Around Equestria in 80 Days

by Kuroyami Fukaikuro

Chapter One: Reunion

Around Equestria in 80 Days

By: Kuroyami Fukaikuro

A/N:And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed, just to get it all out, what's in my head, AND I (I-I-I) am feeling (feeling) a little peculiar.

---

"Hello, Twilight."
Alexandra's eyes narrowed. "How do you know her?"
I turned to Alexandra. "Like she said, I've been here once before. And in that two-day period, I made quite a name for myself."
Discord laughed. "That's putting it mildly. You know, there's a reason you were invited to the summer sun celebration. It's 'cause you had such an effect on Luna that she wanted to see you there."
"You mean, she'll actually be awake for that? Just for me? HA! What a waste of potential sleep time!"
"I know right?"
We began to laugh together as Twilight turned to Alexandra. "So who are you?"
"I'm Alexandra, Kuroyami's childhood friend."
I suddenly stopped laughing. "Oh shit."
Discord turned to me. "What is it?"
"Story romance cliche number 3: Introducing two women who feel any level of affection towards you will inevitably lead to a conflict between them." I whispered to him.
"Huh. That makes sense."
Twilight narrowed her eyes. "His childhood friend?"
"Yeah. Who're you?"
"The girl who took his v-"

In a flash, I was up and covering her mouth with my hand.

Looking at Twilight, I said, "We'll talk later." She nodded, and I removed my hand. Turning to the other two, I said, "Come on. We should get going. I don't wanna stay in this desert for long."

We began walking to Appleoosa. Based on her body language, I could tell that Alexandra was suspicious of the relationship between Twilight and I. I could also tell that Twilight felt the same way about Alexandra and I. I could tell nothing from Discord, because, true to his nature, he began slithering through the desert like a snake.

"Twilight, we're away from Haygas. Shouldn't you and Discord be in pony/draconequus form?"
"Once we figured out how that magic worked, some ponies decided to remain as people. I was one of those ponies. Discord can change his form whenever he wants, because he's just like that."
"You can't explain Discord?" Alexandra asked.
I turned to her. "You just answered your own question. You can't explain Discord. Because he's Discord. He's just like that."

We continued walking, and eventually reached Appleoosa.

As soon as we stepped foot in town, Braeburn, who was still a pony, showed up.

"Hey! Welcome to AAAAAAA-"
The point of my katana was pressed against his neck.
"I swear to Luna, if you finish that sentence..."
He gulped. "Anyways, see you all at the Celebration!" He ran away.
Twilight looked at me. "That's no way to be social and make friends."
"Like you would be the expert on friendshi- oh wait, that's right, you are. Well, I have enough friends."
Alexandra stared. "Thomas and I are your only friends. Everyone else at school is just nice to you because you scare them."
"That's good enough for me."
Twilight sighed. "While you're here, I am going to teach you about friendship. There will be no escaping my lecture."
"It's not that I don't know how to mak -dammit,- *make friends. It's that I don't want any. The less friends you have, the less bullshit you have to deal with."

Twilight shook her head, and we kept walking. There was a stage and some instruments, as well as Celestia's sun-staff-symbol thing that she flies in front of on the Summer Sun Celebration.

(center stage, at about 0:08)

Alexandra turned to me. "Kuroyami, what... what kind of girl interests you?"
I looked at her. "You ask this question now?"
She rolled her eyes. "It's my right."
"Well, on what grounds? Beauty, intellect, personality, what?"
"Overall."
"Well..."

I jumped onstage with Discord. He summoned a trumpet, and-

BWAAAAAAAAAAA-

(instrumental)

I want a girl with a mind like a diamond.
I want a girl who knows what's best.
I want a girl with shoes that cut and,
eyes that burn like cigarettes.

I want a girl with the right allocations,
who's fast, and thorough, and
sharp as a tack.

She's playing with her jewelry,
she's putting up her hair.
She's touring the facility,
and picking up slack.

I want a girl with a short skirt,
and a looooooooooooooong jacket.

Twilight, who was wearing a skirt, immediately used her magic to summon a jacket that went down to her calf.

Alexandra turned to her and whispered, "You're taking this literally?"
"You're not?" she whispered back.
"Of course not. He's joking with us."
"But, he's singing about it. That means it's serious."
"Maybe in this world..."

I want a girl who gets up early

Discord (who was now using his chaos magic to play every instrument necessary for this song except guitar, which was what I was playing), echoed, gets up early!

I want a girl who stays up late

Discord: stays up late!

I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity,
who uses a machete to cut through red tape.
With fingernails that shine like justice,
and a voice that is dark like tinted glass.

She is fast, and thorough, and sharp as a tack.
She's touring the facility, and picking up slack.

I want a girl with a short skirt,
and a looooooooooooooong jacket.

Now a crowd began to surround the stage, ponies and humans alike, and they cheered.

