Forgotten Bookcases

by Cynical

Rebound

Forgotten Bookcases
By M3lancholy

We seat ourselves
Upon two islands
Of our dreams and hopes
And the sea boils blue with our fears

Rebound

I'd never thought about it before, but being the student of Princess Celestia for around ten years had disciplined me into small traits and quirks that I still honoured even though my title was no-longer my own. That was why I never really thought of it. I remembered that it had been a mixture of grief and inactivity on my part that forced Celestia's hoof into cutting that particular tie, but that didn't stop my over-analytical brain from sardonically pointing out the fact that not three days later, she had another student. I never even bothered to learn their name.

I remember when she told me. She visited me often you know. Every Sunday, a day which I kept for myself, even after I decided to move on from Spike, there would be a knock on my door that I didn't acknowledge and which remained a formality for the pearly alicorn which entered my abode anyway. I never really paid attention to what she did or said while she was there, I just accepted that she was and left it at that. Sunday was the only day when I would allow myself to let go and cry, no Princess would interrupt that for me. Obviously she grew bored of me though after the first three months of attempting to console me.

I remember the day clearly. Three months to the day from when Spike left.
The day started normally enough, I was enjoying my Sunday, as far as the word enjoyment can be stretched that is, and She comes in. By all rights, this should clue me into the fact that something was wrong, but my mask was hung up for the day and I had no plans for putting it back on until at least midnight tonight. Call me vain, but I didn't want the princess to see me like this, not really. It was simply a lack of caring that always stopped me from replacing the mask for her visits. Today… today wouldn't have mattered either way I think.

I lay on the couch, facing the back of the seat so as to hide my tears, and she stood three metres away from me. I knew because the indents from her metal-plated hooves always left a small imprint there. What I said about not really paying attention? I half-lied. I always heard what she said, she was my Princess after all. I just never quite made the connection between the words and their meanings until it was too late, like today for example.

She talked.
I didn't listen.
The small part of my brain that defied my thoughts on the other hand, was slowly decoding what the Princess had told me even after she left. In the end, I had my translation and I was exposed to just what I'd instigated.

"This is just getting too cumbersome now Twilight. I can't keep coming to Ponyville every Sunday to talk to a mare who barely registers my presence. As much as it pains me to do this… I'm going to have to release you from your duties as my student. I- I'm going to have to ask you to… to step down. If you wish to contest this now, I might reconsider."
My mind informed me that there had been a gap, maybe a minute, maybe an hour, it didn't measure these things anymore.
"Then… this is goodbye, my faithful stu- My faith- Twilight Sparkle."
And then she left me here.

I pondered what this would mean for me. No-longer under the care or direct command of Celestia, I would have my freedom to do what I wanted, no-longer under the obligation to report to the princess on my findings of friendship, and freedom to live my life without additional input; were all on the list of things that I thought of, yes, but they were being thought about in side-lines of my mind. The main thought at the moment being that I had lost another pony I held dear. How long until I drove everypony away from me due to my inactivity and isolation. It was yet another harsh reminder that I was living a life which was falling apart around me.

And what did I do the next morning? I got up at seven in the morning, as I had always done since I became Celestia's student, and continued my life. I never told anypony that I was not Celestia's student anymore… that might have brought the carefully constructed walls I'd built crashing around me again. Incidentally, that was the day before I planned to take my life into my own hooves and start being reckless for once in my life.

So I did today, as I did every day, rising at seven in the morning to do my few duties as librarian of Ponyville, happily it had been a week since I made my plans for my wingsuit test. I glanced at the clock on the wall of my bedroom, 7:01 AM. That would give me plenty of time to have breakfast, sort out my various pieces of equipment and also prepare a lunch for the three of us, before I headed to the town hall, our chosen meeting place, for 9 AM, our chosen time. Speaking of which, I hadn't had the chance to confront Pinkie about her true feelings towards the jump today. I decided to just see what happened and got up to make myself a breakfast of toast.

