Aristocrats, Bureaucrats and Other Criminals

by Phosphor

Anthropomorphism

The family archive was one of Twilight’s favourite places to be. The cold, dry shelves contained almost everything her family had been able to collect and record over the many years the family had served the Imperium. Compared to other archives found within The Capitol, it was unremarkable, but it was one of the few places she could work in quiet…

“Hey Twilight, we’ve been here all day. When are we going to do something else?”

…For the most part at least.

Twilight sighed. She made a note of where she had got to and made her way over to where Spike was busy sorting the highest shelf. The servo skull was not unusual in the fact it was a floating skull with spindly augmented arms. Such devices filled the skies wherever the Imperium went. Rather, he was unusual in two ways. First was that his skull was that of a dragon, a creature that was, as far as any records showed, nothing but a myth. Secondly, he could talk.

“Stupid old books.”

Sometimes a bit too much. It had taken a fair amount of reassurance and quite a bit more monetary compensation to convince the local Mechanicus not to have him branded as tech-heresy.

“This could all be stored on my memory drive, but no, we have to use stupid heavy books. ‘High risk of warp-based data corruption’ doesn’t even make any sense, I’m still fine. They’re not the one who has to carry this stuff!” Spike continued muttering to himself, completely ignorant that he was interrupting Twilight’s internal thoughts.

“Is everything alright Spike?”

“Gah!” Spike suddenly realised he was being watched. In his surprise, one of the books he was carrying slipped from his grip. Thankfully, before it could hit the ground Twilight caught it in her telekinetic grip.

“Careful Spike, some of these are one-of-a-kind documents!” Twilight lifted the book back up.

Spike glanced at the title of the obnoxiously heavy tome. “They certainly don’t look like anything important. What are we going to do with tithe reports from... Birmingham? Where even is that?” a small speaker in the skull produced a heavily synthesised voice. It sounded surprisingly emotive for what was supposed to be an emotionless machine, and its pitch sounded strangely young.

“I’m sorry, but this is important work. Somepony needs to search through these records, otherwise even more of our history could be lost. Just think of how grateful future Administratum Adepts will be after all this information is properly categorised.”

“If it isn’t tithe reports it’s just another historical record from some old Ecclesiarch, just worded slightly different… how can they possibly be important?”

“Spike, be nice. I’m sure we’ll find something more interesting soon.”

“Unlikely, we’re in the historical section,”

“But there’s so many interesting aspects of history,” Twilight said, picking up a random book. “We could look at the founding of the Primarchs, or what about the history of the Manehattan station. Or if you really want something different, we could even sort through the notes of Starswirl’s psyker disciplines, there’s always something interesting hiding in those!” she added excitedly.

“Attempting to find enthusiasm… Attempt failed.” Spike voice imitated an automated response.

“You’re doing that on purpose,” Twilight grumbled.

“Perhaps,” Spike playfully skimmed over Twilights head.

“What do you think we should do then?”

“Well according to my clock, you have spent 78.5% of the last week studying pre-Empress history. I hear sleeping is quite important for biological creatures. You should just send what you’ve already found and wait to see what the family estate says. Maybe they’ll find somewhere that has records of something other than vague historical summaries.”

“But we haven’t even started to look into the main librarium. Once we get in there we’ve got to find something interesting.” She cantered over to a pile of scrolls and quickly stacked them into neat piles. “I don’t know how anypony could sleep with so much unsorted information. If we don’t do this, it could be lost forever. Or worse, it could be stored inaccurately!”

Spike landed on her head and gave what some could describe as a comforting beep. “The Imperium’s been around since… well I guess that’s what we were trying to work out. But it’s been around as long as anypony can remember. I think you can take a day off.”

Twilight steadied herself, took a deep breath and patted the skull, “But what if I’m missing something? Maybe I could try…” she interrupted herself with a yawn. “Ok, I get it, thanks Spike. Let’s take this one step at a time. Send a message to the family estate with what we have found so far.”

“You got it!” Spike scanned the notes Twilight had put ready.

+++ Processing… Message sent +++

“There! Now we can finish off.”

“I guess…” Twilight sounded disappointed. “We still need to clear up first though.”

Spike left to grab a late-night snack for Twilight while she placed the scattered books and parchments back into the shelves. He eventually returned with a tray of fresh grass, which Twilight idly grazed on while she worked.

Before Twilight could finish her food, she was interrupted by a chime coming from Spike. His auto-quill began writing a message onto a scroll of parchment mounted to where the jaw of his skull used to be.

“Ugh, never stops feeling weird,” Spike shivered

“They got back to us already? See, I told you it was important!” Twilight grabbed the paper before it had even finished being written.

“Hey watch it! You’ll mess up my auto-quill.”

“Apparently some artefacts have been found on the surface of Everfree that are rumoured to be from the Age of Primarchs.” Twilight excitedly trotted on the spot.

