Misaligned Stars

by Zontan

To Be Fearful of the Night

Twilight never left. She seemed to always be present now, and nothing like her outburst happened again. Instead, she modeled the perfect housewife: cooking, cleaning, and running errands when I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed.

I actively avoided my workroom. I didn’t want to see the flowers, didn’t want to be reminded that every day I spent in bed was another day my work was overdue. Letters from Sassy piled up in my entryway, but I didn’t open them. If I acknowledged their existence, I’d have to explain what was wrong.

Instead I let the days slip by, barely leaving my bedroom to pick at the food Twilight brought me. She was perfectly understanding, telling me to take all the time I needed to recover, to let her handle everything. That if I needed rest, she would make certain that nopony gave me any trouble for it.

Sometimes, I would hear the bell jingle as a pony came to the door, but Twilight would always insist it was nopony important, and that I shouldn’t worry about it. After a day or two, I stopped asking.

I lost track of the days, but it had been less than a week when I awoke in the middle of the night to movement in my room. I kept perfectly still, barely daring to breathe, as Twilight climbed into my bed. I pretended to be asleep as she pressed up against me, and draped one hoof over my side. I didn’t dare to push it off until I heard her breathing become slow and steady.

When we woke up the next morning, Twilight didn’t even comment on it, and neither did I. From then on, she followed me to bed more often than not.

It was days later when I woke up to darkness again, feeling strangely energized. The shadows shifted across the walls of my bedroom, and though I closed my eyes and chased sleep it would not come to me. Finally, I carefully slipped out of Twilight’s embrace and walked slowly to the door. The shadows followed me.

The hallway was even darker, away from the wide windows of my bedroom, but the shadows still shifted and moved in strange patterns. One of them, a little lighter than the others, slipped out from under my hooves and spiraled lazily towards the stairs. Like a puppet on strings, I followed it. Perhaps I should have been frightened, but nothing it was leading me towards felt like it could be worse than what my life had already become.

I followed the shadow downstairs, and thankfully it didn’t lead to my workroom. Instead, it went to the main show floor at the front of the boutique. The floor was nearly empty, the displays cleared aside and the ponnequins put away. After all, the shop hadn’t been open in over a week.

I was watching the shadow spin in place in the center of the room when there was a knock at the door.

The clock on the wall read three AM. No one was up this early.

When I hesitated, the knock came again. This time, I walked towards the door, instead of running back to bed like a sensible pony. If something monstrous really wanted to get in, experience already told me a locked door wouldn’t stop it.

When I opened the door, at first I thought all I saw was the stars of the night sky. But then I realized they were in the shape of a pony.

“Hello, Rarity,” Princess Luna said. “May we come in?”

I stepped out of the doorway, and she took that as assent. She looked slowly around the empty room, and then her horn lit and she pulled two chairs from seemingly nowhere, setting them down in front of me.

“You are a difficult pony to reach, Rarity,” Luna finally said. “It has taken me several attempts already.”

I blinked. “Isn’t this a dream?”

“Nay,” Luna said. “‘Tis real. A dream would have been much simpler.” She frowned, her face troubled as she looked at me. “But that way was closed to me, for you have ceased to dream.”

“Oh,” I murmured. I wouldn’t know—I almost never remembered my dreams. “That sounds… bad.”

“It is,” Luna agreed. “It is a symptom of a larger problem, one I attempted to enlist Twilight’s aid in resolving. However, she did not seem concerned by my warnings when last we spoke. Nor did she allow me to speak to you directly.” Luna shook her head, but before her expression became neutral once more, I clearly saw anger etched across her face. “She told you none of this?”

I shook my head, but Luna seemed to already know the answer to her question.

“As I suspected. It is why I went through the trouble to meet you like this.” Luna reached out to take one of my hooves in hers. “Rarity, all healthy ponies dream. Those that do not have lost their drive, their passion. That does not happen overnight.”

My throat suddenly felt dry. “Why wouldn’t she tell me?” I asked. Everything Twilight had done, even the things that made my stomach twist, she’d done because she cared about me too much. If she cared that much, why would she hide this?

