The Idea itself is flawed at best, I understand how a crossover of these two worlds could be very cool but there are so many better ways to do this. I understand that these two universes are difficult to smoothly transition between but this has happened much too fast. The biggest problem with the story is simply the pace, you need to give more than a few sentences to explain things, we know absolutely nothing about your main character, his motivations, or anything else apart from the standard Skyrim details (who the Legion etc.). Also, Dragons? I have absolutely no idea where they came from and what they're doing in this story, the just kinda appeared with no prompting or explanation. The same goes for the mane 6, how and why are they there, and why are they suddenly human? and since when are dragons ever that easy to kill? Sorry for being so long winded, I just feel you should re-consider how you write this, give a little more time to allow things to develop before throwing everything together. One final thought, with universes as bug as the ones you are crossing, the readers will miss so much if you limit the story to a first person perspective of you OC, try third person, it allows the readers to see a situation from multiple perspectives.
The title, it stings and burns! It looks like you might be trying to say 'to die in the Empire', maybe. But that would be 'Mori in Imperio'. Or if you want it to mean 'to die for the Empire', that would read 'Mori pro Imperio'. As in the line from Horace, 'Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori,' meaning 'It is sweet and right to die for [your] country.'
I remember seeing this on ff.net. Didn't read it because the ponies were humanized. Seems like they still are.
Well good luck with all of your endeavors.
The Idea itself is flawed at best, I understand how a crossover of these two worlds could be very cool but there are so many better ways to do this. I understand that these two universes are difficult to smoothly transition between but this has happened much too fast. The biggest problem with the story is simply the pace, you need to give more than a few sentences to explain things, we know absolutely nothing about your main character, his motivations, or anything else apart from the standard Skyrim details (who the Legion etc.). Also, Dragons? I have absolutely no idea where they came from and what they're doing in this story, the just kinda appeared with no prompting or explanation. The same goes for the mane 6, how and why are they there, and why are they suddenly human? and since when are dragons ever that easy to kill? Sorry for being so long winded, I just feel you should re-consider how you write this, give a little more time to allow things to develop before throwing everything together. One final thought, with universes as bug as the ones you are crossing, the readers will miss so much if you limit the story to a first person perspective of you OC, try third person, it allows the readers to see a situation from multiple perspectives.
The title, it stings and burns! It looks like you might be trying to say 'to die in the Empire', maybe. But that would be 'Mori in Imperio'. Or if you want it to mean 'to die for the Empire', that would read 'Mori pro Imperio'. As in the line from Horace, 'Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori,' meaning 'It is sweet and right to die for [your] country.'
>No hooves
>Ican'tcloptothis.jpg