Spike looked up to see Twilight already eagerly packing her saddlebags. “Wait, that doesn’t mean you get to skip out on sleeping!”

“I can sleep later, research waits for nopony.”

“How are you going to get there? You don’t own a ship, or even know anypony who could help. We can talk to somepony in the morning.”

“I’ll go ask mum and dad, with all their contacts they should know somepony!”

“In the morning,” Spike repeated, “They’re probably asleep now anyway.”

“Fine... Could I at least prepare some- Hey!” Spike had grabbed her by the tail and was pulling her towards the door.

“Bed, now,”

“My research…”

“Will be here tomorrow,” Spike finished. “I have a battery, I can recharge whenever I want, you can’t.”

“That might not be such a bad idea.”

“Merciful Empress…”

The bright morning light filled the room. A cool breeze and the sound of birdsong drifted through an open window. Outside the family servants and Administratum acolytes ran though the courtyard.

The peaceful ambience was interrupted by Twilight as she rushed into the room excitedly holding a piece of parchment, “Spike grab my saddlebags, we’re going to Everfree!”

“…You didn’t get any sleep last night, did you?” Spike would have looked unamused if he had been capable of making facial expressions.

“Mum told me they know a Rogue Trader who’s based near there at the moment. They’re at the capitol now and we can travel with them,” Twilight continued. “We’ll meet them at the western spaceport and they’ll take us straight there!” She grabbed as many books as she could fit in her saddlebag, as well as her divination equipment. “I think that is everything I need.”

Spike briefly inspected the bag, “Did you pack any clothes?”

“Um.”

“Underwear, toothbrush? Whatever else living things need to, uh, live I guess,” Spike took some clothes out from the dresser and laid them out. “Why do I have to know all this living stuff. I mean I am literally a floating skull. I don’t even need sleep, and apparently I get more than you,” Spike muttered to himself as he began to repack Twilight’s bag.

“Hey, I did get some sleep!”

“More than a few hours?”

“…just about.” Twilight smiled sheepishly. “But imagine, we get to do some proper archaeology, doesn’t that sound exciting?”

Suddenly the outside was plunged into darkness and everything went silent.

“See, I knew something important was about to happen!” Twilight quickly scrambled to her hooves and rushed to the window.

The ponies outside had stopped what they were doing and waited. Some others had come out with hastily lit candles to see what was happening.

“The courtyard lumen broke again,” a voice from outside called out.

“Well don’t just stand there! Go grab a tech-priest,” another replied.

Twilight turned from the window and sullenly walked back to her desk. “Oh, yeah. I forgot that can happen.”

Before long a team of heavily augmented pegasi flew up to the ceiling, recited some psalms and changed the lumen with a new one. With a quick kick to a speaker hidden under bush the peaceful morning ambience returned.

In the time it had taken for the light to be fixed Spike had repacked the bag. He passed it over to Twilight and secured it onto her back.

“You know since we’re going to a planet, we might get to see some real animals.” Spike said.

“Hopefully only from a distance, they could be dangerous.”

Twilight took a last look in the mirror before she left. With a grimace she realised her blindfold had fallen off. Two unnatural black voids stared back. They remained pitch-black no matter how bright a light was shone on them. In some ways she was glad nopony could see what they actually looked like.

She was a psyker, one of the rare few who were capable of harnessing the chaotic maelstrom of the warp itself. Most ponies could siphon the ambient energy of the world for various mundane tasks. It allowed those with wings to fly, and horns to manipulate objects with telekinetic force. Only psykers, however, could fully tap into the powers of the warp itself.

Like many other psykers in the Imperium, she had stood before the Empress. The surge of psychic power had scarred her body and soul, leaving her blind. Over time most of her injuries had healed. Now only a blindfold covered her empty eye sockets. Despite that, her warp powers allowed her to see just as well as any normal pony, often even more.

She shivered uncomfortably and hastily put her blindfold back on.

Spike picked up the piece of parchment Twilight had brought in. “Oh there’s a message in the family cypher, that's strange.”

“How did I miss that? What does it say?”

“It says it’s an excerpt from a document that was recovered from the area.”

“Go on, read it out!” Twilight was bursting with anticipation.

Spike pretended to clear his (non-existent) throat.

“Long ago, when the Empress first lead the mighty crusade into the void beyond, she did not do so alone. Many generals served alongside Her, leading the forces of the Imperium across the void. Foremost amongst them were the Primarchs, the daughters of the Empress, each blessed with unfathomable power and skill. One alone was different.

Nightmare Moon, conquer of a thousand worlds, queen of the Realm of Umbra. Only she would ever be referred to as sister.

For over a millennium she has sequestered herself away in a place long forgotten. She waits for the time the Imperium needs her most. For when she returns, she will bring only death, destruction and eternal night to all that oppose her.”

Spike looked back to Twilight expectantly.

“Does that… Does that mean Nightmare Moon has been found? The Imperium is saved!”