---

We met in front of the town hall, us three daredevils, and began the walk to the Ghastly gorge. I showed Rainbow my wingsuit, holding it aloft inside my magic while I walked. She looked at parts and prodded at others, sometimes commenting on the fabric or the design, and more than once eying the suit longingly. I queried her about this after I caught her looking at it like that for the third time and the look on her face could have been compared to one sharing a guilty secret with another, I think we'd completely forgotten the presence of Pinkie along with us by this point, me and Dash both being so entranced with each other's conversation.

"Well, among other things, the design is excellent and it screams excitement as much as I do, and that's saying something. Also-" At this, Dash paused, looking around for a moment as if she thought a pony might be listening, hidden behind the rocks which lined the path. After glancing around, she continued, "Also, I'd like to try it."

I laughed at this, and asked her why, where she immediately glanced around, making 'shush' noises as she did so. After glancing about, she sidled up to me until we were walking shoulder to shoulder, and whispered to me. "Don't tell anypony, but I think flying without wings is much better than with them" I snorted at this, sometimes it amazed me just what Dash thought could be considered uncool and what was cool. Then again, she did have an image to keep up of herself, and what would ponies think of her if she forsook her birthright? Maybe Dash had the right idea about coolness after all.

She drew apart from me, but not to the same distance she had been previously, there was maybe only a hoof or two between us now as we moved the topic onto our preferred sports and recommendations of others. Again shutting Pinkie completely out of the discussion and out of our minds and thoughts. Thus our merry procession arrived at Ghastly gorge after half an hours walk from Ponyville. A unicorn and a pegasus leading the walk, each so enrapt in the others conversation that we hardly noticed we'd arrived until the slightly dour earth pony pointed it out.

Even so, we continued the conversation as Rainbow limbered up and I slipped into my suit. Pinkie? She wore a sour expression at odds with her bright and cheery colour scheme and usual attitude. One of us might have commented on this, if we'd noticed her that is. After five minutes of continuous banter, jibes and chatter, both me and Rainbow were prepared to take a leap of faith into Ghastly gorge. After I allowed Rainbow to look over my handiwork and note how there were a number of flaps on the suit to catch the most airflow. I would not be as graceful as her wings allowed her to be, but I would be able to have a rudimentary experience of self-sustained flight for a while.

With that, we lined up on the edge of the gorge, said to Pinkie that we'd meet her back here, and jumped out over the void below.

There is a moment, as there is in all activities, where your life hangs in the balance between a small piece of equipment and some untold manner of death. These were the moments that I now lived for. Leaving my life out of my hooves and into a small suit of untested fabric and mathematical equations. Now this was the moment I spread my hooves, and allowed myself to fly.

The experience was truly unforgettable. The way that Rainbow described flying was always as an adrenaline rush on wings. She never described the simple pleasure of mastering the skies and leaving the ground. It may have helped that I was a normally grounded pony with no experience or method to fly, but I like to think that I truly had something there, that it was more than me conquering flight and added to the fact that I was flying at a very high fraction of terminal velocity, I couldn't really care for that matter, preferring to simply spread my legs and control the current.

In my ecstasy, I rolled in the air, catching a glimpse of Rainbow watching me with her own joy evident in her eyes. I straightened myself out and glanced at her again, seeing that she was still watching me. After making eye contact, I made a pointed glance downwards then glanced back at her to see a smirk overtake her features and her wings beginning to move up a gear. Luckily, I had no such qualms about switching pitch or pace, and simply leant forwards, letting gravity take its rightful hold on me and speed me up to near terminal speeds, hopefully giving me the edge in the sudden race I'd instigated.

At a distance of no more than fifty hooves from the ground, I levelled out, using my momentum to slingshot myself into the gusty cave and straight through it to the other side, by which time I'd noticed the sound of the tail that I'd picked up, her regular wing beats the only sound above my own breathing and the wind around me. Not that I gave her any opportunities to pass me though. The moment that she was about to close in on me, I arched my back, sending me skywards and removing most of the momentum that I'd build up over the dive, not that I was complaining, this was incredible, no wonder Dash spent as little time on her hooves as physically possible, preferring to take to the air and enjoy this wonderful feeling as much as possible.

