1- Meeting an idol
The Canterlot dungeons, safeties place in all of Equestria, totally escape proofed .150 guards patrolling at any time, 323 hooves under the earth, 500 huge metal doors until you reach the exit, 20 High security wards, everything surrounded by solid rock and a bunch of magical auras. Current inmates: 1.
Cell number 7, a nice and comfortable 3 x 3 meter cell. The walls moldy and the stone floor full with moss. The only light source, a small candle standing right beside the heavy iron necklace embedded in the wall with a even heavier chain. And there he was, the poor being who had to spent his last 2 weeks into this abuse of a storeroom. Me.
For the last two weeks I watched the water drops trickling down from the ceiling to the floor, 33857 since I started to count 1 week and 3 days ago, and I was already hoping some of the guards would come in and beat me up just to get some change from a normal day in dungeons. But when the thick metallic door really opened and 2 guards in golden armors and armed with sharp looking swords entered my new home, my mood quickly slipped into the cellar of the cellar of the dungeon under the basement.
Of course I tried to crouch away from them, but the little iron trinket around my neck hindered me in my undertaking, so I pressed myself against the wall as hard as I could when one of them reached his hoof after me. To my surprise, he opened the necklace and pulled me up on my legs, shoving me out of the door.
On the outside in the corridor I was greeted by 20 high polished spearheads and their masters, aiming at my beautiful face and ready to stab out in a fraction of a second . None of them said a word to me when my two friends from the cell started to push me down the corridor, they all just starred at me with this detested look in their faces as they followed.
"So...where are we going guys ? " I asked as politely as I could, but they don't cared about my question. "Okay, guess it is a secret then. Nice weather today?" I tried again and this time one of them poked me in my flank. Ouch!.
"Shut up, scum!" was the only answer I got, and I didn't wanted to argue with them so I did how I was told.
We walked for like 10 minutes I guess until we stopped in front of a huge gold glimmering door. One of the guards with the swords walked to it and knocked against the door. After another minute the door opened and I was pushed in.
The room I was getting brought wasn't exactly huge, but still way bigger than my cell, and way more brighter and cozier. I don't need a lot of warmness around me but I appreciate it. In the middle of the room was a big desk with 2 chairs. Except from that, the room was empty. I turned my head around and starred into the emotionless faces of the two sword guards which came in with me, but before I could ask them what it going on one of them punched me in my belly and said I should bow down for the Captain and approach him with sir. So I bowed down, but more because of the heavy punch in my stomach than to what he told me.
I starred at the ground, trying to hold my tears back, when a familiar voice said I could get up again. I lifted my head and to my surprise I saw into the eyes of my big idol Shining Armor, captain of the royal guards and prince of the Christal Empire.
" Y-Yes sir, thanks sir." I answered quickly and stood up. Others of my race would probably show disrespect after being jailed and incarcerated for such a long time, or trying to attack him, but he still was my big idol and I knew how strong he is. I know everything about him, I read a lot before got imprisoned.
"Take a seat." he ordered while pointing at a chair with integrated hoofcuffs. I didn't liked this chair but I really had no other choice and I don't wanted to get punched again by these bucking ass. He got a hard hook.
I took place at the chair and laid my 4 hooves into the open cuffs. Before I really could take notice they were closed and I was unable to move. But hey, sitting on a chair was an improvement compared to the hard floor back in the cell.
I watched Shining Armor keen as he gave the guards a little nod without saying a word and they quickly leaved the room and closed the door behind them. He radiated so much power, it was amazing. Then he turned to me and I gulped. I may have meeped too but I'm not sure.
He watched me for three seconds and then slowly made his way around me and behind the chair. I was getting really nervous. I had no clue what the captain of the Royal Guards could want from me. I'm condemned to be hanged or something else and now my big idol wanted something from me.
He was still staying behind me and out of my vision, so I started to speak up, choosing my words carefully.
" Uhm...If I may ask a question... sir?". He didn't answered, instead he walked back in my vision and sat down on the other chair on the other side of the desk, starring in my pure soft blue eyes. I could see directly in his pensive face, but I couldn't stand his starring so I looked down to my hooves.
A few minutes passed and I almost nodded off when he suddenly began to speak.
"You know your delinquency." It wasn't a question, more an assessment.
"Y-yes sir..." I said, still looking down.
"And what is your delinquency ?" Wow, that question came out of nowhere.
"Because...because I'm a changeling sir ?".To be honest, this really was my only crime. I am born into an illegal race if you want to call it so.
"Yes, yes indeed. You are a monster. A parasite. Dirty scum. You suck out all the love of your hosts until they die, and you don't even care." he declared angrily to me.
" I have never done that!" I responded sharp and hissed at him. And again I was judged by what my race had done in the past. It's not my fault damn it!
" You call me a liar ?! " He stood up and leaned over the table, one hoof raised to hit me right in the face.
I turned my head to the side as far as I could and closed my eyes, fearing what would happen next.
" I have done nothing wrong." I answered with a sniff, black tears streaming out of my closed eyes. Yeah, changeling tears are black when we are really sad, but that's another story and hard to explain, even I don't really understand it.
