Of Ponies and Ramen

by The_Last_Centurion

I make some Star Wars references and (almost) nobdy gets them

This story is a fan-fiction of MLP:FiM. I don't own any of it. It belongs to Hasbro, etc, etc.
Don't sue. Seriously. That would be so uncouth.

I make some Star Wars references and (almost) nobody gets them

“Spike! I did it” was the first thing I heard as my hearing came back. This was followed by a bunch of “squees” as I heard something else make a choking noise. ‘People actually do that outside of the internet?’ I thought to myself as I finished off my ramen before realizing the creatures behind me weren’t human.

“Where the fuck am I?” I asked heavily before standing up to wash out my pot in the sink. I didn’t look back once, hoping I really was just in a fucked up dream.

“Oh uh, you’re in Ponyville!” said the same unicorn’s voice as I rinsed the pot out. However, this struck a chord with me. I turned off the water and put the pot in the sink before turning around slowly.

“Like the place on my sisters’ favorite tv show?” I asked the purple unicorn with suspicion. Recently, I had learned of a tv show that my three younger sisters loved. Whenever I visited, I would watch it with them just so I could spend some time with them and I agreed that it was a pretty cute show. I wouldn’t watch it religiously, but some of my favorite voice actors and other creators of my favorite childhood cartoons apparently worked on the show. It was called My Little Ponies: Friendship is Magic and I knew from my internet usage that it had become a pretty big sensation over the last year. I knew about these “Bronies” and my sisters declared that I was one of them now. Hell, I’m all fine with being called things, but I really didn’t know much about the show other than it took place in a fake town cleverly called Ponyville. And now that I looked at the unicorn and small dragon, my eyes grew wide as I recognized them.

“Holy shit. You’re Twilight Sparkle. And the little motherfucker over there is Spike. Shit dude.” I said in astonishment, so much so I didn’t care I was swearing in front of a child and lady…er mare.

Twilight gave me a glare, realizing all my expletives must have been swears. I rubbed the back of my head and gave her a sheepish smile.

“Twilight, what’s a ‘mother fucker’?” Spike asked the unicorn and I started to laugh.

“Spike, go write a letter to Princess Celestia. Tell her that I’m coming to the castle with a human.” Twilight said with a gentle voice while she frowned at the swearing. Spike looked between Twilight and I and he nodded, go back out the door he and Twilight entered. As he left, going upstairs from what the sounds of his footsteps told me, Twilight stared me down. She didn’t look too happy that Spike now knew some human swears, but more importantly, she looked like she was studying me.

“How did you know who we were?” Twilight asked.

“You guys are from my sisters’ favorite tv show. Hell, I remember buy my one sister a plushie of you for her last birthday. I must totally be tripping to be talking to you…” I said as I shook my head, trying to remember which drink I had last night must have been spiked. Maybe it was the one Josh… no it was definitely the one Schafy gave me. It was totally something he would do.

“Tripping?” she asked me with a tilt of her head. “No, I summoned you here with a spell.”

“Ok.” I laughed at the hallucination. “So if that’s…” I said as I tried to walk towards her, but slipped on some water on the floor, falling down and smashing my forehead against the hard wooden floor.

“Sonofabitch!” I shouted as I held my head. “How many times am I going to hit my head today?”

“Oh my gosh! Are you alright?” Twilight asked from above me.

“Yeah I’m fine. Just hit my head for the millionth time today after being supposedly dumped in a world from a tv show. Now why couldn’t I end up on Kashyyyk?” I said sarcastically.

“Cash-ik?” Twilight repeated. I just sighed. Of course this world wouldn’t get any of my movie, video games, and meme references.
“I find your lack of Star Wars knowledge disturbing.” I replied in Darth Vader’s throaty voice as I heard Spike come back down the stairs.
“Princess Celestia wants us to come to Canterlot right away!” Spike said quickly, cutting off Twilight as she was about to say something to me, probably a question about what Star Wars was. Instead, she closed her mouth and nodded briskly, her horn starting to light up.
“Hey, what are you doing?” I asked suddenly scared for no apparent reason.
“Hold still.” Spike instructed me as Twilight’s horn glowed bright lavender.
“Wait, we aren’t…”
My words were lost as a flash of magical energy consumed us all.

“Fu…ULARGH!” I shouted as I threw up in a trashcan outside Canterlot Castle. After our teleportation, I had all of five seconds to admire the large castle of marble and its sights before I spotted the trash can and my stomach threw a revolt against my body. Magical movement and human tummies don’t ever mix. Ever.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know this would happen.” Twilight said apologetically for the millionth time since we arrived in what I assumed was Canterlot. As I pulled away from the garbage can, yet still keeping a death grip on it, I glared at her. “Never. Fucking. Again.” I told her malevolently as my stomach churned and I bent over the garbage can again, expecting the worst. However, it didn’t come and I breathed heavily for a few seconds. I pulled away from the garbage can and wiped my mouth on my arm realizing I was still wearing just my pajama bottoms, yet I was going to meet a princess. I was so under-dressed, but whatever. If all the other ponies were like Twilight, then I’d be fine just walking around nude for all that mattered.