At the point when the momentum carrying me upwards almost ran out, I levelled out, laughing happily at the experience and the joyful expression on the pegasus' face now that she'd joined me in simply cruising. I suppose it had been a long time since she'd had this much fun in her element with another pony now that the only pegasus who Rainbow could have flown with had left for Canterlot. Sometimes I found it all too easy to forget that my friends had left. Easier still while I was risking my life, and easiest yet while I was in the air with Rainbow Dash.

I glanced across at the cerulean pegasus who was gliding silently along with me, content to look down at the ground far below us, and it hit me.
I finally knew how I had gone back to our friendship roles so easily
How we could share a conversation for hours on end
Why I'd offered Dash the chance here
And why I was captivated by the cyan mare, flying alongside me, who was eager to share her sky with somepony else.

It was simple really, an epiphany that really shouldn't have needed to occur in the first place, but then. I never was good with the touchy-feely stuff myself, preferring to keep ponies at a legs distance apart and comfort them from there.
And yet…
Here I was, nearly six hundred hooves above the gorge below, gliding along with Rainbow Dash, and everything felt so… so right. I couldn't imagine the pony I was flying with to not be Rainbow Dash no more than I could break my own horn off at the base. It was like the feeling I'd had a week ago, the feeling that you had somepony to protect you, except this seemed stronger somehow. A stronger bond? Or more to protect from, I didn't know.

It didn't matter at the moment. All I knew was that I was flying along with somepony I knew, that I was sharing the sky with somepony I cared about, and bringing joy to a pony that I loved.
That was it.
I laughed at the absurdity of it all. Here I was, risking my life needlessly for a thrill that would last me an hour or so, with Rainbow Dash, countless hooves above the ground, and here was where I finally admitted myself that I was in love with Rainbow Dash. It seemed fitting in a way, I was sharing her sky, and now I wished to share my heart with her. I heard her echoing my laugh as she revelled in the simple thrill of flying.

It might have been a matter of seconds or a number of minutes, but we soon reached the end point of our journey. I angled myself to land below, just before the steps that made up the passage into Ghastly gorge, but that plan was blown off kilter when something appeared under me, a rainbow headed something, and pulled up; bringing us both to the cliff that we'd both jumped off what seemed like an age ago, but was no more than fifteen minutes at the most. As we grew level with the cliff, I asked Rainbow if I could ask her something, she replied an affirmative, after ribbing me that I'd just asked her one.

"How many other ponies have you shared your sky with?"
"Um, since Fluttershy, none. Why do you ask?"
"It just seemed so peaceful up there, you and me flying without a care in the world." I continued, not really answering the question.
Rainbow chuckled, "You thought that was awesome? You were only gliding, you didn't have the full experience that wings give me."
"And for that I'm regretful, if that was exhilarating for me, I can't imagine what having wings would be like."
"You don't know the half of it." Came her reply, her tone filled with a surprising amount of longing. There was a pause, then she asked, "Why the sudden introspective questions though?"

I told her, after the dutiful teasing of Rainbow Dash using a word like introspective, and felt my stomach drop a moment later as Rainbow's grip around me slackened for an instant and I started to fall, thankfully, she realised her error and caught me a moment later. It still took me a moment to round up my wits after that and reply to her question "Could you… repeat that please?"
"I think I love you, Rainbow."
I thought I heard her say "That's what I thought you said." and she floundered for a moment, looking for a response I suppose. "Why?"
"Because you and I, we share a common set of tastes do we not? You and your books and me and my stunts, we both crave what the other enjoys regularly. I saw you earlier, you enjoyed sharing your sky with somepony else, I want to be that pony, that pony you can share your endless sky with."

She dropped me on the ground and then dropped down with me so we were both walking on the smooth rock of the cliff. After stretching her legs, she turned back to be and replied. "Yeah, about that… look, promise you won't melt me or something when I tell you."
She rubbed her foreleg nervously, pretty much at the same speed my heart was dropping into my gut. I nodded my assent, already guessing what it was she was going to say.
"I can't Twilight."

And bingo, jackpot.
"Why not?" I demanded, very quickly finding fifteen potential loopholes in the contract Rainbow had given.
"It's complicated."
"Try me." I'd give her the choice between vaporisation and being flash frozen before taking a hit by a good buck or ten.
"I'm already dating Pinkie."