(Instrumental)

I want a girl with a smooth liquidation,
I want a girl with good dividends.
At City Bank we will meet accidentally,
we'll start to talk when she borrows my pen.

She wants a car with a cup-holder arm rest,
she wants a car that will get her there.
She's changing her name, from Kitty to Karen,
she's trading her MG for a white Chrysler La Baron.

I want a girl with a short skirt,
and a looooooooooooooong jacket!

Now the crowd was really cheering, and shouting, and throwing-

"HOLY SHIT! WHOEVER THREW THESE, PUT YOUR PANTIES BACK ON!!!" I threw said article of clothing back into the crowd. Immediately afterwards, a large amount of undergarments found themselves being thrown at me.
I ran, towards the inn we would stay at. Discord came with me, after grabbing some of the underwear, writing his number on them, and throwing them back.

Alexandra and Twilight joined us in the hotel a couple of minutes later.
"What's up with running?" Alexandra asked me. "You usually stay for like a few minutes after a show and then ask for money."
"I still have money from the last time I was here. When the readers weren't looking, I deposited all of it in a bank account."
"Wait, what? What do you mean, 'when the readers weren't looking'?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You- you just said-" she stopped. "You know what? Never mind. I don't care."
"Hey Kuro," Discord said, "You need to know, me and Celestia-"
" 'Celestia and I', Discord, not 'Me and Celestia'."
"Does it matter?"
"Not really in a conversation, I'm just really meticulous about my grammer."
"Uh..."
I leaned in real close. "REALLY meticulous."
"Whatever."

We had dinner. It was tasty. And uneventful.
The eventful shit happened later, around midnight.

Around Midnight

Me and Twilight walked out of the inn and into the darkness.

"Come on. Into the desert, where no one can hear you scream."
"...Was the innuendo of that sentence intended?"
"There was no innuendo. It's all in your head."
"No, I'm pretty sure there was innuendo."
"Whatever. Come on."

Into the Desert!

We walked towards an oasis in the sands, with some large boulders in an almost complete circle around it.

"Alright," Twilight began, "down to business. What was up with you running away after the concert?"
"Well, you're the first person to ever confess to me. I freaked out, and ran."
"Fine, that's an acceptable excuse. But you have no reason not to acknowledge my feelings now. I love you, Kuroyami. What is your response?"
I took a deep breath- "huuuuh" - then began. "You are not in love with me."
"WHA- Yes I am!"
"No, you're infatuated with me, like Romeo and Juliet were. I'd hate to end up like them."
"But- we had sex! And it was wonderful!"
"DRUNK sex. How am I supposed to base MY feelings on something I don't remember?"
"Do you remember anything from that night?"
"A feeling that the sex was magical. But I attribute that to the fact that I had a threesome with the human forms of two unicorns and an alicorn. And because we were drunk. And it was my first time."
"It was my first time too..."
"And yet you had sex with Helghast like, 10 minutes after waking up?"
"Uh..."
"Yeah. Not to mention, we only knew each other for TWO DAYS, and you decide that you're in love with me? I thought you were the expert on relationships."
"I'm the expert on FRIENDSHIP, not romance. Cut me some slack. Besides, aren't you a little too knowledgeable about romance?"
"Pfft. This level of knowledge about romance is common once you reach the teenage years. At least, if you read a lot of shoujo manga, watch a lot of similar anime, and read a lot of books with romance."
"Aren't you a little obsessed with romance?"
I shook my head. "I just like to experience good stories. A lot of the good ones have some form of romance in them, like Buso Renkin, Rosario Vampire, Katekyo Hitman Reborn, The World God Only Knows, and numerous others."
"That's not enough of a background to claim you have a lot of knowledge about relationships."
"If I remember your words correctly, the only one that claimed I was really knowledgable about romance was you."
"I'll admit that. But I won't admit that my feelings are fake... How long are you staying in Equestria?"
"I'm gonna tour all around it with Discord and Alexandra."
"Then I'll go too. And I'll prove to you that my feelings are true."

I heard a slight skrch in the ground behind the boulders.

I walked closer to Twilight and whispered, "Teleport me behind the boulder behind me. About ten feet behind it."
"Why-"
"Just do it."

She teleported me. It felt weird, being dissassembled and reassembled in two different places. I looked at the boulder. Alexandra was behind it, and she straightened suddenly, probably a reaction at my disappearance. I pulled a bottle of chloroform out of my back pocket and poured a bit onto my handkerchief. I crept up behind her, then pushed the handkerchief onto her face. She flinched, but I kept a tight grip on her face, and she passed out.

Twilight walked up to me. "You keep chloroform in your back pocket?"
"I always have some on me, in case I need to use it."
"Well, let's get back. We have a big day tomorrow."

End of Chapter One

And I say, HEYYEYAAEYAAAEYAEYAA, WHAT'S GOING ON?????

Comments

[Chaotic Discord]

Flying panties!

[Kuroyami Fukaikuro]

1768791
That's how I roll, that's how I get all the ladies.