Harry Potter and Twilight Sparkle: The Patronus Part 1: Harry in Equestria
I'm Harry James Potter. I I've been going though some crazy stuff all my life. But the day I'm going to tell you about was the weirdest ever
It was the summer. Harry was leaving the Burrow to head to the Lovegoods to visit Luna. When he got to the bottom of the
hill though, he decided to Apparate instead of climbing up it. He turned and, VWHOOSH! he Apparated. But instead of
Luna's house, he wound up in another universe! "The heck?" Harry thought. "Where am I?" Harry pulled out his
signature Holly and Phoenix feather wand, and looked around carefully, seeing if there was any danger. Then, a sudden cold
drifted though the air. Dementors! Harry thought. EXPECTO PATRONUM! Harry shouted. A silver stag shot out of his
wand, just as two Dementors flew near him. The Patronus carried both of the Dementors away and out of sight, leaving
Harry alone. Suddenly, he heard the clopping of hooves. Startled, he whipped around and shouted, "STUPIFY!" WHAM!
The spell made conntact with something, and Harry was surprised to find it to be a pony, who was now knocked out.
"Oops." Harry hadn't realised how powerful that spell could get. "Finite Incantartum." Harry whispered pointing his wand the pony. After that, Harry waited. Then, a minute later, the pony began to stir.
"Who are you?" Harry asked the pony.
"I'm Twilight Sparkle." she mumbled
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Fix the grammar and make it longer and this could be great.
215982 Oh it's gonna long, and be as long as it needs to be.
The text here makes it look like it was written in notepad with word wrap turned on essentially creating extra paragraphs everywhere the lines wrap. It's not like you have to buy your word processing programs, wordpad is functional and built into windows, open office is free to download, and both microsoft and google offer their own browser based programs.
(Egon... Where are your arms!?! EGON. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!)
Story.
Where is your formatting?
STORY!?!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Uhm, could you fix the punctuation and paragraphs?
would make it much easier to follow and enjoy, even if the story seems promising this far ..