The admission was not loud. It didn't need to be for me to hear what she'd said. All thoughts of revenge or retribution decayed into nothing as a numbness spread its infection through me. I think I made a noise of some sort, I didn't really pay attention to it if I did, I was too busy appraising my personal values, plans and priorities, trying to look for a solution.
I stayed like that for a while. I came back into the real world, after a period of unknown time, to find the sun setting below the horizon and with no signs of Rainbow Dash or Pinkie Pie.
So I began walking home, my heart shattered and shared between my four hooves.

---

Never before had my home been so inviting yet so foreboding.
I'd heard about this next part, where the shock sets in. And the loss. And the regrets. Courtesy of Rarity of course. I wanted to shut myself away, to hide my shamed face from all within Ponyville and forget this whole ordeal had ever happened. But that wasn't a luxury my mind was granting me, instead painting visions of various 'what-if' scenarios and alternate realities. Each one more painful than the next. And yet… there was still that tiny voice, the rational one which had grown quiet after Spike left, telling me to get over it, that it was nothing more than a negative answer. I don't think my rational mind could compute the answer leaving my heart broken.

I ignored it in the end, walking towards the door and all but running the last few steps to get inside and away from the populous. I slammed the door behind me, my tears now breaking free of their own accord now that there was no need to hide them anymore. Forget the ordeal happened? Right now I'd settle for withering and dying on the spot, which I seemed to be doing right now. I was curled up on the floor with no idea when I'd lain down. Tears still spouting from my eyes, I debated getting up again but decided against it.
It would be more economical this way.

Who was I to gain the love of Rainbow Dash?
How could I ever hope to gain her adoration and admiration?
Why did I even consider the notion in the first place?
The answer to all three questions was simple. I shouldn't. I was a simple unicorn, living by myself in a library which was mostly empty. I needed for Equestria to be in danger and for the princess of the entire country to tell me to go and make some friends. And I was just a stupid pony who thought that the world was fair, that I would be happy. The cynic in me laughed at the absurdity of the statement.
Who was I to believe that the world would be different for me? I curled up tighter against myself.
Who was I to call the laws of the world to heel? Her head shook slightly.
Who was Twilight Sparkle to change the world?

"I am Twilight."
I didn't realise I'd spoken until my ears reported to me. Then it became simple.
Who was I to change the world? I was Twilight Sparkle, student of Princess Celestia.
Who was I to command the laws of the world? I was the most magical unicorn to pass through the gifted school in the past millennium.
Who was I to choose who I loved? I am me.

It was so simple; all I needed to do would be to change the world slightly so that I was left with a more favourable outcome. It would not have to be a huge event, just something that would make Dash never commence a relationship with Pinkie, so she'd be free to start over with me.

I think I sustained that thought for a whole minute before I realised what I was thinking. Aside from the fact that time didn't work like that, there would be too many unknowns. What if Dash went out with another pony instead? What if it changed Dash herself? What if Rainbow ever found out?
I think that was what decided it for me. Not what could happen to myself during such a spell. Not if I changed Dash from who she was now. No, I thought of a Dash in tears, an upset Dash, an angry Dash.

Who was I?
I rose from the ground in a trance.
Who was I to change the world?
I walked into the next room. Filled with various knick-knacks and sporting equipment, chronicling my adrenaline filled journey from big to small.
Who was I to redefine the world?
A plaque was laid on a shelf at the end of the room, it bore the inscription: 'Dr Twilight Sparkle, Graduate of Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns; Msci, PhD, Bsc(Hons)'. I lit my horn.
Who was I to hope the world cared?
The world could burn.

A knock at the door broke me from my timeless reverie. I glanced around, noting my surroundings and the redecoration of the room.
Where there had once been equipment lay broken material and burnt fabric, the awards and prizes? Molten metal and a chunk of charred wood. I glanced towards the plaque, now a twisted hunk of tarnished gold, from which a reflection could still be retrieved. It showed a figure out of a nightmare.

The figure possessed a mane of fire and ash, her coat jet back and eyes a shining light. There was no expression on the face of the nightmare and when I blinked, it was replaced by the reflection I knew. The room was still filled with broken equipment and melted achievements though, it seemed that part at least was real.