“An important question,” Luna mused. “I can only imagine it is because she sees some benefit to your current state.” Her face darkened, and her voice gained an edge. “Is your current relationship with Twilight something you desire, Rarity?”

I pulled my hoof away from hers and looked away, suddenly unable to meet her gaze.

“It is not,” Luna spat, voice flat. “She has taken advantage of your good nature, then.”

“No!” I yelped. “That’s… that’s not true,” It sounded like an excuse even to my ears.

“You lack passion,” Luna pressed. “You ceased to dream as your relationship with Twilight progressed beyond casual dalliance. Even if it is not, as I suspect, causal, it is clear that it brings you no joy.”

“I—I couldn’t—” I stammered, shaking. “It’s not that I…” I trailed off again, casting about for the words I needed. “I didn’t know what to do! I… I had a plan, on that night with the starbeast. I was going to tell her it was over. But then everything went wrong and now it’s too late.”

“It is never too late. You need not obligate yourself to her.”

“But I do,” I almost whispered. “I’m… worthless. I can’t create anymore, and I just… don’t care. About anything. I don’t even know why she wants to still be with me, when I do nothing all day. If I broke up with her, I’d have nothing to keep me going at all.”

“You do not think these are linked? You are not in your right mind, Rarity!” Luna scolded. “You have let your fears consume you, just as I once did, and down that road lies madness. You must free yourself from it. What has been done to you is a poison, and you cannot begin to heal until you remove the dagger.”

I cringed, instinctively looking back towards the stairs. “If Twilight hears you talk like that—”

“She cannot. She will not wake until I allow her to. I will not have our discussion interrupted.” Luna said it so chillingly that it shocked me. Once again, I was reminded just how powerful alicorns were. Once again, I was reminded why I dared not make Twilight angry while she slept under my roof.

Luna saw something in my eyes, and she deflated, her mane flowing a little less fully. “I can see it will take more time,” she said sadly. “I would stress that this cannot be allowed to continue forever. If you do not confront Twilight about this, I will.”

“No!” I objected, panicked. “Please don’t. I’ll… I’ll talk to her. I promise.”

“Hmm,” Luna rumbled, not sounding very convinced. “Very well. But I will return to check on you in three days. Please at least try to leave the house in that time.” She stood, and her expression softened. “Do not forget that there are still ponies that care about you beyond Twilight.”

“I won’t,” I assured her, and I almost believed it.

Luna nodded. “Three days,” she repeated, before she vanished. Her exit was nothing so flashy as a teleport, she simply turned to mist and then was no longer there.

I sagged into my chair, letting the tension I’d been gathering release. I still felt far too wired to simply return to bed, especially knowing who was in it. Instead, I got up and paced, trying to identify what I could possibly say to Twilight that would somehow avoid a fight while simultaneously satisfying both Luna and myself. But that was easily ruled out as impossible, so I gave up.

Instead, I pulled my scarf from the heap next to the door and stepped out into the night.

The air was brisk in the pre-dawn gloom, a chill wind descending from Canterlot Mountain and winding through the streets, but I put my head down and pressed through it. I didn’t know where I was going, but the cold air was doing wonders to shock me awake, and in some ways I welcomed the discomfort as being better than feeling absolutely nothing at all.

The streets were quiet and empty, all of Ponyville still safely in their beds. I wandered aimlessly, ignoring the passage of time as the sky slowly lightened, even though the sun had not quite peeked over the horizon. I knew that eventually I would have to return home before Twilight awoke and wondered where I had gone, but the quiet of the empty town felt soothing in a way my bedroom did not.

It was after what felt like hours that I heard a voice calling my name. I hadn’t realized anypony else was nearby, but when I turned, I saw Applejack approaching from the outskirts of town, pulling a cart behind her.

“Howdy, Rares,” she said as she approached. “Been a few days, ain’t it? What are you doing up so early?”

“Oh, nothing,” I said. “Just… wandering, I suppose.”

“Uh huh,” Applejack drawled, raising one eyebrow. “You wandering anywhere in particular?”

I shook my head. “Just… enjoying some fresh air.”

Applejack gave me a hard look. “Riiight.” She chewed the inside of her mouth for a moment, considering. “What’s wrong, Rares?”