A minute passed and after nothing has happened to me, I carefully opened my eye to look what was going on. I saw him back on his chair with a little sorrowful look on his face. I sniffed again and turned my head back at him.
" I'm sorry... I may have overreacted a bit" he said while whipping some invisible dust from the shoulder of his red military suit, which almost looks like the one from the pictures from his wedding I have stashed somewhere back home. Like I said, I'm a huge fan.
"Sir?" I said to get his attention back. " Why are you talking to me? I've already been found guilty and I don't think I know something you would like to hear."
"That's what I have to judge about, don't you think so, changeling?"
"It's just Ling sir."
"What?" He starred at me in confusion.
"My name. It's Ling. Not changeling."
"Changelings don't have names." he pointed out.
"I'm pretty sure that I have one.My mothers gave it to me" I pointed back. When I noticed my blooper I could have facehoofed myself. I brought my mothers into this. Buck.
"Mother?" He raised one eyebrow at me and starred at me with disbelief. "You mean your queen ?"
He seemed to take the s after mothers as a hissing, so I saw the chance to correct my mistake and simply shrugged with my shoulders. This won't really help me, but that's the least I could do for my mothers to protect them.
"Hmmm..." he inspected me while rubbing his chin with his hoof, when the door suddenly opened and one of the guard entered.
"Sir, we have a problem up there. It happened again." he reported while saluting to his captain. Armor nodded and turned back to me.
"We continue this conversation later, I have more important things to do now than spending my whole day in the dungeons. GUARDS! ". The two sword guards which waited outside quickly rushed through the open door and released me from the cuffs. Then they pushed me out of the room and down the corridor back into my cell, not forgetting to give me their sick form of a goodnight kiss in shape of a blue eye...bluer eye...bluish eye...they beat the crap out of me.
When they had leaved I laid down close to the wall and reviewed the conversation in my head while staring into the flame of the small candle on the floor.A few minutes later I finally started to fall asleep, but I dreamed nothing...
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BOOP
>Who made the rule that ALL changelings have to be love sucking monsters? It's a big lie. I have to know it. I am one.
"It's a big lie. I have to know it. I am one."
Due to your sentence structure, I have reason to believe that you are a lie.
MOAR! MOARMOARMOARMOARMOAR!!!!
1965477
'TIS A LIE!//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png
Do Changelings say everypony? You'd think they'd say everyinsect or something.
1966130
If they're going to integrate themselves into pony society, they have to learn to use all the typical words. Other fics would have changelings use the moniker "-ling" rather than "-pony", but only when they're not undercover agents in the midst of unaware ponies.
Overall, the story itself is an interesting start. The need for a proofreader is glaring however. Almost as glaring as the sun's rays off Celestia's flank. Punctuation is wandering, extra spaces knocking periods off the ends of sentences, and past/post/pre-tense of words keeps getting mixed up. The less forgiving readers will downvote you based on petty things like this. On the positive side, your spelling is quite good.
I look forward to seeing where Ling goes (well, besides his prison cell for now) and what an emotivore eats, if not love as the rest of his race chows down upon. Hmm. Maybe this is similar to the carnivore/herbivore dynamic? So if carnivore is to eat love, what's herbivore? The emotion of "like"? And to keep stringing this silly logic on, would a weirdo hippy-ling vegan feed on apathy? Heh.
p.s. Somewhere, out there in the internet, there has to a free text editor with grammar correction built in next to the spell checker. Wishing that Gdocs had something is obviously too much to ask for. Ah well.
Those are some decisive tags you got up with only the first chapter out, sounds like you got a plan.
1965477 oh no ! *disappears with a poof*
1965539 okay, but please don't hurt me D;
1967374 yeah, amazing what my brain thought of in a 10 minute bus ride, isn't it ?
1966282 yeah I could really need a proofreader or I could be lazy and just say ; he's a changeling, he doesn't have to use good grammar ^^ but no, I think i need one
1966130 read what morphy said i don't wanna repeat it ^^
1968416
Fix your grammar up a bit, it's rather atrocious right now.
I know you probably aren't a native English speaker, but do get a proofreader. The grammar is at the point where it's actually distracting me from the story.
1970646 yeah I will search one and then I fix up all mistakes ;-)
you have my attention.
that takes skill
1975130 thanks ^^ nice to see people actually like my story
1975192
i just really like changelings and this one seems a bit more interesting. only other changeling related fanfic i like is Flitter.
also do you play xbox at all?
1975668 nah I have a ps3 somewhere but I mostly play on the pc
1975702
used to be PC, played nothing but tf2, spent 100$ and loss 580 because of valves crappy security
Moose? static.tumblr.com/331302e5d96226cfa31186f30de794db/97nr3uj/PXhmf7ei5/tumblr_static_moose_crossing.jpg
How does that even work?
1990180 gah I will never buy a Japanese English-lexicon app again >.<
I copied the first chapter into a word processor and fixed it. Would you like me to send you the corrected version via message?
This fic is in desperate need of editing. There are a bunch of spelling and grammar issues.