care about you anyway, Soarin'!" Soarin' cringed even more. Finally he said, "why are you doing this to me? Why don't you run off and find your own special somepony?" Spitfire slammed the door behind her. Rainbow Dash relaxed again. She hadn't even realized how tense she had been. Both Rainbow and Soarin' were now thinking the same thing: "how am I going to make up for this?"

Soarin' opened his mouth to apologize to Dash, but before he could, there was a knock on the door. Soarin' glanced sadly toward the door and sighed. "It's for you," he said. Rainbow Dash slowly got up, and trotted to the door. She opened it, and in came Applejack, without being asked. She glanced at Soarin', then at Dash, then back at Soarin'. "Something bad just happened here," she concluded.

"Talk to Spitfire about it," replied Rainbow Dash.

Applejack shrugged, and then cleared her throat, and said, "Rainbow, I came to tell you something very important. This probably won't help your mood, but..."

"Why don't you sit down, and have a drink, AJ," Soarin' cut in.

Soarin' reached forward to put his arm around Applejack, but she recoiled, and said, "Stay away from me, you fillyfooler!" Rainbow Dash gasped. "You're telling me he's a - "

"It's true," Soarin' said, "but I'm just so tired of my Wonderbolt friends, especially Spitfire."

Rainbow Dash felt awful. Then she became angry. Soarin' saw her expression, and his eyes grew wide. "Soarin', why didn't you tell me before? If you had just admitted that you were a fillyfooler, I wouldn't have even cared!"

Soarin' lowered his head in shame. Then suddenly, he perked up. "So do you still not care?"

Rainbow Dash wanted to be angry. She tried to tell herself that Soarin' was a fillyfooling stallion, and that he deserved this. But the area of her mind that controlled silliness was on a revolt, and it wouldn't let her get away with this opportunity. To Soarin's surprise, Rainbow Dash burst out laughing. "Oh, Soarin'! I'll be your special somepony!"

Spitfire moaned from the next room over, but no pony took notice. Meanwhile Applejack had began to gallop back to Ponyville to alert Twilight of the situation. But for Soarin' and Rainbow Dash, it was a match made in heaven, and Spitfire knew that their moment would come, which is why she moaned even louder, and stuck her head under a pillow. Rainbow Dash felt good about her first kiss. Soarin' was an incredible stallion who was similar to her in many ways, not just some random pony she met at some club. He was the captain of the Wonderbolts! She didn't want to think about their future together. Not yet. For now, she would just enjoy the evening as it was.

Comments

[PrincessoftheNight]

Too many walls of text.

When the speaker switches, you should start a new paragraph. Ex:

"Who's Spitfire?" she asked.

Soarin gestured with his head...etc.

The premise is good, but you seem to be jumping to the drama too quickly- Soarin' and Dash have only just met.

A few minor grammatical errors, such as misplaced commas, improper capitalization, but nothing too major.

Shows promise. Better review coming soon- I'm on an iPad right now.

[Stiggerzz]

the story plot has promise but i'm afraid your writing is nothing to write home about

you really need to space out the text a bit more, a lack of paragraphs results in a massive wall of text that makes it really hard on ones eyes and people can struggle with following the story.

the plot, again while it has promise, unfortunately is EXTREMELY rushed, you jumped straight into the drama within sentences of dashie and soarin' meeting. need to pace the plot out a bit more.

and when somepony else is talking, you REALLY should start on a new line. otherwise it can get confusing as to who is actually doing the speaking. there were a lot of instances where i was like " who dafuq is talking?"

aside from all this. again, it shows promise and i will read on. think of these as constructive criticism to use when writing future tales

[rarerarity]

I like the plot, but you paragraph. I get confused at who's talking. But all in all, I like it!