I led the way into the castle grounds, the two armored stallion guards giving me strange looks of suspicion, fear, and amusement as I scowled and walked by them. They nodded to Spike and Twilight as they walked by behind me and I saw the respect between the four in the corner of my eye. I knew that Twilight was the protagonist of the tv show back home, but I guessed that meant she was some sort of national hero here or something. And I had just cussed her out. First, going to see a princess half naked, next cussing out a national hero. Just keep those points coming…

But as we approached the castle I let Twilight take the lead, going past two more guards and walking through the marble corridors that twisted and twined through the castle. I walked along behind the unicorn and dragon on her back looking at the various paintings on the walls of various dignitaries and out of the glass-less windows in some of the large hallways out at what looked like a large garden maze in the castle’s grounds. However, with Twilight in the lead, everything went by quickly and eventually we ended up in front of two large, ornate doors made out of gold and silver. There was a large mural etched and molded into the doors, one of what looked like the sun and moon and two unicorns with wings ruling over a land filled with ponies, unicorns, and pegasi. I looked up at the door with appreciation and realized that I could use a door like this for my bathroom; a gate way to my throne room.

My thoughts on bathroom glory were brought to a halt as the doors opened up by themselves and I looked into a large throne room that was as tall as it was long. On either side of the hall were stained glass windows, each depicting what I assumed to be a different act of valor or turning point in time. I saw the same winged unicorns I saw on the door in plenty of them, but I was also surprised to see Twilight in a few and even Spike in one of them.

However, my attention was brought to more pressing matters as we came to the thrones of the two winged unicorns and Twilight and Spike bowed to them. Both were taller than other ponies and had unicorn horns and wings, but that was where the similarities ended. One was pure white and had a mane of flowing pink, blue, purple, and green. Her eyes were a girly pink and I saw a large sun on her flank, similar to Twilight’s star thing on her own. The other princess was dark blue while her azure eyes looked out at me lazily, like she had just been woken up. Her pure blue mane buffeted behind her like the other princess’s but hers had pinpricks of white in it and they winked and glowed like stars on a midsummer’s eve. Her flank was coated in a darked night with a crescent moon.

“So one of you two is Princess Celestia right?” I asked without bowing. I knew they were royalty, but I had just been torn from my home, my world less than an hour prior. And I had just thrown up my tasty ramen-breakfast thanks to her beckon. So I think I was in the right to be a little pissy.

“Yes, Mr…”

“Will.”

“That would be me, Mr. Will.” the white one said as the blue one yawned.

“We art Princess Luna.” the blue one said sleepily. I stared at her a little funnily. Did she just use “art” instead of “are”?

“You may rise my little pony and dragon.” Princess Celestia said to Twilight and Spike. They rose and she continued. “Now how did Mr. Will come to Equestria, Twilight?” the sun-butted princess asked to her subjects.

“I was trying out some spells from the journal of Starswirl the Bearded that you sent me a few days ago. I had tried out most of them and some were either duds or didn’t do exactly as his description said, but this one apparently worked to a T.” Twilight said with a nod towards me.

“So you summoned me? What the hell? Am I a fuckin’ Deadra?” I said incredulously. Princess Celestia and Twilight frowned at my cursing, but Luna’s eyes grew wide and she looked at me with interest. I shrugged it off and started back at the mares with an angry gaze.

“Er…yes, you could say that.” Twilight said. “The journal said I would be able to get a glimpse of creatures from the other plane and bring them here, but I never imagined that I would summon a human.” She finished, amazed at the memory of the spell.

“Ok, cool. Yeah I’m a human. Now send me back home.” I said to her swiftly.

“Um…” she said looking at the ground bashfully.

“You can’t send me back, can you.” I said with an exasperated sigh. “Well… shit.” I said with a clenched fist. I closed my eyes and started to focus on my breathing exercises before I erupted in anger.

“I’m sorry!” Twilight exclaimed. “The journal didn’t say anything about sending you back, but if it’s one of Starswirl’s spells…”

“Then he might mention how to undo it in another writing.” Princess Celestia finished for her. “Very good thinking my student. Come, we will go straight to the Royal Canterlot Library and try to find a way to send Mr. Will back to his world.”

I opened my eyes to look at them dead on. “You’re my only hope.” I said to them in my Princess-Leia-after-a-sex-change voice, a voice that was deep and sounded a lot like a certain family friend from the Bronx. Twilight, Spike, and Celestia looked at me with weird faces, but Luna cracked a smile.

“Um…Yes. Let us be off Twilight.” Princess Celestia said in return as her horn lit up and she disappeared in a flash. Twilight did the same, leaving me alone with the Princess Luna. I gave her a face that said ‘well?’ and she smiled sleepily at me.

“The Star Wars is strong in this one.” Luna said, surprising me so much that I was sure ponies on the other side of the world could have heard my jaw hit the floor.

“How the hell?” I asked in utter confusion.

“What? Did we surprise you?” Luna asked with a tired, yet devilish grin. “If you think that is it, then you will love this…” she said as her horn started to glow.

Author's Note:

Another chapter down and I don't know how many more to go! Sweet.

Comments

[The_Last_Centurion]

1887759
OOOH! I KNOW, I KNOW! IT'S THIS ONE:
I should totally get a cookie.

[The_Last_Centurion]

1887413
Like I said, It came to me and a friend during our New Year's party last night.

[The_Last_Centurion]

1887829
Put some Frank's hot sauce on that shit and it's ready to go.

[Symphony]

“Holy shit. You’re Twilight Sparkle. And the little motherfucker over there is Spike. Shit dude.” I said in astonishment, so much so I didn’t care I was swearing in front of a child and lady…er mare.

Laughing too hard... Can't breathe... My sides are burning...