I moved towards the door, a large part of me thanking whoever it was for breaking me out of whatever insane place I'd been residing. The minor part though, still thought about that figure in the mirror. That looked like a strong pony who feared no-one…
It might be nice to be that pony one day.

I reached the door and opened it, expecting to see the mailmare, running late after numerous deliveries or something. Instead I was greeted with the sight of Rainbow Dash, standing nervously on my doorstep and carrying a hold-all in her mouth. When she saw the door open she laid her bag on the floor and spoke.
"Hey Twi… listen, you wouldn't mind if I slept here tonight right?"
"Err… I don't see why not, but why aren't you sleeping in your own house, or Pinkies for that matter?" I replied, more bewildered than anything at the current turn of events.

"Yeah, about that… I sold my house a few days ago so I could move in with Pinkie. "After waiting a couple of moments for Rainbow to continue, I decided to give her a prod in the right direction.
"So… why aren't you sleeping there now, did you have an argument or something?"
"Twi- not now please. I just need somewhere to sleep for the night."
This caught me completely off guard and left me nodding wordlessly to Rainbow, I moved aside to let her into the treehouse, inconspicuously shutting the door to the destroyed room with my magic.

Rainbow walked in, carrying her bag which she dumped onto the sofa.
"Sooo, am I ok to sleep on the sofa?" I remember mutely nodding to this before something presented itself to my memory
"You can use the guest bed if you want." I said, still completely bewildered by her appearance and her lack of information pertaining to her situation. Deciding to roll with it for the moment, I headed into the kitchen to prepare a hot drink of sorts, some coffee would be sure to soothe my nerves. I called back a question over my shoulder, asking Dash if she wanted anything. She replied an affirmative for a glass of Orange juice

I worked my magic in the kitchen, bringing a variety of utensils and crockery from their respective drawers, into a whirlwind about my person, I found a balance in the magic, I would make Dash comfortable and then see why she was there. In the meantime, I had a drink or two to make.

After a minute or so, I came out of the kitchen again, this time carrying a pair of mugs, one of which I levitated over to Rainbow Dash. The other I kept for myself. I heard her mutter a thank you as she picked up the proffered mug and simply held it in her hooves, not drinking a drop. For that matter, I could see that something was seriously wrong here, making Dash comfortable would have to wait… this took priority now.
"What's wrong Dash?" I asked in a voice which brooked no argument, which she proceeded to try and offer anyway.
"Nothing's wrong Twilight, I already told you." She replied in a strained voice. Surprisingly enough, a raised eyebrow from me seemed to be the only stimuli for causing her defence to crumble around her.

I dragged the story out of her in the end; it wasn't a fun rendition as Dash told me how she'd walked to Sugarcube corner on her own to find Pinkie waiting. She told me how Pinkie had let Dash in, the party pony wearing a wan smile to Dash's false one. Pinkie had asked how the flying had gone, to which Dash had replied how utterly amazing it was and followed with the race that the two of us had had. Pinkie had asked her something to which the answer was what had happened after -Dash really didn't want to remember the details apparently- Pinkie liked that answer not one jot. She'd followed it by making accusations against Dash, that she was more interested in me than her. That Dash should just end the relationship now if that was the case.

"And what did you say to all of that?" I asked, dreading where this was going almost as much as I hoped for it.
"I didn't say anything; I just let her say all that stuff… that was probably why she broke up with me afterwards."
A voice spoke out against the euphoria in my mind, convinced my mouth to ask her a question, "Why did you come here Dash? Fluttershy is your older friend, and I'd have thought you'd have made sleeping in a library one of those 'uncool' activities."
"Yeah about that Twilight… I wanted to ask you something too."
A smug voice in my head was starting to take up more of my attention, predicting the words that Rainbow would say as she said them herself.
"I wondered if that offer from before was still open… whether you'd be interested in going out on a date with me."

The part of my brain which had received the previous euphoria was going into overdrive, but for each attempt it made at infecting its happiness among others, there remained a guard who looked into the comment.
"So you come to me after you've been kicked out by Pinkie? And ask me whether I still love you? Am I that important to you that I'm just a- a backup?" I didn't cry then. I had no more tears left to spill, and let the cold anger wash its cleansing fire through my body instead.

