• Published 22nd Oct 2012
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Hawthorne - Nova Critical



With equipment granted by Princess Luna, Twilight transports a small tree from another world.

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Chapter 3: Royally Ridiculous

"No..." A rich and regal voice started as Hawthorne began to wake, "Tia won't be pleased at all."

"This is all of my fault, Princess." Twilight Sparkle sadly told Luna for about the hundredth time. Although she was talking to the Princess, her gaze was focused on Spike, who was still laying unconscious in her bed. Hawthorne was laid in the guest bed opposite of it.

"It is ours, Twilight Sparkle, we should have been present to your conveyance, to help guide you through the Focus alongside you." The dark alicorn admitted.

Hawthorne didn't know why he could suddenly understand the two creatures now, but he hoped they could understand him as he sat up and rested against the headboard. Luna noticed his movements but Twilight was still facing Spike. The Princess just stared at him, waiting.

Two things stood out to Hawthorne as he looked down to adjust the blankets on him: His torso was covered in bandages, which he assumed were for the burns on his back, that dully ached. And his right arm had dark, royal purple scales starting at his wrist, fading back into dark brown skin halfway up his bicep. His right hand was now a sharp purple claw, almost identical to Mr. Scale's.

I guess I'm supposed to say something. She's a princess apparently. He thought. He had never encountered royalty before. Or talking animals.

"So, like..." Hawthorne started, slowly upturning his palms and shrugging, "..what the fuck is going on?"

Twilight had turned from Spike and faced him, her expression blank. The Princess stepped closer to Hawthorne's bed, and cleared her throat, "Greetings... human. We will admit that we haven't ever had the chance to see one of your kind, though we knew of your existence."

Hawthorne stayed silent as he felt that she had more to say.

"You may call me Princess Luna," She introduced herself, raising her head slightly, "We are one of two rulers of the land you have been brought to."

"Well then, Princess, please tell me how and why, the hell you brought me here. And why the hell I'm brown and have this?" Hawthorne said, waving and flapping his right arm at the tall blue pony.

"I think I can help with that," The purple pony said, "my name is Twilight Sparkle, I'm the one responsible for you being here." Her voice sounded knowing but sympathetic, and Hawthorne had the feeling he was about to be lectured. The lavender pony made her way to the tall one's side.

"To fully understand what has happened, you must have an understanding of our world. Firstly, Princess Celestia raises the sun, and Princess Luna raises the moon..."


And lectured he was, by both of the strange ponies, about the history of their world, how magic existed here, and most importantly, how he was brought here and why his body had changed. It wasn't very complicated, but they said a lot of words and Hawthorne was still grasping the fact that they could talk.

At the end of the hour-long double lecture, Hawthorne was sure it was the most ridiculous shit he had ever heard.

Ever.

And he was going to tell them.

"Okay. So. You-" He pointed a claw at Princess Luna, "-gave her-" He shifted his claw to point at Twilight, "-a glass cube and a gem, that she used to steal me from Earth and transport me here, because you thought I was a tree."

"And then!" He continued, "When you set me down on the floor of a tree-house-place, I absorbed magic from the tree and turned brown."

"Among a few other effects." Luna interjected.

Hawthorne ignored her, "Then when I got the better of the dragon, Mr. Scales-"

"His name is Spike." Twilight said.

"Whatever. When I grabbed him, I absorbed magic from him, and my arm did this. That's it right?" Hawthorne left out whatever Twilight Sparkle said about "unicorn magic" because it was just too much.

"Yes, basically." The Princess replied, "Though when you phrase it like so, it seems somewhat..."

"Ridiculous? Yeah, well it is. And apparently I'm some tree-dragon-wizard, so I know ridiculous when I see it."

Twilight opened her mouth to say something, but Hawthorne held up his claw and stopped her.

"And one more thing: If I black out one more time, and wake up somewhere different... I swear, I'm going to hurt somebody."


It was well into the night and Twilight was lazily leaning against her bed, where Spike was still lying unconscious. The Princess and the human were quietly talking to each other. She was explaining to him how to use the unicorn magic he had absorbed from Twilight, but he was vigorously shaking his head and tended to make a lot of gesticulations with his hushed words.

I shouldn't have ever brought him here. Twilight thought as she looked at the gentle rise and fall of Spike's chest.

"Oh, Spike, I'm so sorry." She whispered to him, touching a hoof to his claw.