“I didn’t say anything was wrong.”

“You don’t gotta. Your whole body’s screamin’ it. And you ain’t left your house since you got outta the hospital.” She waved one hoof at me, coaxing. “So tell me what’s wrong.”

I shook my head. “You don’t need to worry about me, Applejack. I’m fine.”

“Horseapples.”

“It’s alright, real—”

“Horse. Apples.” Applejack unhitched her cart, reaching into it and pulling out a small crate that smelled like apples and sitting down on top of it. “I’m a patient mare, Rarity, and the sun ain’t even out yet. You really think you can do this song and dance longer’n I can take it?”

Despite everything, I smiled. “You’re really not going to take no for an answer, are you?”

Applejack just gave me a look.

It took a while to get started, but once I got going, it felt like I couldn’t stop. I told her everything. The disastrous first date, my decision to end things, the starshower display, Twilight’s clinginess after the attack, how much she had done for me and how devastated she would be if I left. My creative drought and my inability to drag myself out of bed in the morning. How it felt like Twilight was the only thing keeping me going, and at the same time, the biggest thing holding me back.

True to her word, Applejack listened patiently, encouraging me when I faltered. The sun rose as I talked, but it was still too early for most ponies to be outside yet, and no one disturbed us.

I finally ended my story with the unsettling visit from Luna, and trailed off. I didn’t know what I expected Applejack to say, and it looked like she wasn’t sure what to say either.

“That’s an awful lot for one pony to keep bottled up inside,” she finally said. “I ain’t gonna tell you what to do about it—heck, I wouldn’t even know where to start. But you must know you gotta do something, right?”

“Yes,” I sighed. “I was… complacent, I suppose. It was easier to ignore what was wrong so I didn’t have to do anything about it. But with Luna’s deadline, I don’t suppose that will work anymore.”

Applejack’s jaw dropped. “Shucks, Rares, that weren’t no complacency, you’re just depressed.”

I laughed. It rose unbidden in my chest and slipped out before I realized it was happening. “Applejack, you can’t just…” I protested, but I wasn’t even sure what rule of etiquette she had broken.

“I can say what I please,” Applejack grinned. “And if it makes you laugh, I daresay it weren’t so bad.” She chuckled to herself, shaking her head ruefully. “It’s good to hear you laugh again. It’s been rough, this last week, with you cooped up with Twi and Rainbow still in the hospital. This feels like maybe things might get back to normal, y’know?”

“Perhaps,” I ventured. “It would be nice to be able to… feel again. I hope it is as simple as just remembering how to laugh.”

“There you are!”

I knew that voice, and my heart sank into my hooves. I’d lost track of time, and now it was properly morning, and Twilight was approaching at great speed.

She came to an abrupt stop next to me, relief warring with anger on her face. “Do you have any idea how worried I was? I woke up and you were just… gone! Not even a note! I thought something terrible had happened to you!”

I quailed under the verbal assault, but Applejack didn’t. “Now, calm down a minute there, Twi,” she said, stepping forward to insert herself between myself and Twilight. “Rarity’s a grown mare, she can take care of herself without you knowin’ where she is every moment o’ the day.”

Twilight glared at Applejack. “Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? You think I don’t know what’s going on here? She has a marefriend, Applejack. I thought you were better than this.”

Applejack’s eyes widened. “Now hold on an apple-pickin’ minute!” she shot back, heated. “I ain’t done nothing of the sort. We’re just two friends catchin’ up.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Oh yes, catching up, in the middle of the night on the outskirts of town. That makes perfect sense.”

“We just happened to bump into each other—”

“Sure you did.” Twilight turned to me. “Come on, Rarity, we’re going home. We can discuss this further in private.”

“No.” I was almost surprised to hear the words come out of my own mouth. “Apologize to Applejack. She did nothing wrong.”

“What?” Twilight sputtered. “Rarity, come on! You can’t honestly expect me to believe—”

“I can,” I interrupted. “If you care about me, you will trust me when I say that nothing untoward occurred.”

“This is ridiculous,” Twilight huffed. “Of course I care about you. That’s why we’re going to talk about it in private.”