Rainbow shook her head frantically against each turn of my cold anger and taking each accusation as it came and denying all of them. I waited for her to continue. There was some part of my brain which assured me that Rainbow was simply looking for someone to comfort her, looking for someone to cling to and someone who loved her. I listened to that part of my brain, but it was getting harder and harder to ignore the upset Rainbow Dash on my doorstep. My anger spent, I gave in, sort of, allowing the other pony room to speak and say what she thought of this whole sordid affair.

"Listen, Twi, I have some bad experiences with romance and that mushy stuff. Sometimes I just forget about just what I have. I could never think of you as a back-up, but I can see how you might think that. If you want me to leave and stay at Fluttershys tonight, I will."
I remained quiet, my thoughts ablaze as I tried to organise my brain into outputting some coherent and helpful thoughts. I don't think that it satisfied Dash though, she took my silence for what it was, a break in the conversation where there was nothing more to say, and went to pick up her bag again, leaving her mug of Orange juice untouched. When she was about to walk out, I finally spoke up,
"Wait."

I didn't speak very loud yet it carried across the almost silent room like a shout. Dash stopped at the door, her head lowered as if to place her bag on the floor, but not moving, instead asking her own question, quieter than her normal brash and sharp voice, "Why?"
"Because I don't care anymore. I don't care if I was a backup plan, I don't even care about your romantic history. I just don't care about any of that stuff. But I care about you, Rainbow; I want you to be happy. If you want to be happy with me, then I will accept whatever decision you reach. But, just know that you have an… an effect on me."

And she took the bait, just like I knew she would. It wasn't manipulation I told myself, it was just me steering the conversation in a more favourable direction for myself. She turned towards me, just dropping the bag on the floor in favour of talking.
"What effect?" she asked, taking a step towards me curiously. I simply lit my horn and opened the door to the destroyed room. I heard Rainbow gasp and take a step backwards after she got a glimpse into the room, now encompassed by glowing embers and sooty metal.
"That is what I did after we finished at the gorge earlier. I lost control and destroyed all my awards and possessions. All because of you Dash. That is the effect you have on me, and I doubt it's the worst that could have happened. I'll ask you this and give you the chance to back out if you wanted to. Would you like to go out with me Rainbow Dash?"

Rainbow stood still, her tail swishing nervously from side to side. I wasn't worried; it meant that she was actually thinking this through. I'd like that I think, a Dash who thought for herself. After a while, she looked me in the eye and answered.
"I'd love to."

Author's Note:

This story is now coming along nicely, the next chapter will be in another six days, then everything else will be a further seven days after that, all so that I release chapters for one story on a Sunday, and chapters for another on Thursday.

Comments, critique, spelling and grammar errors that I missed, they're all helpful.
~M3lancholy

Comments

[Cynical]

1780512
Partially due to my own headcanon, and partially because it fits in with my stories.
I'm sure I have some stories somewhere which aren't 'Moving away' stories.
Maybe.

I don't steal the concepts though, I think those up myself. If they just happen to have such a story with a very familiar plot device in there somewhere, it's coincidence.
Coincidence I tell you!
~M3lancholy

[Uncr3at1ve]

I'm all for TwiDash, but I kinda feel bad for Pinkie here, I'm not sure if it was mentioned, but how long had Dash been dating Pinkie by this point?

Regardless, I shall not let my sleep deprived state disturb you anymore... Sleep easy under Luna's moon and may you rise under Celestia's sun, fare thee well.

[Cynical]

1780547
Same for you my friend.
And I'll probably throw a few more tidbits into the next chapter to fill in some of the missing information

[Desol]

I do kinda feel bad for Pinkie, too. She's happily dating Dash for who knows how long, they're both worried about Twilight and planning an intervention. Suddenly Twilight shows her face, the intervention is called off, and for all Pinkie can tell she totally falls off the face of Equestria for all that her girlfriend and close friend can care.

Then again, love rarely is fair or without a losing party. Life's a bitch that way. Not everything can be solved with threesomes.

Edit: I feel like that very last sentence is one I'll have to include if ever I'm giving someone life advice.