The dragon's eyelids slowly opened, but only enough for Twilight to see a small fraction of his emerald-slit eyes.

"Spike? Spike..?"

His eyes fluttered and opened further as he moved his head to face the purple unicorn.

"..Mom? Please don't be mad.. I opened the box.. but I didn't think he would..."

Twilight's heart swelled, although she was used to being called by her name, Spike very, very, rarely ever called her "Mom". She shushed him and gently laid a hoof to his cheek.

"It's okay son, I promise." Tears began to well in her eyes, "I'm just glad you're okay. Don't worry about it. I'm sure Hawthorne was very convincing."

"Who's Hawthorne?" Spike said, his eyes squinting in confusion.

"He's our visitor. Don't worry, just...rest. He absorbed enough magic from you to keep you out for a few days, but look at you, already up in seven hours. You're a tough dragon, but you still need to rest. And you shouldn't have turned off my alarm."

"Seven hours?"

"Well, seven hours, sixteen minutes, and....thirty-seven seconds." Twilight clarified, letting out a tiny chuckle.

Spike loosed his own short laugh, "Of course..."


Hawthorne and Luna's conversation ended without the lavender mare knowing, and he felt kind of weird watching this sentimental moment between a pony and a dragon.

So naturally, he slowly laid back down, bringing up the blanket to cover his whole body, leaving the Princess alone to watch the weirdness. He didn't really care too much about using magic, he just needed to wait until they could fix him.

Taking a deep breath, he realized he wasn't tired in the slightest. But he needed to think. A lot.

Well, Luna said Twilight only had receiving equipment, but she has the sending...stuff, so all I need to do is get her to put me back on Earth...

The thought of going back home made Hawthorne remember what he was planning to do right before he got taken to this world. It also reminded him of Elizabeth, and all of the horrible feelings that came with the thought of her.

Oh God... Liz..

Before his brain could send him into a downward spiral of depression, something pointy and hard slid under the blanket, poked his left side, and moved over his body. It was connected to a head, the Princess's head.

She lifted her head under the covers, and her horn made the blanket peak, creating a tiny tent inhabited by Hawthorne and Princess Luna's head and neck. The tip of her horn cast a small light that filled the tent.

"Why did you poke me with your thing?" He asked rubbing his side. It didn't really hurt, but he never liked getting poked. Who does?

"Why would you do that to us?" She responded to his question with a question, "Leave us alone to witness such a touching mother-to-child interaction?"

"What? She's your friend, what's the problem?"

Questions, questions everywhere.

"Our mother has been dead for over twelve-thousand years." The Princess answered, "We believe it wasn't the greatest way to perish.."

"Oh.. We are- ahem- I'm really sorry." Hawthorne said, the Princess was starting to rub off on him. Her pronouns were all weird, but he had to admit, it sounded cool sometimes.

"It is quite alright." The Princess lied, "Some would say it was a small price to pay for immortality."

"Immortality? But you said your mother was, uh- has been deceased."

"Who said it was her who gained it..? That story is truly harrowing." Luna asked him with a slightly dangerous tone in her voice.

Disarm the situation! Change the subject! Common sense yelled in his mind.

How?

How you always have! It replied.

Oh yeah. Hawthorne thought as he flashed a disarming, full-toothed smile at the Princess, a smile that had always worked wonders for him back home.

"Thanks for not, like, experimenting on me or dissecting me, or anything.." He said.

The Princess's brow furrowed and she looked at him in a peculiar way.

"Your smile.... If we could offer some friendly advice, do not smile so...largely at any ponies...." The dark blue alicorn said.

Because it's so devishly charming I bet. Hawthorne thought conceitedly.

"It will scare most of them." The Princess finished.

If Luna tried to, she might have been able to hear his ego deflating. Hawthorne, tired of the conversation, laid his hand on the alicorn's face, and shoved her out from under the covers.

"Very well then. Be that way." She said dejectedly.

"Having fun Princess?" Twilight asked with an impish smile.

"Almost too much Twilight Sparkle." Luna replied sarcastically.

"It's getting late.." The Princess announced, meaning it was almost dawn, "..and we need to relay this series of events to our sister."

"Don't let me keep you Princess," Twilight said with a small yawn, "I'm sure I can handle him."

"We know. But we fear our sister will be much more difficult to handle when she hears of this."

"No, Tia won't be pleased at all." Luna sighed.