The Beast of Everfree Forest

by goo

Chapter One: Ponies Vs. Wild

"Applebloom, I don't think this is such a good idea..." Scootaloo's voice trailed off as she nervously glanced at the darkening sky. It was almost midnight, and the fillies had just barely begun their daily quests.

"Oh come on you little chicken, it's gonna be just fine! Let's go! CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS - PONIES VS. WILD EXPERT SURVIVORS," Applebloom shouted. She grinned and began to canter into the forest, soon followed by her two more reluctant best friends.

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Rarity was curled up in her large purple bed, her eyes daintily covered by a sleeping mask. She awoke suddenly. Her ivory ear twitched as it picked up a loud noise from outside.

"WILL YOU FILLIES GO TO SLEEP ALREADY?!" Rarity managed to yell while simultaneously falling back asleep. She never really was the best babysitter, but she definitely put up with her fair share of nonsense. Her limbs ached from working at the sewing machine all day, but the headache that had hammered around her forehead all day was definitely not from the soothing hum of her work.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sweetie Belle was actually pretty nervous, too. If her sister found out that they had snuck out, she'd be grounded for weeks! And this mission was a bit more dangerous than the usual-let's-all-sing-a-song-together kind of mission that she would have appreciated. Sometimes Applebloom's reckless behavior was scary, but if she ever showed it then she would be the chicken! And that was simply not acceptable!

"Are you sure we're going the right way?" Scootaloo looked around at the virtually indistinguishable mess of trees.

"Of course I am! Look, here's the clearing I found!" Applebloom gestured at the small patch of uninterrupted grass that she had somehow located, while her red bow flopped to the side cartoonishly. "And now we have to set up camp!"

"How are we going to do that?" Sweetie Belle expressed her concerns politely, wondering what on earth they could possibly do in the forest so late at night. They had no tents, no matches, no sleeping bags, or any food.

"It is so easy, all you have to do is grab a branch and - " Applebloom jumped up at the tree nearest to her, trying to grab off a branch with her mouth. She underestimated the strength of the branch and simply held there for a few seconds until she finally released. Her cream-colored form deftly landed on the ground with a gentle thump. A loud growling noise permeated the atmosphere.

"Oh please, Scootaloo, didn't you eat before you got out here? We won't get to eating until after we set up that tent!" Applebloom asked exasperatedly, ignoring the fact that ponies can easily eat grass from the ground.

"What do you mean? That wasn't me, Applebloom." Another growl ripped through the air, this time in a more distinctively non-gastrointestinal manner. All three ponies seemed to become glued together, their candy-colored eyes widening in terror. A wolf-shaped form emerged from the shrubs nearby, signaling the stampede of the fillies. Applebloom ran towards Rarity's house, and Scootaloo followed quickly behind. The two assumed Sweetie Belle would be nearby, so they continued bolting on their way. The wolf began to pace closer to Sweetie Belle, noting that she was frozen in terror and that she would be the easiest target.

Suddenly, pure adrenaline broke the cloud-colored filly's frozen state and she bolted off in the opposite direction of the wolf, perpendicular to that of her friends. The gray wolf followed in hot pursuit, his breath upon her flank. Sweetie ducked and leaped, dodging horizontal trees with agility that the wolf simply did not possess. Soon enough, a tall stone wall interrupted by a pointed cast-iron gate loomed in front of her. She crashed against the gate, screaming for help as the wolf bounded behind her.

Just as her defeat seemed imminent, the gate swung open, and she was dragged inside the grand courtyard by two medium brown stallions. The gate quickly slammed shut, the infuriated wolf howling outside. The little filly whimpered as she was carried inside by the skinnier of the stallions. The two were both earth ponies, and despite their similar color and gender, their builds were quite different. One was taller and skinnier, the other more stout and portly.

"I do hope the master does not get angry. It has been a long time since we have had visitors," the fatter one said gravely.

"Surely he would not harm this little filly, she is clearly not a threat," the skinny one chirped optimistically. They were now moving through an eerie courtyard. Gray statues symmetrically lined the path to the castle. Each was a fearsome looking pony, armed to the teeth and bristling with fury. Sweetie Belle was terrified, and she knew that she would be in a lot of trouble when Rarity found out about this. Her green eyes brimmed with tears, spilling over onto the skinny one's brown coat.

They entered the castle through the twin massive wooden doors. Sweetie Belle picked up her weary head from the skinny stallion's shoulder and she looked around the room, curiosity trumping her paralyzing fear. All of the walls were made of stone, but frequently decorated by elaborate tapestries. The ceiling was also stone, its structure provided by pointed arches. A warm fireplace roared on the side, with a few ponies sitting around it.

One of which was a plump mare, who was lavender with a curly white mane. She stood to greet the two brown stallions, and was surprised to see the pathetic white blob upon the skinny one's back.

"Oh dearie, we simply must get you all settled down. We can deal with the master later. For now, let's get you cleaned up!" The mare prattled on gently, reminding Sweetie Belle of Cherilee for some reason. The white filly found herself being pulled up into the matronly mare's lavender arms. That was the last thing she remembered before she fell into a weary asleep.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I'm not very good at writing fan fiction, and I'd really appreciate any advice or constructive criticism you have. I know this is short, but I wanted to get some critiques in before I got too far. Thank you for reading! :)

Comments

[ManestreamMMR]

Well, for starters, yes, it's a little short, and everything happened really quick, you can slow down the pace a little, maybe adding a longer prologue, or making chapters longer (in the next cases).

Other than that, i see no glaring grammar mistakes and your vocabulary is fine, so are the mechanics.

A little more explanation on the crusaders' actions before they went to the forest, while not necessary, would have helped, try to expand things a little further, as some readers can get lost and don't get things right away.

The story for now started with our beloved fillies and their shenanigans going wrong, that's pretty common, but the rest has me interested, and i would like to see what kind of adventure rarity gets into...

You should continue, you can definitively improve this and make it even more enjoyable

[goo]

98997

Thanks so much. I think I whipped through the crusaders' camping activities because I want to get on to the main part of the story. I'll try and slow down for the next chapter.