“Twi, you can’t honestly expect to just take Rares home like a misbehavin’ foal,” Applejack protested. “She’s—”

“Shut up!” Twilight burst out. “You don’t know what you’re talking about! You don’t know what’s at stake!” She stepped forward, pushing past Applejack, and grabbed my hoof, pulling me roughly away.

I hissed in pain as my wrist was bent back, suddenly regretting my earlier assertiveness. “Twilight, stop! You’re hurting me!” I begged.

Instantly, Twilight let go, her anger vanishing. “I’m sorry!” she exclaimed. “I didn’t mean to—I’m just trying to—” Twilight backed away, and for a moment, she just looked… afraid. “Please, I’m just trying to save you,” she pleaded, suddenly sounding desperate. “Just… come home with me.”

“Twi, what in the hay has gotten into you?” Applejack demanded. “You’re jumpier than a three-legged frog.”

“I’m sorry,” Twilight repeated. “I didn’t mean for it to end up this way.” She stepped back, and then her horn lit up.

“Wait—”

Before I could finish, there was a flash of light, and I found myself back in the boutique. I tried the door, but it refused to move. It didn’t even seem to be locked—it was simply static, stuck fast to the doorframe.

Twilight was nowhere to be seen, which was small comfort. I spent more time than I cared to admit pacing the room, furious at being essentially grounded within my own home. But even that eventually faded, and I realized I was exhausted after being up half the night.

Defeated, I retreated to bed.

---

I didn’t awaken until late afternoon, but for the first time since I returned from the hospital I did not feel a compelling need to remain in bed.

The first thing I did was check the front door, to determine it still would not budge. The thought of throwing a ponnequin through a window crossed my mind, but I decided I wasn’t that desperate—yet, anyway.

Instead, my attention turned to the small pile of letters next to the door. With a sigh, I picked up the latest one from Sassy and steeled myself enough to open it, expecting the worst.

Not sure if you saw my last letter… I have things handled here, so take all the time you need… Everyone is very understanding… I’ve arranged for some clients to use modified off-the-line pieces instead of bespoke, and they were still quite satisfied… Let me know when you’re ready and we can go over the details.

Wishing you a speedy recovery,
Sassy Saddles

I blinked back tears. I had been expecting demands, recriminations, for my entire business enterprise to be on fire in my absence. And yet here was Sassy giving me the same assurances that Twilight had that everything was fine. When Twilight had done it, I hadn’t really believed her. In hindsight, it felt self-serving. But Sassy had nothing to gain from my absence. When she said she could handle it, she meant it.

My gaze drifted towards the door to my workroom. If nothing else, it felt like I owed Sassy to at least try to create again. Perhaps my newfound desire to do anything other than lie in bed meant it was worth the attempt.

The workroom was dark, and it took me considerable effort to step over the threshold. The vase of roses still stood in the middle of the room, though they were wilting now.

This time, I was much more methodical in my preparations. The vase went by the door, and the sewing machine returned to its place of honor. I didn’t take out any patterns or fabrics yet, just a sketchbook and a pen.

I sat, and turned the book to a blank page, and then let my mind drift.

It should have been easy. So many of my pieces were expressing an emotion, or telling a story. My heart was tight with sadness, anger, guilt. Even if they weren’t the usual colors I worked with, I could weave that despair into a dress, paint the colors of my failed relationship into life.

But nothing came. I let everything in my heart flow through me, but I couldn’t translate it onto the page. Where there should have been swirls of color, there was gray. Where there should have been bold shapes, there were flat lines.

My sketchbook remained empty. Finally, after what felt like hours, I closed it.

I knew then that it was over.

I wasn’t going to get better.

I was broken.

Comments

[Novelle Tale]

“I can say what I please,” Applejack grinned.

Haha yes excellent, good job AJ, you tell her.

Poor Rarity is really going through it. Also Luna is A+ here, I really enjoyed that scene.

[Mystic Sunrise]

Oh for fuck's sake. Someone needs to knock sense into Twilight NOW. Before this gets worse. Forget a deadline. Luna needs to step in and do something. No. Celestia needs to step in and do something.